Chapter 6 - Let's All Play the "Save the Pearls" Drinking Game!

Gather 'round, folks, it's time for the Save the Pearls drinking game!  \~/

Best GIF ever

If you drink, keep a bottle of your drink of choice close by and take a shot whenever one of the following pops up.  If you don't drink, you can substitute something caffeinated if you'd like.  Be warned -- you'll probably be quite hammered/buzzed at the end of a chapter.  And for Primus' sake DON'T try to read the whole book in one shot if you're playing the Drinking Game.  You could end up dead from liver damage or a heart attack.  XD

• Take a shot whenever a black person is literally described as black
• Take a shot whenever a black person is given a ridiculous name/nickname.  Two shots if its their real name (Peach, Ashina, etc.) and not some stupid nickname Eden came up with (such as Giant and Squeaky from the previous chapter)
• Take a shot whenever a random Latin name is tossed in
• Take a shot whenever Eden obsesses over being beautiful.  Two shots if she considers beauty more important than functionality or anything else important.
• Take a shot whenever Eden refers to Jamal as her Dark Prince
• Take a shot whenever the author screws up her research (biology, history, basic science, etc.)
• Take a shot whenever you see another, better sci-fi/dystopian franchise ripped off
• Take a shot whenever Eden starts hating on a Coal for no reason other than they're black
• Take a shot whenever the author misuses a word
• Drink the entire bottle and go read Hunger Games, Brave New World, Ready Player One, and/or Naughts and Crosses (which I'm told does the race-flip concept much better than this book) if you suspect you might actually be ENJOYING this wretched waste of wood pulp

More to be added if/when they come up...

So we left off with Eden being hauled off by two EVIL, NASTY, HORRIBLE Coals to the Moon Dance.  Don't get your hopes up that they're going to off her, we've still got over two hundred pages to go...  Eden's hoping for a rescue from Jamal, of course, but he hasn't shown.

He was late, that's all.  Preparations for the Big Night at the lab must have detained him.  He would save her.  He simply had to. -- p. 40

Nice that Foyt has given us such a strong and independent heroine, isn't it?  *sarcasm*

Her captors, helpfully labeled "Giant and Squeaky," force her into the dance hall, "packed with writhing dancers."  And here we get one of the most laughable and stupid examples of Foyt's attempt to show racism against white people in this book:

On the main stage a band of Coals performed in whiteface.  Eden's sensors told her their name: The Lost Caucasian Tribe.  A wild-looking girl whose wailing pierced the air fronted the group.  Her sheer, electric orange dress flashed, like a beacon in the somber sea of black. -- p. 40

This GIF needs to be more popular

First of all, that "sea of black" could be an example of "black people being described as black."  Take a drink!  \~/  

Second, really?  SERIOUSLY?  Yes, I know blackface was a thing that white people used to imitate and mock black people in the past -- I've even seen some examples of it, mostly in old Loony Toons and Little Rascals shows that came out long before things like Civil Rights and political correctness did.  And yes, I know that it's a sticky subject and one that's still a sore spot for people of color.  But this is just... no.  Once you use blackface in your book promotion and try to get your fans to indulge in it to promote your work, you don't get to critique it in your actual writing.  This is hypocrisy, plain and simple.

Also, the whole idea of reversing blackface to make fun of white people falls on its face here.  Why is the group called Lost Caucasian Tribe anyhow?  Historically, Caucasians have almost never come from tribes -- the word "tribe" is associated more with African-Americans, Native Americans, and other races.  Wouldn't a more appropriate word here be "clan?"  

I get the feeling that Foyt wanted to lampoon the old-time minstrel shows somehow but got mixed up in how to aim it at white people instead of black people.  Because this scene feels a bit like a missed opportunity here.  Instead of adjusting the concept to truly make fun of white people (why not have the band named The Yuppies or something and have them all wear Ugg boots or something?), she's just switching out the colors and going "good enough."  The scene's not only in bad taste, but smacks of laziness.

Vendors are selling goods in the hall as well, with Coals getting the prime spots and Pearls relegated to the "dim recesses" of the building.  There's also "a gaunt woman with feverish eyes, un-dotted and well past eighteen," trying to hit on random passerby for "a shot of oxy."  

Eden's head throbbed as she scanned the hall.  Still, no sign of her Dark Prince.  If he failed her, she'd end up like that poor woman, begging for a shot.  She'd rather be dead.  -- p. 41.

Um... I thought un-mated Pearls over eighteen got tossed outside.  And while it's possible that one might slip through the cracks, I highly doubt she'd get away with it by hanging out at a public event like the Moon Dance.  And wasn't Eden worried that she WOULD die if she wasn't mated by eighteen?  Consistency, who needs it?

Also Dark Prince!  Take a drink!  \~/  And another for misuse of the word "tribe" earlier, why not... \~/

Eden tries to get the attention of an Ethics Officer passing by, but Giant orders her to dance instead.  She does so, "jerking" her limbs, and he promptly kisses her neck and cracks open her coating to reveal her white skin.  Somehow that gets the attention of "hundreds of Coals" who turn to stare at her with "rabid" looks.  Given how packed this place is and how much dancing is going on, would a tiny patch of skin showing through really get THAT much attention?  It's not like she's on stage or anything... does her skin glow or something?

Giant and Squeaky start to drag her off, and Eden realizes that the solders must have a plan for her and her capture might not be pure coincidence.  So she FINALLY shows some self-preservation instincts and bites Giant's wrist, then drops to her hands and knees and crawls off through the crowd, tripping people up before she gets up and tries to run for it.

She twisted her slender frame through the throng until a couple of hard-bodies (I didn't add that hyphen, it's in the book) pinned her between them.  Grinning, two male Pearls bobbed with her to the beat.  Their glassy eyes, full of wild hope, and their papery, red-tinged skin told her they had The Heat.  Probably, celebrating one last Moon Dance. -- p. 42

So... that's The Heat?  Sounds like a bad sunburn to me.  Unless the symptoms for cancer have radically changed over the years...

Eden knees one of the guys in the crotch and runs... and for some reason it's the other guy who starts crying.  What the heck?  Apparently The Heat causes mood swings, but still, this comes across as really random...

Finally Giant catches her again and hauls her back into the crowd... until someone orders him to let her go. and hits Squeaky with a stun laser.  Do lasers even come in a "stun" setting?  

Her captor turned around, dragging Eden with him.  Dark shadows hid the man's face.

"What's it to you?" Giant said.

"She belongs to me."  Just then a strobe light passed over him, revealing his dark, chiseled features.

Bramford.  Of course, he thought he owned her. -- p. 43

*facepalm*  This guy is trying to save your life, chick!  Now is not the time to start going off on a rant about him!  

Turns out it was Shen who fired the stun laser, which is apparently illegal.  He tells Giant that if he lets Eden go in five seconds, he won't have to kill him, and the big guy waits until the last second to let her go -- we know this because Bramford helpfully counts down.  I suspect this was included as a way to ramp up the tension, but when Eden is so unlikable and we have no reason whatsoever to worry about Giant's welfare, any sense of tension Foyt was shooting for in this scene is completely lost.  You can't make us worry about characters if we don't care for them first.

Giant picks up Squeaky and they take off, and if they have any sense they won't come back for the rest of this joke of a book.  Bramford pulls Eden in for a dance, and we get a weird moment that I suspect is supposed to be played for romantic tension but just feels awkward.

"Thank you for your help, sir," Eden said, trying to pull away.  "You can go now."

Bramford seemed amused and held her tight.  "Are you dismissing me?"

Why did he always make her feel so small?

"I said thanks."

"You don't want to dance with me?  Is that it?"

She felt tongue-tied with his warm body next to hers.  "Those women are waiting for you," she managed to say.

