Chapter 33 -- Stop Monkeying Around, Foyt

...welp.  Every time I think Victoria Foyt can't dig herself any deeper, she finds herself a new shovel.

Eden wakes up the next morning, having just had a dream about "speeding through the jungle... fearless and free."  I'm guessing this is supposed to be foreshadowing, though personally I find the "dreaming about the future and it just happens to come true" cliche to be just as clumsy and amateurish as the "little did they know that [spoiler] would happen!" cliche.  Learn how to foreshadow properly, people.

Apparently after spending a few days in the jungle, the light and vast spaces of the village no longer bother Eden.  I'm not sure someone can adjust to new surroundings that fast, but that's just me.  And apparently the modern bedroom around her is "as garish as makeup on a little girl's face," which Eden decides either means she's going native or that knowing the truth about Rebecca makes the room repellent now.  I dunno... *shrug*

Eden studied the lush painting, which evoked her time with Bramford in the jungle with a bittersweet feeling.  Had Rebecca painted it as a ploy to convince him of her sincerity?  Despite their strong physical resemblance, Eden now understood that she and Rebecca were as different as night and day.  She doubted if her so-called twin ever had wanted to be a she-cat.

But I do. -- p. 234

I dunno, you were perfectly willing to betray Bramford and get him killed earlier, girl.  We don't know a whole lot about Rebecca thus far, but I'd guess you two aren't as different as you want to believe.

Eden decides she has to meet Bramford and Rebecca's son... and that's when we get THIS whammy:

Then, as her eyes fell on the torn window mesh, she thought of the curious spider monkey that had paid her a nocturnal visit or two.

Could it have been a small boy?  Logan, perhaps? -- p. 234-235

I... what?

What?

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???!!

Foyt, are you really THIS clueless?  Do you have any idea how insulting it is to compare black people to monkeys?  If you had done ANY actual research on racism and the troubled history of race relations, you'd have realized that people have been calling blacks monkeys or apes as nasty insults and slurs for decades.  This is just... why?  Why would you do this?  Do you honestly not realize that comparing a black child to a monkey is indulging in the racist imagery you claim to be so against?  Or do you just think "it's fiction, nobody's going to care?"

Argh... and for the record, despite monkeys and humans both being primates, spider monkeys are nowhere near big enough or humanoid enough to be easily mistaken for human children.  Not unless Rebecca gave birth to a tiny, skinny, hairy mutant.

Totally looks like a human kid, right?

Eden remembers that the monkey/kid/mutant dropped something when they ran out of the room, and goes digging under the bed for it.  It turns out to be a paintbrush, which Eden immediately decides must be a memento of Logan's mother.  It's not like someone couldn't have taught the boy to paint, right?

How heartless to lock away an innocent child.  Had Bramford tried to bully the poor boy when he boxed in the rain?  Once more, she puzzled over the fact that the hut opened to the forest.  That arrogant bastard probably didn't want anyone to see his son's mixed race. -- p. 235

Nice to see that despite having the hots for Bramford, she's still so quick to jump to the worst possible conclusion where he's concerned.  I thought there was supposed to be a romance here, not this "I hate you but you're hot" crap.  We're three-quarters of the way through this thing (yay!), the lust-hate relationship is getting very old...

Eden angled the brush in the window so that it was stuck out like a flag, hoping to entice Logan.  Come play, little boy. -- p. 235

...that's not creepy at all... *sarcasm*

"Come play with us, Logan..."

There's a gasp behind Eden -- it's Maria, staring at the brush.  Eden notices a wary look in her eyes, and has "the weird feeling the Huaorani woman knew what might happen if the boy returned for his toy."  Because Native Americans are magic and psychic, doncha know...

Eden asks if the paintbrush belongs to Logan, but Maria refuses to answer.  She just bends over to cut more bandages, and "her bare breasts and stomach pleated against her torso."  Pleated?

If you take a drink every time I have to use this meme,

you just might pass out...

Eden watches Maria a moment, then asks how she knew they would arrive at camp.  Maria says she talked to Eden, but Eden denies it.  Maria replies she heard Eden's voice on the wind.  Okay, so when did this book decide to veer straight into fantasy?  

Eden tells Maria she reminds her of her mother, and the two start to laugh.  Eden wonders if they're even laughing at the same thing, then realizes that Maria understands far more than she lets on.  Okay, I appreciate that Foyt's trying not to fall into the "dumb savages" trap with the Native Americans here, but making them omnipotent and magic and all-knowing isn't the right tack to take either.  It's overcompensating.

As Maria starts bandaging Eden's ribs, Eden decides she's tired of her long hair and asks Maria to cut it.  Maria gets her bamboo cutter, and Maria's daughters charge into the room.  They see their mother holding a sharp object at Eden and immediately freak out.  Well, that's only natural -- I think any kid would panic upon going in the house and finding their mom holding someone at knifepoint...

Maria starts cutting her hair, and Eden has flashbacks of her mom's hair falling out in clumps and starts to panic.  She has to remind herself to breathe, and even Maria tries to calm her down.  I get that this is an emotional moment for Eden, and with most other characters I might feel a little sympathy... but Eden's been such a little twat over the course of this book that I can't muster up the energy to feel bad on her behalf.  Sad, but true.

Outside, the ever-changing melodies of the forest reminded Eden that, for the Huaroani, only the present existed.  And right now, nothing threatened but her old fears.

If she could stay in this moment and then the next, and the next after that, would she become fearless and free?  Perhaps just like in her dream. She had to try.  Yes, she admitted, she hoped to be somebody's she-cat.  But mostly, she wanted to shed her fear-logged skin. -- p. 237-238

The haircut takes two pages, Eden compares her pile of golden hair to a bowl of honey, we get an Emily Dickinson poem about "the pedigree of honey" (I am SO sorry you had to be featured in this mess of a book, Emily), and Maria finishes up with a flower in Eden's hair.  Oh, and Maria calls her pretty.  That's probably supposed to be a big moment, since Eden's spent the entire book wishing she was pretty, but... meh.

