Chapter 37 - Where's the Brain Bleach?

Keep some brain bleach on hand, folks, this chapter contains squick...

We get some awkward description to start this chapter -- "Like steel knives, the morning light angled into the center of the compound and burned Eden's skin" -- and Eden starts looking around for "her Jaguar Man."  Yes, that's exactly how the text spells it out -- HER Jaguar Man.  Possessive, much?  Though I do hope this spells the end of the "I hate you, I love you, I hate you" seesaw we've been getting this entire book...

What if he had hidden in the nearby bush like a wounded animal on the verge of dying?  He might leave this earth and never know how she felt about him. -- p. 261

I dunno, maybe he'd rather die here than hear that a snotty little brat is in love with him...

She starts walking around calling for Bramford as if he were a dog, and the Huaroani stare at her while the two girls skip after her as if it's a game.  Eden thinks that "the Indians might not care if Bramford met the Great Snake in the sky," though it could be they're not worried because they know he can take care of himself? 

She whines about the heat hurting her feet, then trips over a root and falls into the garden patch.  She spots red patches on her arms and legs and immediately thinks she's getting The Heat, though generally sunburn doesn't show up in patches unless you really suck at putting on sunscreen.  Maybe it's actually poison ivy or some other rash?

Bramford shows up and wants to know what Eden's doing.  His eyes are bloodshot, he has claw marks across his chest, and he looks "battle-weary," so I'm sure our protagonists who WUVS him oh so much will be sympathetic, right?

Oh, you silly reader...

"For Earth's sake, why didn't you answer me?  I've been screaming your name.  Don't tell me you didn't hear me!" -- p. 262

I should know by now not to expect our protagonist to have a shred of empathy for anyone else...

...she detected a great shift in him.  The uneasy alliance between man and beast, which had swung back and forth, now settled in favor of his savage side with solemn gravity. -- p. 262

...I don't even know.  He's been perfectly civil toward you, why are you suddenly thinking he's gone beastly?  Is this supposed to be attractive or something?

Inches away, his scent rushed over her and left her lightheaded.  His indifferent gaze traveled from her shorn locks to the short hem of her dress.  She felt naked before him, excitedly so.  And ready for the compliments she expected. -- p. 262

Wow, literal animal lust and egotism in one short blurb.  Eden hasn't changed a bit over the course of this fic, no matter how much Foyt insists otherwise.

Bramford offers no compliments, just points out short hair will give her a sunburn on her neck.  She snaps back "what do you care?" and screams that he obviously doesn't care and that if he hadn't gone away, her father might not be dying.  I guess we're still on this freaking see-saw...

Eden tells Bramford that there's a plant that will save her father's life and that they should leave right now.  She doesn't even ask, just orders Bramford around (though she takes a break to get lost in his "penetrating stare").  Remind me again how a book that has an arrogant white woman ordering a black man around is supposed to be anti-racist?

Bramford goes to check on Dr. Newman, who's babbling nonsense and feverish and ends up calling Eden "Lilly."  That's enough to convince him that they need to go, and he agrees to go with her.  Eden hides the Life-Band in her chest bindings and decides "their salvation must come from the natural world."  She also thinks "catalog and reverie," which I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.

Eden uses her "finely developed researcher's skills" to memorize the leaf -- though we've seen no evidence of those skills so far (unless knowing a ton of Latin names counts), so this comes off as an Informed Ability instead of an actual talent or skill.  Then they're off.

Bramford puts Eden on his shoulders... which seems like a really weird way to carry someone.  Having someone sitting on your shoulders doesn't seem like a good way to carry someone long-distance, and can't Eden walk on her own?  It's not like she's lame or anything... oh wait, she has to sit on his shoulders so we can have faux-sexy passages like this:

An electric current ran through her at his touch.  Eden leaned her hips against the back of his head, thrilled to be back on her special perch.  She dug her hands into his silky hair, holding steady, as they flew across the compound. -- p. 264

Believe it or not, this isn't the worst "sexy" part of this chapter... get your brain bleach ready.

Bramford points to a mountain with a halo of clouds and identifies it as "Heaven's Gate."  He also mentions it's called that because you have to die to get there.  Oh, sounds promising, please tell me Eden ends up there!

The New Eden was eager to meet the world with an open and fearless heart.  She wondered how such a giving place could have once terrified her. -- p. 265

I'm sorry, I'm not buying that Eden's become this "New Eden" so fast.  When she's done nothing but whine and whinge about the jungle up until this point, she's not going to become some nature-loving free spirit overnight.  Even during and right after her and Bramford's little outing in the jungle, she was still hating the jungle.  Did a chapter get cut where Eden has some sort of epiphany about the natural world and her place in it?  Or does Foyt just suck at plotting things out?  I can guess which is the correct answer already...

They keep running through the jungle, Eden identifies animals along the way (thankfully few Latin names -- I guess Foyt got tired of hitting Wikipedia for every critter), Eden feels like something's spying on them and Bramford says it's "nature," more awkward descriptions of jungle and wind... boring stuff so far...

I was going to go with the yawning jaguar image just because

it fits this book, but it looked more like it was roaring than

yawning.  I went with this one because I needed the laugh.

Then it gets weird.  And uncomfortable.  Brace yourselves...

