Hamlet's Father III -- Hamlet Needs To Call the Ghostbusters

Okay, let's get this over with, this book has to be back at the library December 15...

Hamlet gets back to court to find all the Companions (when's your next album coming out, guys) gone except Horatio, who greets him on his return.  Horatio apparently looks "older than his nineteen years" yet "in some ways [he] was still a boy," which seems an interesting contradiction in terms.  Also Denmark is bracing for war against Fortinbras of Norway, which is at least true to the play and is explained to be the reason why Claudius was given the throne so quickly.

There's some political discussion, as well as some griping about how TERRIBLE Hamlet's father was and how he's one of the major reasons why Norway's declaring war in the first place.  Card, seriously, did you really need a villain for your story so much that you had to pull a Ron the Death Eater on the old king?  (For those who don't want to click the link, "Ron the Death Eater" is TV-Tropes lingo for when a fanfic writer twists an otherwise good or at least decent character into a villain, often to make their Mary Sue or their favorite canon character look better in comparison.)  I understand that a lot of the original play is left open to interpretation, but blaming every single bad thing in the play on one character is a lot to stomach.

And just to rub it in that Hamlet might as well be named Gary Stu, we get this exchange:

"You and I know that you're as skilled at the arts of war as any man, but Fortinbras had no idea."

"A war is not a duel," said Hamlet.  "The barons were right to give the throne to my uncle, at a time like this."

"I'll not quarrel with their choice of a king," said Horatio.  "Not even with their haste in choosing.  But you would have been a fine king, up to the challenge, and you may be yet." -- p. 35

Ugh... Card, honestly, do you not realize that painting Hamlet to be a perfect, saintly character who everyone loves and who everyone wants to be king even though HE doesn't want to be king because Ambition Is Evil is just as bad as vilifying a decent or just plain ambiguous character?  You may not have liked the original interpretation of Hamlet and thought a "dithering hero" was boring, but in my mind a perfect, angelic, universally beloved character is just as boring.  For Primus' sake, give him some flaws!

Oh, and apparently Hamlet is worried that Claudius wants to off him because "the throne changes a man."  Yeesh, at least talk to the guy before you make assumptions.

Hamlet apparently wants to leave Denmark and go to Rome to become a priest because Card wants to REALLY hammer home that his Hamlet is PERFECT and SAINTLY and GOOD!  And of course he shoots down Horatio's suggestion that someday he could be the Pope because "there's no place for ambition in the Church" and "I have no ambition."  We are swiftly reaching parody levels of Sue here, except this is being played completely straight.

If you're going Full Sue, at least do it with tongue in cheek...

Image from "Ensign Sue Must Die" (excellent webcomic, by the way...)

There's a pointless conversation about fighting a duel using books, which I guess is Card trying to inject humor into this story.  I have to admit I chuckled a bit at this bit (though military folks might not find it all that funny):

"So books draw blood?"

"Scholars don't have blood flowing in their veins," said Hamlet.  "When they're wounded, they bleed logic, and when all of it is gone, their brains die, and they become... soldiers." -- p. 37

Finally the conversation drifts around to Laertes... and Ophelia.  Oh hey, Card remembered she exists.

"Ophelia is still unmarried.  Waiting for you, they say."

"Waiting for me to what?"  (Okay, old joke but I snorted...)

"To pay attention to her.  To court her.  Hamlet, don't tell me you didn't know how Polonius always hoped she'd marry you when you came of age."

"That was back when I had a crown in my future," said Hamlet.

"That might change the Father's mind, but the daughter looks with different eyes."

Hamlet shook his head.  "Having a wife is often taken by the Church as a discouragement to ordination."

"Do you really mean to live a life of celibacy?"

"I have all the ordinary lusts of the flesh," said Hamlet.  "but to me, a woman is much like a pudding; when you're hungry, of all things the most beautiful; but when you've had your fill, the dregs are disgusting to look at, and you can't wait for someone to take the dish away." -- p. 37-38

Mmmmkay, so remember in the "Hamlet's Father Part I" post when I said to remember how Hamlet outright commented on how pretty Laertes was?  Well, both that tidbit and Hamlet's complete disinterest in women in general -- and Ophelia in particular -- have been brought up by more than one critic of this book as an indication that Hamlet himself might be homosexual.  And for a book that claims homosexuality comes from molestation, coming from a blatantly homophobic author like Card, to have THIS sort of subtext would be hilarious if it wasn't also kind of sad.  

Horatio insists Hamlet will come around and fall for Ophelia, Hamlet counters with a childish "then why don't YOU marry her?" remark, Horatio insists he's too poor to marry, and there's a discussion about how Laertes was Hamlet's favorite among the Companions (performing live in New York!)... and the angriest?

