Chapter 11 - Urge to Punch Eden Newman Rising...

Welp, broke my resolution to put out one post a month.  Bad me.  Hope to make up for this...

So... lab has blown up, and Eden, her father, and Furry!Bramford are now on the run in his private jet.  A military jet's chasing them and shooting at them, and Eden's father's holding her hand to comfort her and trying to stop his own bleeding at the same time.  Despite his flaws and his obnoxious "mad scientist" speech the author's foisted on him, I like this guy.  Why isn't he the protagonist?  Oh, right, because we have to have our Romeo/Juliet, Beauty-and-the-Beast romance... ugh...

Disgusted Starscream is disgusted

For the first time in her life, she wished there was a God.  But that idea had disappeared in The Meltdown. - p. 77

Religion disappearing from a culture isn't new in sci-fi.  One of my favorite book series, The Dragonriders of Pern, doesn't give the characters and culture any religion whatsoever.  They've been settled on Pern for so long they've forgotten their origins, and when they uncover a computer that tells them about Earth the concept of religion baffles them.  But there, it works.  Here, it feels tossed in to be further nihilistic and depressing.

Also, if the idea of God has disappeared, why is she still bringing it up?  Who needs logic, I guess...

Bramford sits with them, "his powerful body dominating the small space like a mountain cramped in a cave" (ugh), and plays holos of the battle.  Eden considers him "a strange mix of contradictions" because how can he still be intelligent when looking like a cat, I guess.  Seriously, girl?  If you know so much about this experiment already, how could you not know the subject was going to keep their human intelligence?  Or is it just that a black guy got the procedure done and not a precious Pearl, so automatically he has to have reverted to animal intelligence?

The jet's hit and they spiral down.  Bramford keeps his head and gives orders to the pilot (mostly randomly shouting "one o' clock" and "six o'clock" and such), but Eden freaks out.  Somehow this jet is able to go into reverse (um... planes don't do that), and the military jet hits the flames.

Eden screams at Bramford for almost killing them, and to his credit he doesn't even respond to that.  He just asks for her father's coat so he can make a tourniquet for her father's leg.  If I remember my first aid right, tourniquets are only to be used as a last resort to reduce the risk of damaging the wounded limb, but apparently Foyt thinks they're standard practice.  Though to be fair, most of Hollywood and popular literature think the same thing...

Again, this mysterious creature was one step ahead of her and her father.  Was he a man trapped inside a beastly form, or a beast with a human mind?  Eden suspected even he might not know the answer.  - p. 79

Ugh, can you STOP THIS?  You've made your point, he looks like a jaguar furry now, stop hammering it in!  Readers aren't idiots!

Bramford makes the tourniquet, using his teeth to rip the coat apart (no scissors or knife on the plane?  Or are we just needing yet another reminder that he's a SAVAGE BEAST OMG???) and gives it to Eden to tie around her father's leg.  She asks where they're going, and apparently it's "out of bounds," whatever that means.  Eden's first thought is how they're going to survive without the Uni-Gov to take care of them, which is weird because she seemed convinced that the government didn't care whether she lived or died before.

Then we get THIS:

She felt a twinge of compassion as she considered how drmatically [Bramford's] life had turned.  And something else also warmed her heart.

Oh?  Is Eden finally feeling a bit of sympathy for Bramford?  Realizing that despite everything he's a good man just trying to do the right thing?

She traced his broad chest down to slim hips and muscled thighs.  The raw animal power coiled within him, just waiting to explode, fascinated her.

"Crikey, mates!  Looks like the Designated Heroine's got an eye on our Designated Love Interest!  See how she's attracted not to his good nature but his smashing good looks?  Bit shallow, innit?  Who cares if he's a nice guy or a jerk, huh?  Let's hang around a lil' an' see what happens."

