Chapter 41 - The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Second-to-last post for this awful, awful book!  (The last two chapters are fairly short, so I decided to combine them into one post.)  Almost there!

Less than a month until The Last Jedi

as of this writing, by the way...

Also, this chapter ends up being the climax of our book.  You'd think Dr. Newman's illness being cured or some huge conflict between Bramford and Eden would end up being the book's climax, but apparently Eden decided we needed a huge action scene instead of actually resolving any of this book's pressing issues.  So she pulls one out of her butt for this scene.  At least I can crow about how I was right, Eden screwed things up for everyone...

Eden wakes up to hear wailing outside the prison hut, and she goes to the window to listen -- apparently the window's too high up for her to look out of.  (Then why have a window in the first place, I wonder...)  She hears men's voices, footsteps, and "heartbreaking cries" that she realizes must be Carmen and Etelvina.  

The door opens, and surprise, surprise, it's the FFP -- including Giant and Squeaky from many, many chapters ago.  Giant goes "Yum, Pearlie" and grabs Eden, going in for a kiss.  Ick, ick, ick... yeah, making your black characters into big scary wannabe-rapists is really the way to fight racism via your writing... *sarcasm*

Nobody kisses a she-cat without her permission, she decided, kneeing him hard in the groin. -- p. 289

She-cat is still a really stupid name, but whatever... one fragment of a star for making our protagonist slightly more proactive, I guess.

The knee in the crotch floors Giant, and Eden dashes past him to come face to face with... Jamal?

Wait... what?  But... but... HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!

"Yeah, weird..."

Mkay, having a seemingly dead character actually be alive is rather common in fiction... but it needs to make sense and serve an actual purpose in the story.  I've seen this trope abused and misused all too often, however (and even done my share of abusing it in the past), and all too often it's used as a "retcon" tool -- an author wants to kill off a character to add drama to a story or get rid of a villain, only to later realize they want a happy ending or need the villain back for the grand finale, and so bring said character back without a reasonable explanation.  

In Revealing Eden's case, it feels like the latter case -- Foyt wanted a grand finale and, instead of using one of the existing conflicts, decided she needed to resurrect a villain to get it.  Just my thoughts on it.

She took in the damage she had inflicted, feeling both horrified and vindicated.

He walked with a hitch, dragging one leg.  Hideous scar tissue crisscrossed the warrior tattoo, which now resembled a terrified old man.  The grin Eden once admired angled down one side of his face, making him look crazy.  Finally, Jamal looked as ugly as he was on the inside.  At least he wouldn't be able to trade on his looks in order to dupe the next girl. -- p. 290

Of COURSE Foyt would see being made ugly the ultimate punishment for a villain.  Because in Foyt's dystopian world, Beauty Equals Goodness.  Or at least it does inside the shallow brain of our protagonist.

"I had my doubts about you, [Eden].  But you've proven to be enormously helpful to the cause.  We never would have found this place without your message."

Called it

"What did you do to Shen?"

"He has needs.  Everyone does."  Jamal made a disapproving tsk, tsk sound.  "His mate is a Pearl, didn't you know?" -- p. 290

I could have sworn that earlier in this book Eden remarked about there being enormous amounts of hatred between all the races.  But there sure is an awful lot of intermarrying between the races if that's the case -- both Bramford and Shen have white mates, Shen is at least half-black...  Continuity?  What's that?

Eden thinks the obvious -- that Shen had been forced to choose between his brother and his mate and had chosen the latter.  We could infer as much from the text, Foyt, you don't have to spell it out for us.  Believe it or not, a LOT of readers aren't idiots.

Eden tells Jamal he's too late, that Bramford's gone and he'll never find him.  Jamal says "he'll come back for the boy."  Oh dear... I don't care what you do to Eden, Jamal, but leave that kid alone.

Squeaky (sigh) drags Eden to the clearing where the rest of the tribe is gathered, including her father.  Jamal heads for Logan's hut, skirting around a pile of leaves.  Eden figures he's trying to avoid whatever animals might be hiding in the leaves, but I'm thinking "obvious trap is obvious."  Especially since there's a guard there acting all shifty-eyed...

Jamal drags Logan out of the hut, and tries to rip off his bat-mask when we hear Bramford's roar.  Here comes the REAL hero of the story, folks.

Just then Eden glimpsed a young soldier, no more than thirteen-years-old, peeking out from behind a nearby tree.  His light brown skin puzzled her.  How had a Coal of such obvious mixed race been accepted into the FFP?  -- p. 291-292

Foyt, you do know that black people come in more shades than jet-black and really, really dark brown, right?  Also, you have less than three chapters to go, why are you suddenly dumping in another "really obviously important" character now?

The guard gives the leaves a pointed look, which is Foyt's really obvious way of pointing out to the protagonist that...