"Let them wait.  Unless you'd rather we stopped?"

Did she?  Wasn't she enjoying this?  While she hesitated Bramford's expression hardened.

"Let's go," he said, turning away. -- p. 44-45

Maybe I just don't read enough romances, maybe I just don't have any real-life romantic experience to draw from... but this whole exchange doesn't feel like flirting or any kind of romantic moment to me.  It just feels awkward, even out of character.  Eden has hated Bramford up until this point, and Bramford has only behaved professionally toward Eden up until this point.  Had Eden started thawing out gradually toward Bramford or some hint dropped earlier about Bramford being interested in her, it might not feel so out of place, but as it is this whole section feels rather forced.

Especially since Eden immediately goes back to thinking how much she despises "the Pearl-hating Coal" in the next paragraph.  *sigh*  If he hated Pearls so much, why did he just save your life, brat?

She looks around the room again for Jamal, and Bramford informs her that Jamal isn't coming.  Not surprised.

Admit it, you read that line in Gilbert Gottfried's voice

Sweet Mother Earth, what had happened to her Dark Prince?  (Take a drink! \~/ )  Once more, Eden tried to connect with his Life-Band.  Still, no response.  The devastating truth hit her: Jamal wasn't coming.

Eden caught a glimpse of Bramford weaving through the crowd.  Any second, it would swallow him without a trace.  She had no choice but to follow the arrogant bastard. -- (p. 46)

Nice way to think about the guy who just saved your life.  Why are we supposed to care about the protagonist again?

Chapter 5 -- Everybody's a Little Bit Racist, But Eden's Hogging Her Share

I am suddenly glad for the minor "breather" that was last chapter -- it wasn't anywhere near GOOD, but it wasn't as head-whackingly bad as the last few.  This chapter, however... this chapter was painful.  And I'm surprised I haven't flattened my forehead with all the facepalms I've done.

Also brace yourselves -- this is gonna be a long and image-heavy one...

So Eden is off to the Moon Dance, despite being on probation.  I'm hoping they explain why it's called the Moon Dance at some point, because if these people live underground, I highly doubt they're going to be seeing the moon at all.  And I haven't seen any indication that "moon" is synonymous with "month" in this universe, which seems to be a common thing in a lot of fantasy and speculative fiction.

If she focused on her feet moving ahead, she wouldn't give in to the paralyzing fear that gripped her.  What if one of her co-workers saw her and reported her illegal leave to Bramford? -- (p. 33)

Yes, this again...

Maybe this is just me being nitpicky, but I'd have picked a different word than "illegal."  Unless Bramford's part of the government (and as far as I can see he's just a businessman and has nothing to do with Uni-Gov), taking an unapproved day of leave would be against the rules, but not necessarily illegal, as "illegal" suggests breaking government laws instead of work policies.  Perhaps Foyt meant "illicit" or "clandestine" or even "unapproved?"  Then again, she's already made it clear that she's not good at picking appropriate words for any occasion...

She couldn't think about the risk or she might lose her nerve and return home.  Never mind, she simply had to reach the regional plaza where her Dark Prince waited.  -- (p. 33)

Maybe another nitpick, but I am getting sick and tired of Dark Prince being thrown around all the time.  We get it, he's black, shut up about it.  And by continuously using this term, Eden proves that she only cares about Jamal because of his skin color.  Does Foyt realize that preferring someone because of their skin color can be just as racist as hating someone because of their skin color?  Did she TRY to make her protagonist such a racist little brat?

We get some snippets of description of life in the tunnels, including Coals riding bicycles or in rickshaws.  Um... they have super-duper holographic technology, but not high-tech transportation?  Did they just blow all their resources on the World Band and run out of funds for hovercraft or personal hoverboards?

Then again, this wouldn't be the first sci-fi series

to just randomly throw in a rickshaw...

Also, if this society lives in underground tunnels, it would make far more sense to have a mass transit system, such as a train, than for people to scoot around on bikes and rickshaws.  (She even mentions such a mass-transit system later in the chapter, which renders the bikes and rickshaws redundant.)  Tunnels and bicycles don't sound like a healthy mix to me, and if the tunnels are as overcrowded as Eden claims they are, then there's very little benefit to even having a bicycle -- ever tried to ride a bike through a crowd?

We also get mentions of military sirens (but no reason why they'd be going off -- are the Combs under attack?) and vendors hawking wares from recessed stalls in the walls.  There's also mention of dozens of languages and how Eden's sensors automatically translate everything to English, though if society has been trapped underground for very long, you'd think they'd have established a common language by now.

Oh, and we're also treated to this LOVELY snippet.

She suspected that each and every Coal passerby wanted to hurt her, though the statistical odds against that were high.  -- (p. 33)

Foyt... you do realize that this is exactly how many RACIST people feel today when around black people?  Did the irony of making your main character terrified of black people not strike you at any point?  Yes, I'm sure that there are black people today who are scared of being hurt by white people, but it's far more common for it to be the opposite, for white people to automatically assume the worst of any black person -- just look at all the recent shootings of unarmed black people by cops and others who jumped the gun when confronting someone of color.

I have no idea if this is how Foyt intended to write Eden -- if she's supposed to be racist and having her let go of her prejudices will be her eventual character development -- or if Foyt's just massively ignorant of how her main character is appearing to the reader.  Either way, Eden is one heck of an unpleasant protagonist.  Even Bella Swan wasn't THIS unlikable.

Yes, we're still on the first page of the chapter.  I warned y'all...

"How can you read this?"

"Because I'm a masochist at heart, Gaston."

Eden's still panicking about being outside her room as she heads for the dance, and she's sweating enough that she's worried about it messing up her coating.  She also remarks that it's "only a hundred and ten degrees Fahrenheit in the tunnel.  Not bad for a spring night."  

Foyt IS aware that even if your skin is dark, whether naturally or artificially, you can STILL die of heatstroke, right?  At a hundred and ten degrees Eden and everyone else who's spent very long in the tunnels should be having major health problems.  We've just had a hundred-and-ten-degree heat spell in my area and it's led to people being hospitalized, even to deaths.  If a hundred and ten is mild for the tunnels, why isn't the entire population of the Combs DEAD by now?

Eden's wearing high heels and a techno dress tonight -- and no, I have no idea what a techno dress is and Google Image gave me fifty different types of "techno dress" to choose from.  Must be a future thing, though we don't get a very good description of it other than it's frayed and losing its sheen.

There's a high-speed bullet train picking up passengers (again, why ride bikes and rickshaws in the tunnels when there's a perfectly good mass transit system?), and Eden waits for the line to die down before getting on.  Two drunk Coals are right behind her, just to provide the "big scary black man" stereotype and justify Eden's fright.  So much for trying to defy stereotypes, Foyt...

The back section of the train is reserved for Pearls, which is the first realistic depiction of black-against-white racism so far in the book.  I was expecting more of this than just "Coals hate Pearls and want to kill them," but I guess I was expecting too much from a lady who thinks Pearl is a racist slur.

Yes, tell us again how these are worthless

and weak, Foyt... and you ARE aware pearls

come in other colors, even black, right?

While on the train, Eden shows off telepathic skills.  Okay, not really, but she can apparently feel the negative emotions coming off of everyone on the train.  Which is reasonable to an extent -- most people can read the emotions of others to some degree -- but the way it's described here makes Eden seem almost superhuman.  Or she's just jumping to conclusions, which is entirely possible too.

She felt a malevolent current coursing through the riders on the transport.  Not only from Coal to Pearl, or from Tiger's Eye to Amber, but within each racial group.  The Uni-Gov got it wrong.  The monthly Moon Dance usually left a wake of mayhem throughout each zone.  -- (p. 35)

I say again -- why doesn't the Uni-Gov just keep everyone in their rooms and pull a Matrix instead of forcing everyone to mingle if they hate each other so much?  They certainly have the technology.  And zone?  We've heard nothing about zones up to this point... is this going to get explained at all or is it just another silly term that's going to fall by the wayside?