Oh hey, welcome back, Steve

And just a few lines later Eden's hating him and thinking he's a beast again.  Seriously, girl, you're still convinced that he's a jerk and an animal, but are only attracted to him because he's hot?  What is WRONG with you?  You, Bella Swan, Anastasia Steel, Nora Grey*, and every other fictional woman who thinks hot looks trump all?  You are messing up a whole generation of young women who think this kind of thing is NORMAL.  Ugh.

Moving on before I hurt myself...

The jet touches down at Bramford Industries, where they... transfer to another jet?  What was wrong with the one they were in?  It didn't seem damaged, and if they're in a hurry, what benefit is swapping planes going to do them?

Eden's rationale for not going in the other jet is "they wouldn't be safe anywhere on this godforsaken planet so why not stay there, on the ground?"  Seriously?  And this chick is supposed to be super-smart?  Also what happened to there being no concept of God?

Bramford carries Eden's father into the plane while Eden ogles his legs, only to resent him a minute later when he demands to know what's the matter with her.  (Want a list, buddy?)  I'm getting VERY tired of this whole Belligerent Sexual Tension deal going on, especially as poorly written as this.  Bickering sweethearts like this CAN be pulled off if done right (look at Star Wars), but this isn't done remotely well.

A flight attendant balks at seeing Bramford, and Eden figures that Bramford doesn't realize that people are shocked by his new appearance, or he's forgotten what he looks like.  Um... he's not STUPID, I'm sure he realizes what he looks like to people, he just recognizes that there are more important things to worry about.

Eden also goes off about how she "was never a Pearl" inside, and sometimes she feels like "the Real Eden."  Not a good time to start fantasizing about this, girl...

Foyt also uses "damming" instead of "damning" here.  The characters aren't building a dam, Foyt, learn how to actually use words instead of leaning on spell check...

The jet prepares to take off, and Eden worries that no one will ever see the Real Eden now.  Girl, we've seen plenty of the Real Eden, and it's ugly as sin.  Maybe you're better off in the wilds...

Already, [Bramford had] turned his attention away from her.  Dismissed, as usual - p. 82

Girl, don't you think Bramford has more important things to do than spend every second hovering over you?  Stop assuming all this is about you.  My Primus, I've never met such a self-absorbed protagonist in my LIFE, or at least one that wasn't meant to be a parody.

At least this one was MEANT to be a jerk

and managed to also be funny...

Eden wonders what's going to become of Bramford's empire now that he's a beast, because "being different was the kiss of death, which meant he was a marked man."  I dunno, he's seeming pretty capable of being able to control things regardless of now being a furry.  But we'll see how this goes...

She gets an oxy-cap to get her fix of drugs (again, why doesn't everyone just get pills or injections, it seems less hassle), and is desperate for a kick, thinking she's "experienced more emotion in a single night than she had in her whole dismal life."  Sorry, not feeling much sympathy for you, girl.

The flight attendant's name is Daisy, and my first thought is "yay, finally, a Coal with a non-ridiculous, non-stereotypical name!"  But apparently Eden can sense this woman's a Pearl in dark coating, and wonders how she got such a cushy job.  So much for breaking the tradition of stupid names for black people in this book...

And of course the flight attendant is nice to her, because only Pearls can be nice to other Pearls.  Really NOT helping your "racism is bad" cause here, Foyt...

Eden practices some breathing exercises her mother taught her, which involve letting your stomach "rise like a balloon" and letting your breath "carry your awareness through the body."  Apparently animals breathe like this, though watching the dog and cat from across the room I don't see how they breathe much differently from us humans.  And I seriously doubt a dog or cat is going to practice yoga-like breathing practices such as "breath carrying your awareness through your body."

Not sure why this chapter couldn't have been merged with the preceding chapter or the next chapter.  I'm really confused as to why an airplane ride needs its own separate chapter, unless Foyt just wants to use these chapters as an excuse to pack in more of Eden's self-loathing and love/hate attitude toward Bramford (though it's more like lust/hate, to be honest).  All these chapters do is make me loathe Eden more and more, and I honestly cannot understand how Foyt can think her protagonist is so relatable to young women when she's one of the most aggressively selfish, whiny, and hateful characters I've come across in a book in a long time.

