Chapter 7 -- In Which I Don't Care About Any Of These People

Okay folks, moving right along...

Chapter Seven is titled "Schemes."  This should be good...

We switch to Shandrazel, the king's surviving son, to open this chapter.  He's flying away from his brother's funeral and indulging in some internal monologue along the way.

The most difficult thing to swallow was how plainly he'd been warned that this moment would come.  Since he'd been a fledgling, he'd been taught the ceremony of succession.  He'd witnessed the drama unfold over the years as one by one his older brothers vanished, banished from the kingdom, or disappearing in shame into the libraries of the biologians.  Why had he never accepted that this would be his fate?  Why had he been so certain that he, alone, among countless generations of royalty, could break the chains of superstition and introduce a new age of reason?

Denial -- not just a river in Egypt.  *is slapped for the terrible joke*  Ow... sorry. 

Anyhow, Shandie does raise a good point here.  The succession ceremony is stupid, and even some of the dragons themselves recognize it.  Still, just because a character acknowledges in-universe that something is stupid doesn't excuse lousy world-building.  Poking fun at your own flaws or your work's flaws is at least acknowledging your problems, but doesn't actually fix said problems.

Shandie looks around, trying to find a star to guide his way, but realizes the stars are blotted out... which means something's flying overhead and blocking them out.  Turns out it's Zanzie, flying in for a collision course.  Just how big is Zanzie that he can block out the freakin' stars? 

Shandie dodges, but Zanzie uses his whip to tangle him up and force him to crash.  Fiction writers, y'all need to research how whips really work.  Even TVTropes acknowledges that they're pretty impractical weapons.  Anyhow, Zanzie holds a knife to Shandie's throat and starts threatening him.

"You're working with the wizard, aren't you?" hissed Zanzeroth.  "You're up to your eyeballs in this.  You could have won the contest fairly... Instead you comspired to have your brother killed."

I didn't add those ellipses, they're in the text.  Ellipses tend to indicate someone's voice or train of thought is trailing off, so having them in the middle of speech like this is awkward. 

Shandie insists that's insane, but Zanzie retorts "who profits more from your brother's death?"  Shandie points out that he begged his father to appoint Bodiel as king, which is a really good point, but Zanzie says that's a clever cover.  Shandie really is the only dragon with any common sense, isn't he?  Everyone else seems insistent in pursuing stupid trains of thought without considering all the evidence.

Shandie fights back and overpowers Zanzie, calling him a "senile old idiot."  Thank you, Shandie, for calling him out.  You're now my favorite character in this book.

Zanzie says he could have killed Shandie if he'd really wanted to.  Shandie replies the same, and Zanzie admits that Shandie "never lacked ability as a warrior.  Only bloodlust."  Also he fights with his brain, not his heart.  Is... that a bad thing?

"You didn't chase me down to critique my fighting techniques," said Shandrazel.

"Didn't I?  I honestly believed you planned Bodiel's murder.  But if you had, would I still be alive?  You'd have killed me to silence me.  I'm disappointed, not for the first time tonight.  I guess you might be innocent after all."

Huh... that was suspiciously easy.  But it turns out Zanzie's disappointed because he was hoping Shandie was a schemer and killer... because he's hoping he'll come back and kill Azkaban and become king.  Do these dragons REALLY want a scheming, lying, murderous monarch on their throne?  This just seems idiotic.  I get that this is a different species and their sense of morality is going to be skewed from what humans see as proper morality -- Blue and Orange Morality as opposed to Black and White Morality -- but putting a dishonest scheming murderer on the throne just sounds like a recipe for disaster.

"You're his oldest friend," said Shandrazel.  "How can you wish such a thing?"

"What is the future you envision?  A world where your father grows increasingly old and feeble until death claims him in his sleep?  This is not an honorable way to die.  In his decline, the kingdom would crumble.  A loving son would sever his jugular while he still enjoys life."

Yes, Maxey, we get it, your dragons are an entire race of chaotic evil beings, move on!

As if to hammer home that Shandie really is one of the few decent dragons out there and the rest of the species is sadistic, Zanzie throws two objects at Shandie's feet -- the severed heads of Cron and Tulk, described in loving gory detail that I'll spare you readers because ewwww.  If you're expecting Shandie to react in horror at this sight, think again.

"Cron," said Zanzeroth, "and Tulk."

Shandrazel supposed it to be true.  The faces were too distorted by death to be recognizable.

"Did you think you would spare them last night by not hunting?" Zanzeroth asked.

Shandrazel shrugged.  "I hadn't given their ultimate fates a great deal of thought.  But yes, part of me hoped they'd be forgotten in the confusion."

Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  You were setting Shandie up to be one of the few decent dragons in this book and then you went and ruined it!  He defied his father and broke centuries' worth of tradition to spare these humans and then doesn't even blink in shock when they end up dead anyhow?  Not cool... just not cool.  If Maxey intended to show that Shandie cares about humans and is actually a sympathetic character, he just shot himself in the foot with this scene.  Give us at least one moment of shock, not a "meh" and a shrug.

Zanzie tells Shandie that his father intends to kill all the humans.  Shandie retorts that he doesn't believe him, and Zanzie gives us this quote.

"The beauty of truth is that belief plays no part in whether it happens or not."

This may be the one quote I actually like in this book.  It's not exactly an original thought, but it's a good quote nonetheless.  Cherish it, folks, we ain't gonna get many of these...

Shandie asks why his father would do such a thing, Zanzie replies "does it matter?" and says nothing will save the humans except maybe a new king, then leaves.  Sorry, after Shandie's great big "meh" just a few paragraphs ago I'm not going to believe he cares what happens to the humans at this point.  Show, don't tell, Maxey.

We switch to Zanzie's POV, where he's bruised and numb from Shandie fighting him off.  He thinks that "if Shandrazel grew a spine, he would be a formidable match for his father."  He also thinks that he doesn't give a damn about the human race, but if Azeroth kills all the humans he'll never get revenge against the one who took his eye, so he's going to encourage Shandie to overthrow the king and save the humans so he can keep that human alive and get revenge.  Okay then... sounds needlessly complicated.  Why not just ask the king to keep that one human alive so you can kill him personally?  Why help Shandie pull a Starscream gambit?

Yes, any excuse to throw Transformers images

into the spork

Then we switch BACK to Shandie.  That POV switch only took up two paragraphs -- not even joking.  Maxey switches POV a LOT in this story, and it gets confusing at points keeping track of all the characters.  Stick to a handful of POV characters and cool it with the switches, dude.

Shandie's flying day and night to escape the kingdom, because apparently he has twenty-four hours to get the heck out of Dodge before all the kingdom's citizens are duty-bound to kill him.  This tradition just gets stupider and stupider -- how has the royal line not wiped itself out entirely by this point?  Especially since it was established earlier that dragons don't reproduce as often as humans?  The sun-dragons should have driven themselves to extinction by this point.

Apparently most of Shandie's brothers fled to the Ghostlands to the north, but Shandie's going south to someplace called the College of Spires.  And just as the name suggests, it's a city of hundreds of copper spires where the smartest dragons gather to study and learn.  He's hoping his mentor, Chapelion (slightly less silly than the other dragon names), will give him sanctuary, since he's a dragon of reason and is against a lot of the superstitions of the dragon's mythology.  This book really does like to get its digs in against religion whenever it can, which makes the ultra-Christian "prolog" all the more confusing.