She wasn't surprised when Bramford reached up to shift her weight just as she registered a backache.  She recognized a silent communication that took place between them.  They were in tune, as easily as the jungle life that seemed to play a never-ending song. -- p. 266

Sorry, I can buy that close couples can have a strong bond, but these two have only been close a few days, a week at most.  And becoming one with nature isn't going to make you a telepath.

His hands slipped down her sides, lingering on her thighs.  Warm, tingling sensations flowed through her.  She fisted her hands in his hair and heard him rumble.

The forest sounds dropped away, replaced by the rapid pounding of her heart.  Eden forgot the passing scenery and their destination.  Only the hot press of his hands on her bare skin, the tilt of his head brushing her inner leg, and her burning ache consumed her.  The more pleasure she experienced, the bolder his touch grew.  Now his hand trailed up and down the whole of her leg.

She dared to test the boundaries of their body language and flexed her thighs around his neck.  Unbelievably, his gait slowed.  A feverish thrill shot through Eden.  She could guide Bramford with a mere squeeze.

Did she dare push him further?  She couldn't resist the wild urge to flick her hips against his shoulders.  At once he picked up speed.  She almost squealed -- his raw animal power was at her command.

Eden pressed her body against the back of Bramford's powerful head, rocking to the rhythm of his quick pace.  A gush of pleasure swept through her.  Like fire and ice.  Like sweet, dripping honey.

Again, she pushed her hips, harder now, and waited breathlessly.  He tightened his hold on her legs, the heat from his fingers burning into her as he sped faster. - p. 266-267

Yes, I gave you that whole chunk of chapter unedited, just so you can suffer along with me.  Feel the burn, folks...

Yeah, not only is this bit more stomach-churning than "sexy," but it's just brimming with implications of slavery -- the whole "his power was hers to command" and the fact that she's riding him like a freaking horse just doesn't sit well at all.  In my mind OR in my stomach.  

For the record, this bit was actually another scene from the book that made the rounds of the Internet when this book first came out.  I'm shocked that someone else made it THIS deep into the book to find something abhorrent to share with the rest of the world, but hey, some of us had to sacrifice so that others could be warned of the horror...

We close out this chapter with another random Emily Dickinson poem, which I won't share because the poor woman's name has been disgraced enough.  And not a moment too soon... I dunno how much more "sexy furry scenes with strong racist implications" I could take.

On a random note, I don't believe we've gotten Dr. Newman's first name at all in this book, or if we have I've forgotten it amidst the sheer horror of the rest of the text.  I really hope it's George, though.  Just because it would make this book a TINY bit more bearable to imagine that Eden's father looks like this:

I wouldn't want Weird Al's name associated with this garbage either,

but he'd at least bring a little humor to the mess

Chapter 36 -- Stranger Danger, Logan!

Moving right along, folks!

One of my favorite movies

So... we've got a twist in this chapter.  And despite having had a few days to ruminate on this twist, I'm still not sure if it's clever or incredibly stupid.  Or perhaps it's a twist that could have been clever but has the misfortune of appearing in a stupid book like this.  You be the judge, gentle readers...

This chapter opens with a bang as Eden wakes up to -- surprise! -- Logan in her room.  Run, Logan, run!  Sadly, Eden grabs his arm before he can escape, and he makes "curious yelping sounds" as he tries to get away.  She tells him not to be afraid -- kind of difficult when a complete stranger has grabbed you -- but he won't even look at her, and Eden isn't sure if he's just shy or can't understand him.

The pearly glow of dawn barely illuminated him.  He wore the bat mask, which had done the trick and wooed him back. -- p. 254

Um... Foyt, do you realize how incredibly creepy this makes Eden sound?  You're making her sound like a freaking child predator here.  This book has given me enough uncomfortable vibes already.

"Do you like it?" she asked, keeping her voice light.  "It's not nearly as nice as the portrait you painted -- which I love.  I'm glad I have the chance to thank you for it.  You're very talented, Logan." -- p. 254

Still coming off as creepy here.  Maybe I've watched too much Law and Order: SVU and/or Criminal Minds, but these words sound far less reassuring and far more like what a predator would say to their victim right before strapping them to a table and whipping out the torture implements.

Logan replies with "a garbled response," and Eden wonders if he's developmentally delayed and can't speak, or if its a result of his isolation.  She also tells him "you have no idea how happy I am to meet you" and "you can trust me," which also gives off creepy vibes in my opinion.

In addition to wearing the bat mask, Logan's wearing black clothing from head to toe.  Forget being the son of Wolverine, we've got a mini-Batman on our hands.  

Literally what comes to mind when she

describes Logan's outfit

Eden also notices that Logan has "whitish, kinky hair" and "a pale color" to his eyes, and is startled that he has Rebecca's coloring.  So she takes off his mask and...

Drumroll please...

Yes, I like the Muppets, sue me...

...she wasn't prepared for the sight of him.  How could she ever imagine pinkish eyes or the lack of any pigment in his skin?

Eden stared at him, her thoughts slow and searching.  Then, as the shock began wearing off, she grasped the truth.

Holy Earth.  Logan was a Cotton!  An albino child. -- p. 255

For those of you who are going "okay, what's the big deal?" or "okay, how is this such a huge twist?" or "what kind of stupid name is Cotton?" let me remind you that yes, Cotton is almost as stupid a name for albino people as Coal is for black people.  Also that the last time Cottons were mentioned in this book was way back in Chapter 7, so you folks can be forgiven for forgetting the significance of this.