Eden also looks in the mirror and decides she could pass as a tribeswoman.  Um... I don't think the Huaroani are blonde, girl...

Then Eden asks Carmen, who's holding the bamboo knife now (the book continues to just call it a "cutter," I don't know why), to cut off her skirt.  As the girls step forward, Eden sees one of them is holding her red backpack with the Life-Band in it.  Oh hey, Foyt remembered that plot point!

Eden ends up trading her blonde hair cuttings for the backpack, then the girls cut off her skirt and run out, followed by Maria.  Eden has what she's wanted for the past few days, but remembers if she leaves the jungle, she might never see Bramford again.  Come on, girl, decide whether you like the guy or hate his guts already.  This flip-flop game is getting really old

Eden gazed out the window at the vibrant forest, imagining him on the hunt.  Hungry and dangerous, he would slip through the shadows, his body rippling with energy.  Even in deep darkness, he could see and smell his prey.  When ready, he would pounce with a bloodthirsty roar.  The law of the jungle required that he violently take what he wanted.

She fanned away the heat, wondering if he ever would take her. -- p. 240

Yes, I'm going to use this image every time Eden starts

lusting after the jaguar-man, why do you ask?

Foyt... you might want to pick and choose what gets Eden hot and bothered a little more carefully.  You're giving readers the impression that gore and murder gets her turned on.  That's not romantic, that's a Criminal Minds episode.

We get the Latin name for a hummingbird, then Eden closes off the chapter on this note.

When Bramford returned -- he simply had to -- he would find a very different girl.  Maybe even a wild she-cat.

But what about the Life-Band, Eden? -- p. 240

I don't really think you've changed all THAT much, Eden... but what do I know, I'm just sporking this hot mess.

Will the return of the Life-Band affect the plot at all?  Will Bramford ever return to resume his on-again-off-again romance with a racist little airhead?  Will Eden ever meet Logan?  Can this book offend its readers anymore?  Find out next time, on Tales From the Shelves!

Chapter 32 -- Even Furries Have Standards

Okay, let's get this over with... long-ish chapter, brace yourselves...

Eden wakes up to the "slow, sweet whistle of the quail-like tinamous" (just saying "a bird" would have worked just fine, Foyt), and is surprised to find herself on the ground.  Then she remembers "her torturous night with Bramford" and her "bitter, broken heart," because apparently all the lovey-dovey sweet talk of Chapter 30 was aimed at Bramford's former mate, the treacherous Rebecca.  I'm sorry, I'm still not feeling a whole lot of sympathy for our protagonist, and trying to wring it out of the reader by force rarely works.  You can't get blood from a turnip...

Speaking of Bramford, look who's spooning with her right now.  Mixed messages much, Bramford?

His chest and hips rounded her like a protective mantle.  A heavy arm was slung over her waist.  The warmth he generated cushioned the cold, dewy ground.  Eden nestled into his embrace -- only for warmth, she told herself.  He softly groaned, pulling her closer.  His lips tickled the top of her head. -- p. 225

If I have to suffer through this "romantic" writing, 

so do you

Eden decides Bramford's just dreaming about Rebecca, and feels his attentions "rubbed like salt thrown onto a wound."  Um... the saying is "hurt like salt rubbed onto a wound."  You've got your metaphor a little mixed up there...

Bramford goes to put out what's left of the fire and inspects the area "as if reading the daily news."  Wait, they have newspapers in the far future?  Eden pouts that his gaze moves over her "just like any other part of the landscape."  Oh geez, are we going to get Eden pouting and moping all this chapter?  Nooooooooooo...

Also Bramford's injured hand apparently healed almost entirely overnight.  So being a jaguar furry now gives you super-healing powers?  Maybe Kartoon12 was right in the comments of the last post -- maybe Bramford IS Wolverine's father.  XD

Of course, the plot conveniently remembers that Eden broke a rib, and she doubles over in pain.  Bramford doesn't notice, and Eden snaps at him.

"Hey," she called to Bramford.  "Remember me?  I'm Eden, by the way, not your dead mate, Rebecca." -- p. 226

Ouch... that was low, Eden.  Why are you being so childish about this anyhow?  It's not like it's Bramford's fault that he mistook you for his mate.  Okay, so it was his fault he got stoned out of his mind and hallucinated things, but still... this behavior's bratty and uncalled for.  

Bramford demands to know how she knows -- evidently he forgot about the whole "getting high in the jungle" bit of the last few chapters.  Eden doesn't answer the question, just says she knows Rebecca betrayed him and that they had a kid together.

"Your son Logan is hidden in the gated hut, isn't he?"

Bramford's jaw muscle began to twitch.  "I'm warning you.  It's none of your business."

"That's no way to treat a child."

"You don't understand."

"I understand how cruel you are."

He shook with rage, his weight sunk low.  "I didn't know it was all a lie."

Go ahead, Eden thought.  Rip my body apart -- my heart is already in pieces. -- p. 226-227

I'm sorry, but when our protagonist has done nothing but whine endlessly, screw things up for every other character, and act like a racist little twit, I can't spare a lot of sympathy for her having her heart broken by a jaguar furry.  This is a big reason why I don't read a lot of YA romance -- all too often it's about whiny teenagers/young adults with no personality doing nothing but angst about love and heartbreak.  It's obnoxious to read about, and is far more likely to make me want to slap the character in question than sympathize with them.

Bramford tells Eden it's time to go home and picks her up.  Okay, why is our main black character feeling the need to haul our main white character's butt all over the jungle, especially if this is supposed to be a future where black people are the dominant race?  I don't know about anyone else, but having a powerful black man carry around a delicate white woman as if he were a pony or a slave just screams "racist" to me.  For supposedly having an anti-racism agenda, this book sure has a lot of uncomfortable racist imagery.

Eden feels tortured being carried by Bramford now, and tries to focus on the sounds and smells of the jungle instead.  The air turns cold and clammy, and she suspects a storm is coming in.

"Is it going to rain?" Eden asked, not quite trusting her budding instincts.