Shandie lands in a courtyard with a fountain and is greeted by a bunch of sky-dragons, including Chapelion, who's "draped in the green silk scarves that denoted his rank among the scholars."  It's hard to picture a dragon wearing clothes, but at least I appreciate Maxey trying to establish a bit of culture among his dragons, even if it seems silly for wvyern-like dragons to use weapons and wear clothes like humans.

Surprisingly few pictures of dragons in scarves came up in

Google search... but this one was cute

"Shandrazel!... You've come back!"  [Yes, I added those ellipses because I trimmed out the non-dialogue part of the sentence.]

"An interesting assertion," said Shandrazel, falling back into the ongoing joke he shared with his former mentor.  "I admit there's anecdotal testimony to support your claim, but do you have any physical evidence?"

Chapelion hits him -- not because of the bad joke, but because Shandie was stupid to come here.  He says that in a few minutes he and every other dragon in the college will be bound by law to slay him.  Whoops... not a good idea you had there, Shandie.

"You, sir, are the dragon who taught me that an unjust law may be disobeyed in good conscious.  [Don't you mean conscience, Shanzie?  Insert "you keep using that word" meme here...]  This is no gamble.  I've come here to seek sanctuary and your advice."

"You'll receive neither," said Chapelion.

"Please," said Shandrazel.  "If you'll listen to me, I-"

"No!" snapped Chapelion, his scaly brow furrowing until his eyes were mere slits.  "Your presence here dooms us all!  We are scholars, not warriors.  If Albekizan's armies come here, there are no walls to protect us, no gates to defend."

"He need not learn I'm here," said Shandrazel.  "Is there a dragon among this crowd who would betray me?  I know I can count on your loyalty.  We citizens of the college are bound with a camaraderie that may endure any test."

"You fool!" said Chapelion.  "Did I teach you nothing in your years here?  You dare speak of camaraderie when your reckless action could mean the death of every student before you.  You speak of loyalty yet apparently give no care that Albekizan may torch these hallowed spires and render to ash the accumulated wisdom of three hundred generations.  Leave this place!"

Aside from the typo up there (I thought Maxey had this edition edited for typos?), Chapelion has a really good point.  If all dragons are duty-bound to kill Shandie, and anyone who disobeys can be punished with death, then Shandie being at the college at all puts Chapelion and all the scholars and students in a bad situation.  We're probably supposed to hate Chapelion for not giving Shandie sanctuary, but at the same time Chappie has to decide whether one dragon's life is worth all his students' lives.  And it makes Shandie look terrible -- well, worse after the incident earlier in the chapter -- when he puts all his supposed friends' lives in danger by assuming they'll hide him among their numbers.

Yes, I'm unsympathetic toward Shandie here.  Because Maxey really hasn't given us a reason to care about him by this point.

Chappie orders the students to kill Shandie.  Shandie says he doesn't want to hurt anyone, but the students start throwing stones at him.  A few charge him, but he drives them back by snapping at them... and then realizes that if he stays he'll be forced to hurt, even kill, other students to save himself.  FINALLY he has a sympathetic moment, but by this point I don't even care about him and am kind of rooting for the other dragons to rip him to shreds.

Looking for fighting dragon pics because dangit I want some

actually epic dragon vs. dragon action here...

Shandie finally flies off, and we get another page break... and another POV switch.  Goodie, which character I don't care about are we gonna follow now... oh, it's Jandra!  The girl raised by dragons, if you forgot already...

Jandra and Vortex are sleeping in a log cabin in the mountains, where they've been hiding for the past two weeks.  Wait, what, two weeks?  I thought only twenty-four hours had passed since Bodiel kicked the bucket.  Did we really have a two-week timeskip just now, or does Maxey just suck at keeping track of his own timeline?  If it's the former then why not save this for the next chapter, and if it's the latter why wasn't this caught in editing?  Ugh...

Jandra's bored and wants a book -- I know your pain, girl, I want an actually decent book by this point.  Vortex is sleeping under a quilt, and there's a stew of squirrel and potatoes boiling on the stove that they've been eating for the past three days.  I thought dragons were carnivorous -- why is one eating potatoes?  Logic, what's that?

Jandra couldn't help but think back to the feast held at the palace the night before the contest.  She imagined the tables piled high with roasts and freshly harvested vegetables and crusty breads frosted with white flour.  She could still taste the grilled trout she'd consumed that night; for desert [sic] she'd had fresh strawberries in syrup.

Again... I thought these dragons were carnivores.  Maxey hasn't outright stated what their typical diet is, but he HAS established that their jaws look like a crocodile's -- namely, like this:

Those are the teeth of a carnivore -- pointed teeth designed for grabbing and tearing prey.  An omnivore would have some incisors and molars as well, for cutting and grinding plants and other vegetable matter.  These dragons should not be omnivorous, so why would they be serving veggies and bread and strawberries at their feast?  Surely not all for Jandra's benefit if she's the only human there.  But Maxey wanted a luxurious medieval-style feast, so he wrote one in despite it not making sense in this context.

Jandra lays down beside Vortex, snuggling under the quilt and resting her head on his shoulder.  Um... 

Dear bad fiction writers, PLEASE keep the bestiality allusions out of your work.  This is weird to read, especially after the earlier passage about girls getting hot for dragons.

Not helping the awkwardness of this scene is Jandra having flashbacks of being a child and having Vortex cradle her.  I get that she's supposed to feel some paternal tenderness toward him, but it's still weird to read.

Apparently Jandra's parents died in a fire when she was a baby, and Vortex rescued her and raised her.  She's thought about researching to see if she has any surviving family, but Vortex tells her searching is fruitless because her parents were migrants and nobody knows where they came from.  This is a little suspicious to me, but we'll see if this pans out into anything later.

Sometimes, in the weightless, dark void of pre-slumber, she could still smell the smoke of that long ago fire that had taken her family, and still see the blue talons reaching down into her crib to rescue her.

If she was a baby, how could she remember this?  Most people don't remember being babies... but hey, we need a dramatic and sweet moment here, so forget logic, we're getting one!

Vortex wakes up at that moment and announces he's going to leave for a few hours to meet with another dragon who might help them -- Chakthalla, wife of the dragon who Blasphet killed years ago.  Yeesh, Maxey really is in love with his silly names...

Chakthalla might help them, he says, but she also keeps a ton of humans as pets, even breeding them like show dogs.  Jandra's disgusted by this, though Vortex points out that this means she has an economical interest in resisting Afghanistan's plot, as well as an emotional stake if Blasphet's involved.  And of course, because she's supposed to be our rebellious princess character, Jandra wants to come with Vortex, even though he insists it's dangerous.  There's a fine line between making your character a rebellious and spirited character, and making them an idiot.

Vortex and Jandra leave the cabin and head down to the river, where Vortex hangs back in the trees with Jandra while sending an illusion of himself into an open area to meet with his contact from Chakthalla's palace, a sky-dragon named Simonex.  Did Maxey run out of steam making up silly names for the dragons and just tag "ex" to the end of a human name?

A sky-dragon emerges from the fog... but it's not Simonex.  The sky-dragon they're facing is not only holding Simonex's severed head (we're apparently supposed to be horrified by this despite the fact that we never met this dragon), but has wings shredded down to tatters, which is apparently a punishment reserved for dragons who've committed "property crimes such as the murder of humans."  

Just how many characters are going to be thrown at us over the course of this book?  And we aren't even done yet -- we've got more coming in.  Brace yourselves...

More dragons with shredded wings -- tatterwings -- emerge from the forest to surround the fake Vortex, some armed with spears and swords.  Again, why do dragons need weapons, especially human-styled weapons?  Especially when they don't have hands to carry them in?  

