Chapter 7 -- Leaving On a Jet Plane

I know, it's been a month between posts.  I've been putting off sporking this chapter because, frankly it's BORING.  It could easily have been absorbed into another chapter, as it contains a LOT of unnecessary padding.  Probably not cut as there's a major (if incredibly stupid) plot point toward the end, but at least condensed and added to another chapter.

When we last left our "heroes" -- and I use that term loosely because these characters are about as heroic and likable as the freaking Malfoys -- Bramford had just rescued Eden's ungrateful little butt from violence at the hands of Giant and Squeaky and was dragging her off.  Now Bramford and Shem are heading through a tunnel leading to the surface, with Eden in tow.  No thank-yous from Eden, because of COURSE not.

Eden feels the temperature rise and her ears pop, which seems reasonable enough -- even modest changes in altitude can make your ears pop.  Still, if the temperature down below is a hundred and ten, if it's getting any hotter then all three of these characters should be sweating buckets or even passing out.  But apparently Eden only "began to sweat" as they started hiking closer to the surface.  Do people just not sweat anymore or what?

Bramford takes Eden to a supersonic aircraft piloted by "a small-boned Tiger's Eye."  I'm getting rather sick of these names for the different races... not just Coals and Pearls either.

Please, tell us again how stones like these are

ugly and worthless...

"Get in," he [Bramford] insisted.

"No," Eden said, as stunned as he, by her daring refusal.

"What's wrong?"

"Can't.  Fly."  -- p. 47-48

First of all, I'm bugged by the flagrant case of Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma there.  Is anyone else, or is it just me?  The random period in Eden's second sentence is a little more forgivable as it implies stammering, but commas are not punctuation confetti.  Learn to use them properly.

Second of all, I don't see how her refusal is particularly daring, nor does Bramford give any sign of being stunned by it.  Either this was sarcasm and neither of them are stunned at all, or (far more likely) Foyt just blatantly ignored the rule of "show, don't tell" again.

Bramford drags her inside the aircraft, and she goes light-headed and falls into a seat.  He tells her to "relax, you'll enjoy it," which is more than a little squicky to me.  Did Foyt intend the unfortunate implications of this bit or not?

The plane takes off, and Eden has a freakout -- not a panic attack, but a freakout.  Yes, there's a difference.  She can't stop thinking about footage of air accident's she's seen, "common due to the erratic jet streams," though why anyone would want to fly in a world where everything important is underground seems weird in itself.

She glanced at Bramford, who appeared calm as usual.  Probably enjoying her distress.  -- p. 48

The fact that Eden takes every little thing Bramford does as a personal insult says a lot -- not only that she thinks the worst of him, but that she also seems to have a huge ego in that everything HAS to be about HER.  It probably doesn't occur to her that Bramford's used to flying, or that he's just learned to tune out and deal with unpleasant matters.  Something Eden could use to learn...

Eden tells herself to breathe, and randomly thinks that "her mother always had said it was the key to happiness."  I'm not sure of breathing is the key to happiness so much as it's the key to freaking LIFE ITSELF, but what do I know?

"One does not love breathing." -- p. 18

Again, stop reminding me of better books, Foyt...

Eden stares at the seat in front of her, mentally whining again about how he's stamped it with his logo and how it's made of leather, which is awful because society "treated its scant remaining livestock like gods."  You'd think that society would be working on ways to increase its number of livestock -- breeding programs, cloning, etc. -- but apparently stupid stuff like the World Ban and hating on Pearls was more important.

Bramford starts watching a news feed on his Life Band of an albino -- excuse me, Cotton -- boy being burned alive.  Apparently they're not extinct after all?  Here Foyt tries to retcon her earlier statement of albinos being a race by showing the government has been trying to wipe out the gene responsible for albinism, but when you make a goof you're supposed to go back and correct it, not leave it in and throw in a retcon later on in the book.

Eden watched as a mob tied the screaming albino to a funeral pyre.  It was the only time she'd seen Coals and Pearls united in action... Strange how she didn't feel deep hatred for the albino, as she had been taught in school.  She might even feel sorry for the poor boy.  -- p. 49

You'd think Pearls would feel some measure of sympathy for albinos -- um, Cottons -- due to them having pale skin shades, but nope.  And apparently this scene is supposed to show that by golly, Eden really DOES have a caring heart!  Far too little and far too late, Foyt.  

And seriously... Cotton?  We couldn't even stick with a mineral name, like Talc or Alabaster?  Who needs consistency, I guess.

Bramford's ring flashed and the news story changed.  Eden quickly glanced at him, surprised to see the anxiety in his face.  Why would a megalomaniac like him care about the doomed Cotton? -- p. 49

Again, SHOW DON'T TELL.  We have seen ZERO evidence that Bramford is cruel or megalomaniacal, and are having to take Eden's heavily-biased word for it instead.  Give us some examples, Foyt!  Because as it stands he seems to be the most reasonable and even kindly character in the book.  

The aircraft took a sharp turn, nearly throwing her into Bramford's lap.  He looked stunned and she wondered if he had felt the same mysterious electric charge.  Was he wearing some new device that generated overwhelming magnetism? -- p. 49

Starscream's "whut" face

Geez, and here I thought I sucked at writing romance.  What the heck is this even?  Even stupid romantic comedies feel more natural than these "romantic" scenes.

