Chapter 23 - You Fail Mythology 101 Forever

Onward and upward...

Eden wakes up in the morning to rustling sounds in the hut.  She promptly freaks out and chucks the hand mirror at it, and it runs away.  Please tell me the mirror breaks and she gets seven years of bad luck...

Eden judges by the critter's footsteps that it "must be small and harmless," but all the same keeps screaming and yells for her father to watch out.  Turns out it's a spider monkey (Latin name?  You bet your gluteus maximus we get it), and for whatever reason we get the factoid that they're known for walking upright with their tails stiff against their backs.  This isn't a textbook, Foyt, you don't need to lecture us on every critter we meet...

Sorry, real spider monkeys aren't nearly as awesome

as this...

She rushed after it onto the front steps, but it had fled.  Arms akimbo, she caught her breath.  She'd scared off an Ateles paniscus all by herself.  Maybe she wasn't as helpless as she thought. -- p. 164

I wouldn't call scaring off a monkey big and brave, unless it was a baboon...  Also we get this confusing bit after the monkey runs off.

Eden doubted the monkey would return to find itself trapped indoors again.  Why did she find comfort in stark boundaries when they confused a creature of simple intelligence?  The Huaorani also lived in a seamless way.  Was that why they seemed so happy?  -- p. 164

I... don't even know.  It feels like we've got three different thoughts pasted together into a single paragraph.  Or maybe my brain is just numb from the stupidity in this book...

Eden looks around the compound, still looking for her backpack.  And quite conveniently the sky is dark and stormy to mirror her thoughts.  Empathic Environment is an overused trope of its own, and while it's excellent visual shorthand in a movie or comic, it loses its effectiveness in a literary medium in my opinion.

She also hopes to see Bramford so she can talk him out of accelerating his transformation into a jaguar furry "for his sake."  You really didn't care one whit about him in the last chapter, why suddenly start caring now?

Dr. Newman calls out for her, and she hurries to his side.  A lot of his dark coating has come off and his skin looks "sallow, greasy," and he looks pretty sick.  And of course NOW Eden FINALLY starts feeling guilty for betraying them all to Jamal and the FFP, which led to this.  Only took you half the book, girl... and I'd ask why she suddenly started caring about her father now, but I'm willing to give her a little bit of slack because I know how complicated the relationship can be between kids and their parents.

She wants to apologize, but instead tells her father he should wash off the rest of the coating.  Yay for looks trumping all.

"Why not wash the coating off your face, Father?"

"Impossible," he said, with a withering look.

"Do I look that bad?"

"Bad?"  He looked puzzled.  "That would require a subjective opinion."

"Forget it."  He would never understand.  -- p. 165

*sigh*  Try talking to the man, girl.  He might understand more than you think.  Also it's entirely possible for scientists to have subjective opinions -- they're human beings, after all.  "Scientist" doesn't mean "emotionless robot."

Unless we're talking robot scientist...

but even they have some emotion

Maria and her daughters come in, Maria with medical supplies and the two girls with food for Eden and her father.  One serves Eden while the other serves her father, and Eden guesses from their expressions that there was some kind of contest where the loser had to serve her.  Once again, Eden, please stop thinking that everything revolves around you and that everyone's picking on you.  Also, this "chicha" they keep giving everyone isn't food, Foyt -- it's an alcoholic beverage.  Give them something a little more nourishing, why don't you.

Maria starts cleaning her father's wound and putting on some nasty salve.  Eden thinks that Maria means well but that "the road to Earth's destruction also had been paved with good intentions."  Yeesh, whatever happened to being grateful, you little brat?

She pointed out the obvious.  "Father, do you really think this jungle medicine is working?"

"Precisely."  His tired face brightened.  "The poultice contains bark from the slippery elm, you see.  Its antibacterial properties are known to be an excellent treatment for gangrenous sores." -- p. 166

Okay, so this IS accurate... except that the slippery elm does NOT live in South America.  It's native to the eastern and mid-western United States.  For Primus' sake, Foyt, if you're going to flaunt your research to the reader, will you at least DO more than a half-assed job of research?  Your readers aren't idiots, we're going to know if you're trying to BS us...

Sorry... but it bothers me when a writer does a half-decent job of doing their research, but then incorporate incorrect facts along with their research.  Whether it's on purpose to mislead the reader or just doing a sloppy/lazy job of it, it can actually do some damage.  People who aren't familiar with the subject being discussed will assume everything, even the wrong information, is correct, and come away from the book or film even more misinformed than before.  People who catch the mistakes, meanwhile, will just assume the author is too lazy to fact-check their work or outright lying to the audience to prove their point.  Either way, it just makes the author look like a fool.