"Before your friend died he told us you work for the king," the tatterwing said, sounding smug.  "Said there'd be quite the ransom for you.  In the meantime, those fancy jewels in your wings will make a good down payment."

The fake Vortex gives a threat, and the tatterwings respond by throwing nets at him.  Given that this Vortex is an illusion they pass right through... but one net manages to land right on the real Vortex because we need a cheap conflict right now.  The tatterwings freak out and decide Vortex is too dangerous to be held hostage and rush to kill him.  Again, cheap conflict is cheap.

Vortex, of course, fights back with magic, turning weapons to ash and burning off the face of one dragon who attacks Jandra.  Not describing THAT in detail because again, ewwwww.

Jandra struggled to her feet.  She rose to find herself face to face with Vendevorex who said in a firm tone, "None can escape."

Jandra understood.  A single survivor could reveal their location to the king.

Understandable... but still brutal.  Jandra grabs a spear and stabs a dragon in the back, and we get a loving description of her feeling the spear pierce "hide and muscle and gristle."  Maxey, you don't have to describe all the blood and gore for us, some of us just ate...

Jandra breaks down crying because she's never had to kill someone before.  Vortex apologizes for not training her to fight, then goes and searches the bodies of the dead dragons.  One happens to be carrying a letter from Chakthalla (that name sounds like it belongs in the Black Panther movie, seriously), but before we get to see what it says we get ANOTHER POV switch!  Holy crap, how much can we pack into one chapter?  How long IS this chapter anyhow?

We get King Idiot this time, waking up from sleep as he senses "an alien presence in the room."  Someone strikes a match and lights an oil lamp -- do these dragons not breathe fire?  And yes, it's Blasphet in the king's room.  This would be a creepy scene if I cared at all what happened to the idiot king by this point...

"Blasphet," Albekizan said, standing, stretching, fighting off the stiffness of interrupted sleep.  "It's late.  Why did the guards let you in?"

"They didn't.  I killed them," Blasphet said with a shrug.  "It was depressingly simple.  No challenge at all in killing such a dim-witted lot.  Try to replace them with something a little brighter next time."

"I assigned all my best guards to cover you," Albekizan said.

"Oh dear," Blasphet said.  "I have more bad news for you then."

King Idiot, why are you trusting the insane killer again?  This is your cue to throw him back in the dungeon, or just cut his throat already.  If I were you I'd be questioning right now if this is really worth it.  But nope, Alligator has no common sense and just wants to see what Blasphet's been planning.  Idiot.

Turns out Blasphet's plan is to built a Free City for humans to live in.  Um... what?  Even Alakazam says this is a stupid plan, though not in so many words.

"I asked you to plot the destruction of all mankind and you design a housing project.  This is unexpected, even from you..."

"...You can't see it, can you?" Blasphet said.  "Let me explain the beauty of this plan."

Albekizan said, "Go on."

And, come the dawn, Albekizan considered the inky paper stretched out before him to be the loveliest thing under all the sky.

We don't get to learn the details of this plan, because we've reached the end of the chapter... and the end of Part I.  Whee, we're making progress.

It really is hard to get through this book because so far, none of the characters are likable or sympathetic.  I feel like we can't really root for anyone here, even supposedly sympathetic characters like Jandra or Vortex or Shandie.  Even the title character has hardly shown up throughout the first third of the book, though perhaps that's for the best because I couldn't stand him in the first place.

I'm seriously considering taking a break from Bitterwood to spork a shorter book, much as I took a break from Revealing Eden to spork Hamlet's Father.  Should I do that, or just persevere through Bitterwood and save the shorter book for later?  Thoughts anyone?

Chapter 6 -- Why Are All These Dragons Idiots?

Yeesh... I need to up my game here.  One post every three months is not conducive to finishing this spork in a timely manner.  And here I was criticizing this book for having a glacial pace....

"Greased lightning, go, greased lightning..."

On we go... let's plow through this thing so we can move on to the next book.

Chapter Six is entitled "Sparks."  That reminds me, I need to update Sparks Among the Stars... no, stop it, don't get distracted from this spork again, Kenya.  Your crazy Transformers/Star Wars crossover can wait...  (Yay for blatant self-advertising...)

And this chapter opens with ANOTHER switch in POV, this time to Tulk, one of the two humans who escaped being killed in the ceremony earlier.  Seriously, this makes nine POV characters in this book so far -- Bitterwood, Jandra, Vortex, Zanzie, Azkaban, Metron, Gadreel, Tulk, and the king's still-living son whose name I can't remember at the moment so you know just how memorable HE is.  I get that it's the "in" thing for epic fantasies to have Loads and Loads of Characters and even to give as many of these characters as possible their own share of page time, but usually we don't get NINE POV segments in the first six chapters.  And personally, I find so many POV switches in one book obnoxious, especially when none of the characters are developed enough to care about.

Anyhow... Tulk and Cron (those names still sound like freaking cavemen to me) are running down the riverbank to freedom.  Tulk is whining to himself that there should have been a bond between the two of them, seeing as they're in the same boat (and the text has to point out that earlier they were escaping by boat and were LITERALLY in the same boat -- yes, Maxey, you're clever, have a cookie *sarcasm*), but Cron won't even slow down to let Tulk, who's older, catch up.  It's saying something when all our characters are whiners, entirely unsympathetic, stupidly naive, or some combination of the three.  

Finally Cron stops long enough for Tulk to catch up, and Cron points to a large reddish blob that's apparently a ship belonging to someone named Stench.  Judging by that name, it's bound to be a pleasant individual...

What I'm picturing unless/until the text says otherwise

Tulk was confused.  His eyesight wasn't great but he certainly wasn't overlooking the river.  They were facing dry land.  "What ship?"

"You really are blind, aren't you, old man?" Cron said.

"I see you well enough to knock in your teeth, boy," said Tulk.

Why is everyone in this book a loathsome jerk to each other?  Also, there are more words to describe conversation than "said," Maxey.

The "big reddish thing" is a ship, as it turns out -- long-grounded and rusting.  Now it's apparently a tavern run by this Stench character.  Because every standard fantasy novel needs a tavern, right?  Also, the legends say it's made of iron and that ships like this could once sail the oceans, before humanity angered the gods and fell from grace.  

ALSO also, it turns out that Cron is a Kamonite while Tulk is a "follower of Ragnar," religions that preach opposite theologies -- Kamon teaches that dragons are the offspring of angels while Ragnar preaches that dragons are enemies to be fought at every turn.  I guess these two's animosity makes a little more sense, though I'm curious to see if these two religions will have any actual impact on the plot.  I'm guessing not.  (Keep in mind it's been a couple years since my first read-through of this book, so I'm genuinely hazy on whether or not certain things actually matter... though if I forgot about this in the meantime, most likely it doesn't.)

Tulk mentions that he's "duty-bound to slay followers of Kamon," and thinks that just traveling with one will corrupt his soul.  Um... nothing's stopping you from leaving this guy and striking off on your own?

Tulk demands to know if Cron actually follows Kamon's teachings... and he spits every time he says Kamon's name, which prompts this from Cron:

"If you keep spitting," Cron said, "you're going to turn to dust."

I'll admit it, that line was a little funny...

(Comic panel from Penny Arcade)

Cron doesn't answer the question and heads for the tavern, and Tulk follows him.  So all that argument about competing religions was for... what?  I dunno.

We get a lengthy description of the ship that pretty much amounts to "rusty and full of holes," and they go inside.  Sure enough, it stinks -- Tulk compares it to "swamp water saturated with the bloated corpses of skunks" -- but that doesn't stop it from being a functional bar manned by a bald, withered man with a toothless grin.  Stench, I'm guessing.  He mentions he's heard of their escape by now, and that there could be a price on their heads by this point.

