Chapter 32 -- Even Furries Have Standards

Okay, let's get this over with... long-ish chapter, brace yourselves...

Eden wakes up to the "slow, sweet whistle of the quail-like tinamous" (just saying "a bird" would have worked just fine, Foyt), and is surprised to find herself on the ground.  Then she remembers "her torturous night with Bramford" and her "bitter, broken heart," because apparently all the lovey-dovey sweet talk of Chapter 30 was aimed at Bramford's former mate, the treacherous Rebecca.  I'm sorry, I'm still not feeling a whole lot of sympathy for our protagonist, and trying to wring it out of the reader by force rarely works.  You can't get blood from a turnip...

Speaking of Bramford, look who's spooning with her right now.  Mixed messages much, Bramford?

His chest and hips rounded her like a protective mantle.  A heavy arm was slung over her waist.  The warmth he generated cushioned the cold, dewy ground.  Eden nestled into his embrace -- only for warmth, she told herself.  He softly groaned, pulling her closer.  His lips tickled the top of her head. -- p. 225

If I have to suffer through this "romantic" writing, 

so do you

Eden decides Bramford's just dreaming about Rebecca, and feels his attentions "rubbed like salt thrown onto a wound."  Um... the saying is "hurt like salt rubbed onto a wound."  You've got your metaphor a little mixed up there...

Bramford goes to put out what's left of the fire and inspects the area "as if reading the daily news."  Wait, they have newspapers in the far future?  Eden pouts that his gaze moves over her "just like any other part of the landscape."  Oh geez, are we going to get Eden pouting and moping all this chapter?  Nooooooooooo...

Also Bramford's injured hand apparently healed almost entirely overnight.  So being a jaguar furry now gives you super-healing powers?  Maybe Kartoon12 was right in the comments of the last post -- maybe Bramford IS Wolverine's father.  XD

Of course, the plot conveniently remembers that Eden broke a rib, and she doubles over in pain.  Bramford doesn't notice, and Eden snaps at him.

"Hey," she called to Bramford.  "Remember me?  I'm Eden, by the way, not your dead mate, Rebecca." -- p. 226

Ouch... that was low, Eden.  Why are you being so childish about this anyhow?  It's not like it's Bramford's fault that he mistook you for his mate.  Okay, so it was his fault he got stoned out of his mind and hallucinated things, but still... this behavior's bratty and uncalled for.  

Bramford demands to know how she knows -- evidently he forgot about the whole "getting high in the jungle" bit of the last few chapters.  Eden doesn't answer the question, just says she knows Rebecca betrayed him and that they had a kid together.

"Your son Logan is hidden in the gated hut, isn't he?"

Bramford's jaw muscle began to twitch.  "I'm warning you.  It's none of your business."

"That's no way to treat a child."

"You don't understand."

"I understand how cruel you are."

He shook with rage, his weight sunk low.  "I didn't know it was all a lie."

Go ahead, Eden thought.  Rip my body apart -- my heart is already in pieces. -- p. 226-227

I'm sorry, but when our protagonist has done nothing but whine endlessly, screw things up for every other character, and act like a racist little twit, I can't spare a lot of sympathy for her having her heart broken by a jaguar furry.  This is a big reason why I don't read a lot of YA romance -- all too often it's about whiny teenagers/young adults with no personality doing nothing but angst about love and heartbreak.  It's obnoxious to read about, and is far more likely to make me want to slap the character in question than sympathize with them.

Bramford tells Eden it's time to go home and picks her up.  Okay, why is our main black character feeling the need to haul our main white character's butt all over the jungle, especially if this is supposed to be a future where black people are the dominant race?  I don't know about anyone else, but having a powerful black man carry around a delicate white woman as if he were a pony or a slave just screams "racist" to me.  For supposedly having an anti-racism agenda, this book sure has a lot of uncomfortable racist imagery.

Eden feels tortured being carried by Bramford now, and tries to focus on the sounds and smells of the jungle instead.  The air turns cold and clammy, and she suspects a storm is coming in.

"Is it going to rain?" Eden asked, not quite trusting her budding instincts.

"Is it?" Bramford replied.

"Yes.  I think so."

