So Eden's surrounded by FFP soldiers, which seem to be this world's equivalent of the KKK only against white people, and given that it's been stated in the past that these people want to wipe out Pearls you'd think she'd be afraid for her life, or at least trying to make an escape. But nope, that would be too logical and smart for our protagonist -- I recoil at the thought of calling her "heroine" at this point. Literally, the first two paragraphs of this chapter go like this:
Eden stood in Jamal's office among the FFP soldiers, wondering how her dreams had died so suddenly. Because they had never been real, she realized. She had only imagined a better future. In six months, when she turned eighteen, still unmated, she'd be cut off and left outside to die.
She stared with new eyes at Jamal, her ex-boyfriend, struck by how ugly he was. His arrogant posturing and the strident tone with which he addressed his team of conspirators sickened her. He was no better than Bramford -- even worse. Why hadn't she seen it before? She faced the sad truth with a heavy sigh. Her desperate need for Jamal's help had blinded her to his real nature. -- p. 62
For being terrified of the FFP before, she's sure blase about them now. I'd think she'd be terrified for her life and not crushed that she just got dumped... sure, I'll allow for feelings of betrayal right now, but one would think in a crisis like this she'd be more apt to be afraid for her life than commiserating about how her boyfriend was stringing her along. Just my thought...
Eden decides "there was a sort of freedom in being doomed" and that she might as well make things difficult for Jamal. Her decision is to dash to the nearest computer and shut down the "firewall" that's keeping flames from getting to the lab. I'd wondered what precisely "firewall" meant here... but are fires really so prevalent in this world that something like this is needed on a regular basis? Or is the mountain just always on fire (which makes no sense as fires need fuel and can't burn indefinitely -- even the Centralia coal-mine fires in Pennsylvania will burn out eventually once they run out of coal...)?
Eden tries to get out in the confusion and gets nabbed by Giant, who smiles lasciviously at her. Because we can't let anyone forget that precious Pearls are always in danger of getting raped in this world.
Even Gaston's had enough of this crap
"You know, you're a pain in the ass, Eden," Jamal said. "Most Pearls would give anything to be on my team. (Given that your organization's dedicated to wiping out Pearls, I doubt it...) What's wrong with you?"
..."Guess I'm old-fashioned," she said. "I still think honesty is a virtue." -- p. 63
Funny coming from the girl who tries to pass as black every day. And we haven't seen many of her "virtuous" qualities yet, unless the author thinks that her being a precious white Pearl is enough of a virtue to speak for itself. Gag...
My sentiments exactly, AJ...
Jamal offers her one more chance for old time's sake, but Eden retorts that he's just going to do what he wants anyway. Jamal tells his men to capture Eden's father and Bramford alive and kill anyone else who gets in their way, including Eden. Oh please, do it, Jamal, you'd be doing the world and the readers a favor!
(Un)fortunately, we get a convenient explosion right there as the fire outside gets too close and the roof of the labs blows off. Windows break (but conveniently no one gets cut) and toxic smoke blows in, then the lights go out. Eden makes a break for it and finds the labs in chaos and for some reason "the loud screams and frantic movements reminded her of the Moon Dance." Yikes... I'm not a dancing or partying person myself, but from what I know of them, if a building on fire reminds you of a major dance or party, you're doing it way wrong.
Flame retardant shoots out of the walls and peels off part of her coating, and to her credit Eden doesn't stop to freak out about it. So our protagonist has SOME brains after all.
She felt like a loose electron bouncing from atom to atom as she crawled through the melee. - p. 64
Is it me, or does this analogy feel weird? It might be something a science nerd brings up in a comic-relief moment, but I'm sure the average person in a crisis isn't going to be thinking of atoms when they're in the middle of a chaotic situation. They're going to think of something they can visualize, and atoms and electrons are just too tiny to quickly visualize. Maybe this is to show how "smart" Eden is, but it comes across as forced and awkward.
