Chapter 26 -- Lost in the Jungle

Twenty-five chapters down, eighteen to go... we can do this!  And apologies if this is a short post -- this is a short-ish chapter and doesn't seem to have much to discuss at first glance.

Eden's following Lorenzo and Charlie through the jungle... and apparently they're going on foot.  I thought they had a truck?  I suppose this could be because they're trying to conserve precious fuel, but given how this book has treated continuity all the while I want to instead blame it on Foyt forgetting that she gave her tribe of Noble Savages a truck in the first place.  I can understand fanfic writers, many of whom write and post their work a chapter at a time, goofing up their continuity (a big reason why any writer should re-read their previous work before adding onto it), but I expect better out of a published writer, even if their spouse owns the publishing company that prints their work...

Eden's stumbling after the two men, slapping bugs and tripping over vines and the skirts of her dress -- and again, why are you wearing a dress in the jungle?  If Disney's Tarzan has taught us anything it's that a dress isn't practical in the jungle -- something Jane found out the hard way.

This has been me throughout this entire book

Then the inevitable happens -- Eden steps on a dry twig and it snaps, getting the two men's attention.  Shouldn't they have been alerted by the stumbling, bumbling, and bug-slapping earlier?  But hey, plot convenience!  And of course now our precious protagonist decides they're going to turn around and shoot or stab her, which is understandable considering these are seasoned hunters in the jungle who probably are quite aware that there are terrible things lurking out there that could kill them.

What if they mistook her for prey?  For Earth's sake, with her blond hair and pale skin, Eden presented a bull's-eye target in the dark forest.  She felt faint as she imagined a poison dart sailing straight to her heart.  -- p. 183-184

Don't forget the WHITE dress you decided to wear into the jungle, girl... and as much as I think Bramford is the smartest character in this book I have to question his decision to yank them all into the jungle without giving them the proper supplies or even appropriate clothing.  Yeah, this flight into the wilderness was pretty much a last-minute decision, but still... why am I trying to apply logic to this book?

She inched back against the tree trunk.  She could almost hear the warrior's steady breathing, wafting through he moist air to reach her feverish cheek.  Somehow, she knew they had located her position.  Deep inside, she had a heightened feeling, as if she also had sprung a finely tuned antenna like Bramford.  Eden, a she-cat? -- p. 184

Hey look, it's New Powers as the Plot Demands!  Well, good on her for finally listening to Bramford, I guess... but I highly doubt that a spoiled city girl lost in the woods in a FREAKING WHITE DRESS is going to outclass two seasoned and experienced hunters who have lived in the jungle their entire lives.

Then, because we have to be reminded that everyone and everything is out to make our poor special snowflake-Pearl protagonist miserable, she discovers that the tree she's hiding behind is infested with ants -- what she calls "24-hour ants" because that's how long the pain of their sting lasts, but apparently are actually called bullet ants.  And of course we not only get their Latin name but the factoid that for a Native American boy to become a man he had to survive being stung by dozens of these nasty buggers at once.  We get it, your protagonist is a smarty-pants, let's move on.

What all Foyt's attempts to make her protagonist seem

educated come across as

Eden decides she has a choice between slow painful death by the ants or a quick death from a dart... and she chooses the dart by jumping away from the tree.  Nothing happens... because apparently Lorenzo and Charlie decided that there was nothing there to threaten them and moved on out of sight.  I guess we're supposed to assume they saw nothing, but I'm going to pretend they saw the clueless girl tripping and slogging her way after them and just moved on, sharing a laugh at her stupidity.

Eden's trying to decide which route to take when a bird cries out (azure-hooded jay, and oh yes, we get its Latin name) and she bolts.  Then we get a scene ripped straight from Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves:

Long tendrils reached out to grab her like the bony fingers of a giant, green monster.  They knotted into her long, oak-colored hair.  Trembling, Eden tore at the shoots and pressed forward, only to feel the clawing tentacles quickly smother her again.  She was a small offering walking into the forest's hungry mouth.  Feed me, little Pearl. -- 185

This... but the "feed me" line reminds me more of...

This

Eden thinks Rebecca was insane for strolling through these jungles alone with just her animal protector, which is kind of ridiculous seeing as the only proof we have of that is a painting.  Because paintings are ALWAYS true and honest, right?  She thinks she should have stayed in the hut where she belonged, but of course doesn't turn back because then we wouldn't have gripping action, right?

