Chapter 14 -- Somewhere an Anthropologist Is Crying...

When we last left our characters (I refuse to call anyone here a hero, except maybe Bramford), their plane was about to touch down somewhere in South America.  I've said it before and I'll say it again -- I have no idea what lays in store for us from here on out save some forced furry romance.  This'll all be as new to me as it is to you.  Strap yourselves in, audience, we're in for quite a ride.

"Aren't you excited?  Aren't you happy?"

No apologies whatsoever for the Undertale images...

Eden's freaking out over the sunshine, already wanting "muted grays in which to hide and become invisible," which I suppose is understandable.  If you've been raised in an enclosed, dark environment, wide open spaces and sunlight are going to be strange and frightening.  But to call the daylight a "bright, suffocating prison" like she does seems kind of pushing it.

Their "welcoming committee" turns out to be a group of Native Americans.  Here, have the lovely description:

She didn't think things could get any worse, when the welcoming committee came into view.  A half-dozen, short, muscular Indians wearing a rag-tag assortment of clothes stood by a line of ancient, all-terrain vehicles.  Machetes hung from several of the men's belts, glinting in the sunlight.  Some had long, wooden poles slung over their shoulders.  Despite fanciful feathers tucked into simple bowl-cut hairstyles, the warriors appeared fierce. -- p. 99

Wow... the only way this could get any more stereotypical is if these guys were wearing facepaint buckskins and/or loincloths.  Foyt, is there no minority you won't make a joke of in this book?  Also, no fancy gemstone name for Native Americans?  Then again, I'd hate to think of what kind of mineral name she'd come up for them.  Rust?  Sandstone?  Garnet?  Probably best not to think too hard on that...

Also, is it me or does Foyt use too many commas?  I dunno if it's a British thing or just punctuation confetti...

"The Huaorani," Edenn's father said, excitedly.

"Who?" Eden said.

"The world's last independent indigenous tribe.  No one knows how or where they've survived."  -- p. 99

According to Wikipedia, the Huaorani are an actual indigenous people living in Ecuador, and as of 2012 there were about 2,500 left.  I'm curious as to whether there's any special reason this tribe in particular managed to survive, or if Foyt just randomly picked a tribe and went "eh, this one'll do."  Twenty bucks says we won't get an explanation of any kind as to how they survived... and no, I don't buy the "no one knows" excuse, that's one of the cheapest writing shortcuts you can use.

Oh, and the poles are apparently blowguns, and we get a sudden infodump on how these blowguns work.  And of course these people are master hunters that hunt humans for sport.  From what I can see, Foyt at least did some cursory research on the Huaorani -- their name means "human" and they consider anyone outside their tribe "cowode," or non-human -- but I've found nothing that indicates they hunted humans for sport.  Either Foyt threw that in to make these people more savage, or she just assumed that all indigenous people engaged in human-hunting practices of some kind.  Stop using exploitation films like Cannibal Holocaust as your point of reference, Foyt...

I ain't showing screencaps or posters of that movie -- you

get kittens instead.  If you're THAT curious, Google

and IMDB are thataway... -->

Eden suggests that maybe the Huaorani will kill Bramford.  Before her father can react more than an angry "what?" Daisy hands them each a backpack for the trip.  Said backpacks contain "toiletries, a company T-shirt, and a small bottle of water."  Um... what about a first-aid kid, or any food, or any other supplies for surviving in the wilderness?  How's a toothbrush or a company T-shirt supposed to help you forage for food or build a shelter?

Eden sarcastically thanks Daisy, and Daisy glares and says "you never know, it might come in handy."  Eden takes this as a hint that Daisy's on her side and has hidden something in her pack that might help her.  Or maybe Daisy's just telling you to be grateful that you have SOMETHING that might help you survive, even if it's just that one lousy bottle of water, girl...

Then we get more awkward descriptions of Bramford and Eden's feelings for him:

A quivering feather floated inside of her, as Bramford stretched to a standing position.  (??????)  Her eyes betrayed her, traveling the length of his body.  She felt embarrassed and, as he shot her a quizzical glance, realized that her flushed, red skin showed zebra-like through her worn, dark coating.  -- p. 101

Foyt, just... stop writing scenes of the protagonist getting hot and bothered.  Clearly it's not your forte.  Then again, you've shown that writing in general isn't your forte... maybe take up a hobby like gardening or crocheting or something...

Both Bramford and Eden's father tell her it's time to go, and she refuses to budge because of the daylight.  So of course, Bramford has to pick her up and carry her.  I'm starting to think she's being a snot just so she has an excuse to get carried everywhere by a hot animal... I mean Bramford.

Oh, and she tries to get him to put her down by hitting him and pulling his hair.  How is she able to reach his hair when he's carrying her against his chest?

Eden's father suggests sending her back, even as Eden's thinking of how pathetic her father looks and ignoring how disappointed he seems in her.  How did a half-decent guy like this end up having such a horrible brat for a daughter?  Bramford retorts that they can't send her back because then she'll lead the authorities out to find them.  Reasonable enough, especially since Eden proposed turning Bramford in to save their necks...

Eden shrieked as hot-white light hit her head.  (Um, usually it's "white-hot," I'm not sure why you switched it around there...)  Broiling sunrays knifed into her skin, and she gasped for air.  Even without her sensors she knew she was in deep trouble.  

Below, she saw the Huaorani raise their nut-brown faces.  Time seemed to hang in the air as each side, the human tribesmen and the cowode visitors, hesitated.  For Earth's sake, why didn't they attack the beast?

Eden took matters into her own hands and pointed at Bramford.  "Cowode!" -- p. 102

Way to go, Eden... how is this supposed to be our heroine?  How is THIS supposed to suggest that these two are going to end up a couple by the end of the book?  How can this book advertise itself as a romance when the female lead is constantly trying to get the male lead killed?  I hate, hate, HATE this trope, with the passion of a thousand fiery suns.  Especially when Bramford's done nothing to deserve it.

Bramford tries to shut her up by pinning her face against his chest.  Mistake.

The incredibly wonderful feel of his warm body -- not a Holo-Image, but a real, live body -- stunned her.  She registered the sensation of his arms around her bare thighs and shoulders.  Pressing her cheek against his hard chest, she heard his heart beat against her ear -- alive.

Eden's world stopped.  Her joints loosened, her heart felt expansive, even her mind stretched to find Bramford remarkably appealing.  At the same time, she became aware of a dangerous, inescapable abyss opening up inside of her.  If she gave into her feelings, she might be lost forever. -- p. 102

Still not sorry for the Undertale pics...

This one was just too perfect.

It's at this point that the natives begin to fall to their knees and chant "El Tigre!  El Tigre!"  Wat?

Her father peered out the cabin door, quickly assessing the situation.  "They think you're El Tigre, the Jaguar Man.  Imagine, the long-awaited Aztec God." -- p. 103

Star Wars did it better...

Multiple problems with this.  First of all, El Tigre is Spanish -- which I would nitpick, but information online says that many modern-day Huaorani do speak Spanish -- and it translates to "tiger."  Last time I checked, jaguars are NOT tigers, and I seriously doubt anyone's going to mistake a jaguar for a tiger.  If anything, the Huaroani would be more likely to mistake a tiger for a jaguar (though I doubt it, there's some BIG differences in size, body shape, color, and pattern between the two species), seeing as tigers are not native to South America.

Second of all, the Aztec Empire never expanded into South America -- it was an ancient kingdom in Mexico and Central America.  Did Foyt perhaps mean the Incan Empire?  Perhaps, but not all the indigenous people in the Ecuador area were Incan.

