This should honestly be the exciting part of the book -- we've finally gotten something resembling an action scene, and the moment we've been waiting for and/or silently dreading has come to pass -- a major character turning into a furry. Though if this is an action scene, why am I feeling so blah about it? As I've said several times before, for being such a scandalous and controversial book, it's a rather boring read.
So we left off last chapter with the lab on fire, Jamal holding Eden and her father at gunpoint, and Bramford making his debut as a black jaguar furry. This chapter opens with a countdown announcing a minute and a half until self-destruct, but no one seems terribly eager to get the heck out of Dodge.
Dr. Newman wants a closer look at his creation -- understandable, what mad scientist wouldn't want a closer look at his attempts to play God -- which leads directly into another facepalming scene.
Eden tensed as her father approached Bramford, who towered over him. Like a child experiencing his first World-Band fantasy, her father's eyes were wide with wonder for his creation. If Bramford so much as flicked a finger, he might destroy the man who held the keys to his destiny. But would the beast understand that? - p. 70
I've said it time and again, but look, Foyt, your "racism is terrible" message loses all meaning when you consistently compare black people to beasts, and in this case literally make one into a beast. I can understand someone wondering if a person who's just turned into a furry hybrid still retains some of their humanity, but when you've spent so long comparing black people to beasts, it rubs the reader the wrong way.
Jamal orders his men to shoot to stun, which reminds me of Star Wars: A New Hope. (Take a drink for reminding me of something I'd rather be watching instead of reading this...) Eden shouts for Bramford to run.
He seemed not to hear her, and she wondered if he still knew his name or even retained the power of speech. - p. 70
Stop it already. You made your point.
In any case, he stood firm, facing the semi-circle of soldiers. She hated to think of how the FFP would cage and dissect him like a common lab rat, Rattus norvegicus. (Random Latin name, take a drink!) They would destroy him, just like every other wild thing on the ravaged planet. - p. 70
Wait... are you blaming the FFP and/or black people for destroying the planet? That might be a bit of a stretch, I admit, but that's sure what this comes across as. Eden's coming across as more and more racist all the time, which doesn't reflect well on the author at all.
Bramford makes his stand against the soldiers, and Eden figures that "like any alpha male, he needed to establish his dominance over them." I wonder if Foyt would keep hammering us with all these "he's a beast now!" references if this were a Pearl or Amber or Tiger's Eye who just became a furry, because right now it's just making this book uncomfortable to read.
The PA system announces one minute to self-destruct, and I'm wondering why the heck people aren't running for the exits. Wait, I hope they stay put. The sooner we get a Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies moment, the sooner this blasted book can end!
Fire mushroomed through the shattered roof, sucking out the air with a powerful whoosh. Chunks of the building rained down. - p. 71
Hallelujah! Everyone's dead, I can shut this book and move on!
Eden screamed as one of the soldiers fired his laser at Bramford, who dodged the flare with lightning speed. - p. 71
Awwwwww... dangit. I forget we're dealing with superhumans who can apparently survive without oxygen and dodge lasers -- contrary to what Star Wars and other sci-fi books and movies have taught us, you CAN'T dodge lasers unless you can move at the speed of light. Or everyone in the room is just wearing heavy-duty Plot Armor at the moment.
Anyhow, Shen dives in to help but Bramford slaps him into a wall. Shen had it so much better when the author forgot he existed... Bramford looks shocked, as apparently he didn't mean to whack his bodyguard across the room. Not sure how jaguar DNA suddenly gives you super-strength, but whatever. At this point I'm just going to assume Foyt thinks genetic programming works like exposure to gamma rays does in Marvel comics -- it's the catch-all for giving your characters super powers.
Bramford proceeds to deliver a smackdown to the FFP soldiers, dodging laser blasts (see above note on this) and "mashing" one of them "into a ball" as if he were suddenly the Hulk. Are we sure Eden's father was really trying to help humans survive the Heat, or was he making super soldiers?
Jamal announces he's going to "neutralize" Bramford, which apparently no one hears except Eden so she can have her heroic moment. She sees that if Bramford goes after Jamal, he leaves himself open for Giant and Squeaky *sigh* to attack.