"Let me know when you're sure." -- p. 227

Of course this pisses Eden off, because anyone who doesn't immediately call her perfect is evil, doncha know...  She also thinks that his earlier comments about him teaching her were meant for Rebecca, and he really doesn't care if she learns how to survive in the jungle.  Good, neither do the readers, girl...

A swarm of Callicore cynosura butterflies flitted past, their hypnotic black and white markings as fantastical as having imagined that Bramford loved her. -- p. 228

Um... what?  Bad metaphor, Foyt, bad metaphor, no cookie.  The markings on the butterflies might be "fantastical" as in "strange and beautiful," but not "fantastical" as in "imaginary."  Think before you try to twist a metaphor into something that doesn't fit.

I've been using this meme a LOT this book

She stole a glance at him and caught her breath.  A pale ribbon of morning light shone on the rugged, feline face, so at odds with the human intelligence that peered through his captivating eyes.  Would she ever know him?

Perhaps if Eden solved the mystery of the FFP's hold over Rebecca, she would understand Bramford.  And if they could talk about it, maybe his mat'es ghost would no longer torture him.  Would he see the Real Eden then? -- p. 228

Please don't try to work in another plot point, book, you only have eighty pages to go...  

It starts to rain, just as Eden predicted, and as they head back to the village she can hear Bramford's heart beating in his chest.  She wonders if it would beat for her if she were a she-cat.  Ugh...

They get back to the compound and are greeted by Maria, who takes them to the house where Dr. Newman's staying.  Eden sees how weak he is and thinks that he looks like "a frail, little bird.  A dying bird."  Oh please, don't tell me this book is going to kill him off to try to milk more Wangst out of Eden... 

Bramford carries Eden into the hut, and she's shocked to see tears in her father's eyes.

She never had seen him cry; not even at her mother's death.  Like father, like daughter.  Why did they have to travel to this primitive place to express any emotion? -- p. 229

I dunno, there are any number of reasons why people cry or don't cry.  Some people have difficulty crying while they're grieving, while others cry at the drop of a hat.  Everyone expresses emotion in different ways, and it's not always indicative of a problem.  Just my two bits.

Bramford takes Eden to Rebecca's old room, and she hopes he'll react to Rebecca's portrait with indifference, but he never looks at it.  Girl, accept it, he's just not that into you, all right?

Eden needs this book...

They snark back and forth a bit, Eden griping about sleeping on the cold ground out in the jungle, and Bramford looks about to say something when Dr. Newman and Maria come in.  Bramford hands over the anaconda tooth, saying it's the DNA sample he needs, and Eden starts to tell him about the battle but Bramford shuts her up.  Yeah, I wouldn't want to talk about saving Eden's life either, bud...

Also, Eden thinks of Bramford as "her father's beastly creation."  BEASTLY.  IS NOT.  A COMPLIMENT.  I'm getting sick and tired of Eden still calling Bramford a beast every five minutes.  Argh...

Anyhow, the last critter they need a DNA sample from is a jaguar -- which everyone still insists on calling un tigre.  JAGUARS.  ARE NOT.  TIGERS.  Stop calling them that.  Also the Spanish word for "jaguar" is... well, jaguar.  It's not like there's no equivalent for the word jaguar in Spanish.

Maria doesn't approve of them going out to kill a jaguar, seeing as they're considered sacred by her people, and she leaves when Eden's father insists "what is one more jaguar in the face of such progress?"  That's... actually a fairly reasonable reaction.  It's thinking like that -- anything can and will be sacrificed for the sake of "progress" -- that ruined the world in the first place, after all.  Small wonder someone whose world has been utterly wrecked by "progress" is upset with that sort of reasoning.

Oh wait, Eden brings that up in the next paragraph.  Eek, I feel soiled for sharing thoughts with our protagonist now...

"Isn't that the kind of thinking that got us here?  One more tree, one more acre, one more jaguar -- they matter."  She questioned Bramford too.  "What about you and your sorrowful solastalgia?  How can El Tigre even consider killing a jaguar?" -- p. 231

Where's that shower?

Bramford insists he can't do anything for anyone in his current shape.  Dr. Newman says if they could just make more humans like him, it might be better, but he insists "I'm just trying to survive" and exchanges a "meaningful" look with Eden, who wonders what he's thinking and whines to herself that he makes her "work so hard" to figure out their relationship.  I don't think you even HAVE a relationship right now, girl...