Seriously, she couldn't make it any more obvious had she stuck Admiral Ackbar in there to point it out.  If your protagonist is really SO SMART, can't she guess this herself?  I'm starting to think that your SO SMART protagonist is either not as smart as you want us to believe, or limits her smarts to memorizing Latin names and Emily Dickinson poetry.

And of course Bramford runs right into the trap -- a net that hauls him up into the trees cartoon-net style.  Kevon -- the young guard, who gets his name pointed out because obviously he's going to be important later -- ties the net up while Jamal gloats about having caught "the entire freakish Bramford family."

"You see, Eden.  You underestimated me."

"You'll never make it out of here alive," she said, though she wondered what could stop him now.

"Wrong again.  With your father's technology, I can command the FFP.  I can have whatever I want.  Including you." -- p. 292

Oh, how I weep for a future where the ability to turn people into jaguar furries is such cutting-edge, valuable technology that people are willing to kill for it.  This isn't green energy or the atomic bomb or a cure for cancer, this is half-assed DNA research for splicing cat genes into people.  I'm just not seeing how this can give anyone a powerful advantage over others.

Oh, and apparently Jamal's burn scars have dropped his mate-rate down to the point where the mate he chose rejected him and Eden's now his only chance at getting a mate.  I thought mate-rates were based on your genes, not on your looks.  Your face might be burned, dude, but your genes should still be healthy.  Wait, I forget, in this world beauty means everything... but still, it's not like burn scars are something you can pass down to your kids...

Okay, Kenya, stop trying to assign logic to this book in any way.

Still trying to find a single shred of logic in this book...

Jamal even offers Eden a "peace offering," and drags out... oh no, oh Primus no, I can kinda-sorta buy Jamal surviving the fire at the labs, but there's the Never Found the Body trope, however thin the explanation might be, and then there's THIS.

Yes, it's Austin, Eden's dog.  The dog that she showed little to no sign of caring about until the labs -- and presumably the poor pooch -- blew up, and then moaned and angsted over.  Okay, Foyt's fallen into BOTH sides of the "back from the dead" cliche now -- wanting a "beloved" character back for a happy ending and wanting a villain back to ensure a climactic showdown.  Foyt, you are a HACK.

"Now where were we?" Jamal said, leering at her.  "Oh, yes, mates."

"I'll go with you under one condition," Eden said.

"You're in no position to bargain, pet."

She pretended more confidence than she felt.  "Let the boy go and I'll do whatever you want."

Jamal laughed.  "Do you know how much I can get for an albino?  Especially, the Cotton son of the Great Bramford?"  He approached the netted cage.  "Or maybe I'll keep the boy a secret in exchange for the keys to Bramford Industries." -- p. 293

Yeah, yeah, we have to have it rubbed in how EEEEEEEEVIL Jamal is because he Would Hurt a Child.  Having a villain willing to hurt or kill kids is just as cheap a means of making them evil as making a villain a rapist -- it's a lazy shortcut.  I'm not saying villains can NEVER hurt kids or commit rape, I just see it used all too often as a substitute for, y'know, actual character development.  Even villains are boring if they're flat.

Jamal kicks Bramford, Eden yells at him to not hurt him and that she loves him, and Jamal slaps her and calls her a "Pearl bitch."  Eden retorts that "at least I know how it feels to love," and Jamal retorts by ripping off Logan's mask and asking how she can love a man who's produced an albino.  This finally prompts Eden to try to do something... so lame action sequence ahoy, y'all.

She gave him [Squeaky] a swift kick in the knees and he collapsed.  But as she reached for his weapon, something whizzed by in the air.  The soldier guarding Logan's hut fell forward, a dart lodged in his neck.  Whoosh!  Another well-aimed dart felled the man who guarded the women and children.  Then Austin's handler slumped to the ground.  In a panic, the young soldier retreated behind the roped tree. -- p. 294

Okay, first of all, these guards are really lousy if a wimpy girl can take them down by kicking them.  And second of all, where are these darts coming from if the FFP has all the villagers rounded up?  You'll find out, and believe me, I'm going to complain about it...

Jamal pulls out a laser gun, but Eden sics Austin on him and the dog grabs his arm.  I wasn't aware that Eden had trained her dog to be an attack dog...  Squeaky grabs his machete and goes after Eden, but a dart takes him down and "blood spurted from his mouth," which shouldn't be happening if he just got hit with a dart.  But when has Foyt ever cared about medical accuracy?

But Jamal had the last laugh.  With his free hand, he reached for the laser and pointed it at Austin's head. 