She recalled that Aunt Emily said she felt as if the top of her head came off whenever she recognized poetry. Now, Eden felt a similar lift and knew what to do. - p. 72
Oh hey, the "Aunt Emily" thing comes up again. Though I don't see how Emily's ability to "recognize poetry," whatever that means (isn't poetry, even free verse, generally easy to identify?), helps in a battle situation. I can see that Foyt's trying to say that Eden suddenly realizes what she needs to do, but again, that has nothing to do with poetry. It's an awkward simile, and really doesn't fit in here other than to let Foyt show off who her favorite poet is.
Eden throws a chair at a burning timber hanging down from the roof, knocking it into Jamal and setting him on fire. Gruesome way to go, but at least he has the mercy of not having to appear in this book anymore. Farewell, Sir No-Longer-Appearing-In-This-Book. May your ghost have mercy on my soul.
No, I am not above throwing in the
obligatory Monty Python reference...
Eden doesn't get any time to bask in her triumph -- she hears a scream and sees her father go down with a wound in his leg, though we never find out if it comes from a laser, the fire, or some other source. Giant and Squeaky *ugh* go to Jamal's side despite him being clearly ON FIRE, and Bramford gives Eden a significant look ("did she imagine it or did something in his eyes soften?") before turning to Shen.
A look that puzzled Eden passed between them. Bramford pointed toward the exit, clearly ordering Shen to leave. Now she was sure the creature must have lost his human voice, although some reasoning appeared to be intact. (Don't you just love how Eden immediately de-humanizes Bramford after his furry transformation, despite this supposedly being "the next step in human evolution?") Shen shook his head, refusing even now to abandon his boss. Bramford answered with a final roar, its cold authority strikingly similar to his old ways. Finally, Shen turned away.
What was it, between those two, anyway? - p. 73
Um...
Um... yeah. If this book had anything resembling an honest fanbase, I'm sure this scene would have sparked a slew of Bramford/Shem slash fic. I doubt Foyt intended to make this scene as awkward and Ho Yay as it came out, but there you go.
Bramford makes a leap for Eden's father, and Eden immediately thinks the smell of blood is going to make Bramford attack him because "any predator would." *SIGH* Instead Bramford picks him up and goes to Eden, resulting in yet another obligatory "romantic" scene.
She stared up into his savage face, her mind a blank. To her amazement, Bramford spoke in a raspy growl, as terrifying as a tsunami, as thrilling as a rare bird in flight.
"Come, Eden," he said, holding out a sharp-clawed, leathery hand.
He knew her, she realized with delight. Perhaps it was silly, but she felt special, as if a celebrity had recognized her. And she felt helplessly lost in the magnetic glow of his cat-like eyes. - p. 73
I dunno -- and I don't read enough werewolf-themed romances (read: none) to be turned on by someone who's just turned into a furry -- but if I were Eden in this situation, I would not be getting turned on by a jaguar-man who just beat the crap out of a group of armed soldiers. I would be running away screaming. But then, this book has already proven that neither Eden nor Foyt know what common sense is.
The alarm announced thirty seconds (even though it's felt like freaking hours), Bramford snaps at Eden to come with her, and she immediately whips back around to not liking him just because he was mean to her.
Eden liked him much better when he seemed mute. She certainly didn't want to go anywhere with the scary beast. But there was Father, and her promise to watch over him. - p. 74
Yes, and a fine job you've been doing of that too. *sigh*
She reached for Bramford's hand, shocked once again by the electric feel of his touch. This time, there was no mistaking the reeling effect on her, despite the change in him. Or maybe because of it, he realized. - p. 74
Again, I don't read many romances, but I gotta know -- do they ALL come across as this heavy-handed when it comes to the heroine (or in this case Designated Heroine) feeling attraction toward the love interest? Because this doesn't feel at all natural or right to me. It comes across less as showing that Eden is falling for Bramford and more the author beating us over the head going "See, she loves him, she has the hots for them, it's the new Romeo and Juliet, I swear!" Surely there's GOT to be a better way to show two people are falling in love or are otherwise attracted to one another, right?
Right?
Okay, moving on...
