Chapter 25 -- A Breath of Fresh Air

Let's get this over with, folks... moving right along...

If you get this reference, your childhood was awesome

Eden wakes up to "soft rustling sounds" -- yup, our friend the spider monkey is back.  It knocks something over and starts fussing and begging, and Eden tries to shoo it off but it keeps begging.  She screams, it screams, we all scream for ice cream (dang I'm gonna need some after this chapter), and the monkey takes off, leaving behind some unidentified object that Eden ends up kicking under the bed.  Ten bucks this is important for some stupid reason later...

Out of nowhere we get this bit, which could have used some setup in my opinion:

If only Austin were there to protect her.  If only she had paid attention to his warnings.  Never again would she be blinded by pride.  For Earth's sake, she had bought into the hatred against her own kind.  She had longed for a color-blind mate when she was more prejudiced than the worst of the FFP.

She glanced at Rebecca's portrait.  Sorry, Eden's eyes pleaded.  Thanks to you, I'll do better. -- p. 177-178

...wait, what?  Could it be?  Could we actually have gotten...

"Crikey, mates, we've got ourselves a genuine moment of self-awareness on the part of our racist lil' sheila here!  Ain't it beautiful?  Our main character's finally acknowlegin' her own flaws!  Cherish this moment, mates, before it's gone forever!"

We haven't gotten a visit from Steve in ages...

Seriously, folks, I am genuinely shocked that we got a moment of actual self-awareness from our clueless protagonist.  True, it's buried in more stupid (you can't convince me after all this time that she was fond of Austin at all, and "her own kind" carries some racist implications of its own), but after chapter after chapter of sheer head-desking stupidity, a moment of clarity like this feels like a breath of fresh air after slogging through a landfill.  Breathe it in, folks, I doubt we'll get another one of these for awhile...

Eden looks out the window and sees that the storm has transformed the compound, scattering leaves and branches.  Eden thinks that if she's to survive in this world, she needs to do the same and shake off her old ways and achieve a "personal evolution."  About freaking time, girl...

She even thinks about taking some advice from Bramford about opening her mind.  Wow, do miracles never cease?  There's some nonsense about giving the "Real Eden" the chance to breathe, then we're back to Rebecca.

She looked toward the gated hut.  Did poor Rebecca languish there, filled with similar regrets?  How Eden longed to sit and talk with her, like sisters in an Old World novel.  They'd laugh and cry over how foolish they'd been to fall for a couple of jerks like Jamal and Bramford. -- p. 178

Or maybe Rebecca will recognize you for the spoiled and wretched little brat you are and refuse to speak to you.  Stop drawing assumptions about this Rebecca chick that we haven't even met yet.

She spots a couple of cockatoos (Latin name?  Sic infernum!) and marvels that they mate for life, and vows to be wiser if she ever has another chance to find her own mate.  Don't try to keep us in suspense, we all know where THIS is going...

She spots Lorenzo and Charlie leaving their huts, wearing actual clothes, and realizes they're leaving.  Before they can leave the compound, though, they come across a dead harpy eagle laying on the ground.  For once we don't get the Latin name -- thank heaven for small miracles -- but we're helpfully reminded that "the bird's showy, feminine crest of feathers" and "stern vulture-like features" are reminiscent of the harpy from Greek mythology.  Hey Foyt, I think most of your readers can figure out where the harpy eagle got its name just fine...

The eagle's bleeding from neck bites, and Eden realizes Bramford killed it and that it's one of the donor species needed for his procedure.  I'm still failing to see where Bramford gets the eagle part of his new genetic makeup from, but hey, maybe Foyt figured eagles aren't sexy enough.

Eden imagined Bramford stalking the raptor, as it tracked its own prey, possibly a sloth or monkey.  He must have ambushed the surprised eagle with lightning speed and impeccable timing.  She shuddered to think of the actual attack -- Bramford's springing action, the desperate harpy flailing its long talons in defense, the bloodthirsty roar as Bramford lunged at the huge bird.  Hot and dizzy, Eden leaned against the window to catch her breath. -- p. 179-180

Foyt... this is NOT normal.  No sane person is going to be turned on by imagining an animal getting ripped to shreds or otherwise brutally killed.  You aren't making a compelling romance by including these weird scenes, you're just making it look like Eden is into zoosadism.  (I ain't defining that, look it up on your own...)

Lorenzo and Charlie haul the bird off, and Eden knows she'll be following them when they come back -- into a jungle full of predators and poisonous creatures, she realizes.  NOW you think about this...

The idea paralyzed her.  Why couldn't she just stay there at camp and wait for a better option?  She was just a Pearl, after all.

And yet, she could almost hear Rebecca nudging her.  Remember your promises, Eden. -- p. 180

Um... I don't remember Eden making promises to anyone.  Did I miss something?

Apparently there's a stereotype that Pearls are cowards, because Eden's taking now to remember "not all Pearls were cowards."  It would have been nice to have this stereotype established beforehand in this world's culture, Foyt.  And yes, I know black people like to mock how wussy white people are on the Interent, but still, this feels out of the blue.

Eden remembers brushing her mom's hair, and how she wasn't afraid of death.  She also remembers another Emily Dickinson poem ("Because I could not stop for death..."), and I find myself wanting to apologize to Emily for having her name dragged through the mud like this.  

Still a better use of Emily Dickinson's name

than this dreck...

Also "the notion of a soul living past the grave was as illogical as love."  I'm not sure why all these dystopian books think society's going to ditch religion entirely in the future -- religion is still going strong after all these thousands of years, and many people actually cling tighter to their faith in times of catastrophe.  But of course our oh-so-enlightened protagonist can't be religious, can she?  *sigh*

Lorenzo and Charlie head for the main gate, and Eden sneaks out to follow them.  She passes by her father on the way, who's still asleep, and vows to be strong in order to save him.  Actually, I think you're just going to get him into deeper crap by doing this, girl, but hey, you haven't listened to anyone else up to this point.  Why should you listen to the reader/sporker?

She runs after the men, still wearing Rebecca's white dress (and getting mud on it, who wears a white dress in the freaking jungle), and hears a "sharp cry."  She thinks it's the girls who are always so freaked out by any mention of Rebecca, but it's coming from the locked-up hut, and she wonders if Rebecca saw her.  She considers ditching her plan and going to investigate the hut instead, but instead vows to come back with help and runs after the men... and end chapter.