"Call him off, Eden, or I'll kill him," he said. -- p. 295

When your novel's big climax is ripped off from

National Lampoon magazine, maybe it's time to quit

Eden screams for Jamal to shoot her instead, and jumps for the weapon.  But Austin proves that he's the most heroic character in this novel by jumping between Eden and the gun, taking the shot meant for her.  This is supposed to be a huge tear-jerker moment, but since Austin has been absent for almost all this book and Eden didn't even show she cared about him until she thought he died the first time around, it just comes across as a laughable cliche.  This scene was actually done much better in the book This Book Is Full Of Spiders (yes, that's the actual title), mostly because the dog was an actual supporting character instead of a plot device, and we already had proof that the characters cared about her before she met her untimely but heroic end.

Yeah, when both National Lampoon and a comedy-horror novel by a Cracked writer that was specifically written as a satire of zombie-apocalypse novels do something better with your concept than you do, you know you screwed up.

Meanwhile Logan gets ahold of a machete and uses it to stab Jamal in the chest.  Holy crow, that's a scary kid... and it's sad when the dog and the seven-year-old boy are more heroic characters than the supposed "hero" of the novel...

Oh, and those darts we saw earlier?  We finally get to see who fired them.

A breeze rustled over the compound and, even before Eden saw the me who had aided them, she realized who they were.  The Aztec warriors stepped into the light as silent as the trees from which they took their camouflage of bark and leaves.  In their hard-set expressions, Eden detected wisdom and, to her surprise, deep compassion. -- p. 295-296

So the Aztec warriors Bramford mentioned a few chapters ago happened to swoop in and save our protagonist's bacon.  I've already harped about how Aztecs shouldn't exist in Ecuador, so instead I'm going to call Deus Ex Machina on this development.  Foyt wrote her characters into an impossible situation, then instead of having them think their way out for themselves she just pulled a solution to the problem out of her butt.  I don't care that we got a mention of this "solution" in an earlier chapter, this still feels chucked in as a lazy excuse to not come up with a reasonable conclusion to the situation.

This in a nutshell -- comic comes from 

"Tom the Dancing Bug"

Bramford gets released from the net, and the Aztecs shove Kevon into the clearing and grab Giant before disappearing, taking Giant with them.  Eden cries as the women of the tribe take the wounded Austin away, and she prays to Mother Earth for him not to die.  There's an awful lot of praying in this book for this future supposedly giving up on religion...

And because apparently this whole brush with death is going to make Bramford forgive Eden instantly, despite the fact that THE ENTIRE THING WAS ALL HER FAULT, Bramford hugs and comforts Eden as she cries over Austin.  Dude... just ditch her and run.  Run far and fast and don't look back.  But then, I suppose it's too late, Foyt wants you two to be a couple and a couple you will be, no matter that Eden sold you out...

Bramford held her tight until the storm inside her passed.  She knuckled her eyes dry, wondering how he could be so annoying at times and then as irresistible as moonlight.

"I love you, Eden Newman," Bramford whispered in her ear.

Then he drew her into a deep kiss. -- p. 296-297

Because nothing says "make-out time" like your girlfriend selling you out to a racist organization and almost getting you and your son killed, am I right?  *sigh*

Going to cover the last two chapters in the next post... then there'll be a final wrap-up/response post before I conclude this spork once and for all.  Then it's bonfire time...

Burn, baby, burn!

Chapter 40 -- Nice Job Breaking It, "Hero"

On we go...

The next chapter picks up with Eden and Bramford getting back to camp together.  Um... not going to cover how they get back across the waterfall?  It was pretty nerve-wracking (for the protagonist -- I honestly didn't feel much suspense at the scene) the first time, and I can't imagine it's any less nerve-wracking the second time.  Then again, if it spares us from a pointless filler chapter, I'll be grateful for a Boring Return Trip this time around...

Maria's not there to greet them, and Eden imagines that the worst has happened.  But she spends barely a single sentence fretting about her father before she goes right back to angsting about Bramford.

Bramford pulled her from his shoulders as soon as they reached the main hut.  They hadn't spoken a word since they had left Heaven's Gate.  How on Blessed Earth would Eden ever win him back? -- p. 283

Girl, I don't care if Bramford is your freaking soulmate or he-cat (or tomcat, which would be the correct term) or whatever -- your father is DYING.  Have a little empathy and worry about him instead of whining about losing your boyfriend, will you?

She goes into the hut to find her father asleep, with Maria keeping vigil at his side.  Bramford hands her the plants, and Maria nods at Eden and hurries out.  Eden awakens her father (for Pete's sake, let the poor sick man sleep a little) to tell him they got the medicine.  He complains that they were gone a long time, which is a legitimate complaint since the two of them stopped to sight-see and make out along the way.  Bastards.

She quickly shook her head, trying to discourage him.  "It was far, that's all.  Please, you've got to hold on."