"Is it?" Bramford replied.

"Yes.  I think so."

"Let me know when you're sure." -- p. 227

Of course this pisses Eden off, because anyone who doesn't immediately call her perfect is evil, doncha know...  She also thinks that his earlier comments about him teaching her were meant for Rebecca, and he really doesn't care if she learns how to survive in the jungle.  Good, neither do the readers, girl...

A swarm of Callicore cynosura butterflies flitted past, their hypnotic black and white markings as fantastical as having imagined that Bramford loved her. -- p. 228

Um... what?  Bad metaphor, Foyt, bad metaphor, no cookie.  The markings on the butterflies might be "fantastical" as in "strange and beautiful," but not "fantastical" as in "imaginary."  Think before you try to twist a metaphor into something that doesn't fit.

I've been using this meme a LOT this book

She stole a glance at him and caught her breath.  A pale ribbon of morning light shone on the rugged, feline face, so at odds with the human intelligence that peered through his captivating eyes.  Would she ever know him?

Perhaps if Eden solved the mystery of the FFP's hold over Rebecca, she would understand Bramford.  And if they could talk about it, maybe his mat'es ghost would no longer torture him.  Would he see the Real Eden then? -- p. 228

Please don't try to work in another plot point, book, you only have eighty pages to go...  

It starts to rain, just as Eden predicted, and as they head back to the village she can hear Bramford's heart beating in his chest.  She wonders if it would beat for her if she were a she-cat.  Ugh...

They get back to the compound and are greeted by Maria, who takes them to the house where Dr. Newman's staying.  Eden sees how weak he is and thinks that he looks like "a frail, little bird.  A dying bird."  Oh please, don't tell me this book is going to kill him off to try to milk more Wangst out of Eden... 

Bramford carries Eden into the hut, and she's shocked to see tears in her father's eyes.

She never had seen him cry; not even at her mother's death.  Like father, like daughter.  Why did they have to travel to this primitive place to express any emotion? -- p. 229

I dunno, there are any number of reasons why people cry or don't cry.  Some people have difficulty crying while they're grieving, while others cry at the drop of a hat.  Everyone expresses emotion in different ways, and it's not always indicative of a problem.  Just my two bits.

Bramford takes Eden to Rebecca's old room, and she hopes he'll react to Rebecca's portrait with indifference, but he never looks at it.  Girl, accept it, he's just not that into you, all right?

Eden needs this book...

They snark back and forth a bit, Eden griping about sleeping on the cold ground out in the jungle, and Bramford looks about to say something when Dr. Newman and Maria come in.  Bramford hands over the anaconda tooth, saying it's the DNA sample he needs, and Eden starts to tell him about the battle but Bramford shuts her up.  Yeah, I wouldn't want to talk about saving Eden's life either, bud...

Also, Eden thinks of Bramford as "her father's beastly creation."  BEASTLY.  IS NOT.  A COMPLIMENT.  I'm getting sick and tired of Eden still calling Bramford a beast every five minutes.  Argh...

Anyhow, the last critter they need a DNA sample from is a jaguar -- which everyone still insists on calling un tigre.  JAGUARS.  ARE NOT.  TIGERS.  Stop calling them that.  Also the Spanish word for "jaguar" is... well, jaguar.  It's not like there's no equivalent for the word jaguar in Spanish.

Maria doesn't approve of them going out to kill a jaguar, seeing as they're considered sacred by her people, and she leaves when Eden's father insists "what is one more jaguar in the face of such progress?"  That's... actually a fairly reasonable reaction.  It's thinking like that -- anything can and will be sacrificed for the sake of "progress" -- that ruined the world in the first place, after all.  Small wonder someone whose world has been utterly wrecked by "progress" is upset with that sort of reasoning.

Oh wait, Eden brings that up in the next paragraph.  Eek, I feel soiled for sharing thoughts with our protagonist now...

"Isn't that the kind of thinking that got us here?  One more tree, one more acre, one more jaguar -- they matter."  She questioned Bramford too.  "What about you and your sorrowful solastalgia?  How can El Tigre even consider killing a jaguar?" -- p. 231

Where's that shower?

Bramford insists he can't do anything for anyone in his current shape.  Dr. Newman says if they could just make more humans like him, it might be better, but he insists "I'm just trying to survive" and exchanges a "meaningful" look with Eden, who wonders what he's thinking and whines to herself that he makes her "work so hard" to figure out their relationship.  I don't think you even HAVE a relationship right now, girl...

"I'm sorry, but it's all wrong.  Don't you see?  What will happen to us if you get killed?  And what about your son?"

His eyes went flat.  "What about him?"

"If you're not concerned for our welfare, at least consider your son's before throwing yourself in the path of a deadly animal." -- p. 232

Is... Is Eden actually being halfway reasonable right now?  Was that something intelligent and almost empathetic toward another person coming out of her mouth?

I am honestly, honestly shocked at this.  This might be one of the few, if not only, times in this book that Eden has been halfway reasonable and smart about something that's come out of her mouth.  And for once she's worried about someone other than her, someone not connected to her.  Cherish this moment, folks... savor it.  It may be the one and only glimmer of intelligence and genuine human emotion we get out of Eden this book.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand Eden promptly ruins it.  Bramford insists he's no good to his son or anyone else like this, leaves, and Eden's only response is "selfish beast."  Never change, Eden... never change.

Dr. Newman and Eden bicker over whether they think Bramford had a chance against a jaguar.  Dr. Newman asks why Eden should care -- a reasonable question, given that as far as he's concerned she loathes his guts still.  Eden says she's just thinking about Bramford's son, and Dr. Newman's response is "what child is this?"

Stop having your characters converse in song lyrics,

this is FanFic 101 we're talking about here...

Eden tells her father everything she learned about Bramford, Rebecca, and Logan.  Her father just shrugs and says "wait and see," and shuffles off.  Eden's left to think over this matter for herself... but she just lets her thoughts wander straight back to fantasizing over Bramford.