Next spork will come along sooner, I swear...

* Nora Grey being the female protagonist of Hush, Hush, a YA fantasy series that apparently follows in Twilight's footsteps in portraying an abusive relationship as romantic and desirable.  Stephanie Meyer, look what you started...

Chapter 10 - This Blog Post Brought To You By TV Tropes

Happy New Year, readers!  My resolution this year is to do at least one spork post a month, hopefully two.  Maybe that way I can finally get through this horrific book...

This should honestly be the exciting part of the book -- we've finally gotten something resembling an action scene, and the moment we've been waiting for and/or silently dreading has come to pass -- a major character turning into a furry.  Though if this is an action scene, why am I feeling so blah about it?  As I've said several times before, for being such a scandalous and controversial book, it's a rather boring read.

So we left off last chapter with the lab on fire, Jamal holding Eden and her father at gunpoint, and Bramford making his debut as a black jaguar furry.  This chapter opens with a countdown announcing a minute and a half until self-destruct, but no one seems terribly eager to get the heck out of Dodge.

Dr. Newman wants a closer look at his creation -- understandable, what mad scientist wouldn't want a closer look at his attempts to play God -- which leads directly into another facepalming scene.

Eden tensed as her father approached Bramford, who towered over him.  Like a child experiencing his first World-Band fantasy, her father's eyes were wide with wonder for his creation.  If Bramford so much as flicked a finger, he might destroy the man who held the keys to his destiny.  But would the beast understand that? - p. 70

I've said it time and again, but look, Foyt, your "racism is terrible" message loses all meaning when you consistently compare black people to beasts, and in this case literally make one into a beast.  I can understand someone wondering if a person who's just turned into a furry hybrid still retains some of their humanity, but when you've spent so long comparing black people to beasts, it rubs the reader the wrong way.

Jamal orders his men to shoot to stun, which reminds me of Star Wars: A New Hope.  (Take a drink for reminding me of something I'd rather be watching instead of reading this...)  Eden shouts for Bramford to run.

He seemed not to hear her, and she wondered if he still knew his name or even retained the power of speech. - p. 70

Stop it already.  You made your point.

In any case, he stood firm, facing the semi-circle of soldiers.  She hated to think of how the FFP would cage and dissect him like a common lab rat, Rattus norvegicus.  (Random Latin name, take a drink!)  They would destroy him, just like every other wild thing on the ravaged planet. - p. 70

Wait... are you blaming the FFP and/or black people for destroying the planet?  That might be a bit of a stretch, I admit, but that's sure what this comes across as.  Eden's coming across as more and more racist all the time, which doesn't reflect well on the author at all.

Bramford makes his stand against the soldiers, and Eden figures that "like any alpha male, he needed to establish his dominance over them."  I wonder if Foyt would keep hammering us with all these "he's a beast now!" references if this were a Pearl or Amber or Tiger's Eye who just became a furry, because right now it's just making this book uncomfortable to read.

The PA system announces one minute to self-destruct, and I'm wondering why the heck people aren't running for the exits.  Wait, I hope they stay put.  The sooner we get a Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies moment, the sooner this blasted book can end!

Fire mushroomed through the shattered roof, sucking out the air with a powerful whoosh.  Chunks of the building rained down. - p. 71

Hallelujah!  Everyone's dead, I can shut this book and move on!

Eden screamed as one of the soldiers fired his laser at Bramford, who dodged the flare with lightning speed. - p. 71

Awwwwww... dangit.  I forget we're dealing with superhumans who can apparently survive without oxygen and dodge lasers -- contrary to what Star Wars and other sci-fi books and movies have taught us, you CAN'T dodge lasers unless you can move at the speed of light.  Or everyone in the room is just wearing heavy-duty Plot Armor at the moment.