Can you tell I'm sick and tired of this book?  Even with the brief moment of much-needed self-awareness, this chapter was exhausting to get through.  I just want to be freaking done with this madness...

Hope to have the next chapter up here soon.  Let's see if we can get through this together...

Chapter 24 -- You Really Like Hot Animals, Don't You?

I find I have to issue a correction regarding my last post.  Apparently the Huaorani DO believe in a serpent who guards the pathway from life to death, and that those who don't have the courage to get past it will be reincarnated as animals (mostly termites).  So yes, Foyt's "mythology" lesson from last chapter does have some basis in fact.  My bad...  HOWEVER, I maintain that mashing Huaorani beliefs with Aztec mythology is not a good idea, and just confuses the reader.  You can have your Aztec gods or your Huaorani shamanism, Foyt, but you can't have both.

Okay, now that the correction's been issued... who wants more Revealing Eden awfulness?

Nobody?  Too bad.

Eden's sitting in the shade of a palm tree, fanning herself, and the text makes a big deal of how hot she is -- her skin is "clammy" and "the unforgiving noonday sun bleached the compound with stark light."  I believe it was mentioned in an earlier chapter that the tunnels she's lived in all her life could get up to a hundred and ten degrees, so it seems weird that she'd be complaining about being hot NOW when she's lived in extreme heat all her life.  And if the surface world were THAT much hotter than the tunnels, there shouldn't be any plant life left.  But hey, since when has this book cared about internal consistency?

The minutes slowly ticked by, cycling into hours, then long passages of the day.  She never realized how long an hour was or how much time she had at her disposal.  What had she done with all her time?  She had frittered it away with fantastical World-Band experiences.  That had helped her bury her feelings -- she could see that now.  At least she hadn't felt this stifling boredom.  -- p. 170

Foyt, please don't make a statement about technology and social media ruining young people right now.  You're over halfway through this book, you don't have time to botch up another "message."

Eden looks out into the forest and wonders where that "dumb beast" Bramford is.  I'm still failing to see why we should want to see these two paired up at all -- Eden has shown zero romantic interest in him, only moments of weird lust.  If Foyt expects us to believe that this pair has the makings of a true Beauty and the Beast romance, she's done a very poor job of showing it.  Even in the Disney version of the tale, Belle felt SOME measure of kindness toward Beast as the story went along...

Probably the only good thing about this book is that it's

reminding me of MUCH better books and movies

that I need to re-read/re-watch

The kids of the village are playing in the garden, and Eden notes that the parents don't seem irritated by the kids' noise but are enjoying the clamor.  She figures that "maybe they didn't know how boring their lives were."  Maybe they don't have time to be bored because they're busy trying to eke out a living in the jungle, you brat.

The little boy from earlier toddles up to Eden and offers her a cucumber, which "glowed in the sunshine, as if it were more than a vegetable."  In video games that generally means it's a power-up, but I dunno what it's supposed to mean here.  She takes a bite and notices that it doesn't taste at all like the cucumber flavoring in her food pills.  Um... if I remember correctly, the pills they used to sustain themselves were only fat, carbohydrate, and protein.  I saw no mention of veggie pills.  Consistency?  Who needs that?

Lorenzo appears out of nowhere and walks into the hut, and Eden follows him.  She notes that these people have no respect for boundaries and thinks that maybe that's how they move through the world with so little effort.  Foyt has a way of throwing out these random thoughts that are supposed to be deep and introspective but come across as stupid.

Eden's father gives Lorenzo a list of supplies he needs, and explains that Lorenzo's going to the city.  This is the first I've heard of a city... I thought everyone lived underground now?  Unless they're referring to Lorenzo going to the Combs, but I was under the impression that those were kept locked down pretty tight.  Again, who needs consistency when you can just throw in whatever random ideas and concepts that pop into your head?

I don't need internal consistency, I got a hard-hitting anti-racist

furry romance to write!

Eden's heart skipped a beat.  She asked when he would leave.  "Cuando vas?"

"Ahora."

"Now?  Right now?"

"It could be a year from now," her father said.

"How is that possible?"

"The Huaorani never use the future tense, you see.  For them, only the present exists." -- p. 172

First of all, I thought Eden didn't know any Spanish.  Sure, her Spanish is pretty broken here, but she's still managing to communicate and understand.  Again, consistency!  Readers are going to notice continuity errors, people.

Also, I can't find anything to confirm or deny Dr. Newman's statement here, but it does seem pretty stereotypical to assign to a Native American tribe.  Just my thought.

Eden apparently plans on escaping with Lorenzo, but doesn't tell him that -- she just asks for a comb.  As he leaves she notices that the sky's overcast now, and thinks that the weather's "as changeable as Bramford's moods."  I dunno girl, you seem to vacillate between fawning over him and hating his guts pretty rapidly -- who's the one with changeable moods?

Despite herself, Eden wondered where Bramford would find shelter.  She pictured him lying across a tree branch, his powerful body balanced with effortless grace, licking his lips from some tasty treat.  Her body turned to jelly. -- p. 173

Yes, I'm still Undertale trash... no, I'm not sorry, 

the line's just too fitting

Speak of the furry devil... Eden spots Bramford pouncing around in front of the locked hut, punching and lashing out at the air.  And of course she assumes the worst.

Was this some sort of primal dance or demonstration?  Or was he trying to intimidate his prisoner, Rebecca? -- p. 173

Girl, we don't even know if this Rebecca girl still exists or is even here.  Get some evidence that she's actually around before you accuse Bramford of holding her captive.  And while I have no idea what he's doing here, surely he's got better things to be doing than mocking a captive.

Lightning crashed down, illuminating him.  Eden saw his wet face, mashed with hair, and forgot all about her missing twin.  His strong legs kicked and jumped, making her feel small and delicate, and at the same time, aggressive and full of daring.  An earthy moan escaped her lips.

Bramford immediately zeroed in on her.  She swore she could feel the heat coming off of him.  Her yearning grew unbearable.  Was it for her sake or Rebecca's that she flew towards him?  She no longer cared why.  She simply knew she had to be with him, whatever that meant. -- p. 173

Yes, I will subject you to all the "romantic" hormonal bits in this book.  Because dangit, someone has to suffer along with me.