Bramford's affection undoubtedly would be lethal when he reached full adaptation.  No, if Eden ever wanted to feel the burning heat of his kiss, or the strong press of his body, or hear his tender purr, only one way remained.

Adapt?

She laughed out loud.  why lose what little physical appeal she had for someone who loved another?  Besides, a real jaguar probably would kill him.  She simply couldn't think about Bramford another minute.

And yet, as Eden closed her eyes, the wild feelings he aroused ran through her, as inescapable as the blazing light of day.  And the kiss -- the memory of their long, burning kiss -- brought a moan to her lips. -- p. 233

I will never apologize for this screencap

I swear this book was either originally written as a furry novel and converted into a horrible sci-fi dystopia WITH A MESSAGE to try to appeal to a wider audience, or Foyt learned about the furry fandom and decided to rewrite her horrible sci-fi dystopia WITH A MESSAGE to try to appeal to a niche fandom.  Either way, I'm sure even furries don't want to be associated with this dreck.  They have standards too...

Chapter 31 -- Don't Trust Stoned People

I really would like to be reading something else right now.  I'm halfway through Doughnut by Tom Holt, a very off-the-wall but hilarious novel about alternate universes, and I still need to finish The Star Beast audio-book by Robert Heinlein, a novel about a boy and his pet alien.  I've also started a Kindle book about a sentient boat, Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb -- I found her Dragon Keeper novel to be okay but not great, but maybe this book will be better.  And I have two more books waiting in my bookbag for me -- Adulthood Rites, part of Octavia Butler's excellent alien-invasion trilogy Xenogenesis, and The Moorchild, an Newbury-winning fantasy about a fairy child living among humans by Eloise McGraw.  All very fine books by respectable publishers...

But nope, I'm sitting here dissecting the next chapter of Revealing Eden, a book so stupid and offensive that, to quote Linkara of Atop the Fourth Wall, "I would set this [book] on fire right now if I wasn't afraid that I would breathe in the fumes and grow dumber as a result."  Yet I persevere because I know that somewhere out there, at least a handful of souls are amused by my suffering.

My face through much of this book

Don't say I don't love you guys...

We now return to Eden and Bramford lying in each other's arms in the middle of the jungle, Bramford tripping out of his mind on extract of magic vine and Eden currently on the "u so hawt luv me" side of her bad case of Borderline Personality Disorder (thank you, Chimera, for the insight).  And this chapter opens with a making-out scene complete with moans.  I swear this book started out as furry erotica before Foyt decided to turn it into a dystopian novel with a MESSAGE.

Eden softly moaned as Bramford nuzzled her neck.  His bare chest grew hot to the touch, his breathing heavy.  His lips found hers, teasingly at first.  Then he pressed harder, kissing her with hungry passion.  She wanted this kiss to last forever.

She caught her breath as he whispered.  "My mate." -- p. 218

Hey, if I have to suffer through this, you guys do too...

There's some lovey-dovey talk between the two of them, which Eden takes at face value despite Bramford being stoned out of his mind right now.  I don't hang out with stoned people, but I'm gonna guess that you shouldn't expect 100% accuracy out of the mouth of someone high as a kite.

Then comes the whammy.

"Nothing can separate us now."

Nothing.  Not ever.  That was what Eden believed.  Until his next words knocked the wind right out of her.

"Thank you for coming back, Rebecca." -- p. 218-219

Welp... so all that lovey-dovey talk last chapter was actually meant for Rebecca, Eden's oh-so-convenient lookalike.  This is why you don't take the words of intoxicated people at face value.

Naturally, this doesn't sit well with Eden, because a world that doesn't revolve around her is just unfair and offensive, you know.  She demands to know who Bramford thinks she is, and he repeats "Rebecca."  And a little more digging proves that he funded Dr. Newman's research to save Rebecca from the heat, and that all this time it was Rebecca he loved and was trying to save.  

Hoo boy, this is gonna be good...

Break out the popcorn, Michael...

A birdlike shriek flew out of her.  His love wasn't meant for her, but the girl she resembled.  She struggled to get away but he clung to her.

"Rebecca, what's wrong?"

Eden flailed against his chest.  "Let me go!"

"I thought you understood."

She bit his shoulder drawing blood.  Confusion rushed over Bramford, as he stared at the spot.  He slumped to the ground, his head weaving like a drunkard's. -- p. 219

Yay, our oh-so-mature-and-intelligent protagonist is throwing a hissy fit because she got mistaken for someone else.  Despite the fact that you KNEW all along that you looked a heck of a lot like this Rebecca chick, that you strongly suspected that Bramford had relations with her at some point, and you were flat-out TOLD that the drug was going to make Bramford loony and say things?  What, does your superior intellect only work when you need to fire off a Latin name?

Eden realizes that Bramford must have resented her all along for looking like Rebecca, and knows he'll never see the Real Eden, only Rebecca.  "Real Eden" is one of those phrases that just needs to be shot and put out of its misery, along with "Pearl," "Coal," "Midnight Luster," "Aunt Emily," and "hawt jaguar furry."  Thank Primus this book never got a legitimate fandom so we don't get these terms plastered all over Tumblr or DeviantArt, I guess...

And of course, because Eden's pissed off she has to lash out at the poor injured drugged-up catman.

Well, if the herbs could test her, she also could test Bramford.  She would capitalize on his confusion to discover the truth about Rebecca.  Then, like a scorpion, she would sting him with it.  She would balance out this cruel equation, his suffering for hers. -- p. 220

Ex-CUSE me, girl?  This man has suffered a heck of a lot more than you have over the past week or so.  He's lost everything important to him, gotten turned into a jaguar furry against his will, been injured saving YOUR butt from a predator, and now has toxic drugs in his system.  You're not "balancing out" any equation, you're just being a spoiled brat who's happy to ignore all Bramford's suffering just to make yourself feel better for getting dumped.

Argh... our heroine, ladies and gentlemen...

So Eden decides to pretend to be Rebecca, and softly asks Bramford what happened.  Well, it turns out Rebecca had been hired by the FFP to seduce Bramford into becoming her mate, so she could then turn information about his research over to them.  Mkay, that explains a lot...