Bramford picks up Eden, sitting her on his shoulder -- this "jaguar DNA gives you super strength" thing is getting old fast -- and bolts as "fiery objects exploded around them." Apparently being half-jaguar doesn't just make you immune to the Heat, it makes you fireproof too, because Bramford runs through a wall of fire without even getting scorched. Eden laughs hysterically, because sure, that's the logical reaction to running headlong into flames, right?
The three of them take off for Bramford's jet, and somehow his pilot recognizes him despite him now being a furry and opens the door for them. Eden suddenly remembers Austin -- oh, NOW she remembers the dog! -- and tries to go back for him, but Bramford yanks her back and orders the pilot to take off, despite Eden protesting and claiming she's "unable to fathom life without her dog."
A heart-stopping boom shook the skies. She watched the lab explode, and let out an anguished scream.
"No! Austin!"
...Eden slid down into the seat, devastated. Everything she had known was gone. If her life were a simple equation, like one plus one, it now yielded a negative number. - p. 75
A look that puzzled Eden passed between them. Bramford pointed toward the exit, clearly ordering Shen to leave. Now she was sure the creature must have lost his human voice, although some reasoning appeared to be intact. (Don't you just love how Eden immediately de-humanizes Bramford after his furry transformation, despite this supposedly being "the next step in human evolution?") Shen shook his head, refusing even now to abandon his boss. Bramford answered with a final roar, its cold authority strikingly similar to his old ways. Finally, Shen turned away.
What was it, between those two, anyway? - p. 73
Um...
Um... yeah. If this book had anything resembling an honest fanbase, I'm sure this scene would have sparked a slew of Bramford/Shem slash fic. I doubt Foyt intended to make this scene as awkward and Ho Yay as it came out, but there you go.
Bramford makes a leap for Eden's father, and Eden immediately thinks the smell of blood is going to make Bramford attack him because "any predator would." *SIGH* Instead Bramford picks him up and goes to Eden, resulting in yet another obligatory "romantic" scene.
She stared up into his savage face, her mind a blank. To her amazement, Bramford spoke in a raspy growl, as terrifying as a tsunami, as thrilling as a rare bird in flight.
"Come, Eden," he said, holding out a sharp-clawed, leathery hand.
He knew her, she realized with delight. Perhaps it was silly, but she felt special, as if a celebrity had recognized her. And she felt helplessly lost in the magnetic glow of his cat-like eyes. - p. 73
I dunno -- and I don't read enough werewolf-themed romances (read: none) to be turned on by someone who's just turned into a furry -- but if I were Eden in this situation, I would not be getting turned on by a jaguar-man who just beat the crap out of a group of armed soldiers. I would be running away screaming. But then, this book has already proven that neither Eden nor Foyt know what common sense is.
The alarm announced thirty seconds (even though it's felt like freaking hours), Bramford snaps at Eden to come with her, and she immediately whips back around to not liking him just because he was mean to her.
Eden liked him much better when he seemed mute. She certainly didn't want to go anywhere with the scary beast. But there was Father, and her promise to watch over him. - p. 74
Yes, and a fine job you've been doing of that too. *sigh*
She reached for Bramford's hand, shocked once again by the electric feel of his touch. This time, there was no mistaking the reeling effect on her, despite the change in him. Or maybe because of it, he realized. - p. 74
Eugh
Again, I don't read many romances, but I gotta know -- do they ALL come across as this heavy-handed when it comes to the heroine (or in this case Designated Heroine) feeling attraction toward the love interest? Because this doesn't feel at all natural or right to me. It comes across less as showing that Eden is falling for Bramford and more the author beating us over the head going "See, she loves him, she has the hots for them, it's the new Romeo and Juliet, I swear!" Surely there's GOT to be a better way to show two people are falling in love or are otherwise attracted to one another, right?
Right?
Okay, moving on...
Bramford picks up Eden, sitting her on his shoulder -- this "jaguar DNA gives you super strength" thing is getting old fast -- and bolts as "fiery objects exploded around them." Apparently being half-jaguar doesn't just make you immune to the Heat, it makes you fireproof too, because Bramford runs through a wall of fire without even getting scorched. Eden laughs hysterically, because sure, that's the logical reaction to running headlong into flames, right?