Eden wonders about Ms. Polka-Dot Bikini (from her Beauty Map in the first chapter) and what she'd think of this ruined, hateful world.  Then we get an info-dump as Eden starts thinking about her father's experiment, and how it'll supposedly save mankind.  Too bad we couldn't have seen this info firsthand instead of getting an info-dump flashback right now...

Oh, and Eden's father never let her in on the experiment -- Eden is just SO SMART that she figured out what he was doing herself.  Guh... Mary Sue levels rising... though so far the only indication that Eden is smart is that she knows a lot of Latin scientific names.  Still not convinced.

Eden's father's big plan?  An "Interspecies Structural Adaptation."  A.K.A. making humankind into a race of furries.

...I REALLY wish I was making that part up.

On a random note, I had no idea there were goat

furries until this moment...

Only her crazy Father would think of implanting a human being with genetic material from key animals that thrived in the hottest climates.  Only he might succeed, too.  His secret approach to programming the epigenome -- the genetic master control for DNA -- allowed him to skirt the pesky problem of one species rejecting another's code.

(Kenya's note:  So we're not going to try to undo the damage we did to the Earth, we're just gonna hack our DNA to get out of our own mess?  Okay then...)

This wasn't going to be some mild genetic exchange, either.  Valuable DNA had been gathered from nearly extinct species with tremendous effort and probably a lot of Bramford's uni-credits.

(And Bramford is still supposed to be the bad guy?  Seems to me he should be seen as an ally to the heroes, not a villain -- oh wait, he's a Coal.  Of COURSE he has to be evil, silly me...)

The primary genetic donor was the ultimate jungle predator, a jaguar, Panthera onca.  (New drinking game, drink every time a pointless Latin name is thrown in.)  Even better, a melanistic cat with a black coat had been found.  Its coloring would not only increase resistance to solar radiation, but also minimize the appearance of camouflage spots, for vanity's sake.  (If you're working on saving humankind, why are you worried about vanity?  Why are we still going on about "black is beautiful" even with animals?  And for the last time, just because something is black doesn't mean it's immune to solar radiation!)  

The jaguar's only natural enemy, the green anaconda, Eunectes murinus, contributed its cold-blooded resistance to heat.  (Most nature websites I've looked at says that even the anaconda isn't a predator toward the jaguar, and actually heat can be even more deadly to cold-blooded animals than to warm-blooded, because they can't regulate their internal temperatures.)  The third donor in this potent cocktail was the Harpy Eagle, Harpia harpyja, the most powerful raptor in the world.  It could spot a bug from a hundred yards in the air, and its keen vision had been added to the mix.  (Don't know how super-vision is supposed to help defend you against heat...)

Land, water, and air -- a brilliant killing machine.  (Again, what does this have to do with protecting you against heat?)

If her father's work succeeded, a Pearl might be able to withstand solar radiation as well as, or even better than, a Coal.  Maybe then Pearls would no longer be treated like garbage.  And maybe -- did Eden dare think it -- even she might be beautiful.  -- (p. 36-37)

Still on about being beautiful, are we, Eden?  Gah, you're not only racist, you're the shallowest human being I've ever met in a work of fiction.  *gags*

So... basically Mr. Newman's plan to save the world is to turn all the living humans in the world into animal-human hybrids -- essentially furries.  Seriously?  THAT is the master plan?  This is so stupid I can't even laugh at it.  How did anyone decide that turning the world's population into cat/snake/bird people would make everyone magically immune to solar radiation?  What is the logic behind this?  Did ANY thought go into this plan -- either on the characters' end or the author's end?  I have a feeling the answer on both counts is a resounding "no."

And yes, I know DNA splicing goes on today, and that scientists mix all kinds of DNA together to create new chimera-creatures -- and the ethics of all that is a can of worms I don't care to open in this blog.  But I get the feeling that this isn't how it works at all.  I can only imagine what kind of rage-fit an actual geneticist would have upon reading this chapter.

I know Prowl's not a scientist, but I think he'd be

pretty upset by the insult to logic that is this book

And even if we give Foyt the benefit of the doubt and assume that, in this futuristic alternate reality, gene splicing DOES work this way... wouldn't it make more sense to use desert animals for the DNA sources?  Fennec foxes, horned toads, kangaroo rats, roadrunners, armadillos, jackrabbits, and other animals that are biologically suited to living in hot, waterless climates?  (Though a lot of that has to do more with their behaviors, such as staying out of the sun and venturing out mostly at night to hunt and forage, but still...)  The again, those creatures aren't pretty or badass like jaguars, pythons, and eagles... but still, if you wanted awesome as well as practical, go for a cougar/rattlesnake/desert hawk mix, not jungle animals.

Eden's dad, understandably, is pretty irritated that she figured it out and warns her not to tell anyone else -- it's dangerous and illegal.  Apparently Bramford's only helping so he can use the discovery to get power for himself, but he's promised to be fair to Mr. Newman and his daughter, so it's hard to fault him for that.  Also this is apparently "the biggest leap in evolution since man discovered fire."  Won't the furries be happy to hear THAT...

For the record, folks, I have nothing personally against most furries.  The furries I've met happen to be very nice people who just happen to like anthropomorphic animals and/or occasionally dressing up as them.  And while they get a bad rap on most of the Internet, I'm a grown woman who collects robot toys, so I can't exactly point fingers.  But this book, in addition to being ill-researched and very confused in its approach to racism, is also toting turning the world's population into furries as a serious solution to the global warming problem.  I'm sure even a lot of furries would think that's laughable.

Oh, and apparently despite her father's warning, Eden told someone.  Three guesses who.

Eden never had intended to tell anyone.  But then, Jamal wasn't just anyone.  It had seemed only natural to share her life with him.  Besides, he liked smart women.  But if she were honest, she'd have to admit she really wanted him to know that one day she might be more desirable.  -- (p. 38)

WHAT PART OF "DON'T TELL ANYONE" DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, YOU LITTLE TWAT?!  Did your father say "don't tell anyone but Jamal" or "don't tell anyone but your Dark Prince" or "don't tell anyone except if you feel like it and the guy is hot, then it's perfectly okay?"  No!  Do you realize what you've done, you little self-centered... *grumblegrumblegrumble*

Gah... they say it's a good sign when a villain in a book makes you want to reach in and strangle them.  What does it say when it's the book's protagonist that inspires the murderous feelings in you?  All I can say is, if this DOESN'T come back to bite her in the aft at some point, I'm gonna hunt Foyt down just so I can throw this book at her head.

So an hour later the train finally stops at the Regional Hall, where the dance is.  Eden gets in line to get off, only to come face to face with two FFP soldiers with "berets over their shaved heads," which makes me think less of a KKK ripoff and more of mimes, but whatever.

The larger of the duo, a blue-black giant, smiled at her and licked his lips.  His tall, skinny friend laughed.  -- (p. 38)

Black person being literally described as black!  Take a drink!

I will NEVER get tired of this GIF...

And of course, the two Coals have to harass Eden as she gets off the train, because despite Foyt's insistence that this book is about defying racial stereotypes, she has to indulge in the classic "racist white girl's nightmare" of two scary black men targeting an innocent white girl out on her own.  *retch*  And even worse, we get a "childhood ditty" that I can't imagine ANY parent wanting to teach their child:

Little Pearly whirly

lost inside the mines

tossed from Coal to Coal

in fear she whines

"I'm sorry, Mother

he said he only wanted

to see my white skin shine."