Third of all, while there IS an Aztec god associated with the jaguar (Tezcatlipoca), he isn't shown to appear as a "jaguar man."  And he's not the "long-awaited" god -- the god the Aztecs believed would return to lead their people again was Quetzalcoatl, not his rival Tezcatlipoca.  (I read a lot about Aztec gods when I was a teenager, okay?)  And the Huaorani did NOT worship either god -- their religion was more focused on spiritualism, animism, and totems, and while the jaguar was associated with shamans, but they did NOT have a jaguar god.

In a lot of ways, doing half-assed research like this is way worse than doing no research at all.  Because Foyt gets some of her facts regarding the Huaorani right, people are liable to take her at her word when she attributes the wrong facts to them or just outright makes stuff up.  People who don't do their research or don't already know these things might assume she's right, and come away seriously misinformed.  I'm aware that this is fiction, but in fiction based at least somewhat on reality, smart readers expect the author to have done their homework.  When they pull a Dan Browned and fudge their facts like this, it's incredibly frustrating, especially to those of us who have actually researched this stuff.

Bramford seems to be lapping up the attention, and Eden's disgusted, even though her father suggests she's now protected because she's seen as divine by association with El Tigre.  (*eyeroll*)  Did it occur to you, Eden, that maybe Bramford's playing the part because your lives depend on it?  Sort of like Miguel and Tulio in The Road to El Dorado -- because insisting he's not a god is liable to get the lot of you killed?

But of course, we get one more description of his furry physique.  Yes, I am typing out most of the "hot and bothered" sections for you, the reader, to "enjoy."  They are all really this terrible, and I want you all to suffer with me.  I'm evil like that.

In spite of her disgust, Eden's eyes riveted on his broad, dark chest that gleamed in the sunlight.  Even the molecules of air seemed to fall away from his powerful physique.  Maybe he did deserve to be worshiped, she admitted.  Then, as he waved imperiously to his adoring public, she wanted to slap him.  -- p. 103

You're welcome.

We get "Aunt Emily's" most famous poem -- the one about "I'm Nobody!  Who are you?  Are you Nobody too?" -- and Eden feels sorry for herself that she's being ignored in favor of Bramford.  Oh, shut up, brat.

Bramford immediately takes charge, ordering vehicles loaded up, and Eden's father goes on about some totally-made-up prophecy about how a fabled Jaguar Man was supposed to come back and lead the people, and talks about how maybe the Indians were right about spirits all along.  Um... is a man of science really going to say all this?  He also says "this is the happiest day of my life," which makes Eden wonder if her birth even counts.  Again, shut up, girl.  Given how much of a spoiled rotten brat you turned out to be, I would wonder how high your birth ranks too.

Now they're off to a place called "Zona Intangible," which Eden's father says means "No Man's Land" but actually just translates to "Intangible Area."  And does Eden worry for her life or safety?

Oh, you silly reader...

Exactly what she most feared:  now, she'd never find anyone to mate.  -- p. 105

Talk about a one-track mind... ugh.

So Foyt fails at research, Eden's still a twat, and this book is full of ugly racism and badly written "romantic" prose.  Were we expecting anything else?

Chapter 13 - Leaving On a Jet Plane

I have GOT to get better at updating this thing regularly if I want to finish this freaking book by the end of the year.  I even have the next book to spork lined up too.  Hint -- this one involves dragons...

Still on this freaking plane.  I think most of these airplane chapters could have been condensed into one or two, because they just feel like pointless filler at this point.  The only time watching people on a plane is entertaining is if there's some kind of impending disaster or there are snakes involved.

Either snakes or Samuel L. Jackson might

make this plane ride tolerable...

Eden asks for the time, but since her Life-Band is gone she doesn't get the little voice giving her the time, and states that she feels "like an amputee who still feels the presence of a missing limb."  Wow, Foyt, you really are out to offend anyone and everyone.  First people of color, then rape victims, now amputees?  I'm almost proud of you for finding new ways to offend.

Eden also states that Bramford stole her identity along with her Life-Band, and that she doesn't know who she is anymore.  I know losing the equivalent of your iPhone means some adjustment, girl, but if your identity is wrapped up in that thing, you've got bigger problems...

Both Eden's father and Bramford are asleep, and Eden figures "this might be her only chance."  Oh boy, I can hardly wait to see where this goes...

She quietly slipped into the aisle, heading for the attendant's area.  Unable to resist the opportunity to study the sleeping beast (gag), she stopped beside him.  A company T-shirt strained over his shoulders like a child's garment, exposing his muscular torso.  Long, dark eyelashes swooned over the sharp slash of his cheekbones.  (Swooned???)  Fine, dark hair framed his rugged face.

Time seemed to flicker around Bramford, imposing his former self over his animal-like incarnation, as if his old Holo-Image clung to him.  Eden suspected that the dual identities waged a mysterious battle.  But which did she want to win?  The powerful titan that might save them or the savage beast that excited her? - p. 92-93

Awkward descriptions?  Check.  Still calling Bramford a beast?  Check.  Thinking this guy is sexy and falling for him despite hating him?  Check and eyeroll.  Why do so many books and movies assume that if two people of the opposite sex hate each other, it must be TWU WUV?  I hate this trope with a fiery passion...

And of course we know Bramford and Eden are destined to be together because she excites him, because apparently Jamal never excited her like this.  I guess that's understandable -- she only ever saw Jamal as a tool to get mated, after all -- but still, the implication that Bramford makes her tingly inside means he's her true love is pretty questionable.  Just because someone makes you hot and bothered doesn't mean they're relationship material.

Was it even possible for two people to truly see each other in a calculated world where its inhabitants mated to improve their offspring's genetics or to control a lesser mate?

She thought about how her mother might have quoted Aunt Emily.  "That Love is all there is, / Is all we know of Love."

But no, Eden reminded herself, love was dead. - p. 93

And of course, this is a dystopia, there's no room for love in a dystopia!  *sigh*

She has a fantasy of Bramford waking her up, pinning her down, ignoring her writhing and protesting, and... biting her neck?  I guess Foyt's inspired by vampire romances now?  Plus this scene is all kinds of squicky rather than actually romantic...

Because this is all kinds of sexy,

am I right?

In a daze, she stepped away from him.  Clearly, the monumental losses of home, Austin, and her Life-Band, had driven her crazy.  - p. 93

I dunno, you didn't seem to care any about Austin when he was alive.  Show us Eden cares about the dog before you use him as angst bait, Foyt...

Eden finally makes it to Princess Daisy -- I mean Daisy the flight attendant, but the attendant tries to shoo her off.  She says she can't help Eden, and she's just trying to survive.  Eden, out of nowhere, tells Daisy her mom died of the Heat -- I can't tell if she's trying to get Daisy to pity her or if she honestly thinks it fits into the conversation somehow, because it feels like something really random and awkward to tell a stranger.

She reminded Eden of one of the girls shown on the old Beauty Map -- an English Rose.  How ironic that long ago the two of them might have been called "hot."  - p. 94

We get it, your precious protagonist is one of those "beautiful even if she doesn't realize it" girls, shut up.  

Daisy asks what happened to Bramford.  Eden spills the beans on turning Bramford into a furry, and reveals it could be the key to saving humanity from the Heat.  She reveals that the change is the best hope for Pearls to not only survive, but to change the world.  Then she asks where they're going.  Hmmm... personally I would have refused to answer this question until Daisy told me where the plane was going, but Eden hasn't been noted for using her brain in this book.

Daisy says Bramford gave her this job after her husband, one of Bramford's pilots, died, and that she owes him.  Eden gets this lovely "sensitive" bit:

Eden figured Bramford found it cheaper to employ the widow than pay costly benefits.  He was no tender heart.  - p. 95

We get it, you think Bramford is a big bad meanie despite the fact that he's saved your bacon at least twice in this book.  Shut up, will you?  