She runs into the rain, yelling his name, and he grabs her in his arms and tells her to go away.  Because holding onto her is REALLY the best way to get her to go away...  She yells at the hut for Rebecca, asking if she's there, and Bramford puts his mouth on her neck.  I'm not sure if he's trying to bite her or give her a hickey, the text isn't terribly clear -- it just states that "Bramford's mouth found her neck."

Was Foyt trying to mimic the cheesy kiss-in-the-rain scene from The Notebook here?  Because that's the vibe I'm getting...

I really hate to say this because I don't like Nicholas Sparks,

but... The Notebook did it better

Thankfully Maria interrupts the sappy moment and pulls Eden away from him, leaving her confused and "desperate to understand."  Maria takes her to her father, who insists that she needs to leave the whole Rebecca thing alone.  I'm going to guess this doesn't happen, Eden has a long and glorious track record of not listening to a thing other people say.

Eden goes and cries on the bed, having a pity party with herself.

She shut out the storm and the whole crazy world.  In her mind's eye, she only saw Bramford's piercing gaze.  She ran her hands over her arms, recalling his indelible touch.

Good Earth, she simply had to get away from him or she would die.  -- p. 175

Seemed fitting...

Please tell me that not all romance is this clunkily written.  It's been a long time since I read half a Twilight book just to see what all the fuss was about, but if I'm remembering right even the bad romance of that book wasn't half as bad as THIS...

Maria shows up at that moment, probably feeling sorry for Eden (don't waste your pity, lady), and she gives her a dress -- Rebecca's dress from the painting.  Can somebody please tell us who the frag this Rebecca chick is and why she looks so much like Eden?  I'm getting sick of the text telling us she's important without telling us WHY.

Eden takes off the scummy dress she's been wearing all this time and puts on the other dress, apparently startled that it reaches down to her calves -- apparently it's no longer the fashion to wear dresses long.  And the dress smells like jasmine, which is Eden's favorite scent.  Okay, the similarities between these two girls is getting really annoying, can SOMEONE explain things please?  Was Eden a twin separated at birth, or a clone of someone, or what?

She admires the dress, which is white with blue "string" threaded through the bodice, and we get this:

She never considered how color or shape might affect her mood.  Or how empowering such a personal choice could be.  She thought of Aunt Emily, who had worn only white for many years, and in a similar style, too.  Had such pretty clothes made her and Rebecca feel beautiful? -- p. 176

Ugh, I'd hoped we'd dropped the Aunt Emily nonsense by this point -- I still don't get why Emily Dickinson has to be dragged through this mess.  And nice to see our protagonist still only cares about being beautiful despite all she's been through.  This is a really empowering message to send to girls, isn't it, Foyt?  *sarcasm*

She admires herself in the hand mirror (it's cracked, so that means seven years back luck, right?) and thinks she looks even more like Rebecca now than ever.  And her last thought before the chapter ends is "what would that callous beast think of her now?"  *sigh*  I'm getting so tired of this "I love you, I hate you" business... dangit, I'm just getting tired of this book.  Seriously, I have a headache now...

Going to try to speed up the pace here, just because I want to be done with this garbage soon.  Then move on to the next book.  Bitterwood is going to be fun to tear apart, and for all its flaws it at least doesn't have this racist garbage to contend with...

Chapter 23 - You Fail Mythology 101 Forever

Onward and upward...

Eden wakes up in the morning to rustling sounds in the hut.  She promptly freaks out and chucks the hand mirror at it, and it runs away.  Please tell me the mirror breaks and she gets seven years of bad luck...

Eden judges by the critter's footsteps that it "must be small and harmless," but all the same keeps screaming and yells for her father to watch out.  Turns out it's a spider monkey (Latin name?  You bet your gluteus maximus we get it), and for whatever reason we get the factoid that they're known for walking upright with their tails stiff against their backs.  This isn't a textbook, Foyt, you don't need to lecture us on every critter we meet...

Sorry, real spider monkeys aren't nearly as awesome

as this...

She rushed after it onto the front steps, but it had fled.  Arms akimbo, she caught her breath.  She'd scared off an Ateles paniscus all by herself.  Maybe she wasn't as helpless as she thought. -- p. 164

I wouldn't call scaring off a monkey big and brave, unless it was a baboon...  Also we get this confusing bit after the monkey runs off.

Eden doubted the monkey would return to find itself trapped indoors again.  Why did she find comfort in stark boundaries when they confused a creature of simple intelligence?  The Huaorani also lived in a seamless way.  Was that why they seemed so happy?  -- p. 164

I... don't even know.  It feels like we've got three different thoughts pasted together into a single paragraph.  Or maybe my brain is just numb from the stupidity in this book...

Eden looks around the compound, still looking for her backpack.  And quite conveniently the sky is dark and stormy to mirror her thoughts.  Empathic Environment is an overused trope of its own, and while it's excellent visual shorthand in a movie or comic, it loses its effectiveness in a literary medium in my opinion.

She also hopes to see Bramford so she can talk him out of accelerating his transformation into a jaguar furry "for his sake."  You really didn't care one whit about him in the last chapter, why suddenly start caring now?

Dr. Newman calls out for her, and she hurries to his side.  A lot of his dark coating has come off and his skin looks "sallow, greasy," and he looks pretty sick.  And of course NOW Eden FINALLY starts feeling guilty for betraying them all to Jamal and the FFP, which led to this.  Only took you half the book, girl... and I'd ask why she suddenly started caring about her father now, but I'm willing to give her a little bit of slack because I know how complicated the relationship can be between kids and their parents.

She wants to apologize, but instead tells her father he should wash off the rest of the coating.  Yay for looks trumping all.

"Why not wash the coating off your face, Father?"

"Impossible," he said, with a withering look.

"Do I look that bad?"

"Bad?"  He looked puzzled.  "That would require a subjective opinion."

"Forget it."  He would never understand.  -- p. 165

*sigh*  Try talking to the man, girl.  He might understand more than you think.  Also it's entirely possible for scientists to have subjective opinions -- they're human beings, after all.  "Scientist" doesn't mean "emotionless robot."

Unless we're talking robot scientist...

but even they have some emotion

Maria and her daughters come in, Maria with medical supplies and the two girls with food for Eden and her father.  One serves Eden while the other serves her father, and Eden guesses from their expressions that there was some kind of contest where the loser had to serve her.  Once again, Eden, please stop thinking that everything revolves around you and that everyone's picking on you.  Also, this "chicha" they keep giving everyone isn't food, Foyt -- it's an alcoholic beverage.  Give them something a little more nourishing, why don't you.