Long story short, Cottons were supposed to be extinct and they're put to death the moment they're found anywhere.  So Bramford's big secret about his son is that he's an albino, someone who should have been killed the moment others discovered it.  Small wonder he's kept the boy hidden away here, in that case.

Also I went back and re-read the bit in Chapter 7 where Eden and Bramford watched a news broadcast of an albino (I refuse to keep calling them Cottons unless I'm quoting directly from the text) and Eden wondered why someone as (allegedly) heartless as Bramford would be disturbed by it.  Quite frankly, I'm shocked that this book has that much continuity -- that a scene almost thirty chapters ago could pay off now.  Given that Foyt has shown little regard for continuity and consistency up to this point, this is quite frankly a shocking development.

Actual continuity in this book? Who'da thunk?

Eden screams upon seeing Logan's albinism, and Logan screams back and breaks free, running away.  Eden's preoccupied with thinking of Logan now, as well as "a noisy zoo of questions," which is a really awkward metaphor but what metaphors haven't been awkward in this book?  So she goes and wakes up her father, despite the fact that he's still extremely sick.  How compassionate.

Oh, and apparently Eden's father knew all along that Bramford carried the gene that could transfer albinism to his kids.  He's surprised that Rebecca carried the gene too, but doesn't seem too shocked by it, which upsets Eden.  Maybe your father's a little preoccupied with the fact that he's freaking DYING to fuss much over it, girl.

Also, I looked it up -- and yes, albinism can be genetic.  There are a few forms that can be passed on from just one parent, however, though generally it takes two parents, since most genes that cause it are recessive.  So Foyt did a little bit of research, at least.  Though the "pinkish eyes" is inaccurate -- albino humans generally retain enough melanin to have blue or green eyes, though they show up as pink in photos due to the reflection of light off their retinas.

Eden's ticked that her father didn't tell her that Bramford carried albino genes.  He responds, quite reasonably, that Bramford had sworn him to secrecy.  Though now that Eden knows about Logan, the cat's out of the bag there...

Eden felt the earth tilt, and everything she took for granted with it.  Ronson Bramford's DNA contained traits considered even more dreaded and inferior than having white skin.  one of his ancestors had been an albino, a fatal secret that Bramford had gone to great lengths to conceal.

In fact, she doubted if he had ever felt superior to her at all.  For Earth's sake, the proud and mighty Coal must have been as self-conscious as she, if not more so.  Both of them had hidden their true identities.

How alike they were, after all.  And yet how little Eden had understood him. -- p. 257

NOW you're suddenly just peachy-keen fine with Bramford!  Now that you think he's no better than you!  I thought this book was supposed to be anti-racism, but instead we have Eden hating on the black guy all the way up until it's revealed that he has albino in his genetics and suddenly she's just fine with him.  It's not "overcoming racial differences" if the only reason Eden stops thinking of him as an arrogant monster is because he's "not really black," is it?  She can't learn that people can be decent no matter what color they are, there has to be a big horrible secret to drag him down to her level.

Argh... I take it back, Foyt took this twist and made it stupid as only she could.

Dr. Newman asks if Eden's all right, and she's comforted because "even as his energy drained away, he only showed concern for her."  Because everything has to revolve around her, even when someone's freaking dying.  Great.

Dr. Newman also suggests that Rebecca had her genetic readout falsified to keep Bramford from finding out, and Eden realizes that the FFP must have found out about Rebecca having albino genes and used it as blackmail to get her to work for them.  But then her father suggests that the FFP set Rebecca up with Bramford to guarantee an albino offspring.  So... the plan was to get to Bramford's research by having him pop out an albino kid?  I'm confused...

To his credit, Bramford had tried to save the child by hiding him in the jungle.  But did pride or love drive him?  If the truth came out, it would topple his empire.  Naked fear fisted around Eden's heart as she considered the consequences of having signaled Shen.  Surely, Bramford's half-brother would protect the boy. -- p. 258

Don't be TOO sure about that... and didn't I say that Eden calling on Shen was going to screw things up for everyone?  Called it.

This'll be my official "victory dance" GIF from now on

Also, apparently having albino genes threw off Dr. Newman's calculations enough that it advanced Bramford's "adaptation" beyond what he expected.  So... now albinism makes you turn into a cat-person faster?  Wat?

She understood he had risked his life in the hopes of saving his son.  Even if the FFP stole the technology, Bramford's adaptation would provide her father with necessary samples.  And if Logan also could evolve, he might be safe from The Heat, as well as those who would destroy him.

Eden pressed a trembling hand to her chest.  Paternal love, not greed, had been Bramford's primary motivation.

Sweet Earth, how wrong she had been about this incredible man. -- p. 259

Took Eden freaking long enough to realize that Bramford isn't the villain of this book.  Though... wouldn't people be afraid of a cat-person more than they would be of an albino?  Maybe, maybe not, Eden's proven that this world she's constructed doesn't exactly run on logic.

All these revelations are interrupted by a scream from outside, and Eden runs out to see a dead jaguar near the fire pit.  Looks like Bramford got his last sample.  And the villagers are all in mourning because apparently they worship the jaguar.  Unless the Huaorani beliefs have been corrupted over the years, this shouldn't be the case -- they respect the jaguar spirit but it's not a freaking god, they don't freaking believe in gods, and I'm gonna shut up before I keep ranting about this.