"If there's a price on our heads, you shouldn't be reminding people of it."

"We're all friends here," said Stench.  "No one will turn you in.  Besides, I've been told to treat you well by someone I'd rather not mess with."

"Venderex, right?" Cron asked.  "The wizard.  He saved us.  Why is he doing this?"

An excellent question... one that Stench doesn't know the answer to but I'm hoping we'll get at some point.  They discuss Jandra's presence at the ceremony and how she's supposedly Vortex's pet, Kamon's name comes up in conversation and gets Tulk yelling... what's the point of all this again?  Oh, right, Stench has a boat to smuggle them further down the river and to the sea.  Why couldn't they just stick with the first boat instead of taking this pointless side quest?  Was Maxey just that desperate to throw in a tavern scene to check off the "fantasy cliches" checklist?

Oh, and there's a burning barrel behind the bar where Stench is burning herbs and skunk glands in strong alcohol to keep away both dragons and mosquitoes.  Tulk ponders tipping the barrel over to kill everyone in this "den of Kamonites," but the smell deters him from getting too close.  Are we going to get even one sympathetic character in this entire cast of sociopaths?

Just when I'm wondering if all this can't get any more pointless, a sun-dragon pulls a Kool-Aid Man and punches its way through the nearest wall.  It's got a patch over one eye, so I'm guessing it's our old "friend" Zanzie.

OH YEAH

"Gentlemen," said the dragon, "I've had a truly bad day.  I intend to take it out on you."

Page break, and the POV switches to Zanzie for the fight scene.  Does he break fully into the bar and wreak some havoc?  Nope -- he throws a bundle of swords into the room.

"Weapons, gentlemen," said Zanzeroth.  "The finest swords this world has ever seen.  One of those blades had a taste of me about twenty years ago.  I'm giving you the chance to finish its meal."

I can't decide if this is honorable of Zanzie or just plain stupid.  If he's really had a bad day and wants to take it out on someone, why give them a chance to kill him in the process?  Has the wound to his eye made him suicidal?  That'd be an interesting angle, but I doubt it's what Maxey was going for.  He seems to be trying to make Zanzie an honorable villain, but it comes across as Honor Before Reason to me.

None of the men move to take a sword, and Zanzie notes that of the nine people in the room, six look too drunk to even stand -- which is a good thing because he only brought three swords.  Convenient, though a little too much of a coincidence in my opinion.  And then Zanzie... blindfolds himself?  Announces that he's both blind and can't smell a dang thing so they'll never have a better chance to destroy him?  What the Pit...

"We don't want to fight," one of the men said.

"Then I'll kill you without you putting up a struggle.  Or you can kill me first.  I'll be fighting unarmed.  Tooth and claw versus steel.  I honestly think you have a chance."

"Why are you doing this?" another asked.

"To find out if I'm wrong," Zanzeroth said with a slight nod.  "To find out if I'm still the dragon I think I am.  I'll silently count to three.  Then I will kill you if you choose not to fight."

ARGLBLARGL... ARE YOU AN IDIOT, ZANZIE?!  Seriously, is every single one of these dragons so blindingly stupid?  I get it, Maxey's trying to prove that Zanzie's honorable and trying to test his mettle against the humans, but it's just coming across as him being blatantly suicidal.  And while Zanzie's loss of an eye and prestige making him self-destructive could be an interesting angle, somehow I don't think that's what the author was going for.  It's just making him look like a blithering idiot.

Zanzie spreads his wings, figuring that he can use their footsteps and "the sensitivity of his wings to small changes in air pressure" to figure out if one's charging him.  Um... can wings really work that way?  I know they probably have to be sensitive to changes in the air during flight, but I doubt they work as biological radar too.

He hears the men grab the weapons, then hears one (probably Cron) say that Kamon teaches obedience to dragons, and if one asks them to kill him they have to obey.  Then someone charges and tries to stab him in the gut... but Zanzie leaps and dodges, grabbing the attacker in his claws and killing him.  Then he hears someone else charge... but they're attacking someone else.  He pulls off the blindfold to find he managed to kill Cron, but Tulk grabbed a weapon and killed Stench instead.  Way to go, Tulk... who are we supposed to be rooting for again?

Zanzeroth took a moment to look at Cron's body, slumped on top of the rusting metal.  Zanzeroth felt pleased at the amount of damage he'd done to his opponent.  He'd given death every chance to take him and survived, even blind and unarmed.  It hadn't been age that had cost him an eye... it had been carelessness.  He could never regain his youth but he could sharpen his wits.  Zanzeroth felt certain that when he met the man who'd taken his eye, even if he was the legendary Bitterwood, their next fight would end differently.  And were he to stumble over a certain invisible wizard... Well, an invisible foe and a visible one are all the same if your eyes are closed.  

Satisfied, Zanzie?  Good, stop acting like an idiot.  Can we get one character in this book that acts intelligently and isn't a psychopath, please?

Tulk's limping off -- apparently he broke an ankle in the fight -- and Zanzie uses his whip to nab the man and drag him close.  If you actually research whips, especially the long bullwhips that Indiana Jones has made popular, you'll know that they can actually do a freaking lot of damage, even strip flesh to the bone, and don't exactly make good lassos.  Then again, Zanzie might not care about doing damage to a human...

Zanzie tries to pump Tulk for information on Bitterwood, but Tulk thinks Bitterwood's just a ghost story.  He demands to know who killed Bodiel, but Tulk doesn't know that either.  So Zanzie dunks Tulk in the flaming barrel of skunk-alcohol to kill him.  Ugh... talk about Cruel and Unusual Death...

Zanzie picks up his swords, tells the rest of the drunks "drinks are on me," and takes off... and end scene.  On the one hand, a couple less characters to have to juggle, but on the other hand, what was the point of all that?  Why bother introducing us to Tulk and Cron if they were going to serve no purpose other than to die horribly?  And if the point of that scene was for Zanzie to perform his idiotic "am I still a dragon" test, did we really need the POV bit from Tulk in the beginning?  Some of the editing for this new edition should have gone to trimming out unnecessary scenes and characters, I think...

Page break, and new scene -- the Burning Ground, where they're having Bodiel's funeral pyre.  Bodiel lies in state atop a tower of pine logs, surrounded by flowers.  Alakazam thinks his son's still breathing at one point, but it's just the wind stirring his feather-scales.  That could have actually been a touching moment had we any reason to care about Bodiel or Alakazoo...

The king's surviving son, Shandrazel, is there too, and Alabama thinks about how inferior he is compared to his dead brother.  Poor kid...

Shandrazel had grown into a marveous specimen.  The prince was equal to Albekizan in size; his scales had the richness and luster of rubies, his face bore the sharp, clean lines of his noble heritage.  It was only when the king looked into his eyes that he felt his heart sag.  Bodiel's eyes had always been proud.  Bodiel's eyes were windows through which his strength and fire could be seen.  Bodiel's eyes were eyes that watched the world, constantly searching for threat and opportunity.  Bodiel had possessed the eyes of a warrior born.

Shandrazel had none of these qualities.  He had the eyes of a dragon who looked primarily within himself.  There had always been and introspective, contemplative side to Shandrazel that Albekizan recognized as weakness.  Shandrazel was a dragon who valued thought over action.

Because we can't forget that the dragon king is EVIL and prefers warriors over thinkers, right?  Can't the king just recognize that Shandie has different qualities than Bodiel but could still make a half-decent king?  