She spots her father in the chaos and heads toward him, when we suddenly get some forced drama regarding the experiment.
A painful cry filled the air. Her father jerked toward the test bed. It seemed Bramford was in trouble. Blessed Earth, the extreme heat must have contaminated the experiment. Her fault, all of it. - p. 64
Well, at least she acknowledges that this mess is HER fault, though whether she accepts responsibility for letting Jamal in on the secret or not, or just the fire, we have yet to see. And I wager she's not going to see real consequences for royally screwing up her father's experiment...
Eden hears the soldiers coming and has a flashback (the text reads as "she flashed on the day the lab had opened," when I think Foyt meant "she flashed back to the day the lab had opened" and it REALLY would have been simpler to just say "she recalled the day the lab had opened). Apparently her father entrusted her with the code to activate the lab's self-destruct mechanisms. Yes, because she's been SO trustworthy now... you're lucky she didn't hand THAT over to Jamal too.
Eden gives the code -- "go bluebell," because her mother's eyes were the color of bluebells -- and mourns that every backup of her father's work will be destroyed. This is why you don't keep all your backups in the same place...
Eden heads for the operating theater, only for Jamal to block her way. His soldiers surround the "operating theater" (don't hospitals have operating theaters, not labs), and Bramford's still screaming. I get that Foyt's trying to get across that this is a tense moment, but I'm feeling nothing. Maybe it would help if we knew precisely what was going wrong with the experiment, or actually saw what Bramford was going through instead of just him screaming. For all we know he could be dying or he could just be undergoing a chest-hair wax -- people scream for all kinds of reasons, not all of them life-threatening.
Eden calculated their survival odds: one crazy, old scientist and his gullible daughter against, count 'em -- seven armed soldiers, including Jamal. Bramford was useless. Their only hope was Shen who, to her amazement, remained by his employer's side. (Oh hey, we remembered he was here too. Ten bucks he's not going to be mentioned for the rest of the chapter...)
As her father might have said, the current trajectory would no doubt result in a re-organization in favor of the more dominant genes. (Who talks like this? Even scientists don't talk like this in everyday conversation. Stop assuming all scientists talk in Hollywood Nerd language.) In other words, Jamal, and therefore the FFP, would win and kill all the Pearls, starting with her. - p. 66
Jamal tells Eden's father that if he turns himself over to the FFP, he'll be treated with the respect he deserves. Why are the FFP bad guys again? Oh, right, because Eden Says So. *eyeroll*
I've noticed this from earlier chapters, but it's rearing its head more and more as the fic goes -- Revealing Eden suffers from a condition known as Protagonist-Centered Morality. In a work of fiction it's only natural that much of the narrative will showcase the main character's beliefs, morals, and opinions, and that the narrative will center on these regardless of whether they're right or wrong. But when Protagonist-Centered Morality sets in, what the protagonist regards as right and wrong shapes the entire story and its universe. What Eden wants is inevitably shown as precious and right, and what she regards as wrong is invariably shown as evil and disgusting. And it gets freaking irritating.
Eden shouts for help, which finally gets her father's attention. He tells the FFP to bugger off so he can finish his experiment. Dude's got guts... why isn't he the main character?
Jamal orders his men to advance, and Eden's father holds up a syringe and threatens to kill himself and Bramford. Jamal responds by threatening Eden (nope, not gonna miss her), and that makes her father hesitate.
"Do you understand, Doctor?"
"What? Yes, the paradigm has been clearly presented." - p. 67
*facehoof*
PEOPLE. DON'T. TALK. LIKE. THIS. Seriously. You're not writing a kid's chapter book with a stereotypical nerd kid who talks like a college professor -- you're writing what's supposed to be an intelligent YA social commentary. Have your people talk like actual PEOPLE and not robots. Do you get out of the house at all, Foyt? Because your conversations read like you don't know how people actually speak to each other. Dialogue should read smoothly, but yours clunks along worse than a drunken giant robot.