Maria starts cleaning her father's wound and putting on some nasty salve.  Eden thinks that Maria means well but that "the road to Earth's destruction also had been paved with good intentions."  Yeesh, whatever happened to being grateful, you little brat?

She pointed out the obvious.  "Father, do you really think this jungle medicine is working?"

"Precisely."  His tired face brightened.  "The poultice contains bark from the slippery elm, you see.  Its antibacterial properties are known to be an excellent treatment for gangrenous sores." -- p. 166

Okay, so this IS accurate... except that the slippery elm does NOT live in South America.  It's native to the eastern and mid-western United States.  For Primus' sake, Foyt, if you're going to flaunt your research to the reader, will you at least DO more than a half-assed job of research?  Your readers aren't idiots, we're going to know if you're trying to BS us...

Sorry... but it bothers me when a writer does a half-decent job of doing their research, but then incorporate incorrect facts along with their research.  Whether it's on purpose to mislead the reader or just doing a sloppy/lazy job of it, it can actually do some damage.  People who aren't familiar with the subject being discussed will assume everything, even the wrong information, is correct, and come away from the book or film even more misinformed than before.  People who catch the mistakes, meanwhile, will just assume the author is too lazy to fact-check their work or outright lying to the audience to prove their point.  Either way, it just makes the author look like a fool.

Maria informs them that stronger medicinal plants exist, but far away from the compound.  Eden's father says Bramford will go, and Eden says he's too busy chasing predators... and apparently he's a "selfish beast" for doing so.  Oh... gods... SERIOUSLY???  The man is working his furry butt off to get food for you and keep you safe, and you call him SELFISH???  Why don't you call him that to his face and see if you still have a face left afterwards?  

You done made this blogger MAD

Guh... moving on...

Dr. Newman rambles about how so many miracle cures have been lost along with the rainforest, which is a legitimate gripe today.  But Foyt's making enough of a muck of things trying to preach against racism, she really doesn't need to botch up an environmental message too...

Dr. Newman goes on about how noble Bramford is to have bought and held onto this rainforest despite pressure to sell it, both to research the plant life and to preserve the Huaorani's way of life.  Eden retorts that her father doesn't understand Bramford's "greedy motives," but he counters that "I can think of no one finer to be the Jaguar Man."  At least someone's willing to give Bramford the benefit of the doubt... and if this book had anything resembling a serious fandom I could see people wanting to ship Bramford with Dr. Newman instead of his bratty daughter.

Why isn't this GIF more popular among the shipping crowd?

Maria also mentions that Bramford is considered a shaman, and that there's a "golden vine" that can be used to make a drink that will give a shaman visionary experiences.  The vine itself (Latin name ahoy!) actually exists, and yes, has long been used by South American tribes to incite visions (and is used in the modern day to alleviate pain and as a weight-loss supplement), so at least that's one thing gotten right.  But somehow I doubt Albert Einstein was into shamanism, even though Dr. Newman brings up the fact that Einstein believed in a Fourth Dimension that could elevate our souls.  I don't even know anymore...

Eden wants some of this wonder-vine, and though the text doesn't state it I'll bet it's due to her oxy addiction.  Her father says it's stronger than any modern medicine and could probably kill her.  Given that there are drugs out there that can downright kill you in the wrong dose, that must be some pretty strong vine...

Eden wonders what it would be like to be as fearless as El Tigre, and asks what he's afraid of.  Maria says "Coatlicue," and through the weirdest and wackiest pantomime session I've ever read about manages to convey that Coatlicue is a snake god that you have to get past to get to the spirit world, otherwise you're reincarnated as an animal.  

*SIGH*  Aztec mythology nerd mode activate... and once again, an Ecuadorian tribe that believes in shamanism and animism should NOT be worshiping the gods of a Mexican and Central American nation.  I harped about this during the "jaguar god" nonsense several chapters back, and I harp upon it again here.  Next time, Foyt, either pick a Mexican tribe to foist your nonsense on or stick to the actual mythology and religion of this tribe.  Or just make up something fictional, you're good at that...

Coatlicue is an Aztec GODDESS, and while she does have a snake motif (she wears a skirt made of snakes and has two snake heads instead of a human head), she's not a snake herself.  Also, she's not a guardian of the land of the dead -- she's actually a mother goddess, one who gave birth to the sun god Huitzilopochitli (say that three times fast) and to the moon and stars, and was also considered the patron goddess of women who died in childbirth.  The whole "guarding the land of the dead" thing sounds ripped off from Greek or Egyptian mythology, really, with the "rebirth" thing sounding more in line with Hinduism.

I know I should stop expecting Foyt to give a crap about actually doing the proper research, but this still bugs me.  Especially since there aren't many books that give the Aztec gods any attention, and it's patently unfair that the one book that does do it is this half-assed piece of dreck.

Eden's grossed out at the thought of being reincarnated as an animal such as a tapir (the animal her father uses as an example and -- naturally -- calls by its Latin name).  She also realizes that Bramford must be feeling like he died and came back to life as a jaguar, and thinks that his temper no longer seems so out of line.  Oh, FINALLY you spare him a little sympathy...

Satisfied with their understanding, Maria bent down to finish her tasks.  Eden's father moaned as she began to lay thin strips of bark over the paste.  His bloodshot eyes seemed to beg Eden to do something.  If she failed him again, she feared he soon would meet Coatlicue. -- p. 169

End chapter.  And really, this chapter was a whole lotta nothin' useful except some bastardization of a favorite branch of mythology and showing that Eden's dad is sick -- something that could have been handled in a few paragraphs or even sentences.  Did Foyt forget about the whole Rebecca thing already?  I finally get interested in one thing in this book and then it gets dropped like a hot potato...

At least we're over the hump and into the second half the book... stay strong, everyone.  We can do this...

Chapter 22 -- Jumping To Conclusions

Is it me or do a lot of chapters in this book end with Eden passing out?  Just a thought...

At any rate, Eden wakes up again in Bramford's arms.  He starts purring, and she thinks "how could such an ornery animal sound so tame?"  Um... jaguars can't purr.  Domestic cats and some big cats (such as cheetahs and snow leopards) can purr, but any cat that can roar (lions, tigers, jaguars, etc.) has a different throat-muscle structure from other cats that prevents them from being able to purr.  Also, it's been proven that just because a cat's purring doesn't mean it's happy or content -- cats also purr when they're upset, probably to try to soothe themselves.