Eden stared at the jaguar's pitch-black coat, realizing yet another part of Bramford's plan.  Just like the original donor, this animal had melanism, the opposite of albinism.  Bramford hadn't chosen the trait for vanity's sake, after all.  He had sought to counter the extreme effects of his defective genome, for Logan's benefit.  All along, the fiercely protective father had danced one step ahead of disaster.

Flies buzzed round the jaguar carcass.  Its flank, matted with blood, told of a vicious battle.  A cold knot twisted Eden's stomach.  What if Bramford hadn't survived? -- p. 260

End chapter... and yeah, I'm still not sure how I feel about this twist.  Is it a stupid twist or is it an interesting twist that's just ruined by an incompetent writer?  Readers, what do you think?

Chapter 35 -- Hey, Eden, Leave Those Kids Alone!

Let's get this show on the road, folks...

Eden's staring at Logan's hut now.  Maybe it's just because I don't like Eden, but is anyone else creeped out over her weird interest in Bramford's son or is it just me?  Given that her feelings toward Bramford seem to change on a dime, I'm worried about how she'll treat the kid if/when they eventually do meet.  Who's to say she won't lash out at the kid if he does something she doesn't like?  Seeing as she automatically assumes Bramford's a selfish beast every time he does something she doesn't like, I think it's a valid concern.

We get a random interlude when a bird (insert Latin name here) flies onto her windowsill, and she thinks about how the "slash of red" over its eyes reminds her of a "playful bandit."  I mention this only because it comes up later in the chapter... yes, really.

Eden's foot touches something "hard and gooey" on the floor.  Um... generally stepping in something gooey on the floor doesn't bode well, especially when animals are free to run in and out of the hut...

Didn't think I'd be using this meme again...

Turns out it's not a "present" from the local wildlife, but a fresh painting on a piece of wood.  And despite the fact that Eden just stepped on it, it's not smudged at all.  Foyt, this isn't something you have to research, this is Logic 101.  Wet paint smears when you step on it.  This book obviously never saw an editor before hitting the shelves.

The hair on the back of her neck prickled as she reached for it.  At first Eden thought it was another portrait of Rebecca.  Then she noted the slightly fuller mouth, the more elfin-shaped face.  Could it be?  There was no mistake.

Imagine, a portrait of Eden Newman. -- p. 247

Or, given that this is a seven-year-old boy painting this picture, any differences in the features can be attributed to the fact that a kid painted the portrait.  I understand kids can be gifted artistically, but I think it's extremely unlikely that a seven-year-old can paint THAT well.

Eden wonders if Logan left the painting in exchange for the paintbrush, but then decides that because it's a portrait of her that it must be a personal gift, not a trade.  You know what they say about assumptions, Eden... when you "assume" you "make an ass out of you and me."  

We also get a random bit of worldbuilding here -- namely that gifts are rare down in the Combs, and birthdays are almost never celebrated.  Instead a girl gets gifts when she has her first menstrual cycle, because it means she's not "toxic" and can perpetuate the species.  There's some pretty nasty implications in implying a girl is only valuable if she's fertile... did Foyt get tired of being racist and decide to go for sexism as a change of pace?

Eden wistfully recalled the gifts she'd received on her special day.  From father, a detailed analysis of her genetic predispositions with special emphasis on her advanced intellect.  Mother had given her an old, graying book of Aunt Emily's poems.  And though she appreciated these things, the obvious message layered into them never escaped her: you must improve yourself, Eden. -- p. 248

You.  Ungrateful.  Little.  Twerp.  Your parents got you gifts -- maybe a little weird of gifts, but gifts with a lot of thought behind them.  And you have no way of knowing that the intended message behind those gifts was "you have to improve yourself."  Maybe your father was celebrating how bright and intelligent (*coughcoughcough*) his daughter was.  Maybe your mother wanted to share a favorite poet with you.  Assuming they got you these gifts only to harp on your flaws isn't just ungrateful, it's stupid.

How astonishing that this young boy who didn't know her had presented a gift without judgment or comment.  In fact, unlike the images of Rebecca, which had a serious, almost stern, quality, Eden thought her portrait was light and whimsical.  As if Logan alone could see the New Eden emerging, something she barely understood. -- p. 248

...since when has Eden been light and whimsical, even in her supposed "New Eden" incarnation?  And again, this kid is seven.  He should be painting stick figures, not intricate portraits where you can make out "stern" or "whimsical" properties.  Also, "images?"  I thought we only saw the one painting of Rebecca...

Eden wonders how many mornings Logan studied her to paint this, which makes her want to hug "the sweet boy."  I'd be more creeped out than heart-warmed by being watched while I sleep, even if it's from a kid.  She takes down Rebecca's painting and replaces it with her own, then wonders how she can continue this "dialogue of objects with Logan" when she doesn't have much -- just the backpack and the dress from the Moon Dance.

Maria's daughters come back and offer Eden a bowl of chicha and a "fresh white orchid."  I repeat that chicha is a beverage, not a breakfast food, and if Eden's living only on this and the occasional handful of nuts and berries from Bramford she should be starving by now.  But then, she's somehow not dead of scurvy after living on fat, protein, and carbohydrate pills and not a multivitamin in sight, so maybe Foyt just fails in biology along with everything else.