"For some things, you cannot wait." -- p. 284

Like a man freaking DYING of infection or whatever ill-defined sickness her father has.  Come to think of it, I don't think they've really explained Dr. Newman's illness.  I guess it's supposed to be from the wound on his leg, but if it's really a bad infection or gangrene, don't you think some effort would have been made to lance the infection or even amputate the gangrenous limb?  Instead of just letting it fester and make him deathly ill? 

It's not like losing a limb or two slowed this guy

down any...

Bramford assures Dr. Newman he'll be stronger by this time tomorrow, and asks how long before the procedure for accelerating his change is ready.  Dr. Newman says another day, but Bramford gives him another hour after he's back on his feet.  I'd complain that Eden's selfishness has rubbed off on Bramford, but given that A) Bramford's just been betrayed by Eden and is probably not in a good mood and B) thanks to Eden's betrayal someone with destructive purposes in mind could show up at any moment, I'd say his impatience is a little bit justified here.

"Just be ready.  For two, that is.  There'll be two of us this time."

Her father looked at Eden in surprise.  "Is it true?"

"No," Bramford said sharply.  "My son Logan and I will adapt." -- p. 284

Eden freaks out, insisting Bramford can't do this to Logan.  Bramford retorts that he's his father and knows what's best for him, and Eden retorts that he can't force his son to live like an animal.  So turning someone into an animal-man is okay when it results in fetish fuel for you, but doing the procedure to save his son's life from The Heat (still a stupid term) is terrible.  Good to know...

"At least he'll survive."

"But at what cost?  Go ahead, run away if you want, but leave Logan here.  We'll care for him."  Eden was surprised to say it, and yet relieved.  "I'll take care of him."

Bramford's temper evened.  "You would do that?"

"Yes, as if he were my own son." -- p. 284-285

Just what we all want, don't we -- for a scared little boy to be raised by a whiny, selfish, racist brat who'll probably yell at the kid whenever he does something that displeases him.  I'm sure Foyt expects us to side with Eden in this case, but honestly I'm hoping Bramford grabs Logan and runs far into the jungle where our little twat can never find them.

And to my great relief, Bramford tells Dr. Newman he'll bring information on Logan's genome and leaves.  Yay, Bramford!

Eden stared through the window at the moonlight that laddered across the waterhole.  [Laddered?]  She would never love anyone but Bramford.  She simply couldn't live without him.  Only one choice remained, whether he wanted it or not.  If necessary, she would spend the rest of her life convincing him.

"Please, Father," she said, turning to him.  "Adjust your calculations for three."

"No," he said flatly.

"But I want to adapt like Bramford."

He looked at her under his eyebrows, the owlish eyes begging for restraint.  "That is categorically impossible."

Poor Father.  He just had to listen. -- p. 285

Look, girl, this man is very sick, stop badgering him and let him rest.  And stop whining about Bramford.  You spent three-quarters of this book hating his guts anyhow, I'm sure you can learn to do it again.

"Eden, I realize that it may not be readily apparent, however, you are my first priority."  He started to tremble as he went on.  "My deepest regret is that I did not take better care of your mother.  I won't make the same mistake with you." -- p. 285

So this should set the stage for a touching scene where father and daughter reconcile their differences and learn to get along, right?  For Eden to show a little empathy and forgiveness and learn to connect with her father despite his seeming emotional distance, and come to terms with her past, right?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHno

Maria hurries in with a gourd full of medicine -- Eden whines about how the "Fountain of Youth" smells and looks bad -- and Eden hurries out of the hut.  We get a random interlude where she spots an owl and has to repeat its Latin name (this trait never gets not obnoxious), and then she decides that Aunt Emily was right and "love is all there is," and decides to act.  

So what does our protagonist do?  Does she chase Bramford down and beg his forgiveness?  Does she leave some kind of loving memento for Bramford to remember her by?  Does she do something tragic that star-crossed lovers have been wont to do since the days of Romeo and Juliet?

Nope, she goes to the laboratory and destroys her father's life's work.  Don't believe me?  Read on.

He would forgive her, eventually.  And if he never did, well, he had done enough.

Eden slipped inside the laboratory, steeling her resolve.  Moonlight streamed through the solar roof, bathing the room with a soft, waxy glow.  She gripped a stool, poised to throw it, when she considered Bramford's wrath.  He just might kill her.  Then the frightening image of his final adaptation popped into her head.  He also needed to understand.

She heaved the stool at her father's console and it hit with a loud crack.  Glass splintered in the air; electric wires fizzled like life snakes.  Eden slipped on the debris as she ran forward.  She used her hand to break her fall and cut it on a shard of glass.  Overwhelmed by the rush of emotions, she barely felt the sting.  She struggled to her feet and charged forward again with a fierce yell.

She was her own damn she-cat! -- p. 286-287

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

Our.  Effing.  Hero.  Ladies and gentlemen.  Our hero.