She finally spots the two men crossing a marsh using a fallen log, and decides that it has to be easy and goes after them.  There's a weird moment when she spots a little blue heron and has to spout out its scientific name (can we drop this character trait already?  It's neither quirky nor intelligent), and imagines that the croaking frogs (again, awkward dropping of their scientific name) are taking bets on whether she'll fall or not.  If your protagonist is so smart she'll know that frogs croak to attract mates or warn other frogs away from their territory, but hey, we have to remind our audience that the whole world is out to get our precious white girl!

Naturally she falls in, and just settles for wading to the other side, which is probably what she should have done in the first place, no?  She imagines a snake or crocodile going for her "bright white legs" and also drops this weird bit:

..huge, untamable fear welled up in her.  She couldn't even pretend this was a bad experience on the World-Band.  Too late, she understood that hope and courage weakened denial. -- p. 186

I have no idea what that means, or if it's even supposed to be positive or negative... maybe my brain is just numb by this point, I dunno.

By the time she slogs through the bog, her unknowing guides have vanished again.  So she does the "stupid girl in a horror movie" thing and goes charging into the dark forest after them, screaming their names.  Because that always works so well, doesn't it?

She ends up on the bank of a river, and figures she can follow it to a camp somewhere.  The light reflected from the river hits her eyes and blinds her, and we're given the tidbit that blue eyes are more sensitive to light than brown eyes.  True, but it feels like the only reason that's dropped here is to hammer home how delicate our little white flower is.  Ugh...

Monkeys are howling, and she wonders if they're trying to warn her of something but brushes that thought off as ridiculous.  Then she trips over an anaconda.  No, I'm not kidding, she somehow misses a giant snake on the ground and trips and falls right on the thing.  I mean, I guess if you're seriously not paying attention you could trip over a snake same as you'd trip over a fallen tree or a rock, but c'mon, look at the size of this thing!  Wouldn't that get your attention?

A giant monster had broken her fall.

Oh, Holy Mother Earth.

Eden was caught in the grip of an anaconda.

Immediately, the howler's cries stopped.  And her curdling scream rose up into the sudden, sharp silence. -- p. 188

If there was any justice in the world, Eden would get eaten by this thing and the book would either end or move to Bramford as the more sympathetic protagonist.  But we've still got seventeen chapters of this swill to go, so we can't be that fortunate...

For being a supposedly anti-racist novel, we've sure gotten a throwback to the era of "beautiful delicate white flower of a woman in peril in a savage land" fiction here.  This whole chapter feels designed to only hammer home how precious our protagonist is, but it just makes her look weak and spoiled.  Give me Katniss Everdeen over Eden any day... at least Katniss would have been able to fend for herself...

Chapter 25 -- A Breath of Fresh Air

Let's get this over with, folks... moving right along...

If you get this reference, your childhood was awesome

Eden wakes up to "soft rustling sounds" -- yup, our friend the spider monkey is back.  It knocks something over and starts fussing and begging, and Eden tries to shoo it off but it keeps begging.  She screams, it screams, we all scream for ice cream (dang I'm gonna need some after this chapter), and the monkey takes off, leaving behind some unidentified object that Eden ends up kicking under the bed.  Ten bucks this is important for some stupid reason later...

Out of nowhere we get this bit, which could have used some setup in my opinion:

If only Austin were there to protect her.  If only she had paid attention to his warnings.  Never again would she be blinded by pride.  For Earth's sake, she had bought into the hatred against her own kind.  She had longed for a color-blind mate when she was more prejudiced than the worst of the FFP.

She glanced at Rebecca's portrait.  Sorry, Eden's eyes pleaded.  Thanks to you, I'll do better. -- p. 177-178

...wait, what?  Could it be?  Could we actually have gotten...

"Crikey, mates, we've got ourselves a genuine moment of self-awareness on the part of our racist lil' sheila here!  Ain't it beautiful?  Our main character's finally acknowlegin' her own flaws!  Cherish this moment, mates, before it's gone forever!"

We haven't gotten a visit from Steve in ages...

Seriously, folks, I am genuinely shocked that we got a moment of actual self-awareness from our clueless protagonist.  True, it's buried in more stupid (you can't convince me after all this time that she was fond of Austin at all, and "her own kind" carries some racist implications of its own), but after chapter after chapter of sheer head-desking stupidity, a moment of clarity like this feels like a breath of fresh air after slogging through a landfill.  Breathe it in, folks, I doubt we'll get another one of these for awhile...

Eden looks out the window and sees that the storm has transformed the compound, scattering leaves and branches.  Eden thinks that if she's to survive in this world, she needs to do the same and shake off her old ways and achieve a "personal evolution."  About freaking time, girl...

She even thinks about taking some advice from Bramford about opening her mind.  Wow, do miracles never cease?  There's some nonsense about giving the "Real Eden" the chance to breathe, then we're back to Rebecca.