Maria insists on bringing Eden inside the main hut, insisting she's sick -- but in Spanish.  I thought Eden didn't know Spanish, how does she suddenly understand it?  Bramford's reluctant to do so, and he gives the best verbal beatdown of Eden ever.  Seriously, I almost cheered out loud reading this bit:

"You've done everything in your power to destroy our mission," he told Eden.  "If it weren't for your father, I would have farmed you out long ago.  You're a blind and selfish girl who cannot see the greater good."  -- p. 155

I've said it before and I'll say it again -- Bramford is my favorite character in this book.  He's one of the few to actually have brains, and the only one who will call Eden out on her bullcrap.  Which makes it all the harder to know that he's bound to be Strangled By the Red String by story's end...

Eden snarks that Bramford's just power-hungry, Bramford snarls at her, and Eden's father steps in before he can bite her face off.  Bramford slips off, and Eden refers to him as a "moody bastard."  Unlike you, Eden, Bramford's actually got a right to be a little upset at his plight...

Also she suddenly has a chest ache and assumes she's caught The Heat.  I have no idea...

Maria leads Eden and her father into the forbidden hut, which feels like it's been long-vacant.  There's cobwebs everywhere and a thick layer of "dusk" on the floor, but with recent tracks.  I think you meant "dust," Foyt... a thick layer of "dusk" would mean shadows or darkness, and it's hard to leave tracks in that...

There's also hammocks and stools in this cabin, and Eden figures it was a residence for a family and not for Bramford himself.  Her father talks about how comfortable the hammocks are and what they're made of (hemp), which gets Eden wallowing in self-pity again.

Even in the grip of pain his inquisitive nature couldn't be dampened.  If only he were as curious about her as he was about everything else.  -- p. 157

Twilight Sparkle is getting real tired of your

horseapples, Eden...

Foyt is trying WAY too hard to get us to sympathize with Eden, but it's backfiring in a bad way.  When you club the reader over the head with repeated scenes of the character feeling sorry for themselves and scream "SHE'S SO TORTURED LOVE HER DAMMIT," you're only making said character look like a massive sad-sack.  And I don't know about other people, but I prefer NOT to read about a character that does absolutely nothing but whine about how terrible their life is.  There's a reason people don't put up with Anakin Skywalker's whining in the Star Wars prequels, and why Rodimus Prime gets so much flak for being a self-pitying moper in Season 3 of the original Transformers cartoon...

Maria leads them around a corner to view a carved wooden figure of the half-jaguar half-human El Tigre, one that looks somewhat similar to Bramford.  I've already gone on at length about how these people shouldn't be worshiping a jaguar god at all, let alone one called El Tigre, so let me just take a moment to bang my head against a wall and we'll move on.

Me too, Tulio, me too...

"Just as I thought" Eden said, her worst fears confirmed.  "Bramford planned it all along."

"Point of fact," her father said.  "Using the jaguar as a donor was my idea.  Of course, I told him about the legend.  But how could we have predicted things would turn out so well?"

"Yeah, just great."  -- p. 157

Good to see that Eden is still so determined to see the worst in Bramford that she'll jump to the worst possible conclusion immediately.  This is NOT the mark of a good romance, people -- people who shift so abruptly from hating each other to wanting to jump each others' bones will NOT make a stable relationship, and certainly not a relationship anyone will want to emulate.

Maria opens a wooden screen leading to another room.  This one's furnished to look more like a modern bedroom, with a regular bed, pillows, and a nightstand with a silver hand mirror on it.  There's also a painting of black jaguar and a girl, with a signature of R. B. in the corner.  Eden's father guesses R. B. stands for Ronson Bramford, but Eden says it's ridiculous because "Bramford is no artist."  How would you know this, girl?  It's not like you've bothered to learn much about your furry crush...

There's another painting, and this one attracts Eden's eye more for obvious reasons:

She took in the second painting, stunned by what she saw.  It was a portrait of a young woman, her white skin visible.  Eden couldn't deny the thrill of seeing a Pearl so well represented, a girl just like her.  More like her than she could have imagined.  The girl's youthful skin shone with the luster of a sea pearl.  Soulful, blue eyes stared back at Eden with familiar longing.

Just to remind folks -- and Eden -- that pearls come in

a LOT more colors than just white...

The slender figure and graceful neck also resembled Eden's, though it shocked her to think of herself in such flattering terms.  A rare, velvety red Cattleya orchid adorned the girl's long, blond hair.  She wore an old-fashioned white dress.  In fact, except for the flower and clothing, the resemblance to Eden was uncanny.

Eden's father echoed her thoughts with astonishment.  "She could be your clone." -- p 158

You know... Foyt claims that she wrote this book so that whites can better understand the terrible persecution that blacks have undergone.  But it's scenes like THIS that make the book come across as a racist trying to justify their views.  Here it feels like she's justifying her own racism by going on and on about how beautiful white girls are and how precious our protagonist is for being white.  Her book has missed its intended mark by a long shot... if it was intended to be an anti-racist screed in the first place.  But I digress...

Apparently the figure in the picture is the infamous Rebecca.  Which explains why the children freak out over seeing Eden.  But having two girls who look so staggeringly alike show up in one village is a rather big coincidence.  I'm aware that there are plenty of people who look shockingly alike (and aren't long-lost twins or anything), but it doesn't happen nearly as often as books like The Prince and the Pauper and movies like Dave will have you believe.  

Then again, I'm not sure I'd like this twist much better if Eden DID happen to have a long-lost twin sister who ended up here.   I know, it sounds like nothing this book does will make me happy... I just feel like the "lookalike" angle was the right way to go, I guess.

Eden asks where Rebecca is, but Maria just leaves.  Eden asks her father what Bramford's hiding, but he insists Bramford's not hiding anything.

"Then tell me, Father, why is there a prison here?"

"It's none of our business."

"What if Rebecca is in trouble?"

"Now who is being ridiculous, Daught?"

"He locked me up."

"You were excitable."

Deserved it, is what he meant.  Well, Eden was sick of his and Bramford's grandiose schemes and lack of feeling for anyone's aching heart. -- p. 159-160

What I feel like doing to Eden at this point...

Girl, you are NOT the center of the universe here!  Your father and Bramford have more important things to worry about than your precious feelings!  You're not some special little snowflake that needs coddled at every opportunity!  Gah...