Actually, it just raises more questions.  Why would the FFP, an organization specifically dedicated to wiping out white people, recruit a Pearl to their cause?  Why would they target a black man?  Why would a Pearl be working for the race-flipped equivalent of the KKK anyhow?  And why use a Pearl in the first place instead of a Coal or any of the other races?  Did Foyt think any of this through before sticking it in the book?

Okay, I admit, there could be some answers if you analyzed these questions enough -- the FFP might recruit a Pearl to their cause only to eliminate them later, a Pearl might work for anyone if they paid her enough or if she hated her own race, etc.  But at the moment, they just give me a headache, and feel like a last-minute addition to throw some more conflict into the story.  And I really need to stop analyzing this book and trying to hack a decent, coherent plot out of it.

Stop it, Kenya...

Though now that I think about it, if I absolutely had to read a dystopian novel about a future where the dominant race was black people, I would much rather read about Rebecca's story than Eden's.  At least Rebecca sounds like a competent character...

Bramford asks if Rebecca ever really cared for him, and Eden decided to toy with him -- "First, his secrets, then make him suffer."  And we're REALLY supposed to be sympathizing with this psychopath?

Eden/Rebecca tells Bramford that she's sorry, but the FFP tricked her and she couldn't believe he really wanted her.  We get an odd sidetrack from the story where a bird calls and Eden has to stop and spout off the Latin name (I AM SO SMART, I AM SO SMART, S-M-R-T -- I MEAN S-M-A-R-T), then Bramford replies.

"You're lying," Bramford finally said, the accusation cool and quiet.  "You lied to me from the start.  They chose you for the job.  You only pretended to care...

"I guess I always knew I couldn't trust you," he went on.  "Thank Earth, I protected Shen.  Only a promise to my wise father stopped me from answering your persistent questions.  If the FFP knew Shen was my half-brother, they would have used him against me, too." -- p. 221

Wait, what?  Shen and Bramford are half-brothers?  Boy, does that slashy moment between them much earlier in the book feel awkward and uncomfortable now...  But Foyt insisted earlier that huge divides existed between the races, so why would a black man have a half-Asian brother?  Oh wait, this is Foyt, she can't be bothered to maintain continuity in her writing...

Oh, and apparently Bramford and Rebecca have a kid.  Wat.

"When our son was born, the truth was plain to see.  But how could I let him pay for our crimes?"

Eden's head spun.  "You -- I mean -- we have a child?"

"You'd like to forget about him, wouldn't you, Rebecca?  I'm sorry to say I once felt the same way."  He pummeled the ground.  "But what were the odds?"

"Odds of what?"

"Having a child with someone like you.  Our son, Logan.  A terrible mistake." -- p. 222

Because as long as we're throwing out sudden revelations, let's chuck in a long-lost kid as well.  Yeesh...  None of this was foreshadowed in the rest of the book -- heck, Shen hasn't been mentioned in so long I'm sure most of you forgot about him until just now -- so having it all pop up here feels like a slap in the face.  Foyt, shocking swerves like this don't work unless you set them up in the story.  You can't just cram in a "oh by the way, these two random characters are related" without giving the audience some hint or having it fit the logic of the story.

"You were very clever, Rebecca.  You begged me to go back home, swore you needed to see your dying father.  Even then, you had planned your escape.  If I had given you our position here, you would have let them destroy us and never shed a tear."

In a flash, Bramford pinned her down.  "Admit it!"

"I, uh..."

"No more lies!"

Eden trembled underneath him.  He just might kill her, thinking she was his traitorous mate. -- p. 222

Whoo, Eden's dead, book over!

Eh, we can't be so lucky.  Bramford yells in her face, bites her neck, and makes "tortured, groaning sounds."  Yeah, I'm thinking this book was a furry porno novel before being reworked into this train wreck.

Eden shouts out "Mr. Bramford, sir!" and that seems to snap him out of it.  She asks what happened to Logan, and Bramford says that the FFP demanded their son in exchange for Rebecca, and they killed Rebecca when he refused to hand Logan over.  He also says "because of my lies, you and Logan suffered," but we don't find out what lies those are because he picks that moment to fall down and writhe around like a snake, babbling more "shamanistic" nonsense.

What a pair of lonely, unloved freaks.  Neither one of them belonged anywhere on this hopeless planet. -- p. 224

While Bramford writhes around, still suffering from the effects of the drug, Eden goes to tend the fire.  Yeah, you fail at being a good nurse, girl... She also contemplates ripping the dress into pieces, but thankfully doesn't because I don't want to see Foyt try to describe a naked body of either gender.

Damn Bramford for picking the lock on her heart.  Damn the hunger his kiss had awoken in her.  And damn that conniving, selfish bitch, Rebecca.  

Love?  If it did exist, it hurt like Bleeding Earth. -- p. 224

Aaaaaaaaand end chapter.  Notice that almost every female character in this book that isn't Eden is a bitch according to Eden?  Lovely...

So all the lovey-dovey crap in the previous chapter is a cop-out, Bramford's still stoned out of his gourd, Eden's a heartless brat (but we all knew that), and this revelation about Rebecca's identity just raises even more questions.  Are we having FUN with this book yet?  

Chapter 30 -- This is Your Romance on Drugs, Any Questions?

Next!

Eden watches Bramford cook his drugs... I mean boil up the herbal concoction "with dreamy eyes."  Maybe hoping he'll share his fix with her, I dunno, though I notice that Foyt has completely and conveniently dropped the fact that Eden is hooked on oxy.  Drug addiction is a serious business, and you can't just stop using a powerful drug you've gotten yourself dependent on without serious side effects that last a LOT longer than a few days.  Even cigarette addiction can have some nasty withdrawal symptoms.  The fact that Eden is showing no ill effects now, mere days after stopping oxy, is pretty unrealistic.

Anyhow, we get a paragraph describing the jungle and the wood smoke, then we get Eden thinking about life in the Combs.