The girls are throwing "harsh words" back and forth, and Eden realizes they're fighting over who has the privilege of serving her.  Um... wow.  Making the Native American characters servants to the precious white girl.  That's perfectly normal and not loaded with unfortunate implications at all...

The girls start to fight over Eden's dress, the "stiff techno fabric" folding into odd shapes as they tussle over it.  I'm still not sure what "techno fabric" is -- Foyt somehow failed to explain what that is.  Is it fabric embedded with technology?  Fabric made for techno music fans?  Explain, book, explain!

Maria walks in and hands Eden a leaf, saying something in Spanish.  I had to hit Google to translate it -- am I the only one that finds untranslated foreign languages in a novel obnoxious?  Maybe I'm a heathen for not being bilingual, but still...

Anyhow, the phrase translates to "it's stronger for your father."  I don't know either.

Eden figures out from this that the leaf is medicine, and asks where to find it.  It's apparently someplace called "Heaven's Gate."  So either a box-office bomb of a Western movie or a suicidal UFO cult? 

Maria says it's dangerous but insists Eden and Bramford go.  Hey, Maria wants our protagonist dead, she can't be all bad!

If only Eden could reassure her that help was on the way.  But she couldn't risk world leaking to Bramford.  He might steal away Eden's father and Logan too. -- p. 250

Still betting that the FFP or some other not-so-friendly force answers Eden's distress call...

Maria states through broken Spanish and hand gestures that the root of the plant Eden holds will be more powerful than the leaf, and Eden thinks that she never knew different parts of the plant contained different remedies -- apparently she never questioned where medicine came from back home.  You're supposedly so smart, girl, and never thought about that?  Did your education on plants and animals consist solely of memorizing their Latin names?

Maria insists that Eden go with Bramford on this dangerous mission to get the plant, further proving my theory that she wants to be rid of the clueless spoiled brat.  Eden promises to go but figures that Shen will be here any minute and she won't have to go anyhow.  She also figures that Bramford's been gone two days and is probably dead by now.  Good to know you care so much about him, girl.

The girls are still fighting over the dress, so Eden offers to divide it up between them.  She does this by cutting the dress up and playing arts and crafts with it.

Inspired by the bandit-like tanager [the bird from earlier], she decided to fashion a mask for each girl.

At last, Eden saw how to catalog the chaos and at the same time, enhance it with reverie. -- p. 251

Foyt, put down the thesaurus before you hurt yourself...

Somehow, despite never having done much with her hands and having only a bamboo knife (no needle and thread, glue, or other adhesive material), Eden's able to make each girl a mask from the fabric -- a cockatoo and a monkey (and yes, we get the Latin names for umbrella cockatoo and squirrel monkey).  People who think that being able to craft something with your hands is pretty much MAGIC have never tried sewing or crafting themselves...

While she's at it, Eden whips up a third mask, a bat for Logan.  Maria and the girls recognize the name "Logan" and are immediately uneasy, which Eden attributes to some "superstitious Huaroani belief, perhaps because of his mixed race."  Or maybe they just don't want you antagonizing Bramford or harassing the poor boy anymore?  Ever think of that?

The girls and Maria leave, and Eden ties the bat mask to the window to tempt Logan again.  Eden, this behavior is really creepy, not adorable.  Stop it.

Just then, a host of orange-billed sparrows burst through the compound.  A barred hawk, Leucopternis princeps, chased after them, its white bar flashing like a racing stripe.  The hungry predator nipped the tail feathers of the smallest straggler.  Eden gasped as the baby bird tumbled downward into the hawk's beak. -- p. 253

Um... that is NOT how hawks hunt?  Hawks typically hunt for ground-dwelling animals such as mice, rabbits, snakes, and squirrels -- it's falcons who primarily hunts birds.  And birds of prey of all kinds use their FEET to catch prey, not their beaks.  Foyt obviously did very little research on her animals except to look up their Latin names and habitat.  

Evolution, she mused.  Only the fittest survived.  Eden would have to be fit, possibly even fitter than Bramford, if she wanted to save Logan. -- p. 253

As far as I can see, Logan doesn't need saving -- except maybe from you, Eden.

Eden has managed to be infuriating, annoying, stupid, and gross in this story... but I wasn't expecting her to take a turn for the creepy.  And worse, I'm certain the book is going to portray her as being completely RIGHT in "rescuing" this poor kid.  *sigh*

Eight chapters to go... stay strong.  We're almost there...

Chapter 34 -- It's the Final Countdown!

We're leaving together
But still it's farewell
And maybe we'll come back
To Earth -- who can tell?

I guess there is no one to blame
We're leaving ground
(Leaving ground)
Will things ever be the same again?

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!*

*ahem*  Sorry... my family does like to say that I have a song for every occasion...

It's the final countdown, folks -- we have ten chapters left to go!  We're on the home stretch!  We can do this...

Eden's father calls out for her from the main room, and Eden goes to stash the backpack under her bed but decides to wear it on her shoulders instead so no one steals it.  Because a bright red backpack on your back isn't going to draw attention...