Yeah, you read that right... a RAPE song.  A song about a white girl being attacked by a gang of black men.  No wonder this book was self-published -- any legitimate publisher with any shred of decency would have set the manuscript on fire and run screaming from this bit.

Seriously, I get sick and tired of authors using rape as a cheap plot device in even the best of books.  And for Foyt to indulge in it here -- and make a racist caricature of it, no less -- is just horrific.  How can she claim this book is meant to be anti-racist when it indulges in some of the most horrible racist imagery and caricatures at every opportunity?  It's almost like this book was written by a white supremacist who's trying to scream "Look!  This is what the world will become if black people are in charge!  Hide your white women and protect yourselves!"

(And the writer in me manages to shake off the horror enough to say that the rhymes in this song are forced and there's no sense of meter or rhythm whatsoever, but frankly, there's nothing salvageable in that song anyhow.  Or most of this book, for that matter.)

"Leave me alone," Eden said, shakily.  "Someone is waiting for me.  Someone important -- one of your people."

"He won't mind if we share a little Pearl stew," Squeaky said.  -- (p. 39)

Ugh.  Just... ugh.

Eden tries to scream, one of the Coals pulls a knife, and Eden's positive she's about to be killed... and chapter ends.  Thank Primus, I dunno how much more of that I could take.

What Foyt fails to realize is that there's far more to racism than just "hurting and killing the people you don't like."  Yes, that's part of racism, but the greater part of it is dividing people -- having separate schools, restaurant sections, drinking fountains, buses and bus sections, etc., and giving one group preference over another group based on skin color or any other factor.  Racists who want actual violence against people of a different race are actually fairly rare -- it's less about "kill 'em all" and more about "keeping them in their place" or "you can't trust them."  And while the more extreme versions of racism (the recent cop shootings, the KKK's lynching and burning, the Holocaust during WWII) are certainly far more attention-grabbing, almost everyone can agree they're very wrong -- it's the subtler versions of racism that are more insidious and that deserve to be railed against.

But in Eden's world, racism apparently means that you live in fear of being raped and killed every day, but otherwise aren't oppressed all that much.  And while fearing for your life is a form of oppression, she seems to think that that's all there is to it.  And unfortunately, her view of racism looks less like actual racism and more like a hyperbolic vision of the future by an actual racist.

I'm a teetotaler and I still feel like I need a freaking drink after this chapter...

Chapter 4 - Just Bite the Mary Sue Already, Dog

Independence Day in my country, and how do I celebrate it?  By reading a Primus-awful book and commenting on it.  I must be some kind of masochist.

With the previous chapters of this book, I've been reading the chapter as I create the blog posts, essentially commenting as I go.  This time I actually sat down and read the whole chapter, then gave myself a little time to process it before I go back to re-read and comment on it.  Hopefully this makes for a better sporking experience.

So Eden is preparing for a hot date with her "dark prince" Jamal.  I was expecting to see her go out into the real world for this, but apparently "date" in this instance just means Jamal visiting her apartment in hologram form.  Well... I guess her wearing a nightgown instead of an evening gown makes a LITTLE more sense now, inasmuch as anything in this book makes sense.

"How's my Little Bunny" he said.  (Kenya's note -- no, I don't know why "Little Bunny" is capitalized either.)

"Jamal," she said, her sensors registering the warmth of his arms as they snaked around her. -- (p. 27)

Wait, wait, wait, so these holograms are REAL?  As in, you can actually touch them as well as see and hear them?  People can access virtual reality in this world?  It IS a Ready Player One ripoff!  Okay, so probably more a ripoff of the Holodeck from Star Trek, but still... is there no sci-fi series sacred here?  I just hope we don't get a scene where Eden finds out Bramford is really her father or something...

Austin shot up, growling.  She had forgotten about him.  It was embarrassing, really.  As if she'd trained her dog to hate Coals.  Maybe he wasn't color-blind, after all.  (p. 27)

Oh, lay off the "color-blind" bit, lady.  It's starting to get annoying.  I was going to ignore it, but seeing as it's come up three times now, I'm going to say that all this focus on "the characters are color-blind" is starting to grate on me.  Claiming you're color-blind, that you don't see people as having color, has some unfortunate implications of its own -- you're implying that everyone is exactly the same.  What about acknowledging that people have color, but that they're still good nonetheless and entitled to the same rights and privileges?  I'd rather celebrate diversity than have someone constantly crow about "we're all the same!"

Also, did it occur to Eden that Austin's just reacting to a strange man showing up in the apartment, and not just the fact that he's black?  Don't get mad at the dog for doing his job -- almost any dog is going to have a fit if a stranger intrudes on its territory.  It could also be that Foyt's trying to foreshadow that Jamal's not as nice as he appears to be by having Austin "smell" trouble on him.  Yay for the Evil-Detecting Dog, I guess?

So Eden gives her dog the boot by locking him in the other room (so much for giving her a dog to make her more sympathetic), and then we get this:

To her delight, things progressed in the right direction when Jamal kissed her for the first time.  His lips were moist and searching.  The heat coming off of his body loosened her limbs.  It couldn't be any better if he were actually present.  -- (p. 27-28)

*shudder*  I can't think of any word less appropriate for a kissing scene than "moist."  Seriously, don't have this word show up in any romantic scene EVER, please.

If you're not baking, "moist" has no business

being in your conversation

But word choice aside (Foyt sucks at descriptive phrases), this scene raises all sorts of questions.  Such as... if their holograms/VR technology are this good, then WHY does anyone actually leave their rooms at all?  In this post-apocalyptic society where nobody dares go outside, if you have the tech to make holograms or VR this good, why not just give everyone the VR tech and then keep them in their rooms?  They'd be happy, they wouldn't be running around all over the place wasting resources, and they could even create avatars of themselves that physically look however they want them to look -- black, white, fat, thin, green and scaly, whatever.  You could make the world into the freaking Matrix and everyone would still be better off.

Of course, with that solution, we'd have no bitter Pearls/Coals battle or earnest, ham-fisted exploration of racism and its effects.  *sigh*  Ready Player One DID do this better, and Cline even managed a bit of commentary on race that didn't feel forced or like he was beating the reader over the head with it...

Moving on... Eden's life band alerts her that she's overstimulated, and even Jamal suggests they slow down.  But Eden refuses and throws herself at him, thinking how they don't want her to mate and she's going to show them.

"Whoa, pet.  I'm receiving dangerous signals.  I don't want you to explode.  I need you around."

"You do?"

"You have no idea."

"Oh."  That meant he wanted to pick up her option to mate, right?  -- (p. 28)

We get it, you want a black husband as protection against all the other meanie Coals, stop hammering us over the head with it!  Gah... does Foyt assume we're all stupid and need to hear everything fifty times?

Then we're given a random flashback to how Eden and Jamal first met that feels rather uncomfortably wedged in, without much transition from the making-out scene to the scene from the past.  Couldn't some effort have been made to smooth out the transition?  Apparently at one point the scanning robot broke and Jamal had to stand in for it, and promptly began flirting with Eden first thing.

"You're an honest girl.  I like that, too."

Too?  What else could he possibly like about her?  He had to know she was a Pearl.  It said so right there on the scanner.  Besides, even with the best skin coating, everything about her screamed lower class.  And yet, he'd stared at her with an openness that had made Eden blush.  No one had ever looked at her for so long or with such sincere interest. -- (p. 29)

I have to wonder why any Pearl wears skin coating if everyone automatically knows they're Pearls anyhow.  It can't be for protection from the sun if everyone lives underground, and if everyone knows you're white even with skin coloring, then you're not really "passing," are you?  The whole skin-coating thing feels like Foyt's just trying to take blackface and make it something less offensive -- which, given blackface's nasty history, was doomed to failure right from the start.