Eden starts to explain that they could trade Bramford to the government for... something, she never gets to finish her sentence because another idea pops into her head.  She asks for a Life-Band instead, saying everything depends on it.  Daisy refuses, saying she has a son to think about, but Eden persists, and Daisy finally answers:

"Sector Six," Daisy said, abruptly.  "That's your destination."

Holy Earth, Eden gulped.  They might as well be sucked into a black hole.  Sector Six was a lawless, barren land.  If the drug lords didn't kill them, The Heat or predators would. (Yes, the "The" there is capitalized in the book) - p. 95

Something else that would make this

book way better...

Okay, hold up.  Drug lords and predators?  I thought no life could exist on the surface thanks to the Heat... excuse me, The Heat.  Drug lords is at least a tiny bit understandable, as they could be living in caves like the Combs, but predators?  Unless they've somehow evolved in a stupidly short time to be resistant to heat, they should all be dead.  Wait, this is Foyt, she believes that animals are magically resistant to the same radiation that should kill humans, never mind...

Also, if there's already a perfectly legal drug being handed out to the general populace to pacify them, why are drug lords such a big problem?  Did Foyt just figure "drug lords are a staple of dystopian fiction, my book needs some?"  You need to think these things out before incorporating them into your book.  

This is a big flaw of a lot of amateur fiction, from Paolini's Eragon books down to this book -- the authors want to throw in all kinds of concepts that they think are cool, but don't stop to think if they actually fit into the world they've already constructed.  Before throwing in anything, whether it's a common trope of the genre or your own original creation, stop and think "does this fit with the established rules of my universe?  Does it add to the story or create a plot hole?"  Unfortunately, like Paolini, Foyt didn't stop to consider before tossing it in.

The jet starts to land, and Daisy tells Eden to go.  Eden begs again for a Life-Band, but Daisy says no, and Eden goes into the bathroom.  Her Midnight Luster's coming off (she calls it Daylight Scary instead, har har), and she considers wiping it off, but she's too terrified of looking at her own natural coloring to do it.  Girl, given the circumstances on this adventure, nobody's going to freaking care.

Even some Coal was better than none, she decided, throwing down the towel.  - p. 96

For hating Coals, she sure wants to be like them...  Being white myself, I can't put myself in the shoes of someone who's experienced racism or prejudice, but I can imagine that this attitude isn't as weird as it looks.  There might be people who hate the fact that they're forced to act "more white" but still do it because it means better job prospects, less harassment, etc.  Still, the way it's written in this book just comes across as awkward.

The sun's rising as Eden sits back down -- "like a bloodshot Cyclops" -- and she thinks how strange it is that humanity used to love the sunlight and fear the night.  She also sees the Amazon River... and that's the first sign we get of where exactly this book takes place.  

And right here is where I cry bull on all Eden's whining about how Coals don't know what it's like to experience prejudice.  With the reveal that this book takes place in our world, in South America, she shows that this isn't an invented world but our own, with our history and our past intact.  (Or at least I have to assume so, as this book hasn't hinted at an alternate history of any sort.)  So things like slavery, the Civil Rights movement, and all the ugly history of racism and prejudice still exist in this universe's past, and Eden has no right to scream that black people have no idea what it's like to be outcasts.  

Ahem... sorry, went off on a tangent there.  Moving on.

Eden remembers seeing forests in the World-Band as a child -- and of course we get the Latin name for Sequoia trees because SMRT PPL USE LATIN NAMES DURRRRRRRRRR -- and says she could hear the trees crying as a child, and her mother explains this is because they were the oldest living things on the planet and now they're gone.  Um... wat?  When did this book become Ferngully?

Apparently crying over the trees was the last time Eden ever shed tears.  Good to know that our protagonist is such an unemotional clod that she didn't even cry over the death of her mother, but could apparently cry over some trees.  Remind me why we're supposed to like this girl again?

We get a random Emily Dickinson poem, Eden's terrified of the rising sun, chapter ends, yadda yadda yadda.  I've said it before and I'll say it again -- this book has the most aggressively unlikable protagonist in fiction I've ever seen.  Even Bella Swan looks like Black Widow next to her...

Chapter 12 - AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Regarding this post's title -- trust me, by the end of this chapter you'll be wanting to strangle Eden too.

So our protagonists are on a new jet heading to who knows where, and Eden's in a happy drug haze at the moment.  Why do so many dystopian novels think that making everyone a drug addict is the way to go?  It's probably meant to be a critique on how making drug use not only legal but government-supported is a way to placate the masses, but anymore it feels like one of those elements that dystopian books incorporate simply because it's a trademark of the genre.  Much like the requisite "Chosen One" prophecy in fantasy -- it's an element generally wedged in not because it fits the story, but because "oh, my story is part of [this genre] and so needs [this element] to work."

Also call me old-fashioned, but having a protagonist that's a drug addict makes me lose some measure of sympathy for them.  Yes, I understand addiction's a disease that's difficult to fight, but at the same time, people choose to take that first step to addiction.  And I didn't have much sympathy to spare for Eden in the first place, so making her an addict doesn't help things.

Moving on...

Eden's repeating her "stone in a cave" mantra again, but it's not helping.  Bramford's working on an "old-fashioned computer," (apparently no one uses them because they're the "archaic, manual method," though this book hasn't indicated how you can type up documents on the World-Band) and she notices he's not wearing his World-Band ring -- "probably when his fingers had enlarged."  A metal ring isn't like clothing -- you can't just burst out of it like the Hulk through a shirt.  There's a reason paramedics cut off rings when dealing with hand injuries, because finger swelling and metal rings don't make a pretty picture.

No, you don't actually GET a picture of that...

have a bunny instead

Poor Bramford, cut off from the constant direction of his inner voice.  To Eden, it seemed like a fate worse than death. -- p. 85

You know, Eden, death is a pretty terrible thing.  Yet you seem to find a lot of things worse than death -- not having a mate, having an all-Pearl child, not being able to get on this world's version of the Interent, etc.  I don't think you GET just how shallow this all seems.  Death is DEATH; I can't think of too many fates worse than that.  You come across as naive at best and insensitive at worst by constantly throwing around "fate worse than death."

Daisy the flight attendant (am I the only one thinking of Princess Daisy from the Mario games now) starts treating Dr. Newman's leg wound.  Eden gags, then starts pouting when her father tells her it's just blood, huffing about how she's "always a failure in Father's eyes."  Stop freaking making everything about yourself, girl...

On the plus side, Eden DOES acknowledge here that she's betrayed everyone, so at least she has some modicum that she's flubbed big time.  Too little to make me feel sympathetic toward her, though...

Daisy says there's no medicine aboard because they left in too much of a rush, and it's doubtful there'll be any medicine where they're going.  Eden freaks out at the possibility that there won't be any oxy where they're going either, because heaven forbid our protagonist not get her drug fix.  If Eden's whiny and bitchy now, just think of how she'll be while going through withdrawals... *shudder*

Eden's father suggests amputating his leg.  Using a lot bigger words than necessary (not all scientists talk like Hollywood nerds, Foyt), he says it will improve his chances of not getting gangrene.  Eden calls him insane, and we get a lovely exchange in response:

"Wait and see, Daught."  (That nickname is getting really old...)

"There's nothing to see.  There's never going to be anything to see ever again.  If your head wasn't in the clouds you would see that."  But you don't even see me.  (Ugh... self-centered, anyone?)

The shaggy eyebrows arched.  "Only forward momentum exists; the past is gone.  The best course of action would be to consider this an unexpected adventure."

"I was hoping to make it to my eighteenth birthday."

Her father sighed, his disappointment clear.  "I'll insist Bramford send you back when we land."

"I'm not leaving you alone with... that."

"Bramford is the same, essentially."