The sway of her hair against the back of her neck pleased her.  The shortened dress moved with ease.  How little the world had changed while, there in her room, Eden had shed an old skin.  -- p. 241

I dunno, I think it takes more than a haircut and a change of outfit to turn over a new leaf.  I know this is supposed to be an Important Haircut signifying her changing to something else, but I really haven't gotten the feeling that Eden has done a lot of changing.  She's still the same self-centered clueless brat as before, after all.  I'm looking for actual character development signifying a change, not just taking the author's word for it.

Dr. Newman's looking frailer, and Eden thinks that she needs to use the Life-Band as soon as possible to save him.  What?  Eden's actually thinking of someone other than herself for once?  Color me shocked!  Maybe there's been a tiny bit of character development after all.

"Something is different," her father said, cocking his head to one side.

Her hand fluttered to her hair.  "Do I look all right?"

"Aha.  Going native.  Short hair will cool the body temperature."

Eden sank down on a stool.  Why couldn't he see the deeper changes in her? -- p. 241

I think it takes more to "go native" than just cutting your hair...  Also what's wrong with thinking practically?

Also, this constant insistence that everyone see the "Real Eden" and notice how much Eden has changed bugs me, though it might be for a more personal reason.  As someone with Asperger's syndrome/high-functioning autism, it's difficult for me to read body language, facial expression, and other non-verbal communication signs.  I've gotten better over the years, largely through self-education and plenty of trial-and-error, but I'm by no means proficient.  So when people expect me to read their minds or know exactly what they're thinking when they say something or ask a question, it's irritating.  Having to decipher the multiple layers of meaning behind a simple sentence makes conversation and relating to others a minefield, and I've bungled up many a conversation by misinterpreting something or taking words at face value.  (And then people wonder why so many individuals with autism tend to be introverts or downright antisocial...)

I don't know how it is with neurotypical people or those who are better at reading non-verbal language than me, but I know dealing with someone like Eden, who gets downright pissy when no one reads her unspoken intentions or sees the "Real Eden," would drive me nuts in short order.  And if her father has any sort of high-functioning autism (completely possible, given his single-minded obsession with genetics and his social awkwardness), then it's no wonder he's so bewildered whenever he takes what his daughter says and asks at face value...

Okay, I'm nitpicking at this point, moving on...

Eden tells her father she doesn't want to be a Pearl anymore.  He insists that "we can't change who we are," while she retorts "Bramford did it."  She says she wants to change like him, which confuses her father.  No surprise, I'm sure most people would be bewildered at learning their child wanted to become a jaguar furry.

"I'm just saying that maybe we don't have to be what other people expect us to be.  Maybe I can be who I really am.  Although, I'm not sure who that is."  She paused, relieved by the admission.  "I can tell you one thing, Father.  I'll never again be the Old Eden.  I'd rather die."...

"I see," he said.  "Of course if the right variables are in place and conditions permit, then, naturally, change is possible.  After all, such is the history of man.  Even you and I can change, if only in incremental ways." -- p. 242

Ah, so he's thinking she just wants to adjust to the surface world, while she's actually meaning she wants to be a she-cat.  Glad we got that cleared up...

Eden asks how the DNA sequences are progressing.  Her father acts excited and starts rambling about how well everything's going and coming to the jungle was a lucky break.  Yeah, he just might be high-functioning autistic -- we can ramble for hours about our chosen field of interest.

Lucky?  He was dying.  And the only man who ever had touched her heart was about to become a super jaguar -- not exactly good mating material. -- p. 243

I dunno, girl, given how gaga Bramford's furry-ness has gotten you over the course of this book, you just might find a super-jaguar attractive mating material.

...Primus, I feel dirty just typing that.

Excuse me while I shower...

Eden gripes that if Bramford gets himself killed, who's going to protect them?  Her father assures her he'll survive, citing "parental knowingness."

"You're not his parent, Father," she said, unable to hide her resentment.

"Only in a metaphoric sense, of course.  Creator to creature." -- p. 243

...wat?  You're referring to a black person as a "creature?"  I don't care if he's part jaguar now, that's not cool, Doctor.  Some of my sympathy toward Dr. Newman is waning now...

He was the problem, Eden realized.  If she couldn't stop Bramford, she had to stop her father and his crazy ideas.

"You can't do it," she said, rising to her feet.

"Do what?"

"Change Bramford again.  You've already done enough damage.  Why can't you just leave him alone?  Think of his son."  Think of me. -- p. 243

Aaaaaand selfish Eden is back.  Welcome back, girl.  We didn't miss you a bit.

Dr. Newman insists it's up to Bramford to decide Logan's future, not him, which is a reasonable enough argument.  Eden says if her father changed the way he looks at himself, he'd see what she meant -- and no, I don't know what she means there.

"But this is an incredible opportunity, Daught."

She drew in a deep breath.  "Why don't you ever call me Eden?"

"Daught is your nickname.  I always call you that."

"It sounds like a classification."

"Precisely."

"But I'm not one of your experiments," she said in a firm, quiet voice.  "I'm your daughter, Eden."  -- p. 243-244

I hate to say this, but... I side with Eden on this one.  "Daught" is an incredibly stupid nickname, and kind of impersonal to boot.  Though it's also kind of stupid to assume that Eden's father is an emotionless, loveless cad just because he's a scientist.