"I get it.  You don't think I like your blue eyes, right?  You're wrong about that.  Maybe some day you'll let me see the real you, Eden Newman." -- (p. 29)

No, Jamal, run!  Run away!  Trust me, you DON'T want to see the real Eden Newman, she's an entitled brat who only wants you as a means to an end!  

So we're told that Jamal and Eden have been dating for a few months in secret, and then we're awkwardly dropped back into the present, where Jamal's hologram is laying beside her.  I can be grateful to that forced flashback for one thing -- it saved me from having to read Foyt's attempts at writing a sex scene.

It probably would have gone something

like this -- and yes, there's a trope for that

Jamal suggests that her probation is a good thing, because it means she's off work tomorrow and can go to the Moon Dance with him.  That gets Eden excited -- not because of the Moon Dance in particular, but because, yes, that stupid mate option.

It was all that Eden had hoped for.  A Coal didn't take a Pearl out in public unless he or she intended to pick up the other's mating option.  And what more public event to show his intentions than at a Moon Dance?  By law, everyone had to attend at least nine a year.  The Uni-Gov insisted these events reduced the frequent violence that naturally resulted from the crowded conditions of the tunnels.

Eden squealed with delight.  She could almost picture a white dot on her dusky-coated forehead.  Mated, and with a desirable Coal! -- (p. 30-31)

My point from earlier still stands -- if you're worried about violence and overcrowding, why not pull a Matrix and just keep everyone in their hologram/VR worlds on an indefinite basis?  That way everyone's happy and there's no cause for violence.  Eden can have her dark prince and hang out with Aunt Emily in her anachronistic time period and be perfectly happy, and we wouldn't need this pointless, offensive book.

Also, we don't need constantly beat over the head with the heroine's goal every other page.  Readers aren't goldfish -- we know what Eden wants.  You won't let us forget.  Seriously, stop it.

At least Eden has enough brains to worry about some of the details -- she's still on probation, and Jamal has to be on duty tomorrow night because of the still-unspecified experiment.  Jamal assures her that he can get clearance and can get someone else to cover his shift, and tells her it's "time for Jamal to make a righteous move," whatever that means.  

Jamal says good night and vanishes, then Eden gets another message, which she answers, thinking it's Jamal again.  Maybe I just don't date enough, but why would a guy call back two seconds after the date has ended, especially when he's already said good night?

Surprise surprise, it's not her boy-toy -- it's this world's equivalent of the KKK.

Instead of his heart-warming face, she saw the dreaded logo of the Federation of Free People: a swirl of black that spun around until it erased a small white circle.

Quit, quit!  It disappeared but she sat there, reeling.  Horrific stories about murdered or missing Pearls ran through her mind.  -- (p. 31-32)

I'm a little confused as to what the Federation of Free People is supposed to mean.  It sounds more like some kind of rebel task force than a terrorist organization.  And really, we've only gotten mentions of them up until now -- we really don't see anything to hint that they're actually dangerous.  Can we get examples instead of you just telling us, Foyt?  

Also why would they be randomly calling a Pearl just to spam her with their logo?  Sounds more like something 4chan or Anonymous would do, not a KKK analog.

Eden finally lets the dog back in and hugs him for comfort, pleading with him to be nice to Jamal, because he'll be her mate if she's lucky.  Just bite her already, dog...

Comparatively, this chapter wasn't quite as bad as some of the preceding ones... though that's kind of like saying walking on broken glass isn't quite as bad as walking on burning coals.  There's still some big gaps in logic in this world Foyt's built, and I'm not feeling a shred of sympathy for her Mary Sue self-insert character.

Here, have a puppy picture to make up for things:

Interlude: Eden Newman In Real Life?

No new chapter this week -- I've been preparing for an out-of-state convention and it's eaten up all my time -- but given recent current events I do have one tidbit to share.

The tidbit in question?  This story -- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3123965/The-white-girl-posed-black-campaign-against-racism-story-brutally-lays-bare-hypocrisy-liberal-America.html

If you don't feel like clicking the link, it's about the recent controversy regarding Rachel Dolezal, the white woman who for years passed herself off as black via makeup, hairstyles, and faking her own family history.  She still claims to be black despite plenty of evidence to the contrary, including her (white) parents speaking out to the media.  And needless to say, media outlets have been having a field day with this.

All I can say is... Eden Newman, is that you? 

Seriously, though, when I picked up Revealing Eden for sporking purposes, I never thought that there'd come a time when something would happen in real life that the book could apply to.  Because even though I've heard stories about black people trying to pass off as white to avoid persecution, it's almost never the other way around.

Unlike Eden, however, it appears Rachel isn't lying about her ethnicity to escape persecution.  Some claim it's because she wants to champion the cause of African-Americans in the US and feels she can only do so as a black person.  Others say it's because her parents adopted black children and she wants the attention that they get.  Still others say she's just delusional, and bring up comparisons to the recent Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner deal.

My thoughts?  I feel this woman's doing it for attention.  There are people who will seek to get attention by any means possible, even if it's negative -- why else do Internet trolls exist, after all.  She sees that black people get a lot of attention, both positive and negative, and she adapted a black persona in order to get some of that attention for herself.  And to be honest, I don't feel sorry for her years of lying about her past coming back to blow up in her face.  Harsh, but when you make your bed, you have to sleep in it.

Okay, done for now... see you all next week.  Hope to have a new chapter sporked by then.

Chapter 3 - You Keep Using That Word...

So far we have established that our protagonist is a self-centered brat who's a heck of a lot more racist than anyone else in the book, and our antagonist is supposed to be a cold and arrogant jerk but comes across as professional and fair.  Oh, and apparently all black people are jet-black and have either stereotypically African-American or just plain ridiculous names.  And this world has pretty high technology for supposedly being a post-apocalyptic dystopia.  Only two chapters and it already hurts to keep going...

Eden leaves the lab and heads into the security area, where she steps into a glass cage for an inspection.  Apparently no one's allowed to enter any area in the Combs (which is still a stupid name for a city, I don't care if it's underground or not) without an inspection to check for sickness.  Seems kind of time-consuming if you have to get scanned anytime you enter or leave a building... though this is the first mention we've gotten of plague or sickness, so it seems kind of thrown in for no reason.

The robot that does the scanning is made to look like a "dark, masculine" human, which intimidates Eden.  I'm not sure why they need an android to do this job, which simply entails scanning the computer chips embedded in her head.  Probably just to hammer home yet again how Coals rule everything and Eden hates them.  At least the robot is described as "mahogany" instead of any shade of black, though the fact that our first black person who's not literally black is a robot is laughable.

Let them look.  They would never know anything about the Real Eden Newman.  Only Jamal saw her. -- p. 18

I dunno, lady, we've gotten to see plenty of your innermost thoughts and feelings, and they're not pretty.  If Jamal gets to see the "real" Eden Neman, why hasn't he taken off screaming yet?

We get a look at the employees' quarters, and once again Eden gets to bitch about Branson:

Even here, she couldn't escape Bramford's colossal ego.  Like an animal, he had marked his territory by carving a ridiculously large initial "B" onto each unit door.  His audacious company logo -- a snow-capped black mountain against a red desert background that offered false hope in a parched land -- glowed at intervals along the walls.  As if he owned everything, including her.  -- p. 18-19

Helpfully labeled online as the "are you

<expletive deleted> kidding me?" Samurai Jack face

Sorry, I think I just rolled my eyes so hard they fell out of my head.  If this is company property, of COURSE they'd be putting their logo on things.  It's what companies do.  Next time you're in a McDonalds, count how many times the Golden Arches show up on the walls, menu, uniforms, etc.  Bramford is hardly unique in this respect.  Also, the whole "marking his territory like an animal" analogy is pretty damn racist -- insisting that African-Americans are more "beastly" and "animal-like" than people of other races has long been a tactic of white supremacists and/or people trying to justify slavery, segregation, and other racist practices.