Eden insists Bramford's holding Rebecca prisoner, just like them.  Eden's father insists they're not prisoners and that Eden's being illogical.  Eden's "proof" that Rebecca's a captive is that there's a painting of her here and that she's obviously not Bramford's sister or mate because high-ranking Coals don't mate with Pearls.  Her father points out that it's been known to happen, so Eden points out that Bramford's records state he's single, but her father says that's not foolproof either, that he could have bribed someone to change the record.

Eden's final argument is the mirror, which has a B engraved on the back.

"See this?  It's how Bramford marks his territory.  Maybe he mated Rebecca and then regretted it.  He had to eliminate his mistake so he killed her."

The rapid blinking began.  "What?  Impossible!"

"Perhaps she's buried in that hut."

"I insist you stop this line of reasoning, Daught!"

"No, Father.  For once, you're not being objective.  We have to get away from Bramford.  Why can't you see that he's a monster?"  -- p. 161

Sorry, oh-so-smart-and-logical Eden, but none of your arguments are any proof that Bramford did anything to this Rebecca chick.  Just because there's a B engraved on something doesn't mean it's Bramford's, and just because there's evidence that there was a Pearl here doesn't mean Bramford killed her.  You don't even have a body or proof that anything violent occurred here.  You're jumping to conclusions here. 

Also the "marking his territory" bit is pretty dehumanizing... and you certainly weren't thinking Bramford was a monster when you were getting all cuddly with him earlier...

Dr. Newman tells his daughter to stop antagonizing Bramford, and that he's noticed that she's growing attracted to him.  She retorts that they're not even the same species "thanks to you" but her father says he knows otherwise and warns her to be careful.  Then he goes back to sleep in the hammock while she lays down on the bed.  Not even gonna offer your injured and pain-ridden father the bed, Eden?

Eden looks at her reflection in the mirror and admires it, realizes that maybe because Rebecca was beautiful she might be too, and end chapter.  Blugh.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to seeing how this Rebecca bit plays out, but knowing the author I'm sure whatever happens, it'll be just as stupid as the rest of the book.  Also blog-reader Rodimiss pointed out that "Becky," a nickname derived from Rebecca, is slang for "clueless racist white girl," which just adds another layer of hilarity onto it.  Way to go, Foyt...

Chapter 21 -- Ding-Dong, the Witch Is Dead! (Not Really But I Wish...)

On we go...

At the end of last chapter, Eden's father just dropped the bombshell that Bramford can choose between going back to normal (which might kill him) or continue with the furry-fication process (which might rob him of the last of his humanity), and Bramford chose the latter.  This chapter begins with... a howling noise right outside the lab that Eden first thinks is an FFP siren but turns out to just be a troop of howler monkeys.  Holy abrupt subject shift, Batman!

Bramford's body begins to "pulse," which is entirely the wrong word here.  If your whole body is starting to pulse like a beating heart, you've got some serious health issues going on...  Then he leaps out the door, and Eden gets "weak in the knees" watching him run.  Apparently Bramford's off to hunt monkeys... for some reason.

Also Eden's father says monkeys make "excellent bush meat."  According to Wikipedia, bushmeat is actually a good way to risk getting some nasty diseases, including HIV, Ebola, rabies, yellow fever, etc.  I understand the natives might have no other food source (though did cows and goats not make it in the Heat?), but calling it "excellent" might be pushing it.

This is also about the point we get another lovely line that's been making the rounds on the Internet:

Again, a big cat's growl pierced the air, followed by a painful squeal.  Eden quivered as she pictured Bramford, lusty for the kill, ripping into the howler -- p. 147

Eden, are you suddenly a guro fan?  Because most normal people aren't going to get turned on at the thought of their crush tearing a small furry animal apart with their teeth...  (If you don't know what guro is, look it up yourself, I ain't linking it...)

Eden's father tells Eden she knows better than to go around without her dark coating.  She protests that it wasn't her fault, it came off in the river, and he responds that she should have stayed with the group.  This is probably meant for us to sympathize with Eden over her meanie father, but he's got a point -- both Eden and the readers would have had a much easier time of it if she hadn't run off and forced Bramford to chase her.  But then, we wouldn't have gotten pointless drama and even more pointless romance scenes, right?

Eden has a flashback -- or rather, "her five-year-old self handed over a forgotten memory" (yeesh, that's an awkward description) -- of catching her parents dancing around to a "forbidden" jazz song about a lovely blue-eyed girl... and without their dark coating.  That's the only time she ever saw them uncovered, and they tell her to keep it a secret.  I... wasn't under the impression that it was illegal for Pearls to not wear coating?  If this is supposed to be Foyt's critique of racism, it kind of falls flat.  For all the horrible things done to black people, not once have they been forced by law to paint themselves white.

Possible exception, but then this is Michael Jackson

we're talking about here...

Eden points to that incident as when her shame of her skin color began.  Yay for Freudian Excuse, I guess?

Then Eden starts yelling at her dad for tampering with nature.  Which contradicts earlier chapters where she was actually proud of her dad for his work with genetics.  If this were a better book and Foyt hadn't already proven herself a sloppy writer, I'd say Eden had multiple personalities or something... but no, Foyt just wants to give her something new to whine about and so it has to be her father's life's work, despite the fact that she was so proud of it in the beginning of the book.

"Mother was right.  Fooling with nature is dangerous.  You're not some infallible god.  It was wrong to twist Bramford into this savage creature."  Who's so exciting and yet, so infuriating.

His head jerked up.  "Impossible.  Lily [Eden's mom] believed in my work."

"Mother believed in a ridiculous thing called love and some stupid gentle wind that supposedly brought it into your heart.  She had her head in the clouds just like you.  Dreamers ruining people's lives, her with her crazy ideas and you with your crazy experiments." -- p. 149

Sadly, this doesn't happen... I don't advocate child abuse

but in Eden's case I make an exception

Eden storms out and goes to have a pity party by the watering hole.

How pathetic, she thought, fighting them [tears] back.  For once she'd been truly seen -- by a beast.  No doubt, she had imagined it, just as she'd imagined a connection between them at the lake.  Bramford wasn't capable of such feelings.  Then, as the memory of lying beside his hard body filled her, Eden groaned. -- p. 149

Holy freaking scrap, we're halfway through this freaking book!  We're already sick to death of Eden waffling between liking and hating this guy!  Pick a relationship status (and "it's complicated" doesn't count) and stick with it!