Eden bids her father good night and goes to the bedroom.  She pulls out the Life-Band and activates it, feeling a tingle in the sensors built into her head and a buzz that almost knocks her over.  Apparently being linked back to the Life-Band is disorienting after being away from it for so long.  Which is kind of weird, because it's only been a few days... unless I've been reading the passage of time all wrong, but I doubt it...

A butterfly flutters by the window, we get the Latin name for it (I swear Foyt does this only so she can show off how incredibly SMART she and her protagonist are), and then Eden sends a message to Shem, telling him to come get them and including their location.  

Way to go, girl, you just screwed everyone.  How much do people want to bet that the FFP is going to intercept this message and/or trail Shem to the village?  For being our supposed "hero," Eden has done more to botch things for all characters involved than actually be useful.

Also Eden imagines the message rising over the jungle and flying away, pausing to inhale "exotic scents" and taste a "juicy papaya" before heading off for the Combs.  Um... you have a fundamental misunderstanding of how electronic messages work.

Eden goes to bed, listening to birds and wondering when Bramford's coming back.  She longs for her and Bramford to glide through the jungle together "like the girl and the jaguar in the painting," and throws in another "Aunt Emily" poem for good measure.  Fraggit, throwing the words of some poor deceased poet into your story isn't going to elevate it to high literature status, stop doing it.

Eden sleeps restlessly that night because of the heat -- though if she grew up in the Combs, where a hundred and ten degrees was stated to be a cool day, why is the heat of the jungle bothering her so much?  Internal consistency?  Who needs it?

Another hot-and-sexy dream about Bramford, and Eden wakes up to realize someone's in the room with her.  She sits up, shouting out Logan's name, just in time to see a little boy grab the paintbrush off the windowsill and run off.  She tries to assure him she won't hurt him, but the kid just bolts.  Can't say I blame him -- I'd run from Eden too.

Eden didn't want to scare him by giving chase.  Besides, if Bramford caught her there [I'm assuming she means the hut where Logan lives], he would be furious.  The last thing she wanted was for Logan to see them fight.  No, she had to let the child come to her.

That's totally not something a predator would

say, am I right?  *shivers*

She couldn't explain her protective feelings toward the boy or the urgent need to know him.  Deep down, she felt certain that if she could win his trust, she might gain something even more valuable.  Something a she-cat needed. -- p. 246

Nice to know that she only wants to get close to the boy for her own selfish needs.  I'm still not seeing much evidence that this New Eden is any different from the old one, just without a black covering and with short hair.

Nine chapters to go.  Let's stay strong, folks, there's cake at the end if we finish this!

Gotta have some incentive to finish this train wreck, right?

*song lyrics from "The Final Countdown," written by Joey Tempest and performed by Europe

Chapter 33 -- Stop Monkeying Around, Foyt

...welp.  Every time I think Victoria Foyt can't dig herself any deeper, she finds herself a new shovel.

Eden wakes up the next morning, having just had a dream about "speeding through the jungle... fearless and free."  I'm guessing this is supposed to be foreshadowing, though personally I find the "dreaming about the future and it just happens to come true" cliche to be just as clumsy and amateurish as the "little did they know that [spoiler] would happen!" cliche.  Learn how to foreshadow properly, people.

Apparently after spending a few days in the jungle, the light and vast spaces of the village no longer bother Eden.  I'm not sure someone can adjust to new surroundings that fast, but that's just me.  And apparently the modern bedroom around her is "as garish as makeup on a little girl's face," which Eden decides either means she's going native or that knowing the truth about Rebecca makes the room repellent now.  I dunno... *shrug*

Eden studied the lush painting, which evoked her time with Bramford in the jungle with a bittersweet feeling.  Had Rebecca painted it as a ploy to convince him of her sincerity?  Despite their strong physical resemblance, Eden now understood that she and Rebecca were as different as night and day.  She doubted if her so-called twin ever had wanted to be a she-cat.

But I do. -- p. 234

I dunno, you were perfectly willing to betray Bramford and get him killed earlier, girl.  We don't know a whole lot about Rebecca thus far, but I'd guess you two aren't as different as you want to believe.

Eden decides she has to meet Bramford and Rebecca's son... and that's when we get THIS whammy:

Then, as her eyes fell on the torn window mesh, she thought of the curious spider monkey that had paid her a nocturnal visit or two.

Could it have been a small boy?  Logan, perhaps? -- p. 234-235

I... what?

What?

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???!!

Foyt, are you really THIS clueless?  Do you have any idea how insulting it is to compare black people to monkeys?  If you had done ANY actual research on racism and the troubled history of race relations, you'd have realized that people have been calling blacks monkeys or apes as nasty insults and slurs for decades.  This is just... why?  Why would you do this?  Do you honestly not realize that comparing a black child to a monkey is indulging in the racist imagery you claim to be so against?  Or do you just think "it's fiction, nobody's going to care?"

Argh... and for the record, despite monkeys and humans both being primates, spider monkeys are nowhere near big enough or humanoid enough to be easily mistaken for human children.  Not unless Rebecca gave birth to a tiny, skinny, hairy mutant.

Totally looks like a human kid, right?

Eden remembers that the monkey/kid/mutant dropped something when they ran out of the room, and goes digging under the bed for it.  It turns out to be a paintbrush, which Eden immediately decides must be a memento of Logan's mother.  It's not like someone couldn't have taught the boy to paint, right?