"Laertes was the angriest," said Horatio.  "I suppose that's all."

"Angriest?" said Hamlet.  "What do you mean?  At me?"

#9... this could be a drinking game...

Horatio blushed.  "I meant nothing.  He was choleric, that's all.  Quick to anger."

But Hamlet knew it was not what Horatio meant.  There was some grievance, and Horatio meant not to speak of it. -- p. 39

Oooh, is Hamlet finally going to address the issue?  Are we going to get some hint as to what's been going on in the Kingdom all these years?

Well, Hamlet wouldn't force the issue.  Those days with his Companions were done with now. -- p. 39

Freaking.  H.  E.  Double-hockey-sticks, Hamlet.  Do you care about NO ONE but yourself, you little sociopath?  You're going to just give up on your friends because you're (allegedly) an adult now?  Good Primus, I want to tie both you and Eden to chairs and take turns slapping a clue into both of you until your IQs go up a few points or I knock you both out cold, whichever comes first.

And no, I'm not counting this selfishness as a character flaw, because I believe it was unintentional on Card's part.  If Card ever reads this and believes otherwise (fat chance of that, I know...), he's free to correct me...

Hamlet and Horatio do a little swordfighting, then wrestling, then they go to dinner with Claudius, who remarks that Hamlet's grief must have eased enough to let him laugh with his friends.  And of course Hamlet leaps on that as proof that Claudius is just waiting for him to slip up and the royal court is just too tricky for him to deal with.  Wah, wah, cue the sad trombone...

Sad Trombone sound

Page break, and we skip to two nights later when Horatio's waking Hamlet up to tell him that he just saw Hamlet's father's ghost.  Hamlet insists that spirits don't walk the Earth, that they either go to heaven or hell, but Horatio insists he and two guards saw it and suggests Hamlet go see for himself.  He also suggests that Hamlet might know what to say to make it go away.

Then we get this telling bit that's even MORE interesting if you go into this book knowing the surprise twist ending:

"A spirit is airy, it's nothing, not even a fog.  I could see through it, the walls behind it.  When it passed between me and Marcellus, I could see Marcellus plainly.  What is there to fear from something insubstantial?"

"And yet you're afraid," said Hamlet.

Horatio was silent until they came to the stair leading up to the battlement.  "I'm afraid," said Horatio, "because of what the thing might say."

"Its body isn't real," said Hamlet, "but its words might be?"

"Words can be as sharp as swords, and stab as deep.  I fear that what this ghost might have to say will leave this castle draped with corpses." 

"Or perhaps he'll have words to save us," said Hamlet.  "Perhaps he knows something of the plans of Fortinbras."

"Why should Hell care what befalls kingdoms here above?"

"Hell?" asked Hamlet.

"Or heaven," added Horatio.

"You're sure my father must be in hell?"

Again Horatio kept his silence.  -- p. 42-43

#10...

I'm curious as to why Hamlet doesn't press this issue.  Is he really that uninterested in what Horatio knows about his father?  Given that Hamlet didn't like the guy, you'd think he'd leap on an opportunity to commiserate with someone else about him.  Even if the guy is dead, that doesn't necessarily stop people from talking about him...

Hamlet makes fun of both Horatio and the guards and cracks a joke... but nobody laughs.  Hamlet gets a "he's standing right behind me, isn't he?" moment and turns to see the ghost. surprise, surprise.  Oh, and we get another illustration on page 45.  Nicely dramatic one, and probably the best of the four included in the book.

Hamlet asks him if he has a warning for the kingdom, and offers to bring Claudius to speak to him since he's the king now, but the ghost tells him no.  Hamlet then tells the others to leave him alone because the ghost will talk to him and only him.  How he knows this I have no idea, because the ghost hasn't said anything about this and while I don't know much about Catholicism, I highly doubt they have any set rules about how to deal with ghosts.  

Horatio doesn't want to leave Hamlet, which given what I know about this book's ending is understandable... but finally he manages to chase both him and the guards away, and finally the ghost talks.

The lips did not move, and yet it spoke.  "Avenge me," he said.

More than the sight of the ghost itself, more than the way its words shook his body, the idea that his father had been murdered struck him hard and deep.  For he knew at once that there was only one man who might have done it -- the man who wore the crown in Father's place. -- p. 46

Okay, this is a huge leap here.  Claudius was always friendly to Hamlet, and Hamlet even used to wish Claudius was his father instead of the king.  Why is he suddenly leaping to this conclusion?  Didn't this book just set up that Hamlet had no grudge against Claudius?  Heck, a few sentences later he even states that he loves his uncle more than his own father!  And he never got along with his father -- why is he taking his word seriously anyhow?