"If you believe that, you're crazier than I thought."  -- p. 86

I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- I'd enjoy this book a lot more if Eden's father were the main character.  Not saying the book would be GOOD -- there's still a lot of problems with it -- but at least it would be merely bad or even mediocre and not maddeningly painful to read.  Dr. Newman is at least a reasonable character and even sympathetic character, whereas Eden is whiny, self-centered, and so screamingly racist she puts Trump to shame.

I normally don't get political in stuff I post online,

but let's face it, Trump jokes write themselves

"His appearance is undeniably altered," her father said.  "And yet, it's safe to say his reasoning remains fully intact.  In fact, the results are far superior to any projections.  To adapt to such a degree and retain man's mental capacity -- why, it's a lucky break, worth any price."

"Even our lives, Father?"  Even my life?  -- p. 86

Eden goes on to say that her father's a cold-hearted man, and didn't even care that her mother died.  We don't even get a flashback of that, though, just Eden saying her father acted cold-hearted the day she died and didn't even say goodbye to her.  Show, don't tell, Foyt.  Give us some evidence.  And just because someone has a scientific mind doesn't mean they can't feel emotion.

Her father goes on to say the heat in the lab accelerated Bramford's transformation.  I'm no geneticist, but I'm pretty sure this is NOT how genetic engineering works.  Eden asks if he can reverse the process, and he says it might have been possible to reverse a minor change but that trying to return Bramford to normal could kill him.  Again, pretty sure genetics don't work this way -- a quick Google search says that even minor changes in someone's DNA can kill them, and farting around with someone's genetic material probably isn't reversible.

Her father also says Bramford is highly unpredictable, which Eden takes to mean he'll become even more animal-like.  She asks why they have to risk their lives for him, and he protests that he's responsible for Bramford.  Good on you, pal.  I like you a whole lot more than your daughter at the moment...

Eden points out that he threatened to kill Bramford in the lab, and he reveals that was a bluff.  Then she suggests they turn Bramford in to the government to save their own necks.  Um... earlier in the book you were going on about how the government doesn't care whether you live or die, girl.  Why are you suddenly so eager to try to cut a deal with them?  What's to stop them from taking Bramford and tossing your butt outside anyway?

And of course, Bramford overhears this discussion.  Yeah, discussing your plans to betray the man who's saving your necks when he's RIGHT THERE is such a bright idea, girl...

Idjit

In a flash, the beast leapt beside her with a terrifying roar.  Her eyes traveled from his strong thighs, thick as tree trunks, to his brilliant eyes.  She felt trapped, as if caught in the path of an avalanche.  Only, she wasn't sure she wanted to move out of the way. -- p. 88

I get the sneaking suspicion that Foyt's reading consists mostly of harlequin romance novels, because her attempts at writing it come off as a parody of the worst of the genre.  (I don't read the things, though I've flipped through them from time to time and found some stunningly bad writing...)  And I'm still sick to death of the "I hate him but he's hot" theme running through this novel.  Can we find a different way to show sexual tension than this?

Eden orders Bramford to send them home, and he replies "so you can go back to your FFP friend?"  Did everyone just forget that Jamal's dead?  Eden insists she didn't know he was FFP,  Bramford, however, puts two and two together and realizes Eden's the one who leaked info to Jamal.  He accuses her of being naive, and we get this "brilliant" reply from Eden:

Eden looked him dead in the eye.  "Someday, when you're locked up in a cage, Bramford, maybe you'll understand what it feels like to be an outcast."  - p. 89

I'm just gonna use this GIF every time something

stupid about racism comes up...

Foyt, do you even THINK before you write crap like this?  Black people have lived with being outcasts from society for centuries!  And just because you've oh-so-magically flipped that around now doesn't mean that it instantly nullifies the past!  Eden's comment comes across as incredibly ignorant, if not outright insulting.  

And then, as if this comment wasn't bad enough, we get a scene that actually made me chuck the book across the room.  Brace yourself, it's a whopper.

Bramford tells Eden "we always have a choice in life" and "if you weren't so self-involved you'd understand that" -- yay for seeing through the bullcrap, pal.  Then he rips out her Life-Band earring.

Eden screamed as her hand flew to the spot.  How dare he?  She felt more violated than if she'd been raped. -- p. 90

...........

No.

Just... no.

No, Foyt, you do NOT get to trivialize rape like this.  You've already made light of racism and suicide, which is inexcusable, but you don't get to do this either.  How can you even THINK that a character having an earring ripped out -- which, granted, is still freaking painful -- is the equivalent of a rape?  This isn't equal to rape, this is equal to someone having their iPhone stolen (because really, the jewelry connecting you to the Life-Band is pretty much this world's equivalent to a smartphone).  It is in NO way comparable to rape.

Seriously, Foyt, do you have ANY idea just how horrific rape is for the victim?  It's something with lasting and terrible consequences, physical and emotional and psychological.  Eden having her Life-Band earring taken can be painful, sure, and she can even be angry about it.  But to compare it to sexual assault is inexcusable and a disgrace.

Argh... every time I think I can't hate Eden OR this book any more, Foyt lowers the bar.

Eden tries to hit him, he catches her arm, they glare at each other like "impassioned tango dancers" (a turn of phrase that causes a turn of stomach after the mind-numbingly stupid rape reference earlier), Eden gets turned on by being close to Bramford (another turn of stomach, where's a bucket?), and Bramford finally lets go of her.  Advice to writers -- never try to wedge anything romantic immediately after a rape reference.  Especially when written as badly as that.

Bramford takes her father's Life-Band too, which he gives up willingly.  He also offers a sedative, saying "I doubt it will kill you."  Which is apparently his attempt at scientific humor.  Um... ha?  Most scientific humor I've heard is more along the lines of this -- http://www.sciencehumor.org/

Eden tells her dad she's "really sorry," but he just tells her "inconceivable."  Wow, the opportunity to include this meme just writes itself.

Her father was all she had left in the world.  Now, she had lost him, too.  For Earth's sake, she just couldn't think about it.  So she stuffed her despair onto a crowded shelf in her heart and slammed the door shut.  -- p. 91

Wow, what an awkward metaphor.  And sorry Eden, but I'm just not feeling any sympathy for you.  

Foyt just keeps finding new and exciting ways to offend everybody in this book, doesn't she?  Seriously, it's almost like she's trying to piss people off.  I would feel marginally better about this whole thing if it turned out she was just some kind of troll, but the fact that she seems to feel quite sincerely about everything she's written is worse and a whole lot scarier...

Chapter 11 - Urge to Punch Eden Newman Rising...

Welp, broke my resolution to put out one post a month.  Bad me.  Hope to make up for this...

So... lab has blown up, and Eden, her father, and Furry!Bramford are now on the run in his private jet.  A military jet's chasing them and shooting at them, and Eden's father's holding her hand to comfort her and trying to stop his own bleeding at the same time.  Despite his flaws and his obnoxious "mad scientist" speech the author's foisted on him, I like this guy.  Why isn't he the protagonist?  Oh, right, because we have to have our Romeo/Juliet, Beauty-and-the-Beast romance... ugh...

Disgusted Starscream is disgusted

For the first time in her life, she wished there was a God.  But that idea had disappeared in The Meltdown. - p. 77

Religion disappearing from a culture isn't new in sci-fi.  One of my favorite book series, The Dragonriders of Pern, doesn't give the characters and culture any religion whatsoever.  They've been settled on Pern for so long they've forgotten their origins, and when they uncover a computer that tells them about Earth the concept of religion baffles them.  But there, it works.  Here, it feels tossed in to be further nihilistic and depressing.

Also, if the idea of God has disappeared, why is she still bringing it up?  Who needs logic, I guess...