Eden tries to make herself feel better by calling every creature she can see by its Latin name.  What is it with Foyt's obsession with Latin names anyhow...  We also get Eden wondering how a plain little wren can have such a beautiful song, and "how could so much beauty come in such a drab wrapping," because it's all about beauty with Eden.  Foyt, you were a teenage girl once, right?  Surely you remember that your ENTIRE life didn't revolve around trying to be pretty, right?

Up ahead the natives are cooking a dead monkey on a spit over an open fire, because this is how all primitive cultures cook their food, right?  Bramford's there, and we get another loving description of his body.

Eden studied him, intrigued by the startling changes.  The lab pants, ripped short and split at the seams, were nothing more than a loincloth.  Red scratches marked his naked torso, probably from the howler.  His long hair was a knotted, wild mess.  More than Bramford's increasingly savage appearance, she detected a new, smug confidence.  The big kill had increased his arrogance.  As if he needed it.  -- p. 150

Eden walks up to Bramford, mentally begging him to look at her.  He's a little preoccupied at the moment, so she has a hissy fit and tries to slap him, but backs down when he turns to glare at her.  Despite being almost eighteen, our protagonist really is a toddler at heart...

"It's not ready," he said, cocking his head toward the dead monkey.

Eden wrinkled her nose.  "I won't eat that," she said, aiming to hurt him with her words.  "I'm not an animal."

Bramford shrugged.  "Too bad.  If you were, you wouldn't be so much trouble." -- p. 151

Um... no room for the Latin term Homo sapiens in your puffed-up little head, girl?  Last time I checked, humans were still considered animals.  Also I'm still relieved that Bramford can still put you in your place.  Who knew that the jaguar furry would be my favorite character?

Eden stomps off in a huff again, and sees Maria brushing up against Lorenzo in a way that indicates they're a couple.  Which results in the following:

Eden also noticed a peculiar glow that the couple shared.  Could it possibly be evidence of love?  Perhaps, she thought with growing excitement, remnants of it still existed in this untainted corner of the world. -- p. 151

Check another thing off the Great List of Dystopian Cliches!  Seriously, why do so many people think that love can't exist in a dystopia?  People still fall in love with each other even in terrible circumstances -- it's not like people stopped loving each other during the World Wars or the Great Depression or anything.  The only dystopia I can think of that uses the "no love can exist in a dystopia" trope well is the Delirium series by Lauren Oliver

The one good thing about this book is that it's

making me think of other books I'd rather be reading...

The two little girls from earlier, Carmen and Etelvina (??), are throwing nuts up at their pet parrot.  Lorenzo sits by Eden and tells her they're his daughters, and Eden marvels at the fact that people are allowed to have more than one child in this world.  He also introduces Eden to his brother Charlie (???)... and Charlie's got her backpack!  The one she lost earlier and that started the whole mess with falling into the river!

Eden's distracted from the backpack by the two girls, and she tries to approach them, but they run away screaming "Rebecca!" again.  Are we ever gonna learn more about the Rebecca thing?  Bramford glares at the kids, and Charlie takes off the backpack and gives it to the girls as a distraction.  Eden tries to grab it back so she can get the Life-Band out of it, but the girls toss it up to the parrot, who catches it.  Can a parrot even lift a backpack with its beak?  I know birds of prey can carry animals several times their weight, but they do that with their legs, and a parrot isn't a bird of prey and doesn't routinely carry heavy loads of food around.  I guess it depends on how heavy the backpack is...

Eden's gaze drifts to the gated hut, and she guesses that Rebecca must be in there.  So of course, being our "bright" heroine, she goes to investigate.  Bramford yells at her to stop, but she keeps running, yelling "Hello! Rebecca?"

Behind her, she heard Bramford's pounding feet.  His furious growl ripped into her.  She screamed as he grabbed hold of her.  The blood seemed to drain out of her, and she fell limp.

"Eden!"

But why did Bramford sound anguished?  He didn't care.

Then a dark curtain dropped over her world.  -- p. 154

Yay, our protagonist is dead, end of book, we can all go home!

...oh wait, I've got half a book left to get through.  Dangit...

Chapter 20 -- Somewhere a Geneticist Is Crying

Onward and upward!

Eden's having what she thinks is a World-Band fantasy of running through a grassy field, but upon awakening it turns out it was a dream.  Apparently in this society dreams are written off as "mental distortions" and were eliminated with the aid of oxy.  Check off another cliche on the Dystopian Fiction checklist...

Oh, and Bramford was in the dream too, it turns out.

Why, Bramford is chasing me.  I laugh as he tumbles with me onto the grass.  We roll like playful kittens.  He's smiling at me, really smiling.  I'm so happy, I feel light as a feather. -- p. 138

And yet just last night/chapter she was hating his guts and considering him a monster.  This love-hate whiplash is driving me nuts.  I've never understood why this sort of Belligerent Sexual Tension is supposed to be considered romantic and sweet, or at least BST that's cranked up to this degree.  It comes across less as romantic tension and more as "our protagonist has multiple personalities," at least to me.

Pretty much this guy only less entertaining

Someone opens the door to the hut she's locked in -- Lorenzo.  Eden expects him to freak out at her pale skin like the girls did, but he just smiles.  She also happens to notice this guy's naked except for "a thin rope around his groin."  Because of COURSE Native Americans eschew modern clothing.  I did a (slightly disturbing) Google Search and found that yes, the Huaorani men did pretty much just wear a string around their hips traditionally, but most of them wear modern clothing now.  But then, Foyt seems intent on falling back on stereotypes and making every race look inferior to whites.

Eden dredges up enough rudimentary Spanish to ask about her father.  Lorenzo says he's okay and gives her a bowl of chicha, which she sips and then spits out.  We also get a remark that her dress is torn and practically falling off -- maybe you should have changed into the clothes Daisy gave you instead of fussing about the Life-Band?

Lorenzo leads Eden across the compound, "taking care to skirt the sunlit center."  If the sun really is so dangerous, why aren't all these people dead yet?  Or all the foliage gone by this point?  And why wouldn't these people at least, y'know, build a canopy or something?  I'm starting to think the Heat was some kind of government conspiracy to drive everyone underground...