Albus gripes that he's disappointed to have to declare Shandie the victor of the ceremony, but says he' won by default and so as tradition decrees he's to be banished, only to return to engage the king in mortal combat.  Shandie refuses, and Metron says that it's the way because it's written in the Book of Theranzathax.  Yeesh, these dragon names get longer and goofier all the time.  It's like that game of "is this the name of a Lord of the Rings character or a prescription medication?"  Yes, it's an actual quiz, go play it and see how well you do...

"I know what is written.  I don't choose to obey the words of someone who died ten centuries ago.  There's no logic behind them."

Is this supposed to be a dig at organized religion or something?  Though it does make sense... and I'm guessing that since Shandie is one of the few dragons to have any scrap of logic in his noggin, he's going to be our hero.  

Alibaba tells Shandie that if he doesn't flee he'll kill him -- which seems rather stupid considering Shandie's the last surviving heir to the throne.  Maybe this tradition of slaughtering your sons in order to find the strongest candidate for the throne is stupid?  Just a guess...

Shandie finally leaves, and the dragons light the pyre.  Metron reads a passage from the Book of the Dragon With the Stupidly Long Name, and Azkaban looks at the fire and decides that the flames of his son's funeral pyre are music to his soul.  The chapter ends with a line that sounds dramatic but in reality is kind of silly.

In the religion of flame, heaven comes when all the world is ash.

Again I ask -- who are we supposed to be rooting for in this book?  There are almost no sympathetic characters, everyone is either a psychopath or an idiot or both, and our title character has barely shown up at all.  And despite there being so many POV characters, I can't bring myself to like any of them.  No wonder it's been such a chore to chop through this book -- at least Revealing Eden had only one POV character and while she was completely unlikable she was at least fun to laugh at...

Chapter 5 - I See No Way This Can Possibly Go Wrong

Yeesh, has it really been three months since I posted?  I need up my game here, or we're going to be saddled with this terrible book for a couple of years and I don't think I can handle that...

We move on to Chapter Five, titled "Wounds," and we move back into the war room... where Zanzie has just taken advantage of the chaos in the wake of Vortex's disappearance to slip away.  Dang, does this book have the pace of a glacier or is it just me?

Look at that speedster go...

Zanzeroth had known the king since he was a mere fledgling.  Zanzeroth could remember the sharp, eager young dragon who'd accompanied him on hunts, long ago.  Albekizan had been a most cunning stalker of prey in his prime.  It pained Zanzeroth to see how age had changed the king into a creature that now confused shouting for action.

Is this meant to hammer home that Alakazam is incompetent or something?  Not all "evil rulers" are incompetent... and to be fair to Alby, there's a huge difference between hunting and ruling a kingdom.  You can't compare the two.  Or you can, but not very well...

Zanzie starts tracking Vortex's blood trail, though he ponders that he doesn't need to track him because "the wizard's next move may as well have been marked on a map."  Then why are you tracking him anyhow?

But it turns out Zanzie's after bigger prey -- Bitterwood.  He figures that everyone else, from the king to Gadreel to the dogs, just held him back, and he'll have better luck hunting him on his own.  And then page break, new scene...

We switch to yet another POV character -- Metron, the High Biologian.  Have you lost track of all these POV characters yet?  Do you care about any of them yet?  And the book isn't even done giving us new POV characters to juggle...

Metron watched from the balcony as the aerial guard flew in ever-widening circles in search of Vendevorex.  It would be for naught.  Ever since Vendevorex appeared in the court all those years ago, dazzling Albekizan with his mystic powers, Metron had known this day would come.  Vendevorex had never shown anything but grudging deference to Albekizan.  Metron had known all along that Vendexvorex, despite his apparent power, was nothing but a fraud.  After all, who better to spot a fellow fraud than he?

Okay, this actually looks to be an interesting angle... but only time will tell if it's going to pan out or if it's just another red herring.  We've already got a ton of angles to follow in this story, why are we throwing in another?

Alakazam asks if they've found Vortex yet, and Metron confesses that he's escaped.  Azkaban gives him a death glare and tells him Vortex is no threat and will just keep running -- so why did you launch a chase in the first place?  Why are all these dragons idiots?

Not sorry for using My Little Pony screencaps...

Afghan states that it's lucky he kept Blasphet alive all these years.  Metron disagrees, saying releasing him is dangerous and reminding the king that he was imprisoned for not just killing humans but poisoning dragons, including the queen's brother.  The king counters that the queen's blinded enough by grief over her son that she won't care.  Somehow I doubt that... and using a known murderer to hunt down your son's killer seems like a case of trying to put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it.

Our villains at the moment

Kanst pipes up that "he's here," and Uzbekistan and Metron go back into the war room to stare at the Murder God.

In the center of the world map stood a withered sun-dragon, the scales of his wings so long hidden from light they had lost all color, becoming transparent, revealing the black hide underneath.  (Yeesh, what a run-on sentence, this needed editing...)  Blasphet's eyes, red as sunset, burned as he looked upon the king.  He shook his manacled limbs, causing the heavy iron chains to clatter.  The earth-dragons who guarded him flinched at the noise.  

Their skittishness was justified.  Blasphet had killed thousands of dragons; the true numbers were uncertain as his preferred weapon was poison.  Many of his victims died in their sleep or with the symptoms of a wasting fever.  The number was further complicated by the fact that, in his prime, Blasphet had founded a cult in which a loyal band of humans worshiped him as a god and carried out assassinations in his name.  It had taken years to track down and kill the cult members after Blasphet had been imprisoned.

Yeah, THIS guy seems trustworthy.  *sarcasm*  Seriously, how much more Obviously Evil can you get here?  Does the guy need to start cackling like a mad-dragon and scarfing down kittens for people to realize he's not to be trusted?  (Wait, the queen eats kittens all the time, never mind...)  Who in their right mind looks at this Blasphet fellow -- whose name is even suspect, given how close it is to "blasphemy" -- and thinks "here's the perfect guy to team up with to save my kingdom!"  

I'm aware that villains in fiction don't always make the smartest choices, especially those that seem to do evil things for the sake of being all-out evil... but this is just stupid enough to push my suspension of disbelief out the window.

And of course, because Evil Sounds Raspy, Blasphet sounds like he hasn't spoken in years when he pipes up and tells the king that if he thinks he was responsible for Bodriel's death, he's got the wrong dragon.  Yeah, sure, keep trusting the freakin' Cobra-Commander-voiced Murder God, people...

"Blasphet, if I thought you had harmed my son, only your head would be brought before me now.  Your body would be digesting in the bowels of my ox-dogs."

Rather awkwardly phrased but graphic threat there...

Blasphet gets cheeky and asks if Queen Tanthia's still upset that the king didn't kill him after he killed her brother.  Afghanistan, to his credit, doesn't rise to the bait but notes that no rat has been seen in the dungeons since Blasphet was imprisoned there, and figures it must mean he's found a way to keep making poisons even in prison.  Why was this guy kept alive again?

"There is a mold that grows on the stones of my cell that possesses the most intriguing properties.  I use whatever test subjects are near in my experiments."

"You find no difference between the life of a rat and the life of a dragon?"

"Mere anatomy.  Life is life, no matter how it's packaged.  Every living thing burns with the same flame.  It all may be extinguished with equal satisfaction."

Theme song for the serial-killer show seemed

appropriate...