We still don't know much about what Bramford's company does, either... but I'm still failing to see how a mountain can be an audacious logo for a company.  It's a logo used by lots of companies -- Paramount Pictures, Sierra Entertainment, Shadow Mountain Publishing, Toblerone, and even Adidas use mountains or mountain-like shapes in their logos.  I can't wait until we get some flimsy justification from Eden or Foyt about how mountains have come to symbolize arrogance and pride in this post-apocalyptic future...

Eden starts to stew over getting put on probation again, and starts to have something akin to a panic attack.  Sweat "drilled down the sides of her face," which is the weirdest verb I have ever seen used to describe sweat.

The mental image it calls to mind...

In response to her freakout, her World Band pipes up and says her oxy levels are in the "red zone" -- and I forgot to mention last time that her world band constantly refers to her as "my dear," which is probably supposed to come across as comforting but seems more condescending than anything else to me.  Oxy is a "happy drug" that keeps Eden on an even keel, and is pretty much a ripoff of the soma drug from Brave New World.  It seems to me that what Eragon is to high fantasy (namely, a ripoff of elements from the most famous series of the genre), Revealing Eden is to dystopian novels, albeit with a nice dose of confused racism on top of it.

We also get a mention that happiness has gone "the way of the dolphins."

Stop reminding me of things I'd rather be reading/watching

than this dreck, book

Eden finally gets into her apartment, getting the jittery cravings from her oxy habit, and what do you know, she has a dog.  She MUST be a good guy!  Except she doesn't even act happy to see him, just charges into the room to get at her drug stash and shoot up a fix via a weird futuristic cap she has to pull over her head (apparently hypodermic needles no longer exist in the future).  The dog might as well just be furniture as far as this book is concerned.

So our protagonist is not only a selfish, whiny racist, she's an addict as well.  And we're supposed to sympathize with her?

We do get a little musing on Eden's part about how the apartment's too small for Austin, the dog (the fact that the dog gets a halfway normal name and the black people get named stupid things like Peach and Ashina is laughable but at this point minor compared to everything else), and Eden has to once again make it about her, pondering "Neither one of us fit, do we?"  Sympathy levels reaching negative levels...

Eden puts on her drug cap, gets her fix, and calms herself by having her World Band conjure up an image of a redwood forest -- excuse me, Sequoiadendron giganteum.  Throwing in random scientific names for plants and animals does not show me how smart your protagonist is.

Then we get this insensitive little bit:

At last, the familiar, pleasant rush flooded into her body.  Her world slowly turned a muted shade of gray.  Possibly, she wouldn't kill herself tonight.  -- p. 20

Good Primus, that's not something you just casually throw into the text!  I don't know if Foyt was doing this to shock the reader or to hammer home how miserable Eden's life is, but I'm feeling no sympathy for Eden and I'm shocked for the wrong reasons.  Depression and suicide are serious topics, and deserve to be treated with the proper respect in fiction.  When anyone, even a good writer, uses them for shock value or humor, it rubs me the wrong way... and when a crap writer uses them for cheap drama, it makes me want to hurl the book at the wall.  Again, in this case.

And by the way, the "killing herself" bit isn't followed up on for the rest of the chapter.  Guh... yeah, it was used for shock value.  Primus, I hate Foyt right now...

About this time Eden gets a call from someone called an Ethics Officer, or an EO.  It's a hologram, of course, like everything else in this world, and "naturally, she was a Coal."  Oh, shut up about it already.

The EO informs her that she turns eighteen in six months, and unless she's picked a mate by that date she'll be cut off from Basic Resources, which seems to mean food and oxy.  And somehow, despite the fact that it's hammered in YET AGAIN that Eden's an "ugly Pearl" and damned to never have a mate, the EO points out that despite her "mate-rate" is below average, a few of "her kind" have offered to pick up her mate option, but she's refused.

Eden knew they didn't really care whether or not she reproduced.  Truth was, they wished her dead.  The E.O. simply needed to check her name off a list... (Note:  How about we see some evidence of this instead of Eden just jumping to conclusions?)  "Because I don't want my child to be all Pearl.  I'd rather be dead than mate with one of my kind." -- p. 21-22

Get used to this.  You'll be doing it many times

if you choose to read this... thing.

Foyt, did you do ANY research going into this?  First of all, I have a hard time believing that in a society that's supposedly so against Pearls, the government is going to condone a Coal taking a Pearl for a mate, even if it's the Coal's idea.  Inter-racial marriages have long had a history for being frowned upon or outright banned -- heck, there are places in the US where inter-racial marriages were banned by law until well into the '60s, even later.  If this futuristic society of yours is so against Pearls, I highly doubt they'd be okay with a Coal deciding to marry a Pearl.

Second, does Eden honestly think having a half-Coal child is going to be the best thing for the kid?  Children of mixed heritage were often treated just as harshly as blacks, sometimes moreso -- having white ancestry didn't mean a thing.  There's a strong chance that your child is going to have it even worse off than you for being a "half-breed."  And what happens if your child is born light-skinned despite having Coal ancestry?  Without actual engineering, genetics aren't an exact science -- look at any family that randomly has a blond child show up after generations of brunette kids.

...Trying to think by this book's logic actually hurts.  Ouch.

The EO suggests Eden abide by the government's standard recommendations -- a suggestion Eden blows off as useless -- before ending the conversation.  Eden bitches to Austin, who of course can't do anything about it but be his usual loyal doggy self.  At least the dog is the one sympathetic character in this book.  C'mere, puppy, you belong in a better book than this.

We get a random flashback to when Eden got Austin ten years ago as a gift from her mom, and of course Eden/Foyt can't resist showing off how much she knows by rattling off the Latin name for a domestic dog, as well as the physical traits of the breed.  Yay, you know how to use Wikipedia, good for you.  *sarcasm*

Austin is apparently named after Emily Dickinson's brother (and an aside about how families are limited to one child each is uncomfortably wedged in here).  And here we're introduced to one of the book's weirder gimmicks.

To increase the size of their family, her optimistic mother had adopted her favorite poet, Emily Dickinson, as an ancestor.  Eden and her mother had spent many hours in Emily's World, the World-band destination where the Dickinson family lived in the 1900's.  When Eden's mother started to refer to her as Aunt Emily, Eden simply had accepted it.  And so, she'd also embraced the dog's name.  -- p. 23-24.

Dang, this book has pretty great technology for being a supposed dystopian novel.  I'd say the World-Band is a ripoff of OASIS from Ready Player One, but the publication dates of both novels are so close together (RPO came out August 2011, Eden January 2012) that this is probably more chance than actual plagiarism.  Still, RPO pulled it off better.

But back to my point -- as a plot device, Foyt has given Eden an "adopted aunt" in the form of American poet Emily Dickinson.  This is... I don't even know what to make of this.  It just FEELS weird.  Sure, there are people who claim to have famous people in their ancestry -- sometimes rightly so, sometimes faking it -- but here it just feels like one more thing thrown in for no reason.  Is it going to factor into the plot at all, or is it just one more thing Foyt felt like tossing in?  

Also, research fail -- Emily Dickinson died in 1886.  Scratch that, Foyt only knows how to use Wikipedia when she feels like it, or needs to look up a Latin name for a critter.  

Yes, this again already... I told you to get used to it

In the flashback, Eden asks if the dog is a Pearl -- because that's apparently the only important thing to her even at seven years old.  How in the world does Foyt consider this book to be anti-racist when the main character is so casually racist herself?

Eden's mom has a really winning answer, and by "winning" I mean "eye-rolling."

