Chapter 6 - Let's All Play the "Save the Pearls" Drinking Game!

Gather 'round, folks, it's time for the Save the Pearls drinking game!  \~/

Best GIF ever

If you drink, keep a bottle of your drink of choice close by and take a shot whenever one of the following pops up.  If you don't drink, you can substitute something caffeinated if you'd like.  Be warned -- you'll probably be quite hammered/buzzed at the end of a chapter.  And for Primus' sake DON'T try to read the whole book in one shot if you're playing the Drinking Game.  You could end up dead from liver damage or a heart attack.  XD

• Take a shot whenever a black person is literally described as black
• Take a shot whenever a black person is given a ridiculous name/nickname.  Two shots if its their real name (Peach, Ashina, etc.) and not some stupid nickname Eden came up with (such as Giant and Squeaky from the previous chapter)
• Take a shot whenever a random Latin name is tossed in
• Take a shot whenever Eden obsesses over being beautiful.  Two shots if she considers beauty more important than functionality or anything else important.
• Take a shot whenever Eden refers to Jamal as her Dark Prince
• Take a shot whenever the author screws up her research (biology, history, basic science, etc.)
• Take a shot whenever you see another, better sci-fi/dystopian franchise ripped off
• Take a shot whenever Eden starts hating on a Coal for no reason other than they're black
• Take a shot whenever the author misuses a word
• Drink the entire bottle and go read Hunger Games, Brave New World, Ready Player One, and/or Naughts and Crosses (which I'm told does the race-flip concept much better than this book) if you suspect you might actually be ENJOYING this wretched waste of wood pulp

More to be added if/when they come up...

So we left off with Eden being hauled off by two EVIL, NASTY, HORRIBLE Coals to the Moon Dance.  Don't get your hopes up that they're going to off her, we've still got over two hundred pages to go...  Eden's hoping for a rescue from Jamal, of course, but he hasn't shown.

He was late, that's all.  Preparations for the Big Night at the lab must have detained him.  He would save her.  He simply had to. -- p. 40

Nice that Foyt has given us such a strong and independent heroine, isn't it?  *sarcasm*

Her captors, helpfully labeled "Giant and Squeaky," force her into the dance hall, "packed with writhing dancers."  And here we get one of the most laughable and stupid examples of Foyt's attempt to show racism against white people in this book:

On the main stage a band of Coals performed in whiteface.  Eden's sensors told her their name: The Lost Caucasian Tribe.  A wild-looking girl whose wailing pierced the air fronted the group.  Her sheer, electric orange dress flashed, like a beacon in the somber sea of black. -- p. 40

This GIF needs to be more popular

First of all, that "sea of black" could be an example of "black people being described as black."  Take a drink!  \~/  

Second, really?  SERIOUSLY?  Yes, I know blackface was a thing that white people used to imitate and mock black people in the past -- I've even seen some examples of it, mostly in old Loony Toons and Little Rascals shows that came out long before things like Civil Rights and political correctness did.  And yes, I know that it's a sticky subject and one that's still a sore spot for people of color.  But this is just... no.  Once you use blackface in your book promotion and try to get your fans to indulge in it to promote your work, you don't get to critique it in your actual writing.  This is hypocrisy, plain and simple.

Also, the whole idea of reversing blackface to make fun of white people falls on its face here.  Why is the group called Lost Caucasian Tribe anyhow?  Historically, Caucasians have almost never come from tribes -- the word "tribe" is associated more with African-Americans, Native Americans, and other races.  Wouldn't a more appropriate word here be "clan?"  

I get the feeling that Foyt wanted to lampoon the old-time minstrel shows somehow but got mixed up in how to aim it at white people instead of black people.  Because this scene feels a bit like a missed opportunity here.  Instead of adjusting the concept to truly make fun of white people (why not have the band named The Yuppies or something and have them all wear Ugg boots or something?), she's just switching out the colors and going "good enough."  The scene's not only in bad taste, but smacks of laziness.

Vendors are selling goods in the hall as well, with Coals getting the prime spots and Pearls relegated to the "dim recesses" of the building.  There's also "a gaunt woman with feverish eyes, un-dotted and well past eighteen," trying to hit on random passerby for "a shot of oxy."  

Eden's head throbbed as she scanned the hall.  Still, no sign of her Dark Prince.  If he failed her, she'd end up like that poor woman, begging for a shot.  She'd rather be dead.  -- p. 41.

Um... I thought un-mated Pearls over eighteen got tossed outside.  And while it's possible that one might slip through the cracks, I highly doubt she'd get away with it by hanging out at a public event like the Moon Dance.  And wasn't Eden worried that she WOULD die if she wasn't mated by eighteen?  Consistency, who needs it?