"I'm sorry, but it's all wrong.  Don't you see?  What will happen to us if you get killed?  And what about your son?"

His eyes went flat.  "What about him?"

"If you're not concerned for our welfare, at least consider your son's before throwing yourself in the path of a deadly animal." -- p. 232

Is... Is Eden actually being halfway reasonable right now?  Was that something intelligent and almost empathetic toward another person coming out of her mouth?

I am honestly, honestly shocked at this.  This might be one of the few, if not only, times in this book that Eden has been halfway reasonable and smart about something that's come out of her mouth.  And for once she's worried about someone other than her, someone not connected to her.  Cherish this moment, folks... savor it.  It may be the one and only glimmer of intelligence and genuine human emotion we get out of Eden this book.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand Eden promptly ruins it.  Bramford insists he's no good to his son or anyone else like this, leaves, and Eden's only response is "selfish beast."  Never change, Eden... never change.

Dr. Newman and Eden bicker over whether they think Bramford had a chance against a jaguar.  Dr. Newman asks why Eden should care -- a reasonable question, given that as far as he's concerned she loathes his guts still.  Eden says she's just thinking about Bramford's son, and Dr. Newman's response is "what child is this?"

Stop having your characters converse in song lyrics,

this is FanFic 101 we're talking about here...

Eden tells her father everything she learned about Bramford, Rebecca, and Logan.  Her father just shrugs and says "wait and see," and shuffles off.  Eden's left to think over this matter for herself... but she just lets her thoughts wander straight back to fantasizing over Bramford.

Bramford's affection undoubtedly would be lethal when he reached full adaptation.  No, if Eden ever wanted to feel the burning heat of his kiss, or the strong press of his body, or hear his tender purr, only one way remained.

Adapt?

She laughed out loud.  why lose what little physical appeal she had for someone who loved another?  Besides, a real jaguar probably would kill him.  She simply couldn't think about Bramford another minute.

And yet, as Eden closed her eyes, the wild feelings he aroused ran through her, as inescapable as the blazing light of day.  And the kiss -- the memory of their long, burning kiss -- brought a moan to her lips. -- p. 233

I will never apologize for this screencap

I swear this book was either originally written as a furry novel and converted into a horrible sci-fi dystopia WITH A MESSAGE to try to appeal to a wider audience, or Foyt learned about the furry fandom and decided to rewrite her horrible sci-fi dystopia WITH A MESSAGE to try to appeal to a niche fandom.  Either way, I'm sure even furries don't want to be associated with this dreck.  They have standards too...

Chapter 31 -- Don't Trust Stoned People

I really would like to be reading something else right now.  I'm halfway through Doughnut by Tom Holt, a very off-the-wall but hilarious novel about alternate universes, and I still need to finish The Star Beast audio-book by Robert Heinlein, a novel about a boy and his pet alien.  I've also started a Kindle book about a sentient boat, Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb -- I found her Dragon Keeper novel to be okay but not great, but maybe this book will be better.  And I have two more books waiting in my bookbag for me -- Adulthood Rites, part of Octavia Butler's excellent alien-invasion trilogy Xenogenesis, and The Moorchild, an Newbury-winning fantasy about a fairy child living among humans by Eloise McGraw.  All very fine books by respectable publishers...

But nope, I'm sitting here dissecting the next chapter of Revealing Eden, a book so stupid and offensive that, to quote Linkara of Atop the Fourth Wall, "I would set this [book] on fire right now if I wasn't afraid that I would breathe in the fumes and grow dumber as a result."  Yet I persevere because I know that somewhere out there, at least a handful of souls are amused by my suffering.

My face through much of this book

Don't say I don't love you guys...

We now return to Eden and Bramford lying in each other's arms in the middle of the jungle, Bramford tripping out of his mind on extract of magic vine and Eden currently on the "u so hawt luv me" side of her bad case of Borderline Personality Disorder (thank you, Chimera, for the insight).  And this chapter opens with a making-out scene complete with moans.  I swear this book started out as furry erotica before Foyt decided to turn it into a dystopian novel with a MESSAGE.

Eden softly moaned as Bramford nuzzled her neck.  His bare chest grew hot to the touch, his breathing heavy.  His lips found hers, teasingly at first.  Then he pressed harder, kissing her with hungry passion.  She wanted this kiss to last forever.