This is NOT the work of a heroine, people.  This is a psychopath.  This is a spoiled, selfish child throwing a tantrum because Daddy wouldn't give her what she wanted.  This attitude of "if I can't be made into a jaguar furry, no one can" -- or alternately, "I don't want my boyfriend to go through this procedure even though he wants it so I'm going to ruin it for him" -- it's not the mindset of a hero.  It's the mindset of a spoiled brat who's only thinking about what she wants instead of what's best for everyone else.  And never mind that she's wrecking her father's life's work in the process; never mind that she's ruined the chances for Bramford to save his son's life from The Heat.  This is supposed to be a victory according to the text, but in reality it's just despicable.

Victoria Foyt, your "heroine" is a friggin' psychopath, a selfish brat of the highest order.  And NOTHING you can fit into the last few chapters or blog about after the fact will convince me otherwise.

Bramford hears all this and is understandably pissed, and he tackles Eden to the floor and snarls "once a traitor, always a traitor."  She fires back that she loves him and wants to adapt with him, which is supposed to make it okay, but he retorts that all he cares about now is protecting his son.  This is a man with his priorities in the right place.  Why isn't HE the hero of this book?

"My father refuses to give me the procedure.  He left me no choice."

"You're lying," Bramford said, yanking her to her feet.  "You're just buying time until your mate arrives."

Eden slapped his cheek.  "You're my mate."

"But you're too beautiful to change." -- p. 287

And for whatever reason, despite the fact that Bramford should rightfully hate her guts right now, they start hatefully making out.  Buh... romance is weird...

Eden tells Bramford they can be a family together in the jungle, her and him and Logan (conveniently forgetting her father -- I guess the fact that he denied her the change made her disown the poor man?).  Bramford tells her this is wrong and throws her over his shoulder, hauling her off to the prison hut despite her protests.

"I should have left you here from the beginning.  Then none of this would have happened."

Eden grabbed his arm.  "But you can't deny that it did."

"I don't deny it.  But I have a choice.  This time I'm making the right one." -- p. 288

Go Bramford!

Bramford says the natives will let her out after he's gone, and warns her not to try to find him again, then locks her in.  She screams for him to let her out, but he's long gone by now.  Good, good, keep walking and never look back, Bramford...

Exhausted, she curled into a ball on the ground with her head pillowed on top of her hands.  Tears slid across her face, forming a puddle under her cheek.  It could all be so simple.

What on Blessed Earth would it take for Bramford to trust her? -- p. 288

Three chapters to go... if there was any sense of justice in the world, the book would end with Bramford taking Logan and getting the heck out of Dodge, but I have a feeling it's not going to end that way.  Get your strongest drink of choice out, whether it's alcoholic or caffienated or just plain guilty pleasure, I have a feeling we're gonna need it for the home stretch...

Chapter 39 -- Eden Gets Busted

Carrying on...

Bramford and Eden are still lounging around in each other's arms at Heaven's Gate, never minding that Dr. Newman's dying back at camp.  Talk about skewed priorities...  Eden's stated to be feeling both "fire-pitch excitement" (huh?) and "languorous ease," which seems like a contradiction of terms, but that's just me.  She's wondering why Bramford doesn't kiss her, instead of, I dunno, worrying about getting the plant they need to save her father's freaking LIFE?

Bramford starts to say something, then looks behind them "in response to some mysterious signal."  There's some kind of stone terraces built behind them -- which, shockingly enough, actually exist in South America!  They were built by the Incas in order to farm better on the steep mountains, to provide actual flat areas for planting crops and to make better use of their water. 

Of course, Foyt botches her research here, as Bramford says these terraces were built by the Aztecs and they're thousands of years old.  Once again, the Incas built these -- the Aztecs were a kingdom in Mexico and Central America, NOT South America.  Also, the terraces only date back to the 1400s, so unless this book takes place WAY farther in the future than I assumed (I was assuming late 21st or early 22nd century), Eden fails at history and archaeology.

"Stupid!  You're so stupid!"

Yes, I like UHF, sue me...

Also apparently the ancestors of the Aztecs still live in these forests and have been hanging around spying on them.  *sigh*  I know Aztecs are more recognizable to most people than the Incas, but given that Foyt's already dragged an obscure tribe into this mess of a book, she has no excuse.

"Why aren't they excited to see you like the Huaorani?"

"Because you're here."  Bramford gave her a wry smile.  "You're cowode."

"Non-human, right?"

"I can smell their fear.  It's your skin." -- p. 276

Okay, the cowode belief -- outsiders being non-human -- is a Huaorani belief. WHY would the Aztecs be subscribing to a Huaorani belief?  Maybe Foyt's assuming that there's been some mixing of peoples and corruption of their beliefs over the years (though that's a a VERY big maybe), but since she hasn't said anything about said corruption or mixing, it's rather stupid to assume the reader will automatically assume that.

