We move on to Chapter Five, titled "Wounds," and we move back into the war room... where Zanzie has just taken advantage of the chaos in the wake of Vortex's disappearance to slip away. Dang, does this book have the pace of a glacier or is it just me?
Look at that speedster go...
Zanzeroth had known the king since he was a mere fledgling. Zanzeroth could remember the sharp, eager young dragon who'd accompanied him on hunts, long ago. Albekizan had been a most cunning stalker of prey in his prime. It pained Zanzeroth to see how age had changed the king into a creature that now confused shouting for action.
Is this meant to hammer home that Alakazam is incompetent or something? Not all "evil rulers" are incompetent... and to be fair to Alby, there's a huge difference between hunting and ruling a kingdom. You can't compare the two. Or you can, but not very well...
Zanzie starts tracking Vortex's blood trail, though he ponders that he doesn't need to track him because "the wizard's next move may as well have been marked on a map." Then why are you tracking him anyhow?
But it turns out Zanzie's after bigger prey -- Bitterwood. He figures that everyone else, from the king to Gadreel to the dogs, just held him back, and he'll have better luck hunting him on his own. And then page break, new scene...
We switch to yet another POV character -- Metron, the High Biologian. Have you lost track of all these POV characters yet? Do you care about any of them yet? And the book isn't even done giving us new POV characters to juggle...
Metron watched from the balcony as the aerial guard flew in ever-widening circles in search of Vendevorex. It would be for naught. Ever since Vendevorex appeared in the court all those years ago, dazzling Albekizan with his mystic powers, Metron had known this day would come. Vendevorex had never shown anything but grudging deference to Albekizan. Metron had known all along that Vendexvorex, despite his apparent power, was nothing but a fraud. After all, who better to spot a fellow fraud than he?
Okay, this actually looks to be an interesting angle... but only time will tell if it's going to pan out or if it's just another red herring. We've already got a ton of angles to follow in this story, why are we throwing in another?
Alakazam asks if they've found Vortex yet, and Metron confesses that he's escaped. Azkaban gives him a death glare and tells him Vortex is no threat and will just keep running -- so why did you launch a chase in the first place? Why are all these dragons idiots?
Not sorry for using My Little Pony screencaps...
Afghan states that it's lucky he kept Blasphet alive all these years. Metron disagrees, saying releasing him is dangerous and reminding the king that he was imprisoned for not just killing humans but poisoning dragons, including the queen's brother. The king counters that the queen's blinded enough by grief over her son that she won't care. Somehow I doubt that... and using a known murderer to hunt down your son's killer seems like a case of trying to put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it.
Our villains at the moment
Kanst pipes up that "he's here," and Uzbekistan and Metron go back into the war room to stare at the Murder God.
In the center of the world map stood a withered sun-dragon, the scales of his wings so long hidden from light they had lost all color, becoming transparent, revealing the black hide underneath. (Yeesh, what a run-on sentence, this needed editing...) Blasphet's eyes, red as sunset, burned as he looked upon the king. He shook his manacled limbs, causing the heavy iron chains to clatter. The earth-dragons who guarded him flinched at the noise.
Their skittishness was justified. Blasphet had killed thousands of dragons; the true numbers were uncertain as his preferred weapon was poison. Many of his victims died in their sleep or with the symptoms of a wasting fever. The number was further complicated by the fact that, in his prime, Blasphet had founded a cult in which a loyal band of humans worshiped him as a god and carried out assassinations in his name. It had taken years to track down and kill the cult members after Blasphet had been imprisoned.
Yeah, THIS guy seems trustworthy. *sarcasm* Seriously, how much more Obviously Evil can you get here? Does the guy need to start cackling like a mad-dragon and scarfing down kittens for people to realize he's not to be trusted? (Wait, the queen eats kittens all the time, never mind...) Who in their right mind looks at this Blasphet fellow -- whose name is even suspect, given how close it is to "blasphemy" -- and thinks "here's the perfect guy to team up with to save my kingdom!"
I'm aware that villains in fiction don't always make the smartest choices, especially those that seem to do evil things for the sake of being all-out evil... but this is just stupid enough to push my suspension of disbelief out the window.