Her old life in the tunnels with the ever-present voice in her head and the dark coating that fit like a second skin seemed nothing more than a bad dream.  Had it really happened?  Only the present felt real, and comforting.  Somehow, Eden believed she and Bramford always had been together in the jungle -- how had he put it -- as partners. -- p 210

Your life in the tunnels was only a few days ago, Eden.  And not too long ago you were freaking out about the jungle, hating Bramford, and wanting to get a World-Band and go home.  Ugh... I swear Eden has multiple personalities, she's not written consistently at ALL.

Bramford comes over to retie the ropes around her broken ribs, something he has to do one-handed since his other hand is wounded and quite possibly infected if the "angry red streaks... like just accusations of her stupidity" are anything to go by.  Does Eden help him at all?  Nope, she just is "happy for an excuse to lean against his warm, bare chest."  Seriously?

Ironhide's had enough of your slag...

"How's the pain?" he said.

She put on a brave face.  "It only hurts when I breathe."

"Take shallow breaths."

"I am."  Except when you look right through me. -- p. 211

"It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing" by Shania Twain

"Look Right Through Me" by Revis

When your romantic dialogue can double as sappy love-song lyrics, maybe you need to rewrite it to be a bit more realistic.

Bramford purrs as he finishes tying the knots -- again, jaguars don't purr -- and Eden wonders why he can't always be like this.  Maybe if you stopped trying to deliberately tick him off, he'd be like this more often.  But then, he's at his most likable when he's ticked off at you, so please, by all means, keep antagonizing him...

Finally Bramford says the bejuco de oro is calling him and asks if Eden's ready.  She protests "do I look like I'm ready?" and he assures her she is even if she doesn't know it.  He also warns her that the herbs will "speak" through him and test both him and her.  Um... plants aren't sentient, and that's the hallucinogens making you hear things, not some jungle spirits.  When did this book decide to veer into straight-up fantasy?  (Aside, of course, from the fantasies of reversed racism and geneticists being able to turn humans into cat-people...)

Eden, who isn't taking the drug, protests that she's going to be tested.

"But I"m not part of this."

"You're here for a reason.  Try to understand."

"I'm only here because you kidnapped me."  It was a fact, though for once Eden presented it without malice.

"But you came along, didn't you?" he said, with equal matter-of-factness.

"I had no choice," she said softly.

He looked off into the distance as he spoke.  "In everything we do there's always a choice.  We can choose to see ourselves as victims of circumstance.  But when we act beyond our personal needs we become part of something greater.  The choice is ours." -- p. 211-212

Not a bad message... it's too bad it's buried deep within THIS book, far deeper than I'm sure most wise and sane people are willing to dig.  (Yes, I'm hinting that I might be neither wise nor sane...)  And it's too bad it's being used by a jaguar-furry to justify getting high in the middle of a dangerous jungle and leaving a girl with no survival skills or instinct whatsoever alone and defenseless.  So long, likable Bramford, you were nice while you lasted...

Eden thinks that Bramford's talk is "riddles... as mystifying as love."  Because of course love can't exist in a dystopia, right?

Bramford shook his head, as if to say, I tried.  -- p. 212

One last jab from likable Bramford before he goes on his "trip"... and then he takes the gourd of drug-stew and drinks up.  And then starts retching, shaking, and staggering like a drunk.  I've looked up this stuff (apparently it's also called boa vine, ayahuasca, or its Latin name of banisteriopsis caapi, which I'm surprised Eden hasn't used yet), and none of these side effects are listed.  My guess is Foyt just went for the most commonly-known effects of ingesting any potentially toxic substance and to heck with actually doing in-depth research...

Eden keeps shouting at Bramford, but he doesn't respond.  Well, he DID warn her that he'd be leaving her alone, so I'm not sure why she's surprised.  She takes a moment to gawk at "his magnificent, inert form" because of COURSE we have to ogle the jaguar-man while he's unconscious, then settles in to guard him and prays she'll make it to dawn.  Hey jungle, now would be a really good time for another anaconda or a REAL jaguar to come in...

After who knows how long of Eden watching Bramford twitch and moan, he starts making sounds that Eden thinks might be "shamanistic language."  Or maybe they're just babbling from a brain that isn't functioning well enough to form proper speech?  For being skeptical of gods and shamanistic stuff, you're sure quick to believe in this stuff, girl...

Eden also wonders if Bramford will lose his fight against the great snake spirit (again called by the Aztec name because of COURSE everyone in Central and South American is/was Aztec, right?) and worries he'll be ressurected as an "ugly piggy tapir."  Even now Eden is obsessed with beauty and ugliness.  *sigh*  Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen...

Besides, tapirs can be cute...

Eden decides to call Bramford by his first name, Ronson, but gets no response either.  (Ronson?  Seriously?  At least it's not Peach or Ashina...)  So she decides to hold his hand until this whole thing blows over.  And of course she decides her hand belongs in his, "even if his was paw-like."  Why are you suddenly deciding that you're this guy's soulmate when you've spent much of the book hating his guts?

And of course, because TWU WUV, Bramford squeezes her hand back.  And finally starts talking lucidly.

"Please, don't go," he said, though Eden hardly recognized the angst-ridden voice.

"What?" she said.

"Promise me you won't leave."

Bewildered, Eden replied.  "Of course not."

"Say it."

"Okay.  I promise I won't leave."

"But you did," Bramford said, his face lined with pain.  "You deceived me." -- p. 214

Eden feels guilty for selling Bramford out to Jamal (took you long enough, girl) and says she only wanted to survive.  Bramford said he would have protected her, and she counters that he would have cut her and her father loose the moment Dr. Newman finished his work.  Bramford protests he would have given his life for her father, even going so far as to say "you don't understand how important he is to me," and wow, is Foyt trying to throw some Ho Yay at her readers or what?  It's like she's TRYING to bait readers into a shipping war, if this book had any legitimate fans.

"...you're still afraid... tell me why."

"Look at me.  I'm..."  Did she have to say it?  "I'm not strong like you."

"But I'm teaching you and you've made good progress."