Anyhow, Shen dives in to help but Bramford slaps him into a wall.  Shen had it so much better when the author forgot he existed...  Bramford looks shocked, as apparently he didn't mean to whack his bodyguard across the room.  Not sure how jaguar DNA suddenly gives you super-strength, but whatever.  At this point I'm just going to assume Foyt thinks genetic programming works like exposure to gamma rays does in Marvel comics -- it's the catch-all for giving your characters super powers.

Bramford proceeds to deliver a smackdown to the FFP soldiers, dodging laser blasts (see above note on this) and "mashing" one of them "into a ball" as if he were suddenly the Hulk.  Are we sure Eden's father was really trying to help humans survive the Heat, or was he making super soldiers?

Jamal announces he's going to "neutralize" Bramford, which apparently no one hears except Eden so she can have her heroic moment.  She sees that if Bramford goes after Jamal, he leaves himself open for Giant and Squeaky *sigh* to attack.

She recalled that Aunt Emily said she felt as if the top of her head came off whenever she recognized poetry.  Now, Eden felt a similar lift and knew what to do. - p. 72

Oh hey, the "Aunt Emily" thing comes up again.  Though I don't see how Emily's ability to "recognize poetry," whatever that means (isn't poetry, even free verse, generally easy to identify?), helps in a battle situation.  I can see that Foyt's trying to say that Eden suddenly realizes what she needs to do, but again, that has nothing to do with poetry.  It's an awkward simile, and really doesn't fit in here other than to let Foyt show off who her favorite poet is.

Eden throws a chair at a burning timber hanging down from the roof, knocking it into Jamal and setting him on fire.  Gruesome way to go, but at least he has the mercy of not having to appear in this book anymore.  Farewell, Sir No-Longer-Appearing-In-This-Book.  May your ghost have mercy on my soul.

No, I am not above throwing in the

obligatory Monty Python reference...

Eden doesn't get any time to bask in her triumph -- she hears a scream and sees her father go down with a wound in his leg, though we never find out if it comes from a laser, the fire, or some other source.  Giant and Squeaky *ugh* go to Jamal's side despite him being clearly ON FIRE, and Bramford gives Eden a significant look ("did she imagine it or did something in his eyes soften?") before turning to Shen.

A look that puzzled Eden passed between them.  Bramford pointed toward the exit, clearly ordering Shen to leave.  Now she was sure the creature must have lost his human voice, although some reasoning appeared to be intact.  (Don't you just love how Eden immediately de-humanizes Bramford after his furry transformation, despite this supposedly being "the next step in human evolution?")  Shen shook his head, refusing even now to abandon his boss.  Bramford answered with a final roar, its cold authority strikingly similar to his old ways.  Finally, Shen turned away.

What was it, between those two, anyway?  - p. 73

Um...

Um... yeah.  If this book had anything resembling an honest fanbase, I'm sure this scene would have sparked a slew of Bramford/Shem slash fic.  I doubt Foyt intended to make this scene as awkward and Ho Yay as it came out, but there you go.

Bramford makes a leap for Eden's father, and Eden immediately thinks the smell of blood is going to make Bramford attack him because "any predator would."  *SIGH*  Instead Bramford picks him up and goes to Eden, resulting in yet another obligatory "romantic" scene.

She stared up into his savage face, her mind a blank.  To her amazement, Bramford spoke in a raspy growl, as terrifying as a tsunami, as thrilling as a rare bird in flight.

"Come, Eden," he said, holding out a sharp-clawed, leathery hand.

He knew her, she realized with delight.  Perhaps it was silly, but she felt special, as if a celebrity had recognized her.  And she felt helplessly lost in the magnetic glow of his cat-like eyes.  - p. 73

I dunno -- and I don't read enough werewolf-themed romances (read: none) to be turned on by someone who's just turned into a furry -- but if I were Eden in this situation, I would not be getting turned on by a jaguar-man who just beat the crap out of a group of armed soldiers.  I would be running away screaming.  But then, this book has already proven that neither Eden nor Foyt know what common sense is.