And of course, because Evil Sounds Raspy, Blasphet sounds like he hasn't spoken in years when he pipes up and tells the king that if he thinks he was responsible for Bodriel's death, he's got the wrong dragon. Yeah, sure, keep trusting the freakin' Cobra-Commander-voiced Murder God, people...
"Blasphet, if I thought you had harmed my son, only your head would be brought before me now. Your body would be digesting in the bowels of my ox-dogs."
Rather awkwardly phrased but graphic threat there...
Blasphet gets cheeky and asks if Queen Tanthia's still upset that the king didn't kill him after he killed her brother. Afghanistan, to his credit, doesn't rise to the bait but notes that no rat has been seen in the dungeons since Blasphet was imprisoned there, and figures it must mean he's found a way to keep making poisons even in prison. Why was this guy kept alive again?
"There is a mold that grows on the stones of my cell that possesses the most intriguing properties. I use whatever test subjects are near in my experiments."
"You find no difference between the life of a rat and the life of a dragon?"
"Mere anatomy. Life is life, no matter how it's packaged. Every living thing burns with the same flame. It all may be extinguished with equal satisfaction."
Theme song for the serial-killer show seemed
appropriate...
At this point I think I'd be throwing this guy back into the dungeons, or even ordering him executed. But because none of our dragons have a brain in their heads and are more concerned with being as EVIL as possible than actually having an intelligent thought, Alapalooza instead gets right in Blasphet's face and offers him his freedom in exchange for a favor:
"Look at what you've done with your poisons. You've ended the lives of a few random dragons, some humans, a rat or two. Does it satisfy you? Or do you long for a greater task? Imagine not the death of an individual. Imagine the death of an entire species. Are even you capable of such a thing? Could even you slay every last human in my kingdom?"
Blasphet raised a manacled talon to scratch his chin. His lips drew back to reveal his yellow-gray teeth. "All humans? There are millions. The resources required would be enormous."
"Everything I have would be at your disposal," Albekizan said, his voice quieter, almost a seductive whisper. "My treasure, my armies are yours to command. In the matter of the elimination of the humans, you would possess all the powers of a king."
Yeah, there's no way THIS deal can ever backfire on Alakaza-bla-bla-bla, can it? Just give the psychotic mass-murderer and death-cult founder unlimited power and resources and trust everything's going to work out just fine, right? RIGHT?
I take it back -- any fragments of sympathy I might have felt for the king here are now gone. At this point the idiot deserves whatever he gets.
Blasphet points out that humans are tenacious and that this war he's proposing could last centuries. What does it say about this book that the lunatic serial killer is making more sense than the authority figure? Alakazam says the key will be subtlety -- leading the humans into a trap and wiping them out all at once. Blasphet asks if the offer is trustworthy and states that he doesn't trust the king to keep his end of the bargain -- pot calling the kettle black, anyone?
"I don't trust you, but I do understand you [said the king]. If you desired, you could kill me right now. You've no doubt hidden several poisons on your body. Something you could spit, perhaps? Or some paste beneath a claw that could kill with the merest scratch?"
"Of course," said Blasphet. "It may be that I've poisoned you already and it's only a matter of time before you begin to bleed from every bodily orifice. That would be most satisfying. You, weeping tears of blood."
WHY ARE WE TRUSTING THIS GUY AGAIN? Gaaaaaaaaaaah...
Finally Blasphet accepts the deal, and we finally get this revelation:
"I knew you would," Albekizan said, stepping back. "When we were growing up there was no dare you would not accept. Your will was thought to be even greater than my own. That's why it surprised everyone when I bested you in the hunt."
"Indeed, brother," Blasphet replied. "Indeed."
Okay... I wasn't expecting that angle during my first read-through of the book. Perhaps some bit of family loyalty is what's at work here? I know sometimes one's feelings toward their family can overcome common sense, and emotions aren't always logical. Still, this seems a huge stretch. I doubt even the fact that the Murder God is King Idiot's brother would make him overlook the fact that he's just hired a mass murderer to solve his little "people problem."