Shen offers her an oxy tablet -- apparently only the military gets oxy tablets instead of helmets because they need to be able to move around.  I still think the helmets are an absolutely stupid idea and it would have made more sense to use needles, but what do I know?

Bramford also gives Eden a glass of water, despite the fact that she's already had her allotment for the day.  This is the first we've heard of a water shortage, but given that the world's so hot I guess it makes sense.  I just wish it had been brought up before now so it didn't feel so shoehorned in.

The image of her dying mother, desperate for a drink of water, burned in her mind.  Many times, shame-faced, she'd allowed Eden to sacrifice part of her nightly share.  Lasers and leather and oxy tablets, Eden could understand.  But extra water?  She wished that greedy bastard could know how it felt to live on the edge.  -- p. 50

Oh my PRIMUS, can't you accept a kind gesture as a kind gesture, you little brat?  He's trying to be nice and all you can do is bitch and moan about how awful he is?  For all you know he's giving up his own allotment for you.  But no, you have to automatically assume the worst!  Ugh...

Eden plays passive-aggressive and swallows the tablet without water.  Shen says something about a fire breaking out, and Bramford tells him to go faster.  Weirdly random bit but we'll see if it plays out into anything actually important... though there are enough things thrown in here that turn out to not be important later that it's a chancy gamble.

Bramford contacts Eden's father and says to delay the experiment until he gets there, and he complains about the heat damaging the viral samples.  Peach leans into the picture to whisper something, and of COURSE the author has to point out about her being plump.  Because all black people are fat, you know... *gags*

Peach informs her father, who informs Bramford, that the test subjects have gone missing... as has Ashina, who's supposed to report on the test subjects.  Eden's sure "that bitch" has sabotaged the operation and says so to Bramford, though thankfully he ignores her whining because he's got more important things to worry about now.

So does Bramford punish her father as a cruel megalomaniac would do?  Does he throw a fit or demand to know details?  Let's find out...

"I was afraid it would come to this."

"To what?"

He ignored her.  "Proceed as planned, doctor."

"But how?" he said, once more in view.  "No subject, no experiment."

Poor Father, he looked crushed.  This was meant to be the crowning achievement of his lifetime.  (I'd make a dig here but that'd just be mean to furries... sorry your fandom is associated with this horrible book...)

"I guarantee you'll have a subject," Bramford said.  "Just stay on schedule."

"But who?" Eden said.

Bramford took a deep breath, his hands floating to his lap.  "Me, that's who."  -- p. 51-52

So here we have a man who's willing to risk his well-being -- even his life -- for an experiment that can possibly save the world (inasmuch as turning the population of the world into cat people can save the world), and does that improve Eden's view of him?  

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Who else would be brave or stupid enough to volunteer for an illegal and highly experimental procedure?  -- p. 52

So... why isn't Bramford the hero of this book?  Seriously, Foyt has been building him up to be the bad guy who's out to have a relationship with the heroine, but he's by far the more sympathetic and heroic character of this book.  And personally I'd rather see this story from HIS point of view.  He's by far the more likable character, and has done a lot more good in the story than Eden so far.

Maybe Foyt'll write a POV sequel to this with Bramford, much like E. L. James did with Grey and Stephanie Meyer was planning to do with Midnight Sun before she pulled the plug on it.  Though given the quality of this book, do we WANT to see such a thing...

Eden's father asks him to post his genome, though if Eden's already gotten a chance at his genome I'd assume they already have a copy of it in the lab somewhere.  Bramford says "I've taken bigger risks" and Eden promptly starts griping about him again in her head.

What risks? Eden wondered.  He'd lived his life insulated by wealth and privilege.  Besides, she didn't believe he would go through with it.  He was only showing off.  -- p. 52

I wanna slap this girl.  Stop making judgments about this guy, will you?  He's already doing far more to help your father than you could ever dream of.

Eden thinks that the missing test subjects could explain why Jamal was absent, as he'd have to take care of that before coming to the Moon Dance.  I think it explains it too, but not in the same way Eden's thinking...  

The plane lands, and Eden starts immediately looking around the tunnel they've reached for Jamal.  Bramford tells her she's coming with him, she mouths off to him, and he drags her off, causing "a strange knocking in her gut."  That sounds more like gas than feelings of burgeoning love, honestly...

Never mind, her Dark Prince would save her.  -- p. 53

Honey, your Dark Prince isn't coming for you.  Get it through your head already.  And I'm gonna hazard a guess that Mr. Dark Prince sold you out and used the info you gave him to sabotage the experiment.  Which will mean that Eden, the supposed heroine of this story, has effectively done more damage than the supposed villain.  Way to go, Foyt... I don't think this was your plan, but you screwed up royally here.

Overall, a rather boring chapter, and I think it could have been meshed into the previous chapter instead of standing alone.  The plane ride feels superfluous, and I don't understand why it was needed when the labs are already located in the same set of tunnels as the rest of this place.

A common mistake of amateur writers (and I'm guilty of it as well) is thinking you have to write every last detail of the story.  And the key to writing well is understanding what's important, and what can be cut.  Unless something vital to the story happens on a journey from one point to another, we don't need to hear about the journey.  Unless something plot-vital happens during a meal, we don't need to see the meal.  There's a lot that could have been trimmed from this chapter, and it feels like it was included here just for the sake of being here.

Hopefully not so much of a delay before the next chapter...