At this point I think I'd be throwing this guy back into the dungeons, or even ordering him executed.  But because none of our dragons have a brain in their heads and are more concerned with being as EVIL as possible than actually having an intelligent thought, Alapalooza instead gets right in Blasphet's face and offers him his freedom in exchange for a favor:

"Look at what you've done with your poisons.  You've ended the lives of a few random dragons, some humans, a rat or two.  Does it satisfy you?  Or do you long for a greater task?  Imagine not the death of an individual.  Imagine the death of an entire species.  Are even you capable of such a thing?  Could even you slay every last human in my kingdom?"

Blasphet raised a manacled talon to scratch his chin.  His lips drew back to reveal his yellow-gray teeth.  "All humans?  There are millions.  The resources required would be enormous."

"Everything I have would be at your disposal," Albekizan said, his voice quieter, almost a seductive whisper.  "My treasure, my armies are yours to command.  In the matter of the elimination of the humans, you would possess all the powers of a king."

Yeah, there's no way THIS deal can ever backfire on Alakaza-bla-bla-bla, can it?  Just give the psychotic mass-murderer and death-cult founder unlimited power and resources and trust everything's going to work out just fine, right?  RIGHT?

I take it back -- any fragments of sympathy I might have felt for the king here are now gone.  At this point the idiot deserves whatever he gets.

Blasphet points out that humans are tenacious and that this war he's proposing could last centuries.  What does it say about this book that the lunatic serial killer is making more sense than the authority figure?  Alakazam says the key will be subtlety -- leading the humans into a trap and wiping them out all at once.  Blasphet asks if the offer is trustworthy and states that he doesn't trust the king to keep his end of the bargain -- pot calling the kettle black, anyone?

"I don't trust you, but I do understand you [said the king].  If you desired, you could kill me right now.  You've no doubt hidden several poisons on your body.  Something you could spit, perhaps?  Or some paste beneath a claw that could kill with the merest scratch?"

"Of course," said Blasphet.  "It may be that I've poisoned you already and it's only a matter of time before you begin to bleed from every bodily orifice.  That would be most satisfying.  You, weeping tears of blood."

WHY ARE WE TRUSTING THIS GUY AGAIN?  Gaaaaaaaaaaah...

Finally Blasphet accepts the deal, and we finally get this revelation:

"I knew you would," Albekizan said, stepping back.  "When we were growing up there was no dare you would not accept.  Your will was thought to be even greater than my own.  That's why it surprised everyone when I bested you in the hunt."

"Indeed, brother," Blasphet replied.  "Indeed."

Okay... I wasn't expecting that angle during my first read-through of the book.  Perhaps some bit of family loyalty is what's at work here?  I know sometimes one's feelings toward their family can overcome common sense, and emotions aren't always logical.  Still, this seems a huge stretch.  I doubt even the fact that the Murder God is King Idiot's brother would make him overlook the fact that he's just hired a mass murderer to solve his little "people problem."

Anyhow... page break, and we shift focus back to Zanzie, who's out in the wilderness looking for the cave he used to live in before becoming the King's chief hunter.  We get an info-dump about his past -- he was captured by Avada-Kedavra's father for poaching for food in the king's forest and turned into the king's hunter instead of executed for his crimes -- and he monologues about how he still feels more at home in the forest and out on hunts than in the palace.  

While he'd adapted to the nobles' fashion of hunting and fighting with weapons, he still, while hunting alone, enjoyed the sensation of digging his bare claws into squealing, wriggling prey.  And if there were any better pleasure in this world than laying on a warm rock with a full belly and licking drying blood from his talons, he had yet to experience it.

Ewwww... also, why are dragons hunting with weapons in the first place?  They already have powerful jaws and teeth and claws (no sign of fire-breath yet), why do they need weapons?

Zanzie hangs out a bit in the cave where he lived before moving to the palace, which is full of trophies from previous hunts, including human skulls.  There's also a whip that he's apparently a master of -- though despite what Indiana Jones has taught us a whip's actually a rather impractical weapon... and again, why do dragons need weapons in the first place?

Also in this cave are some swords he's taken from humans he's killed -- and these blades are over a thousand years old but have never rusted, being made of a mysterious metal that's apparently called "stainless steel."  More foreshadowing...

Also, apparently one of these blades has wounded Zanzie in the past badly enough to give him "the enthralling opportunity to gaze upon his own intestines."  Dude, Maxey, not every wound has to be described in such graphic detail, and what's up with your obsession with bowels and intestines?

Zanzie takes the swords and the whip and flies off to find Cron, the human who escaped the ritual hunt earlier, figuring he must be an accomplice to Bitterwood... and end scene.  What was the point of all that?

We cut now to Jandra and Vortex, who've reached a human town.  Vortex tells Jandra to wait in the trees on the outskirts of town and goes off to steal a boat for further transport.  Jandra protests that stealing a boat will just hurt its owners, that they'll need it for their business... but Vortex replies that "these people are all dead," seeing as the king's delivered his edict to kill all humans and this town'll probably be the first one to go.  I thought you were in the business of trying to save humans, Vortex, why are you dismissing the first ones you see right off the bat?

Jandra insists that they have to stop Alligator's plan, but Vortex replies that they'd just be going back to their deaths, and killing the king would just result in anarchy.

"B-but, you're his advisor.  You can reason with the king, can't you?"

"Albekizan's notion of reason was to lock you in a cell to blackmail me into assisting him.  I defied him, Jandra, for your sake.  I won't throw away our lives by returning to the castle."

"Then, what?  We sit idly by while all of humanity is slaughtered?"

Vendevorex shook his head slowly.  "I... I need time to think.  Let me secure a boat.  There may be allies we can contact.  Albekizan's decision to wipe out the human race will meet with opposition from other sun-dragons, I'm sure of this."

"We should at least warn the people of Richmond," Jandra said.  "Give them time to flee."

"We'll do nothing of the sort," said Vendevorex.

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.  Seeing as Bitterwood is more an antihero than an actual hero I was kind of hoping Vortex would be our novel's hero... but here he refuses to even help the very humans he claims to be out to save.  Who the frag are we supposed to root for in this book anyhow?

Jandra, showing that she's probably the most decent character in the book (if not exactly the smartest), runs out of hiding and screams for everyone to run for their lives because Alpaca wants to kill them.  Naturally, everyone laughs and thinks she's crazy... until Albekizan himself dives out of the sky and roars out a threat, sending everyone running in panic.  Jandra panics too, until she realizes there's no smell coming from him -- apparently sun-dragons soak themselves in perfume.

Of course it's an illusion on Vortex's part -- at least he did SOMETHING decent, even if his apprentice had to goad him into it.

"I can't believe you'd frighten me like this," she said.

"More important, I frightened the townsfolk."  The image of Albekizan fell away in a shower of sparks revealing her master at the center.  "You've got your wish.  They are warned."

"Yes," she said.  "Yes, I suppose they are.  Let's steal a boat and get out of here."

"An excellent suggestion," said Vendevorex.  "I wish I'd thought of it myself."

At least these two will be good for comic relief, I guess... and end chapter.

So our king has made an idiotic deal with a serial killer who's declared himself a Murder God, Zanzie is off on his own side-quest, and Vortex is a hypocrite.  I'm starting to regret coming back to this book after such a long pause...

Chapter 4 -- The Eight Deadly Words

Okay, let's keep going with this... and for the record, I've officially switched from reading the e-book version of this on my computer to reading it on my Kindle, which has no page numbers for whatever reason.  So I'll be eschewing page numbers when I put in quotes.  Apologies for this...