"Are they like you then?" she said.

"Not quite.  But more like me than you." -- p. 276

Oh Primus, don't tell me there's more jaguar-men in the jungle... I know, Bramford's trying to say that they're closer to nature like he is, but given how this book has gone so far, can you blame me for assuming the former at first?

They go to a promontory to take in the view, which is quite pretty, though I'm still not sure why they're pausing to sight-see like tourists when there's a man FREAKING DYING back at camp.  Honestly, it's like they've forgotten why they came here in the first place.

Eden felt as insignificant as a dust mote, but not unhappily so.  She believed she and Bramford always were meant to be there because the world revolved around them.  If only she could express her feelings to him.  A kiss would do, she thought, recalling the crush of his lips on hers. -- p. 277

There you have it, folks.  Eden flat-out stated the world revolves around her and Bramford.  It's official, this girl has an ego the size of a planet.

Maybe Gaston thinks books are worthless because

this is the first one he picked up?

Seriously, how else am I supposed to take that sentence?  It wasn't presented as "one could imagine the world revolved around them" or "as if the world revolved around them" or in any fashion that could be taken as metaphorical or anything.  If we take this sentence at face value -- and how else are we supposed to take it when Foyt provides no other interpretation? -- then Eden flat-out believes the world revolves around her.  If I honestly believed that Eden had improved over the course of this book (and I don't), this sentence would shred any progress she'd made to tiny bits.

They spot some vegetation that looks drab and out of place, and Eden realizes it's the cure.  Bramford makes some remark about being glad it's unknown or men would have ruined the place to harvest it.  I can fully appreciate conserving the environment and protecting wild places from being spoiled, but acting as if keeping one remote meadow pretty is more important than saving human lives with a valuable medicinal plant is ridiculous in my opinion.

Eden suggests they call the plant "Newman's Cure," proving that she really does believe it's all about her.  

[Bramford's] broad chest and shoulders formed an irresistible triangle above the slim hips. -- p. 277

Yes, the Grand High Triangle Lover from Sesame Street IS the

first thing that came to mind with that sentence...

"The Indians also believe [the plant] has power over death," he said.  "What if you could have that, Eden?  Would you stay as you are, or risk change?" 

She wanted to stay forever with Bramford at Heaven's Gate.  Nothing else mattered but this deep, simple happiness.  She held his intent gaze as the answer teased the tip of her tongue.  But old fears crowded in on her.  What did he mean by change?  Did he think she needed to improve? -- p. 277-278

Eden answers that the plant must be the proverbial Fountain of Youth, which disgusts Bramford and makes Eden wonder what she said that was so wrong.  Bramford, don't try to have deep philosophical conversations with someone who, for all Foyt wants us to believe is highly intelligent, is as shallow and dim as a mud puddle.  You're not going to get anywhere.

Bramford confesses he put Eden on probation way back in the early chapters of this book to protect her -- he expected the FFP to act that night and didn't want Eden in harm's way.  So he DID have feelings for her early on!  Poor guy... he has the worst taste in women...

...she had to confess the worst of her crimes, even if Bramford already knew, even if she lost him now.

She looked him in the eye and said, "You were right.  I let things slip -- Jamal used me to learn about my father's plans.  I guess I was showing off.  Stupid to think..."  he shook her head.  "I'm sorry.  I was wrong." -- p. 278

:o

Seriously?  She actually freakin' apologized?  Cue the Hallelujah chorus, it's a miracle!  Seeing as I can count on one hand the number of times Eden has shown any sort of decency in this book, I'd say this is cause for celebration... though I don't expect it to last terribly long.

Bramford just replies that "we all make mistakes" and maybe things were supposed to happen this way.  Only for plot convenience, Bramford, only for plot convenience...

"I just wish a beautiful girl like you hadn't gotten mixed up in this mess," he added.

Me?  She stared blankly at him.

He laughed.  "Don't tell me you don't know how beautiful you are, Eden."

"I'm a Pearl."

"So was my mate."

Stunned, she searched his eyes for the lie but only detected a warm glow.  But was he really thinking of her? -- p. 279

Oh boy... you called her pretty, Bramford.  We'll never quell her monstrous ego now.

Bramford says Rebecca was weak, that Logan was the result of a drunken one-night stand and he mated with Rebecca only for "the child's sake."  Because of course he couldn't have really loved his former mate -- I'm not a big romance fan but I've read enough of them to know that it's a nasty cliche to make the love interest's ex a complete jerk or bitch and make their relationship entirely loveless just to ensure that the romance that's central to the plot is TRUE LUV.