Bramford sits with them, "his powerful body dominating the small space like a mountain cramped in a cave" (ugh), and plays holos of the battle.  Eden considers him "a strange mix of contradictions" because how can he still be intelligent when looking like a cat, I guess.  Seriously, girl?  If you know so much about this experiment already, how could you not know the subject was going to keep their human intelligence?  Or is it just that a black guy got the procedure done and not a precious Pearl, so automatically he has to have reverted to animal intelligence?

The jet's hit and they spiral down.  Bramford keeps his head and gives orders to the pilot (mostly randomly shouting "one o' clock" and "six o'clock" and such), but Eden freaks out.  Somehow this jet is able to go into reverse (um... planes don't do that), and the military jet hits the flames.

Eden screams at Bramford for almost killing them, and to his credit he doesn't even respond to that.  He just asks for her father's coat so he can make a tourniquet for her father's leg.  If I remember my first aid right, tourniquets are only to be used as a last resort to reduce the risk of damaging the wounded limb, but apparently Foyt thinks they're standard practice.  Though to be fair, most of Hollywood and popular literature think the same thing...

Again, this mysterious creature was one step ahead of her and her father.  Was he a man trapped inside a beastly form, or a beast with a human mind?  Eden suspected even he might not know the answer.  - p. 79

Ugh, can you STOP THIS?  You've made your point, he looks like a jaguar furry now, stop hammering it in!  Readers aren't idiots!

Bramford makes the tourniquet, using his teeth to rip the coat apart (no scissors or knife on the plane?  Or are we just needing yet another reminder that he's a SAVAGE BEAST OMG???) and gives it to Eden to tie around her father's leg.  She asks where they're going, and apparently it's "out of bounds," whatever that means.  Eden's first thought is how they're going to survive without the Uni-Gov to take care of them, which is weird because she seemed convinced that the government didn't care whether she lived or died before.

Then we get THIS:

She felt a twinge of compassion as she considered how drmatically [Bramford's] life had turned.  And something else also warmed her heart.

Oh?  Is Eden finally feeling a bit of sympathy for Bramford?  Realizing that despite everything he's a good man just trying to do the right thing?

She traced his broad chest down to slim hips and muscled thighs.  The raw animal power coiled within him, just waiting to explode, fascinated her.

"Crikey, mates!  Looks like the Designated Heroine's got an eye on our Designated Love Interest!  See how she's attracted not to his good nature but his smashing good looks?  Bit shallow, innit?  Who cares if he's a nice guy or a jerk, huh?  Let's hang around a lil' an' see what happens."

Oh hey, welcome back, Steve

And just a few lines later Eden's hating him and thinking he's a beast again.  Seriously, girl, you're still convinced that he's a jerk and an animal, but are only attracted to him because he's hot?  What is WRONG with you?  You, Bella Swan, Anastasia Steel, Nora Grey*, and every other fictional woman who thinks hot looks trump all?  You are messing up a whole generation of young women who think this kind of thing is NORMAL.  Ugh.

Moving on before I hurt myself...

The jet touches down at Bramford Industries, where they... transfer to another jet?  What was wrong with the one they were in?  It didn't seem damaged, and if they're in a hurry, what benefit is swapping planes going to do them?

Eden's rationale for not going in the other jet is "they wouldn't be safe anywhere on this godforsaken planet so why not stay there, on the ground?"  Seriously?  And this chick is supposed to be super-smart?  Also what happened to there being no concept of God?

Bramford carries Eden's father into the plane while Eden ogles his legs, only to resent him a minute later when he demands to know what's the matter with her.  (Want a list, buddy?)  I'm getting VERY tired of this whole Belligerent Sexual Tension deal going on, especially as poorly written as this.  Bickering sweethearts like this CAN be pulled off if done right (look at Star Wars), but this isn't done remotely well.

A flight attendant balks at seeing Bramford, and Eden figures that Bramford doesn't realize that people are shocked by his new appearance, or he's forgotten what he looks like.  Um... he's not STUPID, I'm sure he realizes what he looks like to people, he just recognizes that there are more important things to worry about.

Eden also goes off about how she "was never a Pearl" inside, and sometimes she feels like "the Real Eden."  Not a good time to start fantasizing about this, girl...

Foyt also uses "damming" instead of "damning" here.  The characters aren't building a dam, Foyt, learn how to actually use words instead of leaning on spell check...

The jet prepares to take off, and Eden worries that no one will ever see the Real Eden now.  Girl, we've seen plenty of the Real Eden, and it's ugly as sin.  Maybe you're better off in the wilds...

Already, [Bramford had] turned his attention away from her.  Dismissed, as usual - p. 82

Girl, don't you think Bramford has more important things to do than spend every second hovering over you?  Stop assuming all this is about you.  My Primus, I've never met such a self-absorbed protagonist in my LIFE, or at least one that wasn't meant to be a parody.

At least this one was MEANT to be a jerk

and managed to also be funny...

Eden wonders what's going to become of Bramford's empire now that he's a beast, because "being different was the kiss of death, which meant he was a marked man."  I dunno, he's seeming pretty capable of being able to control things regardless of now being a furry.  But we'll see how this goes...

She gets an oxy-cap to get her fix of drugs (again, why doesn't everyone just get pills or injections, it seems less hassle), and is desperate for a kick, thinking she's "experienced more emotion in a single night than she had in her whole dismal life."  Sorry, not feeling much sympathy for you, girl.

The flight attendant's name is Daisy, and my first thought is "yay, finally, a Coal with a non-ridiculous, non-stereotypical name!"  But apparently Eden can sense this woman's a Pearl in dark coating, and wonders how she got such a cushy job.  So much for breaking the tradition of stupid names for black people in this book...

And of course the flight attendant is nice to her, because only Pearls can be nice to other Pearls.  Really NOT helping your "racism is bad" cause here, Foyt...

Eden practices some breathing exercises her mother taught her, which involve letting your stomach "rise like a balloon" and letting your breath "carry your awareness through the body."  Apparently animals breathe like this, though watching the dog and cat from across the room I don't see how they breathe much differently from us humans.  And I seriously doubt a dog or cat is going to practice yoga-like breathing practices such as "breath carrying your awareness through your body."

Not sure why this chapter couldn't have been merged with the preceding chapter or the next chapter.  I'm really confused as to why an airplane ride needs its own separate chapter, unless Foyt just wants to use these chapters as an excuse to pack in more of Eden's self-loathing and love/hate attitude toward Bramford (though it's more like lust/hate, to be honest).  All these chapters do is make me loathe Eden more and more, and I honestly cannot understand how Foyt can think her protagonist is so relatable to young women when she's one of the most aggressively selfish, whiny, and hateful characters I've come across in a book in a long time.

Next spork will come along sooner, I swear...

* Nora Grey being the female protagonist of Hush, Hush, a YA fantasy series that apparently follows in Twilight's footsteps in portraying an abusive relationship as romantic and desirable.  Stephanie Meyer, look what you started...

Chapter 10 - This Blog Post Brought To You By TV Tropes

Happy New Year, readers!  My resolution this year is to do at least one spork post a month, hopefully two.  Maybe that way I can finally get through this horrific book...

This should honestly be the exciting part of the book -- we've finally gotten something resembling an action scene, and the moment we've been waiting for and/or silently dreading has come to pass -- a major character turning into a furry.  Though if this is an action scene, why am I feeling so blah about it?  As I've said several times before, for being such a scandalous and controversial book, it's a rather boring read.

So we left off last chapter with the lab on fire, Jamal holding Eden and her father at gunpoint, and Bramford making his debut as a black jaguar furry.  This chapter opens with a countdown announcing a minute and a half until self-destruct, but no one seems terribly eager to get the heck out of Dodge.