Chapter 4 is titled "Flight," which opens in the most tackily decorated war room ever:

The war room was the size of a cathedral, the towering roof supported by a forest of white columns.  High-arched windows opened onto broad balconies that overlooked the kingdom.  A rainbow of tapestries covered the walls, embroidered with scenes from Albekizan's unparalleled reign.  One tapestry portrayed a youthful Albekizan, standing in triumph on the corpse of his father.  Nearby was Albekizan in ceremonial gold armor, leading his armies to victory against the cannibal dragons of the once notorious Dismal Isles.  It had been the first in a string of triumphs against the smaller kingdoms that had once ringed the land.  While the tapestries caught the eye with their bright colors, the most arresting feature of the room was the gleaming marble floor, inlaid with colored stone, precious metals and gems into an elaborate map of the world.  Zanzeroth, Metron, and Kanst waited for the king within the vast space.

Huh... when I think of a war room, I usually think of something along these lines:

It's not weird that I can like both Dr. Strangelove and silly

movies like Wayne's World and UHF, is it?  Or at least a good weird...

Dictionary.com defines a "war room" as "a room at a military headquarters in which strategy is planned and current battle situations are monitored," or "any room of similar function."  When I think of a war room, I think of a big conference room with maps and such, but nothing enormously fancy and blinged up.  What's described in the chapter opening is NOT a war room -- it's a glorified throne room.  The only thing in this room that can be of any use is the map of the world on the floor, and even THAT is kind of useless for any actual planning function when it's made out of freaking gems and gold.

Also, inlaying the floor with gold and gemstones is a stupid move -- unless there's some sort of protective layer over them, both gemstones and soft metals like gold and silver are going to get scratched all to heck from being stepped on.  Either the dragons have more wealth than brains (possible given what we know about them so far), or the author didn't think this through.

Zanzie's crouching on the world map, "his belly covering the spot on which the palace rested" -- I have no idea if this is supposed to be symbolic of anything or not, the text doesn't elaborate on this further.  He remarks to himself that the map is inaccurate -- the only section of the world it covers is Azkaban's kingdom, and the king himself declares that no lands exist beyond his kingdom.  But Zanzie knows better, as he did a lot of exploring in his younger years and has found lands far beyond their own kingdom.

If Albekizan didn't rule a place he deemed it did not exist.  For many years Zanzeroth had thought this a harmless quirk of the king's ego.  Now he wondered if the king's blindness to reality would lead them all to doom.

Of course, because our dragons are not only evil, they're Stupid Evil.  Because why give them common sense when you can just make them horribly ignorant and villainous?

Two other dragons are talking across the room -- Metron the High Biologian and Kanst, the military leader.  Zanzie cocks his head to listen, spots one of his feather-scales that's fallen out, and starts moaning to himself about how he's getting too old and is falling apart.  He also takes a moment to judge Kanst.

Kanst was an enormous bull of a dragon, heavy and squat.  He wore steel armor polished to a mirrored finish that was unblemished by any actual blow from a weapon.  Albekizan liked Kanst, which to Zanzeroth spoke ill of the king.  Kanst was all bluster and polish.  The king had a bad habit of surrounding himself with advisors who were more show than substance.  Kanst and Vendevorex were the two best examples.

Kanst is griping about Bodiel being dead and Shandrazel not having "the thirst for blood that's necessary for victory."  Remember Shan?  The king's other son who refused to hunt for humans?  Is it me or do way too many fantasy books feel that they have to pack in Load and Loads of Characters in order to be proper "epic fantasies?"  If you don't bother to flesh any of these characters out, having lots of characters doesn't make an epic fantasy -- it makes a chore for the reader who's tasked with having to keep them all straight.  Lots of characters isn't necessarily a BAD thing, but you have to be careful with it or you can easily overpack the cast and overwhelm the reader.

Admit it, can you even name half of these?

Kanst not-so-subtly hints that Avada Kedavra needs to turn the kingdom over to someone capable of running it.  Metron tells him to shut up, but I smell a Starscream wannabe here...

Yes, any excuse to throw a Transformers image

into the spork...

Kanst insists that it's too late for Afghanistan to father another son who'll be mature enough to take the throne when he dies.  Metron counters that the king has plenty of time, but Zanzie insists that age DOES matter and that experience can't trump youth.  This conversation better serve a purpose, but I get the feeling it's been inserted here just to pad out the page count.

King Alakazam and a retinue of guards storm into the blinged-up war room at that moment, cutting off that conversation and turning the matter to Bitterwood.  Metron tells the king that he did his research and apparently Bitterwood was the leader of a human rebellion twenty years ago and "preached a vile philosophy of genocide against all dragons," but the rebels were all killed and the man they're facing must be some random nutcase taking on his name to make a statement.  Probably the wrong answer, but at least it's a logical one...

The king insists that it has to be Bitterwood because only Bitterwood fletches his arrows with dragon scales instead of bird feathers.  Um... this is kind of stupid logic.  Wouldn't a copycat be trying to mimic his hero by doing the same?  And to his credit, Metron points out the same thing, saying dragons shed their scales all the time and humans can easily pick them up to make use of them.  (Zanzie gets a paragraph of angsting over all his scales falling out here, because apparently we're supposed to find him sympathetic, I guess?  Which is useless because... um, you'll find out.)

"No," Albekizan said.  "I am certain that one being, be he man or ghost, is responsible.  I've seen him with my own eyes."

Now it was the king's words that tortured Zanzeroth as he realized he would never see anything with his eyes again.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

For the love of Unicorn, Zanzie, STOP.  FREAKING.  WHINING.  What is the point of this?  Are we supposed to feel sorry for the pink dragon?  Is this Maxey's way of trying to get us to sympathize with him and find him a likable character?  Let me tell you, it doesn't work.  You get the reader to like a character by actually giving them decent characterization, not by dumping tragedy on them in a desperate attempt to get the reader to feel sorry for them.  Stop with the Wangst and actually flesh these characters out!

Alabama reveals his plan for destroying Bitterwood... and it's a doozy.

"...I am not blind to the possibility that other humans assist Bitterwood," Albekizan said.  "That's why I've called you here.  Together, we will remove the stench of humans from my kingdom forever.  I've tolerated their kind far too long.  They breed like rats.  Their dung-encrusted villages spread disease.  They create nuisance by leeching off dragons as beggars and thieves.  Now their greatest crime of all:  They give shelter to Bitterwood.  We must eliminate every last safe harbor for the villain.  We can only be certain of victory over Bitterwood when all the humans are dead."

...welp.  Nice job breaking it, Bitterwood.  Your vendetta against dragons has just doomed humankind to extinction.  Way to go, buddy.  Why are you the hero again?

Zanzie, Metron, and Kanst just stare at Alakazoo at this announcement... until someone else speaks up.

"Respectfully, Sire," said a voice from the empty air Zanzeroth watched, "you've gone quite mad."

In a spot a yard away from the suspicious voice, the air began to spark and swirl.  The sparks fell away like a veil to reveal a sky-dragon, his wings pierced with diamond studs, sparkling like stars against his blue scales.  Light gleamed from his silver skullcap.  His eyes were narrowed into a scowl of disapproval.  Vendevorex, Master of the Invisible, had made his grand arrival.

Vortex, you drama queen...

Vortex, like Metron, tries to interject some logic into the discussion.  He points out that humans do the vast majority of the labor for the kingdom, as they're kept as servants and slaves everywhere, and no dragon is going to want to tend his own crops or clean his own castle.  Alalala-whatever retorts that "Bitterwood could hide among them for years" but "if all die, he dies."  Yeesh, kind of overkill, don't you think, buddy?

Vortex further points out that killing off all humans will stir up rebellion among the dragons who keep them as pets or depend on them for slave labor.  Alligator replies that he plans to unite the dragons by... convincing them that they evolved as the master race, while human religions teach that they were created separately from other species, and that if humans aren't part of natural law, they should be treated like parasites.  Um... what?