"You can't understand what it's like for me or him."

"I realize that now," he said, regretfully.  "I've suffered, but I'm better for it.  I'm sorry I hurt you.  Both of you." -- p. 215

When has Bramford ever hurt Dr. Newman or Eden?  It seemed like he was a pretty freakin' good boss to both of them, even granting them privileges other white people didn't get and protecting them from harassment.  Bramford has nothing to be sorry about here -- he's just being forced to say it because Foyt wants to beat him into being the perfect love interest for her Mary Sue.

Bramford further reveals that he brought the two of them here because the FFP would have taken Dr. Newman, and he'd laid out a precise plan to save both of them -- a plan Eden screwed up by betraying them to Jamal.  Instead of being sorry, Eden just expresses wonder that Bramford actually has a heart.

"You did it all for us?"

"For who else?" Bramford said.

"Not for power?"

"What is power to me without love?"

Love?  The word exploded inside of Eden.  Was it possible that Bramford loved her? -- p. 216

*sigh*  Alas, poor decent character that was Bramford... I knew him.

The fact that I have the opportunity to use this meme in a 

Revealing Eden post and not for Hamlet's Father

is just criminal...

Bramford further reveals that he's loved Eden all this time and has been trying to protect her all along, even during the Moon Dance.  And here I thought it was just proof that Bramford was a decent human being.  Of COURSE there's no way a male protagonist can ever just be nice to a female protagonist -- it has to be LOVE, of course.  Bleh...

We get a random Emily Dickinson poem -- "Wild Nights, Wild Nights" -- and Eden falls into his arms with an overdramatic "Oh, Ronson!"  And then end chapter.

Welp... I can only hope one of two things at this point:

1. That the romance finally being set in stone means the constant bickering and insulting and "I hate you but you're hot" stuff will come to an end, or
2. That they both wake up in the morning and the whole love spiel was just the drugs talking and Bramford's instead going to just leave her in the woods because why not.

Knowing my luck, however, neither of the above is going to happen.  *sigh*  I need drugs -- I mean chocolate.

No birds were harmed in the making of

these images (seriously, look it up, it's from

a movie and it's CGI'd in...)

Chapter 29 -- What's New, Pussycat?

On we go...

Eden's still laying on the banana leaf, and she's guessed by the passing of the shadows that Bramford's been gone for about two hours.  I'm not certain that a girl who's lived in an underground city and relied on technology all her life is going to know how to tell time from watching shadows, but that could just be me sucking at telling time without a clock nearby talking...

Panic clawed at her, as she wondered if she'd misunderstood him.  A day, maybe two.  She only had assumed he would stay with her.  But what if he planned on leaving her alone?  Why couldn't the beast ever say what he meant? -- p. 202

Nice to know that Bramford's automatically a beast whenever he does something you don't like.  *eyeroll*

There's a splash in the river, and Eden gets to watch as a school of piranha (yes, Latin name, were you expecting anything different?) catch and eat a "pretty, little rainbow fish."  She proceeds to scour the forest around her for potential threats.  I guess we're supposed to take this little scene as a metaphor for how our "pretty little" protagonist is alone and threatened by a dangerous wild world, which is pretty stupid to me.  "White woman in danger" is such an overplayed trope any more that it gets eye-rolling when we're expected to take it dead seriously.

Eden starts to freak out as she hears whistling and laughing in the forest... but it turns out to be something called a "laughing falcon" (yup, Latin name too, isn't our protagonist so smart?).  And of course Eden assumes that everything in the jungle is making fun of her.  Because it's all about her, don't you know...

Eden also thinks "please, protect me, Mother Earth."  Which seems a little weird since didn't this book establish that Eden considered religion to be dead and silly superstition?  Why would she suddenly be praying to "Mother Earth?"  Worship of the Earth has not been established up to this point, and I don't think using "Earth" as a curse word the whole book counts.

This Earth goddess is not amused by this book

Something approaches from upstream, and she panics... but it's just Bramford coming back.  And we get this winning bit:

Relief, and then anger washed over her.  He hadn't even bothered to call out to her.

Her shrill voice lit into him, as he approached.  "For Earth's sake, Bramford.  Why didn't you tell me you'd be back? Or did you enjoy scaring me?" -- p. 203

*sigh*  I'm getting sick and tired of Eden screaming at Bramford one moment and lusting after him the next.  Please tell me I'm not the only one who hates the Belligerent Sexual Tension trope, or its nasty implications.  Because fighting or insulting one another constantly, even if it's followed up by romantic or sexy moments, can't be a good basis for a healthy relationship...

Bramford doesn't respond to the yelling, just shows what he's carrying -- leaves, nuts, berries, and a length of vine.  He stares at Eden with "bruising eyes," and geez do I hate this book's attempts at description and metaphor.

Never gets old

Eden keeps ranting at him, though you think she would have learned by now not to tick off the jaguar man.  But self-preservation was never one of Eden's strong points, was it?

"I don't know why you bothered to save me in the first place, if you were going to leave me here to die.  There are things everywhere; things that want to kill me.  Just now, I heard someone."  She wagged a finger.  "Right there-"

Without warning Bramford pounced on her, scattering his pickings into the air.  Eden flattened her back against the leaf and screamed. -- p. 203-204

Yay, protagonist eaten by a jaguar furry, we can all go home now!

Nah, of course we can't be so lucky... we just get faux-sexy description out of it.

He knelt over her, his weight supported on one arm.  His loincloth brushed against the top of her thighs.  His irresistible scent shot like a hot arrow through her galloping heart.

Eden yearned to caress his savage face but feared he might hit her.  From a lifetime of habit she knew what to do.

"I'm sorry, sir," she began, speaking in the flat, unthreatening tones of a Pearl.  But she had to reach for the right note, as if it was packed away on a shelf.  She hung her head on her chest as she continued.  "I didn't mean to upset you.  I only wanted--"  -- p. 204

I dunno what's worse -- the weirdly written "sexy" bit there or the uncomfortable reverse racism bit immediately following it.  I get what Foyt's trying to do here -- put a white girl in the place that a lot of black people have found themselves in over the generations, having to be subservient to a white person for fear of repercussions -- but it just feels uncomfortable.  It reads less like a case of "see how it feels, white people?" and more like she's co-opting decades of pain and humiliation that people of color have experienced, just to get a little drama for her precious protagonist.