She looked toward the gated hut.  Did poor Rebecca languish there, filled with similar regrets?  How Eden longed to sit and talk with her, like sisters in an Old World novel.  They'd laugh and cry over how foolish they'd been to fall for a couple of jerks like Jamal and Bramford. -- p. 178

Or maybe Rebecca will recognize you for the spoiled and wretched little brat you are and refuse to speak to you.  Stop drawing assumptions about this Rebecca chick that we haven't even met yet.

She spots a couple of cockatoos (Latin name?  Sic infernum!) and marvels that they mate for life, and vows to be wiser if she ever has another chance to find her own mate.  Don't try to keep us in suspense, we all know where THIS is going...

She spots Lorenzo and Charlie leaving their huts, wearing actual clothes, and realizes they're leaving.  Before they can leave the compound, though, they come across a dead harpy eagle laying on the ground.  For once we don't get the Latin name -- thank heaven for small miracles -- but we're helpfully reminded that "the bird's showy, feminine crest of feathers" and "stern vulture-like features" are reminiscent of the harpy from Greek mythology.  Hey Foyt, I think most of your readers can figure out where the harpy eagle got its name just fine...

The eagle's bleeding from neck bites, and Eden realizes Bramford killed it and that it's one of the donor species needed for his procedure.  I'm still failing to see where Bramford gets the eagle part of his new genetic makeup from, but hey, maybe Foyt figured eagles aren't sexy enough.

Eden imagined Bramford stalking the raptor, as it tracked its own prey, possibly a sloth or monkey.  He must have ambushed the surprised eagle with lightning speed and impeccable timing.  She shuddered to think of the actual attack -- Bramford's springing action, the desperate harpy flailing its long talons in defense, the bloodthirsty roar as Bramford lunged at the huge bird.  Hot and dizzy, Eden leaned against the window to catch her breath. -- p. 179-180

Foyt... this is NOT normal.  No sane person is going to be turned on by imagining an animal getting ripped to shreds or otherwise brutally killed.  You aren't making a compelling romance by including these weird scenes, you're just making it look like Eden is into zoosadism.  (I ain't defining that, look it up on your own...)

Lorenzo and Charlie haul the bird off, and Eden knows she'll be following them when they come back -- into a jungle full of predators and poisonous creatures, she realizes.  NOW you think about this...

The idea paralyzed her.  Why couldn't she just stay there at camp and wait for a better option?  She was just a Pearl, after all.

And yet, she could almost hear Rebecca nudging her.  Remember your promises, Eden. -- p. 180

Um... I don't remember Eden making promises to anyone.  Did I miss something?

Apparently there's a stereotype that Pearls are cowards, because Eden's taking now to remember "not all Pearls were cowards."  It would have been nice to have this stereotype established beforehand in this world's culture, Foyt.  And yes, I know black people like to mock how wussy white people are on the Interent, but still, this feels out of the blue.

Eden remembers brushing her mom's hair, and how she wasn't afraid of death.  She also remembers another Emily Dickinson poem ("Because I could not stop for death..."), and I find myself wanting to apologize to Emily for having her name dragged through the mud like this.  

Still a better use of Emily Dickinson's name

than this dreck...

Also "the notion of a soul living past the grave was as illogical as love."  I'm not sure why all these dystopian books think society's going to ditch religion entirely in the future -- religion is still going strong after all these thousands of years, and many people actually cling tighter to their faith in times of catastrophe.  But of course our oh-so-enlightened protagonist can't be religious, can she?  *sigh*

Lorenzo and Charlie head for the main gate, and Eden sneaks out to follow them.  She passes by her father on the way, who's still asleep, and vows to be strong in order to save him.  Actually, I think you're just going to get him into deeper crap by doing this, girl, but hey, you haven't listened to anyone else up to this point.  Why should you listen to the reader/sporker?

She runs after the men, still wearing Rebecca's white dress (and getting mud on it, who wears a white dress in the freaking jungle), and hears a "sharp cry."  She thinks it's the girls who are always so freaked out by any mention of Rebecca, but it's coming from the locked-up hut, and she wonders if Rebecca saw her.  She considers ditching her plan and going to investigate the hut instead, but instead vows to come back with help and runs after the men... and end chapter.

Can you tell I'm sick and tired of this book?  Even with the brief moment of much-needed self-awareness, this chapter was exhausting to get through.  I just want to be freaking done with this madness...

Hope to have the next chapter up here soon.  Let's see if we can get through this together...

Chapter 24 -- You Really Like Hot Animals, Don't You?