Dr. Newman wants a closer look at his creation -- understandable, what mad scientist wouldn't want a closer look at his attempts to play God -- which leads directly into another facepalming scene.

Eden tensed as her father approached Bramford, who towered over him.  Like a child experiencing his first World-Band fantasy, her father's eyes were wide with wonder for his creation.  If Bramford so much as flicked a finger, he might destroy the man who held the keys to his destiny.  But would the beast understand that? - p. 70

I've said it time and again, but look, Foyt, your "racism is terrible" message loses all meaning when you consistently compare black people to beasts, and in this case literally make one into a beast.  I can understand someone wondering if a person who's just turned into a furry hybrid still retains some of their humanity, but when you've spent so long comparing black people to beasts, it rubs the reader the wrong way.

Jamal orders his men to shoot to stun, which reminds me of Star Wars: A New Hope.  (Take a drink for reminding me of something I'd rather be watching instead of reading this...)  Eden shouts for Bramford to run.

He seemed not to hear her, and she wondered if he still knew his name or even retained the power of speech. - p. 70

Stop it already.  You made your point.

In any case, he stood firm, facing the semi-circle of soldiers.  She hated to think of how the FFP would cage and dissect him like a common lab rat, Rattus norvegicus.  (Random Latin name, take a drink!)  They would destroy him, just like every other wild thing on the ravaged planet. - p. 70

Wait... are you blaming the FFP and/or black people for destroying the planet?  That might be a bit of a stretch, I admit, but that's sure what this comes across as.  Eden's coming across as more and more racist all the time, which doesn't reflect well on the author at all.

Bramford makes his stand against the soldiers, and Eden figures that "like any alpha male, he needed to establish his dominance over them."  I wonder if Foyt would keep hammering us with all these "he's a beast now!" references if this were a Pearl or Amber or Tiger's Eye who just became a furry, because right now it's just making this book uncomfortable to read.

The PA system announces one minute to self-destruct, and I'm wondering why the heck people aren't running for the exits.  Wait, I hope they stay put.  The sooner we get a Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies moment, the sooner this blasted book can end!

Fire mushroomed through the shattered roof, sucking out the air with a powerful whoosh.  Chunks of the building rained down. - p. 71

Hallelujah!  Everyone's dead, I can shut this book and move on!

Eden screamed as one of the soldiers fired his laser at Bramford, who dodged the flare with lightning speed. - p. 71

Awwwwww... dangit.  I forget we're dealing with superhumans who can apparently survive without oxygen and dodge lasers -- contrary to what Star Wars and other sci-fi books and movies have taught us, you CAN'T dodge lasers unless you can move at the speed of light.  Or everyone in the room is just wearing heavy-duty Plot Armor at the moment.

Anyhow, Shen dives in to help but Bramford slaps him into a wall.  Shen had it so much better when the author forgot he existed...  Bramford looks shocked, as apparently he didn't mean to whack his bodyguard across the room.  Not sure how jaguar DNA suddenly gives you super-strength, but whatever.  At this point I'm just going to assume Foyt thinks genetic programming works like exposure to gamma rays does in Marvel comics -- it's the catch-all for giving your characters super powers.

Bramford proceeds to deliver a smackdown to the FFP soldiers, dodging laser blasts (see above note on this) and "mashing" one of them "into a ball" as if he were suddenly the Hulk.  Are we sure Eden's father was really trying to help humans survive the Heat, or was he making super soldiers?

Jamal announces he's going to "neutralize" Bramford, which apparently no one hears except Eden so she can have her heroic moment.  She sees that if Bramford goes after Jamal, he leaves himself open for Giant and Squeaky *sigh* to attack.

She recalled that Aunt Emily said she felt as if the top of her head came off whenever she recognized poetry.  Now, Eden felt a similar lift and knew what to do. - p. 72

Oh hey, the "Aunt Emily" thing comes up again.  Though I don't see how Emily's ability to "recognize poetry," whatever that means (isn't poetry, even free verse, generally easy to identify?), helps in a battle situation.  I can see that Foyt's trying to say that Eden suddenly realizes what she needs to do, but again, that has nothing to do with poetry.  It's an awkward simile, and really doesn't fit in here other than to let Foyt show off who her favorite poet is.

Eden throws a chair at a burning timber hanging down from the roof, knocking it into Jamal and setting him on fire.  Gruesome way to go, but at least he has the mercy of not having to appear in this book anymore.  Farewell, Sir No-Longer-Appearing-In-This-Book.  May your ghost have mercy on my soul.

No, I am not above throwing in the

obligatory Monty Python reference...

Eden doesn't get any time to bask in her triumph -- she hears a scream and sees her father go down with a wound in his leg, though we never find out if it comes from a laser, the fire, or some other source.  Giant and Squeaky *ugh* go to Jamal's side despite him being clearly ON FIRE, and Bramford gives Eden a significant look ("did she imagine it or did something in his eyes soften?") before turning to Shen.

A look that puzzled Eden passed between them.  Bramford pointed toward the exit, clearly ordering Shen to leave.  Now she was sure the creature must have lost his human voice, although some reasoning appeared to be intact.  (Don't you just love how Eden immediately de-humanizes Bramford after his furry transformation, despite this supposedly being "the next step in human evolution?")  Shen shook his head, refusing even now to abandon his boss.  Bramford answered with a final roar, its cold authority strikingly similar to his old ways.  Finally, Shen turned away.

What was it, between those two, anyway?  - p. 73

Um...

Um... yeah.  If this book had anything resembling an honest fanbase, I'm sure this scene would have sparked a slew of Bramford/Shem slash fic.  I doubt Foyt intended to make this scene as awkward and Ho Yay as it came out, but there you go.

Bramford makes a leap for Eden's father, and Eden immediately thinks the smell of blood is going to make Bramford attack him because "any predator would."  *SIGH*  Instead Bramford picks him up and goes to Eden, resulting in yet another obligatory "romantic" scene.

She stared up into his savage face, her mind a blank.  To her amazement, Bramford spoke in a raspy growl, as terrifying as a tsunami, as thrilling as a rare bird in flight.

"Come, Eden," he said, holding out a sharp-clawed, leathery hand.

He knew her, she realized with delight.  Perhaps it was silly, but she felt special, as if a celebrity had recognized her.  And she felt helplessly lost in the magnetic glow of his cat-like eyes.  - p. 73

I dunno -- and I don't read enough werewolf-themed romances (read: none) to be turned on by someone who's just turned into a furry -- but if I were Eden in this situation, I would not be getting turned on by a jaguar-man who just beat the crap out of a group of armed soldiers.  I would be running away screaming.  But then, this book has already proven that neither Eden nor Foyt know what common sense is.

The alarm announced thirty seconds (even though it's felt like freaking hours), Bramford snaps at Eden to come with her, and she immediately whips back around to not liking him just because he was mean to her.

Eden liked him much better when he seemed mute.  She certainly didn't want to go anywhere with the scary beast.  But there was Father, and her promise to watch over him. - p. 74

Yes, and a fine job you've been doing of that too.  *sigh*

She reached for Bramford's hand, shocked once again by the electric feel of his touch.  This time, there was no mistaking the reeling effect on her, despite the change in him.  Or maybe because of it, he realized.  - p. 74

Eugh

Again, I don't read many romances, but I gotta know -- do they ALL come across as this heavy-handed when it comes to the heroine (or in this case Designated Heroine) feeling attraction toward the love interest?  Because this doesn't feel at all natural or right to me.  It comes across less as showing that Eden is falling for Bramford and more the author beating us over the head going "See, she loves him, she has the hots for them, it's the new Romeo and Juliet, I swear!"  Surely there's GOT to be a better way to show two people are falling in love or are otherwise attracted to one another, right?

Right?

Okay, moving on...