Maria informs them that stronger medicinal plants exist, but far away from the compound.  Eden's father says Bramford will go, and Eden says he's too busy chasing predators... and apparently he's a "selfish beast" for doing so.  Oh... gods... SERIOUSLY???  The man is working his furry butt off to get food for you and keep you safe, and you call him SELFISH???  Why don't you call him that to his face and see if you still have a face left afterwards?  

You done made this blogger MAD

Guh... moving on...

Dr. Newman rambles about how so many miracle cures have been lost along with the rainforest, which is a legitimate gripe today.  But Foyt's making enough of a muck of things trying to preach against racism, she really doesn't need to botch up an environmental message too...

Dr. Newman goes on about how noble Bramford is to have bought and held onto this rainforest despite pressure to sell it, both to research the plant life and to preserve the Huaorani's way of life.  Eden retorts that her father doesn't understand Bramford's "greedy motives," but he counters that "I can think of no one finer to be the Jaguar Man."  At least someone's willing to give Bramford the benefit of the doubt... and if this book had anything resembling a serious fandom I could see people wanting to ship Bramford with Dr. Newman instead of his bratty daughter.

Why isn't this GIF more popular among the shipping crowd?

Maria also mentions that Bramford is considered a shaman, and that there's a "golden vine" that can be used to make a drink that will give a shaman visionary experiences.  The vine itself (Latin name ahoy!) actually exists, and yes, has long been used by South American tribes to incite visions (and is used in the modern day to alleviate pain and as a weight-loss supplement), so at least that's one thing gotten right.  But somehow I doubt Albert Einstein was into shamanism, even though Dr. Newman brings up the fact that Einstein believed in a Fourth Dimension that could elevate our souls.  I don't even know anymore...

Eden wants some of this wonder-vine, and though the text doesn't state it I'll bet it's due to her oxy addiction.  Her father says it's stronger than any modern medicine and could probably kill her.  Given that there are drugs out there that can downright kill you in the wrong dose, that must be some pretty strong vine...

Eden wonders what it would be like to be as fearless as El Tigre, and asks what he's afraid of.  Maria says "Coatlicue," and through the weirdest and wackiest pantomime session I've ever read about manages to convey that Coatlicue is a snake god that you have to get past to get to the spirit world, otherwise you're reincarnated as an animal.  

*SIGH*  Aztec mythology nerd mode activate... and once again, an Ecuadorian tribe that believes in shamanism and animism should NOT be worshiping the gods of a Mexican and Central American nation.  I harped about this during the "jaguar god" nonsense several chapters back, and I harp upon it again here.  Next time, Foyt, either pick a Mexican tribe to foist your nonsense on or stick to the actual mythology and religion of this tribe.  Or just make up something fictional, you're good at that...

Coatlicue is an Aztec GODDESS, and while she does have a snake motif (she wears a skirt made of snakes and has two snake heads instead of a human head), she's not a snake herself.  Also, she's not a guardian of the land of the dead -- she's actually a mother goddess, one who gave birth to the sun god Huitzilopochitli (say that three times fast) and to the moon and stars, and was also considered the patron goddess of women who died in childbirth.  The whole "guarding the land of the dead" thing sounds ripped off from Greek or Egyptian mythology, really, with the "rebirth" thing sounding more in line with Hinduism.

I know I should stop expecting Foyt to give a crap about actually doing the proper research, but this still bugs me.  Especially since there aren't many books that give the Aztec gods any attention, and it's patently unfair that the one book that does do it is this half-assed piece of dreck.

Eden's grossed out at the thought of being reincarnated as an animal such as a tapir (the animal her father uses as an example and -- naturally -- calls by its Latin name).  She also realizes that Bramford must be feeling like he died and came back to life as a jaguar, and thinks that his temper no longer seems so out of line.  Oh, FINALLY you spare him a little sympathy...

Satisfied with their understanding, Maria bent down to finish her tasks.  Eden's father moaned as she began to lay thin strips of bark over the paste.  His bloodshot eyes seemed to beg Eden to do something.  If she failed him again, she feared he soon would meet Coatlicue. -- p. 169

End chapter.  And really, this chapter was a whole lotta nothin' useful except some bastardization of a favorite branch of mythology and showing that Eden's dad is sick -- something that could have been handled in a few paragraphs or even sentences.  Did Foyt forget about the whole Rebecca thing already?  I finally get interested in one thing in this book and then it gets dropped like a hot potato...

At least we're over the hump and into the second half the book... stay strong, everyone.  We can do this...