Austin is colorblind, Eden.  He responds to love and kindness.  Remember what Aunt Emily said?  'That Love is all there is, / Is all we know of Love.'  Promise me you won't forget.  Love is like a gentle wind that will open your heart if you let it.  -- p. 24

Eh, this doesn't need a caption

Okay, I get what Foyt is trying to say here -- that a dog doesn't care what color someone's skin is, so long as that person's good to it.  And that's a nice sentiment, to value people for who they are instead of their race.  But the term "colorblind" just feels off.  It's taking a word that means an actual medical condition (one that dogs, ironically, have long been said to suffer from, though research has since proven this isn't true) and appropriating it to mean something else entirely.  And really, you have to be VERY careful doing this.  

Eden continues to state that even at the age of seven, she knew love was dead, and now that her mom's dead she's given up on love and on Emily's world.  Somehow I doubt this -- I have an annoying feeling that "Aunt Emily" is going to come back to haunt us all...

Now I have a most satisfying vision of the ghost of Emily Dickinson coming back from the grave to haunt Foyt for attaching her name to this garbage.  *evil cackle*

Eden goes to eat and to feed Austin -- and because this is Da Future, "dinner" consists of pills for her and a "nutrient teat" for Austin, which he sucks on.  Dogs don't suck -- their cheek muscles aren't big or strong enough to allow for that past the puppy stage -- which is why they use their tongues to lap up water instead of sucking it up like a horse.  Unless Austin's still a nursing puppy or has a psychological problem (some dogs suck on blankets or toys if they were abused as a pup), he shouldn't be sucking a teat like this.

Also, Eden's food pills consist of white carbohydrate pills, blue protein pills, and red fat pills.  No vitamin pills, I'm noticing... is it too much to hope for that Eden dies of scurvy or rickets as the book goes on?  She also swaps out her protein pill for one of her father's fat pills, because apparently black people, the "beautiful race," aren't skinny.  *eyeroll*

Eden does her mandatory half-hour of exercise, which means jogging in place, and then heads to the bathroom to shower, get checked for cancerous moles, and get the "good stuff" -- her daily coating of Midnight Luster.  And for some reason, for her date with Jamal, she's chosen to wear a silky black nightgown.  Um... don't you usually sleep in nightgowns?  Unless Foyt got her words mixed up and meant "evening gown," though somehow I doubt it.

Also, "it wasn't a nightgown, it was a weapon."  So she's using sex to get her hooks into Jamal and get a Coal for a mate.  Lovely.  

Finally Eden touches up her makeup, giving us one last line of (possibly?) unintentional racist hilarity:

Red lipstick, smoothed over the lines to make her lips seem fuller, was the last touch.  She let her long black hair dip over one eye and smiled.

"Definitely passing, right?" -- p. 26

I'm just gonna leave this here... *

Every time I think it's no longer possible to hate the main character any more, Foyt finds a way to raise the bar.  I swear...

I'm gonna go finish The Last Bookaneer by Matthew Pearl (is that ironic or what?) before I do another chapter of this thing.  At least Matthew can actually write, does his research, uses a famous author's name and work (Robert Louis Stevenson in this case) with some modicum of respect, and actually treats issues of race with the proper respect...

* Picture credit -- "Golliwoggs on sale 2008" by alx_chief - AreYouReallySellingThat20080526. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Golliwoggs_on_sale_2008.jpg#/media/File:Golliwoggs_on_sale_2008.jpg

Chapter Two: Our Main Character Is a Racist, Entitled, Self-Centered, Whiny Brat

So as I was reading the first chapter of this book, I noticed that most of the quotes people like to throw out to show how terrible the book is come from that first chapter.  Does this mean most people who pick this travesty up never make it past the first chapter?  Wonder if that makes me very brave for continuing on, or very foolish.

You're welcome, fangirls.  You know

who you are...

When we last left our "heroine," she was about to be trampled and/or have the snot beat out of her by a roomful of Coals.  Dad calls out for her, calling her "daught" -- short for daughter apparently.  I guess like "bro" and "sis" being short for brother and sister, but it's weird under normal circumstances for a parent to refer to their child by a slang term and just bizarre in these circumstances.  Doesn't a life-or-death situation at least call for a first name?

Eden books it, and the Coals chase her, their angry voices "like laser blasts."  If this book actually has laser weapons it may have just slightly redeemed itself, but I'm not counting on it.

Then the angry mob comes to a halt, and Eden almost runs into the owner of the company she and her father work for -- Ronson Bramford.  Primus dammit, is there a black person in this book that has a halfway normal name?

Speechless, she stared up into his dark, gleaming eyes.  A glint of light shone down on his black, shaved head, adding to his magnetic effect.  (Kenya's note: Foyt still thinks all black people are jet-black apparently... you do realize that black people come in many different skin tones, just like white people, right?)  Then he jerked away, as if Eden really were poison, and turned his steely gaze on the crowd.

"Back to work," Bramford said in a calm but commanding voice.  Relieved, she began to leave when he added, "Not you, Eden."

She wasn't sure which was worse: being murdered by a mob or dealing with the arrogant bastard.  As usual, Bramford stared at a point on her shoulder as he addressed her, which made her feel small and dirty. -- p. 11-12

"Crikey, mates, we got ourselves a live one here!  Looks like a Cliche Love Interest!  It's a beauty, ain't it?  You can tell these things by their detailed physical descriptions an' how the female protagonist instantly hates his guts, though ya know she'll be all over 'im by the end of the novel!  Careful, these things are liable to take a big bite outta your heart if ya take yer eyes offa 'em for a second!  Let's see what happens when I poke 'im in the steely eye!"

Too soon?

Seriously, Mr. Bramford here might as well walk in with the words Designated Love Interest stamped on his forehead.  Gets the most time devoted to his physical description of any character so far?  Check.  Wealthy and powerful?  Check.  Completely different social/economic class from the female protagonist?  Check.  Female protagonist hates him right off the bat in order to set up a contrived "forced to spend time together so they can annoy each other until they give in to their hormones and have TWUE WUV FOREVER?"  Check, and I absolutely hate that cliche that countless romantic comedies have beaten to death, resurrected as a zombie, and inflicted time and again upon the hapless masses.  Shoot it in the head already.

Also Bramford's single, despite having an insanely high mate-rate of 98 percent and being 22 (males have to find a mate by age 24 or die), so obviously he's saving himself for a kind and sensitive girl like Eden is supposed to be.  *retches*

Oh, and for the next couple of pages we constantly get told how "magnificent" and "chiseled" Bramford is despite Eden hating him.  Because Foyt fails at subtlety as well...

In the next paragraph, apparently Bramford's skin is the color of storm clouds.  Last time I checked, that wasn't a healthy skin color, unless you happen to be an elephant.

Bramford asks what the problem is.  Ashina accuses Eden of attacking her, and Eden thinks that "a Coal's word outweighed a Pearl's.  Always."  Could we get this shown as an example before you start stating facts, Ms. Foyt?  Bramford asks why Eden would attack her when her father's work is at stake, and Ashina's only answer is that she can't control herself and "you know how they are."  She also states that she caught Eden in a lie, and with the Big Night, whatever it is, coming up, there's no room for mistakes.  Which is a good point, even if Eden thinks being right is more important than her father's experiment.

Eden's father shows up at that moment, and Eden takes a moment to mentally gripe about his glasses -- and of course, it's all about her.

Eden suspected that he wore his antiquated glasses just to irritate her, despite her repeated insistence that he get the simple fix.  It was just another way of standing out, another way of reminding them that he and his daughter existed.  -- p. 13

You know, Eden, people are not obligated to do whatever you tell them to do.  And your father could have other reasons for wearing glasses that have nothing to do with picking on you.  He could simply prefer the look and feel of glasses over this world's equivalent of LASIK.  Or it could be the "simple fix" is too expensive and he opted out of it.  Or he tried to get the "simple fix" and was turned down for being incompatible with the procedure or simply for being a Pearl -- oh wait, I forget, the racism against Pearls only exists when it's convenient for the plot, never mind.  My point is that there could be a dozen reasons for him preferring glasses over the "simple fix," not just to irritate you, girl.