Also Dark Prince!  Take a drink!  \~/  And another for misuse of the word "tribe" earlier, why not... \~/

Eden tries to get the attention of an Ethics Officer passing by, but Giant orders her to dance instead.  She does so, "jerking" her limbs, and he promptly kisses her neck and cracks open her coating to reveal her white skin.  Somehow that gets the attention of "hundreds of Coals" who turn to stare at her with "rabid" looks.  Given how packed this place is and how much dancing is going on, would a tiny patch of skin showing through really get THAT much attention?  It's not like she's on stage or anything... does her skin glow or something?

Giant and Squeaky start to drag her off, and Eden realizes that the solders must have a plan for her and her capture might not be pure coincidence.  So she FINALLY shows some self-preservation instincts and bites Giant's wrist, then drops to her hands and knees and crawls off through the crowd, tripping people up before she gets up and tries to run for it.

She twisted her slender frame through the throng until a couple of hard-bodies (I didn't add that hyphen, it's in the book) pinned her between them.  Grinning, two male Pearls bobbed with her to the beat.  Their glassy eyes, full of wild hope, and their papery, red-tinged skin told her they had The Heat.  Probably, celebrating one last Moon Dance. -- p. 42

So... that's The Heat?  Sounds like a bad sunburn to me.  Unless the symptoms for cancer have radically changed over the years...

Eden knees one of the guys in the crotch and runs... and for some reason it's the other guy who starts crying.  What the heck?  Apparently The Heat causes mood swings, but still, this comes across as really random...

Finally Giant catches her again and hauls her back into the crowd... until someone orders him to let her go. and hits Squeaky with a stun laser.  Do lasers even come in a "stun" setting?  

Her captor turned around, dragging Eden with him.  Dark shadows hid the man's face.

"What's it to you?" Giant said.

"She belongs to me."  Just then a strobe light passed over him, revealing his dark, chiseled features.

Bramford.  Of course, he thought he owned her. -- p. 43

*facepalm*  This guy is trying to save your life, chick!  Now is not the time to start going off on a rant about him!  

Turns out it was Shen who fired the stun laser, which is apparently illegal.  He tells Giant that if he lets Eden go in five seconds, he won't have to kill him, and the big guy waits until the last second to let her go -- we know this because Bramford helpfully counts down.  I suspect this was included as a way to ramp up the tension, but when Eden is so unlikable and we have no reason whatsoever to worry about Giant's welfare, any sense of tension Foyt was shooting for in this scene is completely lost.  You can't make us worry about characters if we don't care for them first.

Giant picks up Squeaky and they take off, and if they have any sense they won't come back for the rest of this joke of a book.  Bramford pulls Eden in for a dance, and we get a weird moment that I suspect is supposed to be played for romantic tension but just feels awkward.

"Thank you for your help, sir," Eden said, trying to pull away.  "You can go now."

Bramford seemed amused and held her tight.  "Are you dismissing me?"

Why did he always make her feel so small?

"I said thanks."

"You don't want to dance with me?  Is that it?"

She felt tongue-tied with his warm body next to hers.  "Those women are waiting for you," she managed to say.

"Let them wait.  Unless you'd rather we stopped?"

Did she?  Wasn't she enjoying this?  While she hesitated Bramford's expression hardened.

"Let's go," he said, turning away. -- p. 44-45

Maybe I just don't read enough romances, maybe I just don't have any real-life romantic experience to draw from... but this whole exchange doesn't feel like flirting or any kind of romantic moment to me.  It just feels awkward, even out of character.  Eden has hated Bramford up until this point, and Bramford has only behaved professionally toward Eden up until this point.  Had Eden started thawing out gradually toward Bramford or some hint dropped earlier about Bramford being interested in her, it might not feel so out of place, but as it is this whole section feels rather forced.

Especially since Eden immediately goes back to thinking how much she despises "the Pearl-hating Coal" in the next paragraph.  *sigh*  If he hated Pearls so much, why did he just save your life, brat?

She looks around the room again for Jamal, and Bramford informs her that Jamal isn't coming.  Not surprised.

Admit it, you read that line in Gilbert Gottfried's voice

Sweet Mother Earth, what had happened to her Dark Prince?  (Take a drink! \~/ )  Once more, Eden tried to connect with his Life-Band.  Still, no response.  The devastating truth hit her: Jamal wasn't coming.

Eden caught a glimpse of Bramford weaving through the crowd.  Any second, it would swallow him without a trace.  She had no choice but to follow the arrogant bastard. -- (p. 46)

Nice way to think about the guy who just saved your life.  Why are we supposed to care about the protagonist again?