I find I have to issue a correction regarding my last post.  Apparently the Huaorani DO believe in a serpent who guards the pathway from life to death, and that those who don't have the courage to get past it will be reincarnated as animals (mostly termites).  So yes, Foyt's "mythology" lesson from last chapter does have some basis in fact.  My bad...  HOWEVER, I maintain that mashing Huaorani beliefs with Aztec mythology is not a good idea, and just confuses the reader.  You can have your Aztec gods or your Huaorani shamanism, Foyt, but you can't have both.

Okay, now that the correction's been issued... who wants more Revealing Eden awfulness?

Nobody?  Too bad.

Eden's sitting in the shade of a palm tree, fanning herself, and the text makes a big deal of how hot she is -- her skin is "clammy" and "the unforgiving noonday sun bleached the compound with stark light."  I believe it was mentioned in an earlier chapter that the tunnels she's lived in all her life could get up to a hundred and ten degrees, so it seems weird that she'd be complaining about being hot NOW when she's lived in extreme heat all her life.  And if the surface world were THAT much hotter than the tunnels, there shouldn't be any plant life left.  But hey, since when has this book cared about internal consistency?

The minutes slowly ticked by, cycling into hours, then long passages of the day.  She never realized how long an hour was or how much time she had at her disposal.  What had she done with all her time?  She had frittered it away with fantastical World-Band experiences.  That had helped her bury her feelings -- she could see that now.  At least she hadn't felt this stifling boredom.  -- p. 170

Foyt, please don't make a statement about technology and social media ruining young people right now.  You're over halfway through this book, you don't have time to botch up another "message."

Eden looks out into the forest and wonders where that "dumb beast" Bramford is.  I'm still failing to see why we should want to see these two paired up at all -- Eden has shown zero romantic interest in him, only moments of weird lust.  If Foyt expects us to believe that this pair has the makings of a true Beauty and the Beast romance, she's done a very poor job of showing it.  Even in the Disney version of the tale, Belle felt SOME measure of kindness toward Beast as the story went along...

Probably the only good thing about this book is that it's

reminding me of MUCH better books and movies

that I need to re-read/re-watch

The kids of the village are playing in the garden, and Eden notes that the parents don't seem irritated by the kids' noise but are enjoying the clamor.  She figures that "maybe they didn't know how boring their lives were."  Maybe they don't have time to be bored because they're busy trying to eke out a living in the jungle, you brat.

The little boy from earlier toddles up to Eden and offers her a cucumber, which "glowed in the sunshine, as if it were more than a vegetable."  In video games that generally means it's a power-up, but I dunno what it's supposed to mean here.  She takes a bite and notices that it doesn't taste at all like the cucumber flavoring in her food pills.  Um... if I remember correctly, the pills they used to sustain themselves were only fat, carbohydrate, and protein.  I saw no mention of veggie pills.  Consistency?  Who needs that?

Lorenzo appears out of nowhere and walks into the hut, and Eden follows him.  She notes that these people have no respect for boundaries and thinks that maybe that's how they move through the world with so little effort.  Foyt has a way of throwing out these random thoughts that are supposed to be deep and introspective but come across as stupid.

Eden's father gives Lorenzo a list of supplies he needs, and explains that Lorenzo's going to the city.  This is the first I've heard of a city... I thought everyone lived underground now?  Unless they're referring to Lorenzo going to the Combs, but I was under the impression that those were kept locked down pretty tight.  Again, who needs consistency when you can just throw in whatever random ideas and concepts that pop into your head?

I don't need internal consistency, I got a hard-hitting anti-racist

furry romance to write!

Eden's heart skipped a beat.  She asked when he would leave.  "Cuando vas?"

"Ahora."

"Now?  Right now?"

"It could be a year from now," her father said.

"How is that possible?"

"The Huaorani never use the future tense, you see.  For them, only the present exists." -- p. 172

First of all, I thought Eden didn't know any Spanish.  Sure, her Spanish is pretty broken here, but she's still managing to communicate and understand.  Again, consistency!  Readers are going to notice continuity errors, people.

Also, I can't find anything to confirm or deny Dr. Newman's statement here, but it does seem pretty stereotypical to assign to a Native American tribe.  Just my thought.

Eden apparently plans on escaping with Lorenzo, but doesn't tell him that -- she just asks for a comb.  As he leaves she notices that the sky's overcast now, and thinks that the weather's "as changeable as Bramford's moods."  I dunno girl, you seem to vacillate between fawning over him and hating his guts pretty rapidly -- who's the one with changeable moods?