And any shred of good a scene like that could have done is destroyed when Bramford apologizes to EDEN for what happened.

"I left you here without explanation.  You have a right to complain.  Go ahead.  Attack, don't whimper." -- p. 204

Ugh... making your otherwise-likable black love interest suddenly subservient to the white girl is icky and uncomfortable, Foyt.  How did you go so, so wrong with this supposedly anti-racist book?

Bramford tells her she could learn a lesson in protecting herself, and she thinks "the bastard hadn't changed one bit" even though he's right.  She demands to know why he left her defenseless and he points out that nothing attacked her while he was gone.  And we get a rather uncomfortable explanation as to why.

"Why can't you understand?" he said.  "The jungle isn't chaotic.  Order exists here.  You just don't recognize it.  Don't you realize that I marked you with my scent when we laid together so that nothing would attack you?" -- p. 205

Wat.

Just... wat.

Okay, I get it.  This is totally a cat thing.  Cats do have scent glands on their chins that they use to mark their territory, including their humans.  So when you think your cat is being loving and friendly by rubbing his chin against you, more often than not he's just making it clear to other animals that "this human is MINE, back off."  And Bramford IS part cat at the moment, so...

I'm sorry, but even if Bramford is a cat-man now, this is still icky.  Eden has remarked before that Bramford likes to mark his territory "like a beast," and this is just giving her more ammo for the whole beast thing.  I don't care that we're supposed to see it as romantic and heroic on Bramford's part, that he did this to protect Eden.  It's still squicky and weird and... argh.  I need a shower.

Eden feels betrayed that their earlier snuggling was just Bramford marking her (and for once I don't blame her), and she decides Bramford'll never see "the Real Eden" again.  We'll see how long THAT lasts, her feelings toward Bramford have more flip-flops than a California beach.

She watches "the scribbled line of shade slide over the opposite embankment" (seriously Foyt, you're trying WAY too hard with your description here) and dreads the coming night.  And she wishes she were anywhere else in the world than stuck here with Bramford.  Don't whine, girl, it was your choice to go running into the jungle with no protection.

Bramford pulls up a lily pad, and Eden marvels how the white flowers are "huddled like Baby Pearls"... and then Bramford yanks the flower out of the lily pad and throws it away, and just uses the lily pad as a plate to put the nuts and berries on.  And of course Eden has to take offense to THIS too.

He probably wished he could be just as easily rid of her. -- p. 205

Don't we all, girl... don't we all.

What we all probably wish we could do to Eden

right about now...

Eden kicks the pad away, telling Bramford not to tell her what to do.  He grabs her by the leg, sending "hot, burning signals" up her legs and into her brain.  Your nerves are constantly sending signals from your legs to your brain, this is nothing special, girl.  And she thinks about how much she hates him, which is nothing new.

"Good, you're angry," Bramford said.  "You can't survive in the jungle without anger."  -- p. 206

Stop reminding me of things I'd rather be

reading/watching than this crappy book...

"I don't want to be in the jungle," Eden hissed.

"You want to survive, don't you?"

"That's a stupid question."

"Is it?  As far as I can tell you invite danger.  You don't eat, you walk alone in the jungle."  He narrowed his gaze at her and spoke pointedly.  "And you take up with dangerous men." -- p. 206

Nice to see that Bramford can still put Eden in her place.  Too bad this trait will probably be neutered out of him when these two finally stop bickering and settle down into forced romance.

Eden slaps him, and he warns her not to push him.  At least we don't get a "you won't like me when I'm angry" quote...  Eden protests that she didn't know anything about Jamal's plan to betray them, but then remembers his "wicked grin" and realizes she should have seen it all along.  But she's still going to be mad at Bramford because wah, someone's being mean to me, they have to suffer for it.

"When you get to where I am you'll understand a lot more than you could ever imagine."

"Why on Holy Earth would I want to be like you?"

Bramford's face went bank.  Eden saw that she had hurt him.  Well, he deserved it.  Still, she felt a lump in her chest. -- p. 206-207

Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen.

Bramford starts a fire, and Eden wonders why he's being so difficult.  Excuse me, he's not the one acting like a spoiled brat even after having someone save his life.  Her hating him doesn't stop her from ogling him as he's tending the fire, though, because the only thing more important than looking beautiful is hot guys, don't you know.  Our upstanding role model for girls, ladies and gentlemen...

Bramford tells Eden she'll have to tend to the fire while he's gone... because he's going to take some of that vine-drug and go on a "trip."

"Only the shaman drank the bejuco de oro in special ceremonies long ago.  It allowed him to see far ahead so he could protect the people.  They called him El Tigre because his spirit flew with the speed of a jaguar."  Already, Bramford sounded far away as he added, "It's the next step for me." -- p. 208

Um... these people already see him as a god.  Why does he need to get wasted and turn into a shaman as well?  This sudden turn to mysticism and shamanism doesn't seem in character for him, even with his sudden transformation into a furry.  Or is Foyt going to take this opportunity to toss in an anti-drug message as well?  Please no...

He tells her "in a cowboy drawl" that she'll have to hold the fort, and assures her he'll be back by dawn.  He also insists that he'll die if he doesn't do this, which is a bunch of bunk in my book, but it's pretty clear by this point that Foyt's making all this up as she goes along, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised by anything at this point.

"But, don't you see?  What if it's dangerous?"

Bramford looked her dead in the eye.  "Oh, it'll be dangerous, Eden.  You can count on that." -- p. 209

And on that note, we end the chapter -- with Bramford about to get spaced out on drugs deep in the jungle and leaving a wussy city-girl who's almost gotten herself killed umpteen times by now to protect him.  *sigh*  Well, likable and intelligent Bramford was nice while he lasted, I guess...