Anyhow... page break, and we shift focus back to Zanzie, who's out in the wilderness looking for the cave he used to live in before becoming the King's chief hunter. We get an info-dump about his past -- he was captured by Avada-Kedavra's father for poaching for food in the king's forest and turned into the king's hunter instead of executed for his crimes -- and he monologues about how he still feels more at home in the forest and out on hunts than in the palace.
While he'd adapted to the nobles' fashion of hunting and fighting with weapons, he still, while hunting alone, enjoyed the sensation of digging his bare claws into squealing, wriggling prey. And if there were any better pleasure in this world than laying on a warm rock with a full belly and licking drying blood from his talons, he had yet to experience it.
Ewwww... also, why are dragons hunting with weapons in the first place? They already have powerful jaws and teeth and claws (no sign of fire-breath yet), why do they need weapons?
Zanzie hangs out a bit in the cave where he lived before moving to the palace, which is full of trophies from previous hunts, including human skulls. There's also a whip that he's apparently a master of -- though despite what Indiana Jones has taught us a whip's actually a rather impractical weapon... and again, why do dragons need weapons in the first place?
Also in this cave are some swords he's taken from humans he's killed -- and these blades are over a thousand years old but have never rusted, being made of a mysterious metal that's apparently called "stainless steel." More foreshadowing...
Also, apparently one of these blades has wounded Zanzie in the past badly enough to give him "the enthralling opportunity to gaze upon his own intestines." Dude, Maxey, not every wound has to be described in such graphic detail, and what's up with your obsession with bowels and intestines?
Zanzie takes the swords and the whip and flies off to find Cron, the human who escaped the ritual hunt earlier, figuring he must be an accomplice to Bitterwood... and end scene. What was the point of all that?
We cut now to Jandra and Vortex, who've reached a human town. Vortex tells Jandra to wait in the trees on the outskirts of town and goes off to steal a boat for further transport. Jandra protests that stealing a boat will just hurt its owners, that they'll need it for their business... but Vortex replies that "these people are all dead," seeing as the king's delivered his edict to kill all humans and this town'll probably be the first one to go. I thought you were in the business of trying to save humans, Vortex, why are you dismissing the first ones you see right off the bat?
Jandra insists that they have to stop Alligator's plan, but Vortex replies that they'd just be going back to their deaths, and killing the king would just result in anarchy.
"B-but, you're his advisor. You can reason with the king, can't you?"
"Albekizan's notion of reason was to lock you in a cell to blackmail me into assisting him. I defied him, Jandra, for your sake. I won't throw away our lives by returning to the castle."
"Then, what? We sit idly by while all of humanity is slaughtered?"
Vendevorex shook his head slowly. "I... I need time to think. Let me secure a boat. There may be allies we can contact. Albekizan's decision to wipe out the human race will meet with opposition from other sun-dragons, I'm sure of this."
"We should at least warn the people of Richmond," Jandra said. "Give them time to flee."
"We'll do nothing of the sort," said Vendevorex.
Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. Seeing as Bitterwood is more an antihero than an actual hero I was kind of hoping Vortex would be our novel's hero... but here he refuses to even help the very humans he claims to be out to save. Who the frag are we supposed to root for in this book anyhow?
Jandra, showing that she's probably the most decent character in the book (if not exactly the smartest), runs out of hiding and screams for everyone to run for their lives because Alpaca wants to kill them. Naturally, everyone laughs and thinks she's crazy... until Albekizan himself dives out of the sky and roars out a threat, sending everyone running in panic. Jandra panics too, until she realizes there's no smell coming from him -- apparently sun-dragons soak themselves in perfume.
Of course it's an illusion on Vortex's part -- at least he did SOMETHING decent, even if his apprentice had to goad him into it.
"I can't believe you'd frighten me like this," she said.
"More important, I frightened the townsfolk." The image of Albekizan fell away in a shower of sparks revealing her master at the center. "You've got your wish. They are warned."
"Yes," she said. "Yes, I suppose they are. Let's steal a boat and get out of here."
"An excellent suggestion," said Vendevorex. "I wish I'd thought of it myself."
At least these two will be good for comic relief, I guess... and end chapter.
So our king has made an idiotic deal with a serial killer who's declared himself a Murder God, Zanzie is off on his own side-quest, and Vortex is a hypocrite. I'm starting to regret coming back to this book after such a long pause...