Bramford sends her father off, saying the situation is under control, then calls for his bodyguard -- Shen, an Amber, which this book helpfully informs us is the racist term for people of Asian descent.  *sigh*  Seriously, if you want us to take these "racist" terms seriously, why are you using gemstone names for your "lesser" races?  You do realize that even in primitive societies, gemstones are prized, and there are plenty of uses gemstones can have in even a dystopian society (for example, diamonds make great cutting edges, especially for surgical instruments)?

Also we're informed that people of Hispanic or Latino descent are called Tiger's eyes, and that they rank above Ambers in the "race wars," while Ambers rank above Pearls.  Not helping your "anti-racism" cause with references to "race wars," Foyt...  And of course Eden trusts Shen because he's an Amber and not a Coal or Tiger's Eye -- which just makes her come across as even more racist.  Ugh.

Oh, and Shen has dragon tattoos up and down his arms.  Of course he does.  For being a book meant to discredit racism, Foyt sure loves her racial stereotypes.  Shen also has a "third eye," a white dot in the center of his forehead that means he has a mate.  Whatever happened to a wedding band?

Bramford has Shen call for his head of security, Jamal.  Finally, we get a black person with a name that doesn't sound utterly ridiculous!  Sure, it's a pretty stereotypical African-American name, but it's far closer to reality than Peach or Ashina.  And it's a name that doesn't make me want to go bang my head against the nearest vertical surface...

Eden gets all fluttery when Jamal shows up, thinking of him as her "Dark Prince."  Finally, a Coal she doesn't automatically hate on sight...  We're helpfully informed that Jamal is "colorblind," but not in the traditional sense of the word.  Apparently Foyt likes to use the term "colorblind" not to mean someone who can't tell certain colors apart, but someone who isn't racist or ignores what race people happen to be.  Other people have taken issue with the term "colorblind," but unless it crops up again in this book I'm going to let it slide, because there's just too much else to cover here.

Jamal has a warrior tattoo on one side of his face, which isn't explained.  Is he a soldier, is it the mark of their police force, what?  Also, Jamal is ebony-skinned -- because apparently brown African-Americans no longer exist in this world.  If I drank and made a drinking game of how many times black people were literally referred to as black-skinned, I'm sure I'd be passed out within a few chapters...

I'll settle for the "drunken Decepticon" GIF instead

We see holograms of the security footage showing the incident -- apparently the Life-Bands can access this footage.  Then Bramford shuts it off and asks why Jamal wasn't on top of the incident.  A reasonable enough request -- if Jamal's head of security, this type of situation's his responsibility -- but Eden acts like Bramford questioning Jamal about it is some kind of conspiracy against her and Bramford's a "cold bastard" for resisting Jamal's attempts to charm his way out of the situation.  It's called professionalism, you little brat.  Bramford's thinking about the company, and he's not evil for not automatically coddling your precious feelings.

We also get an aside about how Bramford took over the company after his father died during a "terrorist Pearl attack."  So... wouldn't the fact that he'll actually hire Pearls to work at his labs be a good thing?  It means that despite any personal feelings, he's willing to put the good of the company and their experiments ahead of his own anger towards Pearls, if he harbors any.  This could have been developed into an interesting plot point.  But Eden apparently doesn't care about it -- all she cares about is that she can't find any information on Bramford when she goes snooping, and that his mystery makes him powerful.  *sigh*  Another sign of the Designated Love Interest -- they're oh so mysterious.

Bramford's Life-Band is a gold ring with an onyx stone, which Eden finds pretentious.  Oh, shut up, brat.  Now you're just looking for excuses to hate your employer.

When [the Life-Band] stopped flashing, he spoke curtly to Ashina.  "I won't allow internal discord."

Had justice prevailed for once?  Eden could hardly believe it.

Then Bramford added, "Since you instigated the incident, Eden, you must suffer the consequences."

What did she expect?  Bramford hated her.  If he fired her and she couldn't produce, her Basic Resources would end.  Which meant death.  -- p. 16

Ugh... just because your boss decides to discipline you doesn't mean he hates you!  Besides, if anyone watched the security tapes, they'd pretty much see that Eden called Ashina by a racial slur, and in most workplaces that would make you the instigator.  I don't know many workplaces that would let someone get away with that.

What we see here is a classic instance of Protagonist-Centered Morality, and it's a sure sign of the main character being a Mary Sue.  When people are judged as good or evil based solely on how they treat or what they think of the main character, then Mary Sue-ism is imminent.  We already see that anyone whom Eden perceives to be on her side -- her father, Jamal, Peach, maybe Shen -- is portrayed in the best light, while anyone she sees as an enemy -- Ashina, Bramford, every other Coal -- is show to be completely unreasonable and evil.  Christopher Paolini's Inheritance Cycle fell into this trap very early on, and it's just tiresome to see here.

Eden tries to get Jamal on her side, and he admits that someone could have sabotaged things so Eden's report never got through.  Ashina (helpfully referred to in the text as a "nosey bitch" because Eden can't let us forget that she's EVIL) demands to know why Jamal would say that, and Eden panics because apparently she's trying to seduce Jamal and "Coals often killed Pearls who seduced their kind."  Okay, I'm gonna guess Jamal's either going to die or disappear soon, because despite this Bramford still has Designated Love Interest written all over him...

Jamal and Bramford discuss the possibility of someone hacking their security, and the FFP is brought up -- the Federation of Free People, a militant group of Coals out to rid the planet of Pearls.  Obviously Foyt is trying to draw parallels to the KKK, which feels tasteless.

Ashina points out that none of this changes the fact that the fight was Eden's fault, and Bramford puts Eden on probation until further notice.  And of course, this is terrible and horrible and Bramford's doing it just to be mean, right?  Never mind that he's her employer and he has a right to discipline employees who break the rules or cause problems in the workplace -- no, it's obviously because he hates her.

And then we get this lovely gem.

The injustice of it burned in her gut.  Better to punish the Pearl than to upset the Coals.  If only Bramford knew what it was like to be an outcast. -- p. 17

...

...........

Yes, the irony that I'm using this GIF in a "Revealing Eden"

spork does not escape me...

Seriously, girl?  SERIOUSLY?  You don't think a black person knows what it's like to be an outcast?  African-Americans (and really, almost anyone of African descent, even those whose ancestors never left Africa) have spent CENTURIES being outcasts in a world where people of European descent exploited them and discriminated against them!  Assuming this book takes place in our future instead of an alternate universe (though there's been no hint of that so far), Bramford and every other Coal knows that their people were once discriminated against and treated as intruders and lesser beings all over the world.  And just because times have changed doesn't mean that the history is no longer there. 

Stop making everything about you, you little twat, and grow up and take some responsibility for your actions.  You may be seventeen in this book but you act like you're two.  Stop being an entitled princess and start acting like an actual protagonist.

...why am I talking to a fictional character?

Eden gets sent home until further notice, and Jamal calls her his Little Bunny and tells her he'll make it up to her after work.  End of chapter, and at least this one was a bit shorter...

I'm still failing to see how Bramford's a heartless monster in this chapter.  So far he seems professional, level-headed, and is acting in the best interests of the company.  The only sign we have that he's a horrible monster is that he disciplined an employee for calling another employee by a racial slur, and if that's horrible, every decent boss ever must be a complete monster.

*sigh*  It's not a good sign when a book makes you want to slap the main character...