Bramford says that the fact that Eden looked just like his former mate "both attracted and irritated" him... and that he worried Eden would betray him like Rebecca did.  Yeah, she already did it, pal... I swear Eden's some kind of weird clone of Rebecca, personality and all.

Oh, and Bramford calls her his she-cat.  That term is STILL obnoxious, no matter how much Foyt tries to make it a term of endearment.

Probably the only movie where the term "she-cat" could be

remotely acceptable as a term of endearment

Then cue the awkward kiss scene.

Bramford nuzzled her neck then traced a line up to her lips.  With soft licks he parted her mouth.  Heat blazed like wildfire through her body.  Her mind went blank as he kissed her, deeply.

Eden closed her eyes, giving in to his hungry demands.  Their limbs intertwined until her body molded to his.  She sank into a river of bliss that swept her outside of time, outside of any barriers -- real or imagined -- and into a place where she thought anything was possible.  Even a future together.  When he released her, she knew she would never be the same. -- p. 280

Yeesh, are all kiss and romance scenes written this awkwardly?

Bramford says they should leave and goes to gather the plants he's harvested.  Eden decides now's the time to ditch the Life-Band and goes to hurl it off the cliff... but Bramford catches her in the act.  Busted!  Things are gonna get ugly...

Am I evil for hoping this breaks up our

happy couple?

Bramford demands to know if Eden used the Life-Band, and accuses her of using it to contact a lover.  She insists that she called Shen, his half-brother, and he hurls the band off the cliff.  

"I should leave you here," he said.

Eden muttered.  "Go ahead." -- p. 281

Oh, please, do it!  That would make this entire train-wreck worth it!

But nope, Bramford carries her away on his shoulders again.  Eden longs to command him with her hips again -- is this REALLY the time to be humping your cat-boyfriend's neck, girl? -- but thankfully decides to angst instead.

How fleeting her happiness had been.  Silent tears streamed down her cheeks as they left paradise behind.  And yet, despite the pain, Eden didn't regret loving Bramford.  Not for one second.

Only Aunt Emily had understood this exquisite burden. -- p. 281

You and Emily Dickinson are NOT the only people to have ever had your hearts broken, girl.  Stop pretending that you're the only one who suffers in the world.

Another Dickinson poem closes out this chapter.  Poor Emily... you didn't even want your poetry published while you were alive, and now someone's using it to try to add some class to their terrible racist dystopian furry romance.  If someone could resurrect you in the modern day, they should also teach you how to copyright your work so you could sue the pants off Victoria Foyt...

Chapter 38 -- Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls

Title stolen from the song by TLC.

Six chapters to go... we can do this!

The chapter opens with Eden listening "in suspense" to a loud rumbling sound.  Suspense works best when you imply it through the writing, not when you outright state in the text that there's supposed to be suspense at the moment.  That's like playing a horror game and the game displaying the words JUMP SCARE in big text instead of actually providing a jump scare -- it just doesn't work.

This moment wouldn't have worked nearly as well if it just consisted

of a big sign reading JUMP SCARE... though that might have

been funny...

Of course the rumbling is a waterfall blocking their path -- the rule of the Inevitable Waterfall states that in every piece of fiction featuring a river, there'll be a waterfall serving as an obstacle.  At least this book KINDA subverts it by having the characters not actually traveling by river when the inevitable falls pop up, even if they're still an obstacle.

We also get some attempts at pretty description here, with mist blowing past Eden and Bramford and a "delicate rainbow... like a stairway to heaven."  Did Foyt just decide to incorporate titles from her playlist in an effort to spice up her writing or something?

Yes, I like Wayne's World, sue me...

Bramford set her on the ground and stood behind her, his hands lingering at her waist.  His warm breath fell on her like feathery blows.  Eden drank in the majestic view and the delicious feel of his hold on her.  Giddy, she turned and smiled at him.  When he smiled back, she thought it was the happiest moment of her life. -- p. 269

Okay, just last chapter (a few hours or so ago but still the same day in-story) you were screaming at this man and accusing him of not caring about you.  I don't think you get to play lovey-dovey now, girl.  I think I'm really starting to like the theory of Eden suffering from some kind of personality disorder, even if it's not what Foyt intended.

There's no bridge over the falls, but conveniently there's a path behind the falls consisting of wide flat stones forming a ledge.  There's no way Bramford can carry her across without risking them both falling, so Eden's going to have to cross on foot.  

One slip from that terrifying height -- Eden shuddered to think of it.  Would she really have to die to reach Heaven's Gate? -- p. 270

Oh, please, do it... end the readers' suffering...

My reaction if Eden ever bites it

Bramford points her across, but she shakes her head.  He looks disappointed, which she hates, but she thinks "she really wanted to be his she-cat.  But even she-cats had their limits..."  You do realize there's a proper name for female cats, right?  Queens?  Heck, it even sounds royal, which should please our narcissistic main character to no end.  She-cat just sounds stupid.