She caught her breath as he whispered.  "My mate." -- p. 218

Hey, if I have to suffer through this, you guys do too...

There's some lovey-dovey talk between the two of them, which Eden takes at face value despite Bramford being stoned out of his mind right now.  I don't hang out with stoned people, but I'm gonna guess that you shouldn't expect 100% accuracy out of the mouth of someone high as a kite.

Then comes the whammy.

"Nothing can separate us now."

Nothing.  Not ever.  That was what Eden believed.  Until his next words knocked the wind right out of her.

"Thank you for coming back, Rebecca." -- p. 218-219

Welp... so all that lovey-dovey talk last chapter was actually meant for Rebecca, Eden's oh-so-convenient lookalike.  This is why you don't take the words of intoxicated people at face value.

Naturally, this doesn't sit well with Eden, because a world that doesn't revolve around her is just unfair and offensive, you know.  She demands to know who Bramford thinks she is, and he repeats "Rebecca."  And a little more digging proves that he funded Dr. Newman's research to save Rebecca from the heat, and that all this time it was Rebecca he loved and was trying to save.  

Hoo boy, this is gonna be good...

Break out the popcorn, Michael...

A birdlike shriek flew out of her.  His love wasn't meant for her, but the girl she resembled.  She struggled to get away but he clung to her.

"Rebecca, what's wrong?"

Eden flailed against his chest.  "Let me go!"

"I thought you understood."

She bit his shoulder drawing blood.  Confusion rushed over Bramford, as he stared at the spot.  He slumped to the ground, his head weaving like a drunkard's. -- p. 219

Yay, our oh-so-mature-and-intelligent protagonist is throwing a hissy fit because she got mistaken for someone else.  Despite the fact that you KNEW all along that you looked a heck of a lot like this Rebecca chick, that you strongly suspected that Bramford had relations with her at some point, and you were flat-out TOLD that the drug was going to make Bramford loony and say things?  What, does your superior intellect only work when you need to fire off a Latin name?

Eden realizes that Bramford must have resented her all along for looking like Rebecca, and knows he'll never see the Real Eden, only Rebecca.  "Real Eden" is one of those phrases that just needs to be shot and put out of its misery, along with "Pearl," "Coal," "Midnight Luster," "Aunt Emily," and "hawt jaguar furry."  Thank Primus this book never got a legitimate fandom so we don't get these terms plastered all over Tumblr or DeviantArt, I guess...

And of course, because Eden's pissed off she has to lash out at the poor injured drugged-up catman.

Well, if the herbs could test her, she also could test Bramford.  She would capitalize on his confusion to discover the truth about Rebecca.  Then, like a scorpion, she would sting him with it.  She would balance out this cruel equation, his suffering for hers. -- p. 220

Ex-CUSE me, girl?  This man has suffered a heck of a lot more than you have over the past week or so.  He's lost everything important to him, gotten turned into a jaguar furry against his will, been injured saving YOUR butt from a predator, and now has toxic drugs in his system.  You're not "balancing out" any equation, you're just being a spoiled brat who's happy to ignore all Bramford's suffering just to make yourself feel better for getting dumped.

Argh... our heroine, ladies and gentlemen...

So Eden decides to pretend to be Rebecca, and softly asks Bramford what happened.  Well, it turns out Rebecca had been hired by the FFP to seduce Bramford into becoming her mate, so she could then turn information about his research over to them.  Mkay, that explains a lot...

Actually, it just raises more questions.  Why would the FFP, an organization specifically dedicated to wiping out white people, recruit a Pearl to their cause?  Why would they target a black man?  Why would a Pearl be working for the race-flipped equivalent of the KKK anyhow?  And why use a Pearl in the first place instead of a Coal or any of the other races?  Did Foyt think any of this through before sticking it in the book?

Okay, I admit, there could be some answers if you analyzed these questions enough -- the FFP might recruit a Pearl to their cause only to eliminate them later, a Pearl might work for anyone if they paid her enough or if she hated her own race, etc.  But at the moment, they just give me a headache, and feel like a last-minute addition to throw some more conflict into the story.  And I really need to stop analyzing this book and trying to hack a decent, coherent plot out of it.

Stop it, Kenya...

Though now that I think about it, if I absolutely had to read a dystopian novel about a future where the dominant race was black people, I would much rather read about Rebecca's story than Eden's.  At least Rebecca sounds like a competent character...