Bramford picks up Eden, sitting her on his shoulder -- this "jaguar DNA gives you super strength" thing is getting old fast -- and bolts as "fiery objects exploded around them."  Apparently being half-jaguar doesn't just make you immune to the Heat, it makes you fireproof too, because Bramford runs through a wall of fire without even getting scorched.  Eden laughs hysterically, because sure, that's the logical reaction to running headlong into flames, right?

The three of them take off for Bramford's jet, and somehow his pilot recognizes him despite him now being a furry and opens the door for them.  Eden suddenly remembers Austin -- oh, NOW she remembers the dog! -- and tries to go back for him, but Bramford yanks her back and orders the pilot to take off, despite Eden protesting and claiming she's "unable to fathom life without her dog."

A heart-stopping boom shook the skies.  She watched the lab explode, and let out an anguished scream.

"No!  Austin!"

...Eden slid down into the seat, devastated.  Everything she had known was gone.  If her life were a simple equation, like one plus one, it now yielded a negative number.  - p. 75

I sure hope overusing this GIF doesn't make me

associate this movie with Revealing Eden...

Okay, I really shouldn't be laughing at one of this books' only sympathetic characters kicking the bucket, but seriously, if Austin was so freaking important to Eden, why hasn't she even thought about him in five chapters?  And even when he featured in the book, she treated him like a nuisance or just part of the furniture.  Okay, so he did get a chance at playing Evil-Detecting Dog at one point (another overused trope, but I can't dig at it too much since dogs DO seem to sense when someone's trustworthy or not), but beyond that, Eden's shown little concern or fondness for him.  So don't try to pretend that all of a sudden her life is incomplete without the pooch.

Eden's father refers to Austin by his scientific name, because apparently like father like daughter, and Bramford acts shocked that Eden would risk her life for a dog, because apparently we're still supposed to think Bramford is the least likable character in this book.  Eden throws back that he's one to talk, he left poor Shen behind, and Bramford retorts that "I expect he'll be safe."  Also, apparently Shen has a mate and a child.  Little late to be throwing in any characterization for this guy, especially since I get the feeling we'll never see him again in this book.

To Bramford's credit, he's visibly upset about Shen... and Eden gripes that "he seemed more upset about Shen's future than her own."  I'm sure there's at least one soul out there who's read this book and ships Shen and Bramford...

Sorry, couldn't resist

Bramford couldn't fool her; he was simply a more powerful, and yes, even exciting, version of the selfish man Eden loathed.  (Because you've been SUCH a good judge of character up to now, girl...)

"Well, I'm grateful you saved us," her father said.

Eden glared at him.  Didn't he understand why Bramford had taken them along?  He didn't care about them any more than he cared for Shen.  If he hoped to restore his human form, he desperately needed her father's help.

But what if her father failed?  Then what would the wild beast do to them? - p. 76

Is it possible for my liking for a book character to reach negative digits?  I have not met a more aggressively unlikable antagonist since Bella from Twilight... and at least Bella had the one saving grace that she was more whiny and clingy than outright sociopathic. 

Now, up to this point I've had a vague idea of what this book's about -- but as of Bramford's turning into a furry, we've officially reached the point where I have no idea what lies ahead.  I have no idea what the rest of the book has in store for us.  Though judging by what we've seen before, I highly doubt the book is going to get much better.  If anything, Foyt will probably find all kinds of new and glorious ways to fail spectacularly.

*skims blog post*  Dang, did I include a lot of links to TV Tropes in this post or what...

Chapter 9 - Meh-meh-meh-meh-meh-meh-meh-meh CATMAN!

Guess what, we finally get an action chapter.  For what it's worth, at least...

So Eden's surrounded by FFP soldiers, which seem to be this world's equivalent of the KKK only against white people, and given that it's been stated in the past that these people want to wipe out Pearls you'd think she'd be afraid for her life, or at least trying to make an escape.  But nope, that would be too logical and smart for our protagonist -- I recoil at the thought of calling her "heroine" at this point.  Literally, the first two paragraphs of this chapter go like this:

Eden stood in Jamal's office among the FFP soldiers, wondering how her dreams had died so suddenly.  Because they  had never been real, she realized.  She had only imagined a better future.  In six months, when she turned eighteen, still unmated, she'd be cut off and left outside to die.

She stared with new eyes at Jamal, her ex-boyfriend, struck by how ugly he was.  His arrogant posturing and the strident tone with which he addressed his team of conspirators sickened her.  He was no better than Bramford -- even worse.  Why hadn't she seen it before?  She faced the sad truth with a heavy sigh.  Her desperate need for Jamal's help had blinded her to his real nature. -- p. 62

For being terrified of the FFP before, she's sure blase about them now.  I'd think she'd be terrified for her life and not crushed that she just got dumped... sure, I'll allow for feelings of betrayal right now, but one would think in a crisis like this she'd be more apt to be afraid for her life than commiserating about how her boyfriend was stringing her along.  Just my thought...

Eden decides "there was a sort of freedom in being doomed" and that she might as well make things difficult for Jamal.  Her decision is to dash to the nearest computer and shut down the "firewall" that's keeping flames from getting to the lab.  I'd wondered what precisely "firewall" meant here... but are fires really so prevalent in this world that something like this is needed on a regular basis?  Or is the mountain just always on fire (which makes no sense as fires need fuel and can't burn indefinitely -- even the Centralia coal-mine fires in Pennsylvania will burn out eventually once they run out of coal...)?

Eden tries to get out in the confusion and gets nabbed by Giant, who smiles lasciviously at her.  Because we can't let anyone forget that precious Pearls are always in danger of getting raped in this world.

Even Gaston's had enough of this crap

"You know, you're a pain in the ass, Eden," Jamal said.  "Most Pearls would give anything to be on my team.  (Given that your organization's dedicated to wiping out Pearls, I doubt it...)  What's wrong with you?"

..."Guess I'm old-fashioned," she said.  "I still think honesty is a virtue." -- p. 63

Funny coming from the girl who tries to pass as black every day.  And we haven't seen many of her "virtuous" qualities yet, unless the author thinks that her being a precious white Pearl is enough of a virtue to speak for itself.  Gag...

My sentiments exactly, AJ...

Jamal offers her one more chance for old time's sake, but Eden retorts that he's just going to do what he wants anyway.  Jamal tells his men to capture Eden's father and Bramford alive and kill anyone else who gets in their way, including Eden.  Oh please, do it, Jamal, you'd be doing the world and the readers a favor!

(Un)fortunately, we get a convenient explosion right there as the fire outside gets too close and the roof of the labs blows off.  Windows break (but conveniently no one gets cut) and toxic smoke blows in, then the lights go out.  Eden makes a break for it and finds the labs in chaos and for some reason "the loud screams and frantic movements reminded her of the Moon Dance."  Yikes... I'm not a dancing or partying person myself, but from what I know of them, if a building on fire reminds you of a major dance or party, you're doing it way wrong.

Flame retardant shoots out of the walls and peels off part of her coating, and to her credit Eden doesn't stop to freak out about it.  So our protagonist has SOME brains after all.  

She felt like a loose electron bouncing from atom to atom as she crawled through the melee.  - p. 64

Is it me, or does this analogy feel weird?  It might be something a science nerd brings up in a comic-relief moment, but I'm sure the average person in a crisis isn't going to be thinking of atoms when they're in the middle of a chaotic situation.  They're going to think of something they can visualize, and atoms and electrons are just too tiny to quickly visualize.  Maybe this is to show how "smart" Eden is, but it comes across as forced and awkward.

She spots her father in the chaos and heads toward him, when we suddenly get some forced drama regarding the experiment.

