So yeah, this is the BOO-YAH chapter of the book -- something I've been suspecting for awhile turns out to be true. I can't decide if that makes things better or just even more infuriating.
This chapter starts off by rubbing our face into the fact that Eden is one of the most aggressively unlikable characters I've ever come across in a book. Seriously, it's like Foyt tried to make her as unpleasant as possible.
The workers' smug stares bore into Eden, as she followed Bramford up the stairs to the operating theater. Caught by the boss -- weren't they happy? Why on Earth did she want to be like them, anyway? -- p. 54
I think you mean "bored," not "bore." And seriously, this is the opening paragraph of the chapter. Way to rub it in that your character has a superiority complex and is still thinking like a racist. Referring to another race as them, whether you consider said race above or beneath you, is still divisive and, yes, racist thinking.
Bramford asks if there's been any sign of the test subjects, and Eden's father says Jamal's questioning the staff. Eden looks out at the workers to see if she can see him and immediately thinks of herself as "a small fish looking at a school of hungry piranhas." You do realize that thinking every black person is out to attack your sweet innocent white heroine *gag* is still racist thinking, right Foyt? At least we didn't get a random announcement of the Latin name for piranhas, I guess... thank goodness for small miracles.
Eden's father looks like the typical mad scientist -- stained labcoat, unruly hair, and a look like "a man on the edge." He tells Bramford there's variations in his genetic code he's not prepared for, and Bramford says to proceed with the experiment no matter the risk. Now THERE is a hero! Again, why isn't this book following him? I'd much rather root for him than for our whiny brat.
And of course Eden has to think the worst of him, because there's no possible way Bramford could be doing ANYTHING good, is there?
Eager, wasn't he? Eden thought. Maybe he'd planned all along to be the test subject so he could keep the technology for himself. Greedy bastard. -- p. 55
Eden's hatred toward Bramford might be more understandable if he'd, I dunno, actually done something hateworthy. As it stands, Eden seems to hate him more for just being a Coal than for anything he's actually done -- which is racist. For being a book that's supposed to challenge racism, this book really seems to be shooting itself in the foot at every opportunity.
Plus, the fact that Bramford is hyped as a villain in this book despite not doing anything particularly villainous reminds me of Kippurbird's complaints regarding Galbatorix and the Evil Empire in Christopher Paolini's Inheritance Cycle (a.k.a. the "Eragon" books). The characters keep going on and on about how evil Galbatorix is, but as Kippur points out, he doesn't actually DO anything particularly evil -- he taxes his subjects and conscripts young men into his army, but the first thing is something pretty much any government does and the second thing wouldn't be necessary if, ya know, there wasn't a frickin' rebellion going on. It's pretty much the same tactic here -- Bramford's rich and powerful, yeah, but that shouldn't be the only reason he's considered a bad guy here. Let's see some actual evidence that he's arrogant or a jerk before you start calling him such things, Foyt.
Bramford says for Shen to keep an eye on Eden, and Eden immediately thinks "as if it were all her fault." Lady, you've proven that you can't be left by yourself for two minutes without getting in trouble. I think Bramford has a right to be a little cautious.
While her father's working, Eden looks over his shoulder and sees a hologram of one of the original test subjects, and admires the fact that it's a Pearl in his natural coloring. "The sight of the man's pale skin thrilled Eden." (p. 55) Ugh, will you stop already... Then the holo shifts to the furry -- I mean the test subject post-procedure. I still think that this is a massive failure in understanding how genetics and DNA-splicing work -- I was under the impression that you did this kind of thing with seeds and embryos, not an already existing body.
Eden's father asks what she's doing here. She says she showed up with Bramford, and he says "you must have appeared out of context." Who says that? Has Foyt ever listened to a real conversation?
Then Eden gets a signal from Jamal, and wants her to meet him at his office to "keep our date." So of course she's ready to drop everything and go running to him, but not without one last look at Bramford on the test bed. There's some snarky banter exchanged here that basically amounts to Eden thinking he's crazy and him saying this has to be done, then we get this lovely tidbit:
Eden felt the weight of his stare. Possibly, he was really looking at her. Sweet Earth, as if he saw the Real Eden. She forgot all about the procedure and her problems. The busy hum of the laboratory faded away. She felt an odd desire to smile at Bramford. She even suspected he might smile back. -- p. 57-58
Subtlety -- it is not Foyt's strong point. There's nothing natural about this romance developing between Eden and Bramford, just a huge sense of "I'm attracted to you because the author says so!" Seriously, I've read less forced romantic pairings in junior-high-school fanfic.
Pretty much how most of it goes...
Bramford wants his bodyguard to stay close during the procedure, so Eden takes advantage of the opportunity to ditch him and run. Conveniently, the security cams are on the glitch, but she's able to get a glimpse of her tormentors from the dance (still flatteringly dubbed Giant and Squeaky) coming down the hall connecting the facility to the Combs (still a freaking stupid name). She keeps running, knowing Jamal will protect her.
She gets to Jamal's office, and lo and behold, what does she see?
Four men turned as she entered, their faces full of surprise. Eden stared back at them, wondering why these men, the lab guards, wore the FFP uniform. Even Jamal had on the despicable clothes, the beret at a jaunty angle on his head. Braided epaulets, which signified a high-ranking officer, decorated his shoulders -- the same shoulders upon which she'd often laid her head. -- p. 59
Well, who could have seen THIS coming, amiright?
Eden, not particularly quick on the uptake, asks what's going on just as Giant and Squeaky (please give them proper names already, geez, even Peach is better than Squeaky) walk into the room. Somehow the fact that Jamal's wearing the equivalent of a KKK robe and hood and has the "missing" test subjects bound and gagged on the floor isn't enough to clue her in that Jamal's the traitor in the ranks. Nope, there's no possible way her shining white knight... excuse me, Dark Prince could be responsible for this, right? Right?
"My fumbling friends are glad you made it," Jamal said, not looking happy at all now. "Bramford almost ruined our plans by showing up at the dance."
Jamal's friends? He hadn't asked Bramford to bring her back to the lab? He never intended to be her mate? For the love of Earth, he'd never seen the Real Eden, either. No one did. -- p. 59
I should have added "take a drink every time the term 'Real Eden' is used" to the drinking game...
She tries to leave, but Jamal says she's staying as a "personal insurance policy." He says the Federation of Free People is taking back what "greed-suckers like Bramford owe us." He claims that Bramford wants to use the furry-creating technology for his own gain, not to save the world, and he intends to use it to help the people instead. Noble enough, I guess, but we still see no real proof that Bramford's as evil as he's made out to be...
From xkcd
Like a bad Bond villain, Jamal tells Eden his entire plan -- to capture Bramford ("We get the tech, an evolved subject and Bramford, all in one") and give both Eden and her father important places in his organization. Oh, and Ashina is going to be his mate, not her. "Jamal and that bitch were in cahoots?" is Eden's thought -- though who's the bitch here, really...
Eden hates Jamal, Jamal says "you're coming with me," end of chapter. Ho hum.
Sorry this post took so long. Hopefully the next one won't take two months to get around to. This is really a seriously boring book once you get past the awful, controversial subject matter. There's no logic to the constructed world, nothing to get me emotionally invested in any of the characters, and no skill or flair to the absolutely wooden writing. It's seriously a chore to get through this thing. No wonder most people don't make it past the sample chapters on Amazon...
And I still totally called it that Jamal was a traitor. No, not gonna let that go...