Bramford gestures for her to wait -- I was going to gripe that the sudden turn to miming was ridiculous but I guess the waterfall DOES drown out normal speech, so I guess there's a scrap of logic here -- and goes to head across himself.  Eden suddenly remembers Maria saying that El Tigre (sigh) doesn't understand, and decides it means the plant is delicate and Eden needs to go along with him to make sure it isn't damaged.  Um... implying Bramford is a big beastly brute is kinda racist in and of itself... but then, what about this book hasn't been racist?

Eden nods to indicate she'll go, and Bramford points down... to indicate not to look down?  Seems counter-intuitive.  Then again, just flat-out telling someone "don't look down" tends to get them to look down, so maybe he's trying reverse psychology on Eden.  I dunno.

The image of the girl wandering in the jungle beside the jaguar floated into her mind.  This was her chance.  Be like her, Eden. -- p. 270

Whatever psychs you up, I guess.  Though I thought you didn't want to be like Rebecca... 

Bramford starts to edge onto the rocks, and Eden grabs his hand and follows.  The ledge is slippery and the spray from the falls is soaking them, and Eden has to "recalibrate her balance" with each step.  I don't know many people who use the word "recalibrate" in ordinary conversation, but then, we have to hammer in how SMART our protagonist by using big and/or Latin words at every chance, I guess.

They progressed at a snail's pace.  She knew Bramford could have sprinted across.  And yet, he adjusted his speed to hers, the grip of his hand always encouraging.

So different than the man she once knew. -- p. 271

Um... how is this Bramford different from the one at the beginning of the book (besides now being a furry, I mean)?  We didn't get any indication that he was arrogant or cruel or self-centered, except the author expecting us to take Eden's word for it.  Show, don't tell, girl.

They get halfway across... and because the rules of DRAMA demand it, part of the ledge of rocks is missing.  There's a three-foot gap which Bramford could apparently cross easily, but Eden will have to jump.  She starts to panic, and Bramford gives her the option to go back.

Was this where her reveries had led her?  Did she really think she could outwit her fate as a lowly Pearl and become a brave she-cat just because she went natural and cut off her hair?

Serves you right, Eden.

And yet, she had come so far.  If she gave into her fear now, she might never again feel the warm press of his hand or see the tender look in his glistening, green eyes.

And that would be a fate worse than death.  -- p. 272

I think your definition of "going natural" is different from a lot of other people's, girl...  And it's nice to know that the only reason our protagonist wants to change is because she's in love.  I'm not against romance in fiction, I swear... I just hate that it's used so often as the only motivation for a female protagonist to do anything heroic.  Especially in teen fiction, which falls back on it so much it's maddening.

Bramford leaps across, and Eden panics again and thinks about turning back... but somehow the memory of her mother's last breath reminds her that she "had tried so hard to deny her feelings that she had also forgotten about love," and that she can't live outside of herself anymore.  What does this have to do with ANYTHING going on right now?

Eden FINALLY jumps, and Bramford catches her by the bindings around her chest and yanks her onto the ledge.  I'd give anything right now for the bindings to rip and the Life-Band she stashed in there to fall out, just to watch Bramford lose his cool.  Evil, perhaps, but true.

They make it to the end, Bramford hugs her and says he's proud of her and "you'll be a she-cat yet."  Then they walk into a grove of trees that remind Eden of "reverent monks in contemplation," and I have to wonder why, in a future that's supposedly abandoned religion, there are so many references to religion in Eden's thoughts.

And because we have to fall into yet another cliche of bad fiction, Eden remembers the grassy plateau they're now on -- it's the same one from her dreams where she was frolicking with Bramford.  Okay, I can buy prophetic dreams in fantasy settings or in settings where it's established a character has precognition of some kind... but dreams that predict the future are not only cliche, but horribly out of place in a setting that's supposed to be semi-realistic.  Had this book established that precognition was a thing beforehand, it wouldn't be so bad (if still cliche), but as it is it feels like a sloppy shortcut.

Bramford tumbles Eden onto the grass just like in their dream, and they lay in the grass for awhile because why not, it's not as if someone's DYING back at camp and needs the plant they came here for, right?  RIGHT?

A breeze rustled through the trees, filling her head with Bramford's scent.  Aching, she turned and saw her desire mirrored in his eyes.

"This is heaven," she said.

Bramford draped an arm round her waist, pulling her close.  "Yes, Eden.  We're in heaven now." -- p. 274

If this segues into a sex scene next chapter, I swear to Primus I'll set it on fire before I finish.

Yup, that dramatic waterfall crossing took up a whole chapter.  Foyt really needs to learn proper pacing for her work.  Among many, many other things, apparently...

Five chapters to go... we're getting there...