Sorry, I need a laugh about this point
Eden's father blows off Jamal's threat and turns back to his experiment. Of course, Eden has to make it all about her despite the obvious danger to everyone at this point.
It was embarrassing, really. No one wanted her -- not her boyfriend, not even her own father. Guess the FFP hadn't counted on her worthlessness. -- p. 67
I. Am going. To slap you. You little self-centered TWAT. Can you think about NOTHING else besides yourself? At the very least worry about your father's safety or something!
The PA system announces two minutes until self-destruct, and Jamal orders his men to take out Eden's father. But before anything can happen, we get "an earth-shaking roar." What, now this book has dinosaurs? Nothing would surprise me at this point.
Yes, I was looking for an excuse to throw a
"One Piece" screencap in this sporking...
The roaring's apparently coming from Bramford, and he rips free of his restraints and jumps off the bed. And we get a good look at the "biggest leap in evolution since man discovered fire."
Bramford didn't resemble the controlled model of the new man she expected. Instead, she stared up at a terrifying creature, part man and part beast.
Mostly, he reminded Eden of his new cousin, the jaguar. In the slash of cheekbones and feline face the resemblance was unmistakable. His eyes, now a luminous deep green, gleamed cat-like in the glow of the fire. No longer bald, he had dark silky hair tumbling down his shoulders. Powerful, carved legs ripped through the white surgical pants. (Please, please, please don't give us a description of his genitalia, please, Foyt, I beg of you...)
His skin had turned so dark it blended with his camouflage spots, giving the impression of muted scars or tattoos all over his body. The deep, dark coloring, thanks to the melanistic jaguar's pitch-black coat, enhanced his powerful presence, just as Bramford must have intended.
He shook with rage. The shirt split across his chest (HULK SMASH!), revealing tight bands of muscles under a light mat of fur. Slowly, he turned over his hands, examining the thick padded palms. His gaze traveled down his adapted body, and Eden wondered if the unexpected beastly form shocked him. Or had Bramford even retained enough human awareness to experience such an emotion? - p. 68-69
I tried to find a picture of a black panther anthro/furry to
put here and was scarred for life by what I found. Have
a cute jaguar cub instead. You're welcome.
I'm still failing to see how turning the world's population into furries solves the "heat" problem. One would think that raising the Earth's temperatures enough to kill off humans would also be fatal to other animals, whether or not they were dark-colored or furred. But I logic hasn't been Foyt's strong point throughout this whole novel, so why should she start worrying about it now, I guess...
And am I the only one who caught the implication that Bramford, being a Coal, is more prone to succumbing to his new form's "animal" mindset than a Pearl? Or is it just me? At any rate, Foyt's not helping her "this book is against racism" case any...
His angry roar seemed to answer her unspoken question with a resounding yes. She felt faint from the ferocious power he exuded. Unreasonable feelings bubbled up within her. Maybe it was crazy, but she wanted to roar back at him.
Feral eyes landed on her, devouring every inch. She found herself smiling at him. But his eyes stayed cold, his expression as flint-hard as ever.
In that moment, Eden understood that despite his dramatic physical transformation, deep down Ronson Bramford hadn't changed one bit. He was still the same arrogant bastard. -- p. 69
*face-servo*
Ya know, I'd gripe about "show don't tell" regarding Bramford being an arrogant bastard, but I'd just be beating a dead horse here. And I'd gripe about how sick I am of Foyt's ham-handed attempt at romance here (I know, the "I hate you I love you" routine is a staple of romantic comedies, but it bugs the heck out of me), but again, dead horse. So I'll just point out that I was right, Shen didn't even get a mention for the rest of this chapter. I've seen Star Trek red shirts that have more impact on the plot than this guy... though if the author forgets about him, maybe he'll get the mercy of not having to appear in this book anymore...
And yes, the chapter ends there. Nine down, thirty-four to go. I can do this, I can do this...