How heartless to lock away an innocent child.  Had Bramford tried to bully the poor boy when he boxed in the rain?  Once more, she puzzled over the fact that the hut opened to the forest.  That arrogant bastard probably didn't want anyone to see his son's mixed race. -- p. 235

Nice to see that despite having the hots for Bramford, she's still so quick to jump to the worst possible conclusion where he's concerned.  I thought there was supposed to be a romance here, not this "I hate you but you're hot" crap.  We're three-quarters of the way through this thing (yay!), the lust-hate relationship is getting very old...

Eden angled the brush in the window so that it was stuck out like a flag, hoping to entice Logan.  Come play, little boy. -- p. 235

...that's not creepy at all... *sarcasm*

"Come play with us, Logan..."

There's a gasp behind Eden -- it's Maria, staring at the brush.  Eden notices a wary look in her eyes, and has "the weird feeling the Huaorani woman knew what might happen if the boy returned for his toy."  Because Native Americans are magic and psychic, doncha know...

Eden asks if the paintbrush belongs to Logan, but Maria refuses to answer.  She just bends over to cut more bandages, and "her bare breasts and stomach pleated against her torso."  Pleated?

If you take a drink every time I have to use this meme,

you just might pass out...

Eden watches Maria a moment, then asks how she knew they would arrive at camp.  Maria says she talked to Eden, but Eden denies it.  Maria replies she heard Eden's voice on the wind.  Okay, so when did this book decide to veer straight into fantasy?  

Eden tells Maria she reminds her of her mother, and the two start to laugh.  Eden wonders if they're even laughing at the same thing, then realizes that Maria understands far more than she lets on.  Okay, I appreciate that Foyt's trying not to fall into the "dumb savages" trap with the Native Americans here, but making them omnipotent and magic and all-knowing isn't the right tack to take either.  It's overcompensating.

As Maria starts bandaging Eden's ribs, Eden decides she's tired of her long hair and asks Maria to cut it.  Maria gets her bamboo cutter, and Maria's daughters charge into the room.  They see their mother holding a sharp object at Eden and immediately freak out.  Well, that's only natural -- I think any kid would panic upon going in the house and finding their mom holding someone at knifepoint...

Maria starts cutting her hair, and Eden has flashbacks of her mom's hair falling out in clumps and starts to panic.  She has to remind herself to breathe, and even Maria tries to calm her down.  I get that this is an emotional moment for Eden, and with most other characters I might feel a little sympathy... but Eden's been such a little twat over the course of this book that I can't muster up the energy to feel bad on her behalf.  Sad, but true.

Outside, the ever-changing melodies of the forest reminded Eden that, for the Huaroani, only the present existed.  And right now, nothing threatened but her old fears.

If she could stay in this moment and then the next, and the next after that, would she become fearless and free?  Perhaps just like in her dream. She had to try.  Yes, she admitted, she hoped to be somebody's she-cat.  But mostly, she wanted to shed her fear-logged skin. -- p. 237-238

The haircut takes two pages, Eden compares her pile of golden hair to a bowl of honey, we get an Emily Dickinson poem about "the pedigree of honey" (I am SO sorry you had to be featured in this mess of a book, Emily), and Maria finishes up with a flower in Eden's hair.  Oh, and Maria calls her pretty.  That's probably supposed to be a big moment, since Eden's spent the entire book wishing she was pretty, but... meh.

Eden also looks in the mirror and decides she could pass as a tribeswoman.  Um... I don't think the Huaroani are blonde, girl...

Then Eden asks Carmen, who's holding the bamboo knife now (the book continues to just call it a "cutter," I don't know why), to cut off her skirt.  As the girls step forward, Eden sees one of them is holding her red backpack with the Life-Band in it.  Oh hey, Foyt remembered that plot point!

Eden ends up trading her blonde hair cuttings for the backpack, then the girls cut off her skirt and run out, followed by Maria.  Eden has what she's wanted for the past few days, but remembers if she leaves the jungle, she might never see Bramford again.  Come on, girl, decide whether you like the guy or hate his guts already.  This flip-flop game is getting really old

Eden gazed out the window at the vibrant forest, imagining him on the hunt.  Hungry and dangerous, he would slip through the shadows, his body rippling with energy.  Even in deep darkness, he could see and smell his prey.  When ready, he would pounce with a bloodthirsty roar.  The law of the jungle required that he violently take what he wanted.

She fanned away the heat, wondering if he ever would take her. -- p. 240

Yes, I'm going to use this image every time Eden starts

lusting after the jaguar-man, why do you ask?

Foyt... you might want to pick and choose what gets Eden hot and bothered a little more carefully.  You're giving readers the impression that gore and murder gets her turned on.  That's not romantic, that's a Criminal Minds episode.

We get the Latin name for a hummingbird, then Eden closes off the chapter on this note.

When Bramford returned -- he simply had to -- he would find a very different girl.  Maybe even a wild she-cat.

But what about the Life-Band, Eden? -- p. 240

I don't really think you've changed all THAT much, Eden... but what do I know, I'm just sporking this hot mess.

Will the return of the Life-Band affect the plot at all?  Will Bramford ever return to resume his on-again-off-again romance with a racist little airhead?  Will Eden ever meet Logan?  Can this book offend its readers anymore?  Find out next time, on Tales From the Shelves!