There's another naked boy in a vegetable garden nearby (Primus, Eden, what is it with your obsession with naked children?  I'm starting to worry...) and Eden looks at all the vegetables and thinks... she wants her meal pills back.  Seriously, girl?  You might be more used to the pills from your previous life (though I still maintain she should be dead of scurvy by now, since there wasn't a multivitamin among the protein, fat, and carbohydrate pills she was given), but a little gratitude wouldn't kill you, right?

Eden smiles at the boy and his mother, but they just stare, and Eden assumes it's because of Rebecca, whoever she is.  It could just be that you're a stranger and they don't know you yet, girl...

There's a clearing nearby full of bird-of-paradise plants (that are described as looking like "haughty women," though they look more like those crested cranes to me), and in that clearing is a wooden building with solar panels on the roof.  Inside is a makeshift laboratory where her father's working with old-fashioned computers and microscopes.  At least Eden's father seems grateful for the equipment and setting, though Eden can't help but whine at what a step down it is for him.

Bramford -- or as Eden is STILL thinking of him, "the beast" -- is in the lab too, talking to her father.

A slight twitch of his head told her he had registered her presence.  But her jailer ignored her.  Probably too ashamed to face her.  -- p. 141

Did it ever occur to you that you're NOT the center of the universe, Eden?  That maybe Bramford thinks whatever your father is working on is a little more important than your precious feelings?  Seriously, girl, get over yourself...

Eden's father's wearing an herbal poultice on his leg to draw out "toxins" (I think you meant infection, Foyt), but he looks feeble.  And of course Eden doesn't seem to care, just upset that Bramford's not going to apologize for locking her up.

"Didn't you know?  Either our host thinks I can escape this hellhole or he's a sadistic beast."

Braford jerked around, trapping her in the crosshairs of his gaze.  "I'e seen what you're capable of, Eden.  Just don't forget, I'm watching you.  Do you understand?"

"I understand that your power has driven you berserk." -- p. 142

Eden, this is NOT berserk.  I think you would know when a jaguar-man went berserk.  This is Bramford taking precautions to make sure you don't go running back to the Combs or the Uni-Gov or whoever's in charge to turn Bramford in and save your own hide.  You've already tried to deliberately get him killed, tried to run away, conspired to turn his own employees against him... in other words, given him absolutely no reason to trust you.  He'd be stupid NOT to lock you up at this point.

He growled menacingly.  His eyes blazed with hot light.  A secret smile tugged at Eden.  She might be powerless, but she sure could get under his skin.  She strolled past him, inches away, and flicked her hair against his chest.

Go ahead, do something.

Instead, his anger softened to a frustrated moan.  Her heart skipped a beat and she wobbled onto a stool.  So much for mind over body. -- p. 142

I don't think winning a staredown with Bramford counts as mind over body, girl... and dangit, I wanted to see Bramford bite her face off.

Eden's father won't look at her, and she assumes he's embarrassed by her white skin.  I think he's more embarrassed by how you're treating his boss, girl... 

Bramford's apparently asking Eden's father if he can reverse the process that turned him into a jaguar furry.  GENETICS.  DO NOT.  WORK THAT WAY.  YOU CANNOT JUST FART WITH SOMEONE'S DNA AND TURN THEM FROM HUMAN TO FURRY AND BACK AGAIN.  DO YOUR BLASTED RESEARCH GIRL.

Eden apparently wishes her father will say no, because... jaguar!Bramford is sexier?  I dunno, nothing Eden wants makes sense anymore...

Apparently trying to reverse the procedure has a possibility of killing Bramford.  And of course, Bramford's not too happy about this, which is perfectly understandable.  He only volunteered to be the test subject when the original ones went missing, and got a lot more than he bargained for.  I honestly feel bad for the guy -- he was trying to help a scientist save humanity and became an outcast for it.  And got saddled with Eden in the process.  

We get a pointless interlude with some toucans peering in through the door (do we get the Latin name for these critters?  Does an Ursus arctos poop in the woods?), then Bramford asks if they can accelerate the transformation process instead of reversing it.  Um... I thought you guys were done changing him.  I wasn't aware this was a gradual process.  Foyt, are you just making this crap up as you go along?

According to Dr. Newman, speeding up the changes could cost Bramford his human ability to think and reason.  That's a sucky choice -- risk death or risk getting completely turned into an animal.  Foyt seems to be trying really hard to get us to not like Bramford, but he's coming across as Unintentionally Sympathetic despite her best efforts.

Eden's father shows them an image on a computer that shows Bramford's final transformation, which is pretty much just a jaguar with human eyes.  The toucans freak out, because naturally they're afraid of "their most dangerous enemy."  I'm pretty sure no bird is going to wig out at an image of a jaguar on a tiny computer screen, but what do I know?

Dr. Newman says all they need to complete the transformation is more cells from the donor species -- jaguar, anaconda, and eagle.  I notice none of the traits from the other creatures have shown up in Bramford.  Maybe Foyt doesn't think anacondas and eagles are sexy enough...

Bramford says he'll get what they need, and Eden protests.  Then we get more "romance."  And I'm subjecting y'all to it because I'm cruel like that.

Speechless, she watched Bramford glide up to her.  Lovely, golden light fell on his muscled chest.  Like a sleight of hand, the arrogant man she detested disappeared, leaving behind his primal self.  Here was the one who had saved her from drowning.  His touch thrilled her.  His confidence inspired her.

He looked deep into her eyes.  In that instant, Eden felt truly seen.  The sultry sound of his breathing washed over her.  Her chest grew soft and velvety.  She felt herself sinking into the green, fathomless pools of his eyes. -- p. 145

Ewwwwwwwwwwww...

Eden says that getting her father proper medical care should be top priority and accuses Bramford of not caring.  He tells her that it must be nice to look at life so simply, and tells the doctor to start preparations to accelerate the process.  The doctor warns him that once the changes pass critical mass, they'll be permanent, Bramford says it doesn't matter, Eden whines, and then end chapter.

I'm still not getting how turning humans into panthers is supposed to save humanity.  If anything, you're just rendering humankind extinct and replacing them with more panthers... and I'm sorry, but jaguars are NOT magically immune to extreme heat, and Foyt has NO idea how genetics are supposed to work, and why doesn't TV Tropes have a "Somewhere a Geneticist Is Crying" trope?

Also no mention of who Rebecca is... if this ends up not coming up again this book I'm going to hurl it at the wall.  Again.