Bramford asks if Rebecca ever really cared for him, and Eden decided to toy with him -- "First, his secrets, then make him suffer."  And we're REALLY supposed to be sympathizing with this psychopath?

Eden/Rebecca tells Bramford that she's sorry, but the FFP tricked her and she couldn't believe he really wanted her.  We get an odd sidetrack from the story where a bird calls and Eden has to stop and spout off the Latin name (I AM SO SMART, I AM SO SMART, S-M-R-T -- I MEAN S-M-A-R-T), then Bramford replies.

"You're lying," Bramford finally said, the accusation cool and quiet.  "You lied to me from the start.  They chose you for the job.  You only pretended to care...

"I guess I always knew I couldn't trust you," he went on.  "Thank Earth, I protected Shen.  Only a promise to my wise father stopped me from answering your persistent questions.  If the FFP knew Shen was my half-brother, they would have used him against me, too." -- p. 221

Wait, what?  Shen and Bramford are half-brothers?  Boy, does that slashy moment between them much earlier in the book feel awkward and uncomfortable now...  But Foyt insisted earlier that huge divides existed between the races, so why would a black man have a half-Asian brother?  Oh wait, this is Foyt, she can't be bothered to maintain continuity in her writing...

Oh, and apparently Bramford and Rebecca have a kid.  Wat.

"When our son was born, the truth was plain to see.  But how could I let him pay for our crimes?"

Eden's head spun.  "You -- I mean -- we have a child?"

"You'd like to forget about him, wouldn't you, Rebecca?  I'm sorry to say I once felt the same way."  He pummeled the ground.  "But what were the odds?"

"Odds of what?"

"Having a child with someone like you.  Our son, Logan.  A terrible mistake." -- p. 222

Because as long as we're throwing out sudden revelations, let's chuck in a long-lost kid as well.  Yeesh...  None of this was foreshadowed in the rest of the book -- heck, Shen hasn't been mentioned in so long I'm sure most of you forgot about him until just now -- so having it all pop up here feels like a slap in the face.  Foyt, shocking swerves like this don't work unless you set them up in the story.  You can't just cram in a "oh by the way, these two random characters are related" without giving the audience some hint or having it fit the logic of the story.

"You were very clever, Rebecca.  You begged me to go back home, swore you needed to see your dying father.  Even then, you had planned your escape.  If I had given you our position here, you would have let them destroy us and never shed a tear."

In a flash, Bramford pinned her down.  "Admit it!"

"I, uh..."

"No more lies!"

Eden trembled underneath him.  He just might kill her, thinking she was his traitorous mate. -- p. 222

Whoo, Eden's dead, book over!

Eh, we can't be so lucky.  Bramford yells in her face, bites her neck, and makes "tortured, groaning sounds."  Yeah, I'm thinking this book was a furry porno novel before being reworked into this train wreck.

Eden shouts out "Mr. Bramford, sir!" and that seems to snap him out of it.  She asks what happened to Logan, and Bramford says that the FFP demanded their son in exchange for Rebecca, and they killed Rebecca when he refused to hand Logan over.  He also says "because of my lies, you and Logan suffered," but we don't find out what lies those are because he picks that moment to fall down and writhe around like a snake, babbling more "shamanistic" nonsense.

What a pair of lonely, unloved freaks.  Neither one of them belonged anywhere on this hopeless planet. -- p. 224

While Bramford writhes around, still suffering from the effects of the drug, Eden goes to tend the fire.  Yeah, you fail at being a good nurse, girl... She also contemplates ripping the dress into pieces, but thankfully doesn't because I don't want to see Foyt try to describe a naked body of either gender.

Damn Bramford for picking the lock on her heart.  Damn the hunger his kiss had awoken in her.  And damn that conniving, selfish bitch, Rebecca.  

Love?  If it did exist, it hurt like Bleeding Earth. -- p. 224

Aaaaaaaaand end chapter.  Notice that almost every female character in this book that isn't Eden is a bitch according to Eden?  Lovely...

So all the lovey-dovey crap in the previous chapter is a cop-out, Bramford's still stoned out of his gourd, Eden's a heartless brat (but we all knew that), and this revelation about Rebecca's identity just raises even more questions.  Are we having FUN with this book yet?