A painful cry filled the air.  Her father jerked toward the test bed.  It seemed Bramford was in trouble.  Blessed Earth, the extreme heat must have contaminated the experiment.  Her fault, all of it.  - p. 64

Well, at least she acknowledges that this mess is HER fault, though whether she accepts responsibility for letting Jamal in on the secret or not, or just the fire, we have yet to see.  And I wager she's not going to see real consequences for royally screwing up her father's experiment...

Eden hears the soldiers coming and has a flashback (the text reads as "she flashed on the day the lab had opened," when I think Foyt meant "she flashed back to the day the lab had opened" and it REALLY would have been simpler to just say "she recalled the day the lab had opened).  Apparently her father entrusted her with the code to activate the lab's self-destruct mechanisms.  Yes, because she's been SO trustworthy now... you're lucky she didn't hand THAT over to Jamal too.

Eden gives the code -- "go bluebell," because her mother's eyes were the color of bluebells -- and mourns that every backup of her father's work will be destroyed.  This is why you don't keep all your backups in the same place...

Eden heads for the operating theater, only for Jamal to block her way.  His soldiers surround the "operating theater" (don't hospitals have operating theaters, not labs), and Bramford's still screaming.  I get that Foyt's trying to get across that this is a tense moment, but I'm feeling nothing.  Maybe it would help if we knew precisely what was going wrong with the experiment, or actually saw what Bramford was going through instead of just him screaming.  For all we know he could be dying or he could just be undergoing a chest-hair wax -- people scream for all kinds of reasons, not all of them life-threatening.

Eden calculated their survival odds: one crazy, old scientist and his gullible daughter against, count 'em -- seven armed soldiers, including Jamal.  Bramford was useless.  Their only hope was Shen who, to her amazement, remained by his employer's side.  (Oh hey, we remembered he was here too.  Ten bucks he's not going to be mentioned for the rest of the chapter...)

As her father might have said, the current trajectory would no doubt result in a re-organization in favor of the more dominant genes.  (Who talks like this?  Even scientists don't talk like this in everyday conversation.  Stop assuming all scientists talk in Hollywood Nerd language.)  In other words, Jamal, and therefore the FFP, would win and kill all the Pearls, starting with her.  - p. 66

Jamal tells Eden's father that if he turns himself over to the FFP, he'll be treated with the respect he deserves.  Why are the FFP bad guys again?  Oh, right, because Eden Says So.  *eyeroll*

I've noticed this from earlier chapters, but it's rearing its head more and more as the fic goes -- Revealing Eden suffers from a condition known as Protagonist-Centered Morality.  In a work of fiction it's only natural that much of the narrative will showcase the main character's beliefs, morals, and opinions, and that the narrative will center on these regardless of whether they're right or wrong.  But when Protagonist-Centered Morality sets in, what the protagonist regards as right and wrong shapes the entire story and its universe.  What Eden wants is inevitably shown as precious and right, and what she regards as wrong is invariably shown as evil and disgusting.  And it gets freaking irritating.

Eden shouts for help, which finally gets her father's attention.  He tells the FFP to bugger off so he can finish his experiment.  Dude's got guts... why isn't he the main character?

Jamal orders his men to advance, and Eden's father holds up a syringe and threatens to kill himself and Bramford.  Jamal responds by threatening Eden (nope, not gonna miss her), and that makes her father hesitate.

"Do you understand, Doctor?"

"What?  Yes, the paradigm has been clearly presented."  - p. 67

*facehoof*

PEOPLE.  DON'T.  TALK.  LIKE.  THIS.  Seriously.  You're not writing a kid's chapter book with a stereotypical nerd kid who talks like a college professor -- you're writing what's supposed to be an intelligent YA social commentary.  Have your people talk like actual PEOPLE and not robots.  Do you get out of the house at all, Foyt?  Because your conversations read like you don't know how people actually speak to each other.  Dialogue should read smoothly, but yours clunks along worse than a drunken giant robot.

Sorry, I need a laugh about this point

Eden's father blows off Jamal's threat and turns back to his experiment.  Of course, Eden has to make it all about her despite the obvious danger to everyone at this point.

It was embarrassing, really.  No one wanted her -- not her boyfriend, not even her own father.  Guess the FFP hadn't counted on her worthlessness. -- p. 67

I.  Am going.  To slap you.  You little self-centered TWAT.  Can you think about NOTHING else besides yourself?  At the very least worry about your father's safety or something!  

The PA system announces two minutes until self-destruct, and Jamal orders his men to take out Eden's father.  But before anything can happen, we get "an earth-shaking roar."  What, now this book has dinosaurs?  Nothing would surprise me at this point.

Yes, I was looking for an excuse to throw a

"One Piece" screencap in this sporking...

The roaring's apparently coming from Bramford, and he rips free of his restraints and jumps off the bed.  And we get a good look at the "biggest leap in evolution since man discovered fire."

Bramford didn't resemble the controlled model of the new man she expected.  Instead, she stared up at a terrifying creature, part man and part beast.

Mostly, he reminded Eden of his new cousin, the jaguar.  In the slash of cheekbones and feline face the resemblance was unmistakable.  His eyes, now a luminous deep green, gleamed cat-like in the glow of the fire.  No longer bald, he had dark silky hair tumbling down his shoulders.  Powerful, carved legs ripped through the white surgical pants.  (Please, please, please don't give us a description of his genitalia, please, Foyt, I beg of you...)

His skin had turned so dark it blended with his camouflage spots, giving the impression of muted scars or tattoos all over his body.  The deep, dark coloring, thanks to the melanistic jaguar's pitch-black coat, enhanced his powerful presence, just as Bramford must have intended.

He shook with rage.  The shirt split across his chest (HULK SMASH!), revealing tight bands of muscles under a light mat of fur.  Slowly, he turned over his hands, examining the thick padded palms.  His gaze traveled down his adapted body, and Eden wondered if the unexpected beastly form shocked him.  Or had Bramford even retained enough human awareness to experience such an emotion?  - p. 68-69

I tried to find a picture of a black panther anthro/furry to

put here and was scarred for life by what I found.  Have

a cute jaguar cub instead.  You're welcome.

I'm still failing to see how turning the world's population into furries solves the "heat" problem.  One would think that raising the Earth's temperatures enough to kill off humans would also be fatal to other animals, whether or not they were dark-colored or furred.  But I logic hasn't been Foyt's strong point throughout this whole novel, so why should she start worrying about it now, I guess...

And am I the only one who caught the implication that Bramford, being a Coal, is more prone to succumbing to his new form's "animal" mindset than a Pearl?  Or is it just me?  At any rate, Foyt's not helping her "this book is against racism" case any...

His angry roar seemed to answer her unspoken question with a resounding yes.  She felt faint from the ferocious power he exuded.  Unreasonable feelings bubbled up within her.  Maybe it was crazy, but she wanted to roar back at him.

Feral eyes landed on her, devouring every inch.  She found herself smiling at him.  But his eyes stayed cold, his expression as flint-hard as ever.

In that moment, Eden understood that despite his dramatic physical transformation, deep down Ronson Bramford hadn't changed one bit.  He was still the same arrogant bastard.  -- p. 69

*face-servo*

Ya know, I'd gripe about "show don't tell" regarding Bramford being an arrogant bastard, but I'd just be beating a dead horse here.  And I'd gripe about how sick I am of Foyt's ham-handed attempt at romance here (I know, the "I hate you I love you" routine is a staple of romantic comedies, but it bugs the heck out of me), but again, dead horse.  So I'll just point out that I was right, Shen didn't even get a mention for the rest of this chapter.  I've seen Star Trek red shirts that have more impact on the plot than this guy... though if the author forgets about him, maybe he'll get the mercy of not having to appear in this book anymore...

And yes, the chapter ends there.  Nine down, thirty-four to go.  I can do this, I can do this...