This is kind of weird logic, and I doubt it's going to convince many dragons to give up their human servants and pets.  And it's just weird in the book.  Is Maxey making some kind of dig against organized religion?  Is he pointing out that dragons disdain human religion and so are evil?  What is even going on here?

Vortex further insists that humans vastly outnumber dragons, and if the king sets out to destroy them, they can easily unite against the dragons and wipe them out -- as he puts it, "you will face an army of Bitterwoods."  Logical enough... but then, our good friend Alabaster isn't really proving himself willing to listen to logic.

Alakazam tells Vortex that his job will be to find a way to wipe out the humans without bloodshed, such as a plague or a poison.  Vortex refuses, and tries to appeal to the others, asking them to "stand for truth."  Zanzie speaks up at this point.

"Sire, let me be blunt.  I don't believe Bitterwood to be beyond our grasp.  You called off the hunt too early.  His trail may yet be warm.  This genocide you dream of is unnecessary.  That said, what do I care if humans are slaughtered?  I've killed so many for sport, I can hardly object on moral grounds.  If it is to be war, Sire, I stand beside you."

Aaaaaaaaaaand if we were supposed to sympathize with Zanzie here, Maxey just failed.  Also, Zanzie's reasoning for joining the war against humans is pretty weak -- "oh, I've killed humans already, so there's no point in trying not to anymore."  Geez...

Vortex insists he wants no part of this.  The king tells him he's sent his guards to lock up Jandra, his human apprentice, and Vortex has a choice of assisting the king or letting her die with the rest of the humans in the castle.  Vortex screams that the king'll regret this, and the king orders his guards to chain him up.  Um... is trying to arrest a wizard by mundane means really that good an idea?

Evidently not -- Vortex turns the guards' weapons to ash, and the guards try to dogpile him.  Zanzie throws a knife, but it just hits the wall... and when the guards stand up, it turns out they've just torn apart one of their own number and Vortex has disappeared.  The king orders him found, and Metron drops a piece of foreshadowing so blatant it almost counts as a spoiler alert:

"If he survives, I fear he could prove quite a powerful figurehead for a human resistance," said Metron.

Foreshadowing is a good tool for hinting at future events and ramping up suspense, and can be done very cleverly in fiction... but if handled poorly, it can result in clumsy writing and even give away major plot points way too early.  This line was a bad example of foreshadowing, in my opinion, and doesn't so much hint at future events but pounds them into the reader with the force of a sledgehammer.  

Zanzie picks up his blade and sniffs it... and smells blood.  He knows it has to be Vortex's because "no other blood would smell of lightning."  Dos lightning even have a smell?  I have no idea...

Obligatory dragon picture

Zanzeroth felt confident he could find the escaped wizard in short order, but on a deeper level he felt a certain satisfaction in letting the wizard go, for now.  The king had created this mess by placing his trust in such a fool for so long.  Let Albekizan deal with the consequences.

So much for loyalty to the king, eh?  This was probably tossed in to, again, make us slightly sympathetic toward Zanzie, but it's really not working for me...

Atchoo orders Jandra killed... then orders the guards to go to the dungeons and bring him someone called Blasphet.  Everyone gapes at him, and Metron even tries to protest this move, but Avada-Kedavra's insistent.

"I've given my order.  Despite his deeds I've kept Blasphet alive for a day such as this.  No dragon that ever lived has more of a genius for killing.  Bring him to me.  Bring me the Murder God."

Seems appropriate

After THAT Name To Run Away From Really Fast, we get a page break.  I guess we'll find out more about Blasphet later...

We cut to a "star-shaped room," which seems like a really impractical shape for a room but whatever, dragon architecture makes no sense anymore.  Jandra's reading a book on snails, knowing that Vortex just assigned it to her to keep her busy and out of trouble, but there's a knock on the door and she goes to answer it, figuring it's a human servant wanting some kind of potion or charm.  As you probably expect by now, it's not.

Four earth-dragon guards grab Jandra and haul her off.  She hears human screams and figures the guards are rounding everyone up for some reason, but makes no move to escape.  Um... you're a wizard's apprentice, girl?  At least try for SOME spot of self-preservation here?

She's shoved into a cell in another tower and the guards lock her in.  She goes to the barred window and sees a courtyard where all the human servants are being gathered up... and a chopping block where Ruth, her servant friend from earlier, is about to be beheaded.  Uh-oh...

(A brief break from the horror here -- what's up with the human names in this book?  The dragon names range from okay to just plain silly, but the humans seem split between silly names like Recanna and Bant and Tulk, and normal names like Ruth and Mary.  Why do some humans get perfectly ordinary names and others get names that sound like cavemen?)

Jandra screams for the executioner to stop, but Mary shouts at her to look away.  So Jandra gets to hear but not see her two best friends get the ax.  Just to hammer home how horribly EVUHL our dragons are...

Jandra starts to cry... but stops when she hears scraping.  Vortex has gone invisible and is climbing up the wall to get to her cell.  Dude, you have wings, why can't you just fly up?

Vortex uses his magic to blow a hole in the wall, Jandra uses her own magic to fill the room with fog to distract the guards, then she hops onto his back and they fly away.  Jandra fusses over a wound in Vortex's cheek, but he insists they'll tend to it when they get to safety.

There's something of an action sequence where they're being chased by sky-dragon guards and crash-land in the forest -- it's not terribly exciting, except it does point out that apparently it's very difficult to fly and be invisible at the same time.  Which at least explains why Vortex didn't just fly up to her window to rescue her, I guess.  We do get this lovely bit, however, when they land and a guard follows them down...

From the thin air before her came a muffled cry of pain and the sickening smell of burning flesh...  Vendevorex allowed his circle of invisibility to break apart.  He stood ten feet away with the body of the aerial guard at his feet.  The guard clawed helplessly at his jaws, emitting small, muffled grunts through his flared nostrils.  The skin around his mouth was melted together.  Large talon-shaped holes had been burned into his wings; he would never fly again.

Holy freak, Vortex...

"When your brothers find you and cut your mouth open, I want you to give them a message for me," Vendevorex growled.  His eyes glowed as if lit by an internal sun.  "My decision to run should not be interpreted as a sign that I am weak or defenseless.  Anyone who attempts pursuit will face a fate much worse than yours.  If I didn't want you to tell your brothers this, I would have killed you already.  You live only because you retain this slight usefulness to me."

The guard rolled to his back on the rocky bank, still clawing at his immobile mouth.  Jandra turned away, feeling sick.

Yeah, I don't freaking blame you, girl!  I was starting to like Vortex here, but geez... this was sadistic.  It's like we can't have ANY dragons who are slightly sympathetic.  Because if Vortex is this brutal to a fellow dragon, who's to say he won't do something similar to a human?

He announces to Jandra they're going to Richmond -- um, maybe announce that AFTER you're out of the guard's earshot? -- and they run off.  And end chapter. 

So we've established that all our dragons are evil, sadistic, idiots, or some mix of both, and our humans are either not any better than the dragons or are complete wet blankets.  This book is a shining example of the Eight Deadly Words -- the point in certain media where you just look up and say "I don't care what happens to these people."  When a writer either makes everyone involved a despicable character or doesn't bother to develop characters at all, it makes it very hard to stay invested in the writing.  And at this point I find myself not caring for Bitterwood, Jandra, Vortex, or anyone involved.  So why do I keep reading this?

Oh yeah, because I'm riffing on it.  I hope people are at least laughing a little bit, or if nothing else suffering along with me...