Despite herself, Eden wondered where Bramford would find shelter.  She pictured him lying across a tree branch, his powerful body balanced with effortless grace, licking his lips from some tasty treat.  Her body turned to jelly. -- p. 173

Yes, I'm still Undertale trash... no, I'm not sorry, 

the line's just too fitting

Speak of the furry devil... Eden spots Bramford pouncing around in front of the locked hut, punching and lashing out at the air.  And of course she assumes the worst.

Was this some sort of primal dance or demonstration?  Or was he trying to intimidate his prisoner, Rebecca? -- p. 173

Girl, we don't even know if this Rebecca girl still exists or is even here.  Get some evidence that she's actually around before you accuse Bramford of holding her captive.  And while I have no idea what he's doing here, surely he's got better things to be doing than mocking a captive.

Lightning crashed down, illuminating him.  Eden saw his wet face, mashed with hair, and forgot all about her missing twin.  His strong legs kicked and jumped, making her feel small and delicate, and at the same time, aggressive and full of daring.  An earthy moan escaped her lips.

Bramford immediately zeroed in on her.  She swore she could feel the heat coming off of him.  Her yearning grew unbearable.  Was it for her sake or Rebecca's that she flew towards him?  She no longer cared why.  She simply knew she had to be with him, whatever that meant. -- p. 173

Yes, I will subject you to all the "romantic" hormonal bits in this book.  Because dangit, someone has to suffer along with me.

She runs into the rain, yelling his name, and he grabs her in his arms and tells her to go away.  Because holding onto her is REALLY the best way to get her to go away...  She yells at the hut for Rebecca, asking if she's there, and Bramford puts his mouth on her neck.  I'm not sure if he's trying to bite her or give her a hickey, the text isn't terribly clear -- it just states that "Bramford's mouth found her neck."

Was Foyt trying to mimic the cheesy kiss-in-the-rain scene from The Notebook here?  Because that's the vibe I'm getting...

I really hate to say this because I don't like Nicholas Sparks,

but... The Notebook did it better

Thankfully Maria interrupts the sappy moment and pulls Eden away from him, leaving her confused and "desperate to understand."  Maria takes her to her father, who insists that she needs to leave the whole Rebecca thing alone.  I'm going to guess this doesn't happen, Eden has a long and glorious track record of not listening to a thing other people say.

Eden goes and cries on the bed, having a pity party with herself.

She shut out the storm and the whole crazy world.  In her mind's eye, she only saw Bramford's piercing gaze.  She ran her hands over her arms, recalling his indelible touch.

Good Earth, she simply had to get away from him or she would die.  -- p. 175

Seemed fitting...

Please tell me that not all romance is this clunkily written.  It's been a long time since I read half a Twilight book just to see what all the fuss was about, but if I'm remembering right even the bad romance of that book wasn't half as bad as THIS...

Maria shows up at that moment, probably feeling sorry for Eden (don't waste your pity, lady), and she gives her a dress -- Rebecca's dress from the painting.  Can somebody please tell us who the frag this Rebecca chick is and why she looks so much like Eden?  I'm getting sick of the text telling us she's important without telling us WHY.

Eden takes off the scummy dress she's been wearing all this time and puts on the other dress, apparently startled that it reaches down to her calves -- apparently it's no longer the fashion to wear dresses long.  And the dress smells like jasmine, which is Eden's favorite scent.  Okay, the similarities between these two girls is getting really annoying, can SOMEONE explain things please?  Was Eden a twin separated at birth, or a clone of someone, or what?

She admires the dress, which is white with blue "string" threaded through the bodice, and we get this:

She never considered how color or shape might affect her mood.  Or how empowering such a personal choice could be.  She thought of Aunt Emily, who had worn only white for many years, and in a similar style, too.  Had such pretty clothes made her and Rebecca feel beautiful? -- p. 176

Ugh, I'd hoped we'd dropped the Aunt Emily nonsense by this point -- I still don't get why Emily Dickinson has to be dragged through this mess.  And nice to see our protagonist still only cares about being beautiful despite all she's been through.  This is a really empowering message to send to girls, isn't it, Foyt?  *sarcasm*

She admires herself in the hand mirror (it's cracked, so that means seven years back luck, right?) and thinks she looks even more like Rebecca now than ever.  And her last thought before the chapter ends is "what would that callous beast think of her now?"  *sigh*  I'm getting so tired of this "I love you, I hate you" business... dangit, I'm just getting tired of this book.  Seriously, I have a headache now...

Going to try to speed up the pace here, just because I want to be done with this garbage soon.  Then move on to the next book.  Bitterwood is going to be fun to tear apart, and for all its flaws it at least doesn't have this racist garbage to contend with...