To the book's credit, at first the king never states that it's Claudius who killed him.  Though notably, he does nothing to correct Hamlet on that count, which is just as bad.  

"Murder and usurpation, treason and adultery," said the ghost.  "I live now in Hell.  Will you have all Denmark join me there?  Avenge me, and purify the kingdom."

"Who killed you, Father?"

"You know already," said the ghost.  It backed away.

"How was it done?" asked Hamlet.

"Do you doubt me?"

"Will I kill my uncle on the word of one witness?" asked Hamlet?

"No one but the murderer saw the crime!"

"How will it benefit Denmark for me to kill my uncle now, with Fortinbras preparing his long ships against us?"

"I speak of blood and horror in your own family, and you answer me with fleets and armies." -- p 46-47

Hamlet declares that he owes his father nothing, and if this book was in any way logical it would end right here.  But we get more back and forth, and suddenly Hamlet's father wins him over in the most ridiculous way possible:

"My beautiful son," said the ghost.  (*shudders*)

"Too late," said Hamlet.

"My sweet, pure-hearted, golden-haired, lovely, strong, and clever son.  How often I stood at the window and watched you practice with the sword, the grace of God upon you, the sun shining in your hair.  You were the only joy in my life." -- p. 47

I understand that Hamlet is very much a "Well Done Son" Guy, and has wanted his father's love since he was a kid... but boy, is this uncomfortable to read.  Seriously, my skin is crawling.  Yes, I know Card meant for the audience to read this suspecting nothing, but given that this book's "shocking twist" is pretty well-known by now, it inspires nothing but squicky feelings right now.

The king insists he kept his distance from Hamlet so he wouldn't be spoiled and coddled, and could grow up to be the king Denmark needs.  Hamlet asks again how they can win against Fortinbras, and the ghost replies that there's no hope of victory with an adulterer on the throne.  So he very cleverly does not explicitly state who killed him (despite alluding to it pretty directly in the original play) but still states that Claudius needs to die.  Geez, hate your brother much, dude?

Oh wait, on page 48 he finally claims that his own brother killed him, though it's buried amidst a bunch of griping that his wife cheated on him and will kill him again by desecrating his memory.  So he's outright lying to Hamlet at this point.  Hamlet, why are you trusting this guy?

He tells Hamlet how he died (poison in the ear, which will be directly contradicted by events later in the book, but just wait and see...) and again insists that it's Hamlet's duty to avenge him and retake the throne.  Hamlet argues that he can't, because once again he's just too pure and saintly to do anything despicable, but when the king finally threatens to go to one of the Companions (buy our next album!) and ask them to do it instead, Hamlet finally relents and swears to avenge his death.

And here, we get what's pretty much the only conflict and "dithering" in the book -- Hamlet trying to decide whether or not to go through with his vow.  He wonders if Claudius really killed his father (and seems more upset about the fact that his mother might have cheated on the king with Claudius, which is some whacked-out priorities...), he fawns over the fact that his father actually complimented him for once (better late than never, I suppose...), he reasons that only the spirits of the wicked walk the Earth because the righteous have no need to descent from heaven (Card, you and I share a religion and I know for a fact our religion doesn't teach that)...

All interesting stuff that could take up a book of its own... and here it's glossed over in two pages.  All the introspection and moral complexities of Hamlet are pretty much boiled down to six or seven paragraphs.  What.  The.  Frag.  Card.

Hamlet sends the guards back up to the battlements and tells them to alert him if they ever see the ghost again.  Horatio demands to know what the ghost said, and Hamlet insists it's for his ears alone.

"I'll never ask again, my prince," said Horatio.

"Even if I choose not to tell," said Hamlet, "I'll never be offended by the asking."

"Then I'll ask this: Was he murdered?  Did he ask you to avenge him?" -- p. 52

Um... hey Hamlet, I think you might be paranoid about the wrong person trying to off you... just saying...  Not that I think Horatio would off Hamlet, but he does seem entirely too interested in wanting to know just what the king said to him...

Horatio points out one of the barons or some spy of Fortinbras' could have killed the king, but he also points out that Claudius and Hamlet's mother stood to gain the most from his death.  Oh great, everyone in this freaking book has got a death wish for poor Claudius.  Poor guy was just too good for this sinful Earth, I suppose...

Hamlet also threatens to kill anyone who accuses his mother of being unfaithful to his father, which is a real nice way to paint your oh-so-perfect protagonist, Card.  The two of them decide to go do some detective work and check out the garden where the king died, and we get a page break.

Stopping there for now... expect another post sometime this week.  We WILL get through this together!