The three of them take off for Bramford's jet, and somehow his pilot recognizes him despite him now being a furry and opens the door for them. Eden suddenly remembers Austin -- oh, NOW she remembers the dog! -- and tries to go back for him, but Bramford yanks her back and orders the pilot to take off, despite Eden protesting and claiming she's "unable to fathom life without her dog."
A heart-stopping boom shook the skies. She watched the lab explode, and let out an anguished scream.
"No! Austin!"
...Eden slid down into the seat, devastated. Everything she had known was gone. If her life were a simple equation, like one plus one, it now yielded a negative number. - p. 75
I sure hope overusing this GIF doesn't make me
associate this movie with Revealing Eden...
Okay, I really shouldn't be laughing at one of this books' only sympathetic characters kicking the bucket, but seriously, if Austin was so freaking important to Eden, why hasn't she even thought about him in five chapters? And even when he featured in the book, she treated him like a nuisance or just part of the furniture. Okay, so he did get a chance at playing Evil-Detecting Dog at one point (another overused trope, but I can't dig at it too much since dogs DO seem to sense when someone's trustworthy or not), but beyond that, Eden's shown little concern or fondness for him. So don't try to pretend that all of a sudden her life is incomplete without the pooch.
Eden's father refers to Austin by his scientific name, because apparently like father like daughter, and Bramford acts shocked that Eden would risk her life for a dog, because apparently we're still supposed to think Bramford is the least likable character in this book. Eden throws back that he's one to talk, he left poor Shen behind, and Bramford retorts that "I expect he'll be safe." Also, apparently Shen has a mate and a child. Little late to be throwing in any characterization for this guy, especially since I get the feeling we'll never see him again in this book.
To Bramford's credit, he's visibly upset about Shen... and Eden gripes that "he seemed more upset about Shen's future than her own." I'm sure there's at least one soul out there who's read this book and ships Shen and Bramford...
Eden's father refers to Austin by his scientific name, because apparently like father like daughter, and Bramford acts shocked that Eden would risk her life for a dog, because apparently we're still supposed to think Bramford is the least likable character in this book. Eden throws back that he's one to talk, he left poor Shen behind, and Bramford retorts that "I expect he'll be safe." Also, apparently Shen has a mate and a child. Little late to be throwing in any characterization for this guy, especially since I get the feeling we'll never see him again in this book.
To Bramford's credit, he's visibly upset about Shen... and Eden gripes that "he seemed more upset about Shen's future than her own." I'm sure there's at least one soul out there who's read this book and ships Shen and Bramford...
Sorry, couldn't resist
Bramford couldn't fool her; he was simply a more powerful, and yes, even exciting, version of the selfish man Eden loathed. (Because you've been SUCH a good judge of character up to now, girl...)
"Well, I'm grateful you saved us," her father said.
Eden glared at him. Didn't he understand why Bramford had taken them along? He didn't care about them any more than he cared for Shen. If he hoped to restore his human form, he desperately needed her father's help.
But what if her father failed? Then what would the wild beast do to them? - p. 76
Is it possible for my liking for a book character to reach negative digits? I have not met a more aggressively unlikable antagonist since Bella from Twilight... and at least Bella had the one saving grace that she was more whiny and clingy than outright sociopathic.
Now, up to this point I've had a vague idea of what this book's about -- but as of Bramford's turning into a furry, we've officially reached the point where I have no idea what lies ahead. I have no idea what the rest of the book has in store for us. Though judging by what we've seen before, I highly doubt the book is going to get much better. If anything, Foyt will probably find all kinds of new and glorious ways to fail spectacularly.
*skims blog post* Dang, did I include a lot of links to TV Tropes in this post or what...
"At this point I'm just going to assume Foyt thinks genetic programming works like exposure to gamma rays does in Marvel comics -- it's the catch-all for giving your characters super powers."
ReplyDeleteI think I laughed for ten minutes at that, because it's so true. XD It's like what Nostalgia Critic said in one of his Ninja Turtles reviews: "Remember when science goo could just do anything?"
I keep getting more and more confused--does Eden like Bramford or not? Every three seconds, she keeps switching between loving and hating him. :/