The alarm announced thirty seconds (even though it's felt like freaking hours), Bramford snaps at Eden to come with her, and she immediately whips back around to not liking him just because he was mean to her.

Eden liked him much better when he seemed mute.  She certainly didn't want to go anywhere with the scary beast.  But there was Father, and her promise to watch over him. - p. 74

Yes, and a fine job you've been doing of that too.  *sigh*

She reached for Bramford's hand, shocked once again by the electric feel of his touch.  This time, there was no mistaking the reeling effect on her, despite the change in him.  Or maybe because of it, he realized.  - p. 74

Eugh

Again, I don't read many romances, but I gotta know -- do they ALL come across as this heavy-handed when it comes to the heroine (or in this case Designated Heroine) feeling attraction toward the love interest?  Because this doesn't feel at all natural or right to me.  It comes across less as showing that Eden is falling for Bramford and more the author beating us over the head going "See, she loves him, she has the hots for them, it's the new Romeo and Juliet, I swear!"  Surely there's GOT to be a better way to show two people are falling in love or are otherwise attracted to one another, right?

Right?

Okay, moving on...

Bramford picks up Eden, sitting her on his shoulder -- this "jaguar DNA gives you super strength" thing is getting old fast -- and bolts as "fiery objects exploded around them."  Apparently being half-jaguar doesn't just make you immune to the Heat, it makes you fireproof too, because Bramford runs through a wall of fire without even getting scorched.  Eden laughs hysterically, because sure, that's the logical reaction to running headlong into flames, right?

The three of them take off for Bramford's jet, and somehow his pilot recognizes him despite him now being a furry and opens the door for them.  Eden suddenly remembers Austin -- oh, NOW she remembers the dog! -- and tries to go back for him, but Bramford yanks her back and orders the pilot to take off, despite Eden protesting and claiming she's "unable to fathom life without her dog."

A heart-stopping boom shook the skies.  She watched the lab explode, and let out an anguished scream.

"No!  Austin!"

...Eden slid down into the seat, devastated.  Everything she had known was gone.  If her life were a simple equation, like one plus one, it now yielded a negative number.  - p. 75

I sure hope overusing this GIF doesn't make me

associate this movie with Revealing Eden...

Okay, I really shouldn't be laughing at one of this books' only sympathetic characters kicking the bucket, but seriously, if Austin was so freaking important to Eden, why hasn't she even thought about him in five chapters?  And even when he featured in the book, she treated him like a nuisance or just part of the furniture.  Okay, so he did get a chance at playing Evil-Detecting Dog at one point (another overused trope, but I can't dig at it too much since dogs DO seem to sense when someone's trustworthy or not), but beyond that, Eden's shown little concern or fondness for him.  So don't try to pretend that all of a sudden her life is incomplete without the pooch.

Eden's father refers to Austin by his scientific name, because apparently like father like daughter, and Bramford acts shocked that Eden would risk her life for a dog, because apparently we're still supposed to think Bramford is the least likable character in this book.  Eden throws back that he's one to talk, he left poor Shen behind, and Bramford retorts that "I expect he'll be safe."  Also, apparently Shen has a mate and a child.  Little late to be throwing in any characterization for this guy, especially since I get the feeling we'll never see him again in this book.

To Bramford's credit, he's visibly upset about Shen... and Eden gripes that "he seemed more upset about Shen's future than her own."  I'm sure there's at least one soul out there who's read this book and ships Shen and Bramford...

Sorry, couldn't resist

Bramford couldn't fool her; he was simply a more powerful, and yes, even exciting, version of the selfish man Eden loathed.  (Because you've been SUCH a good judge of character up to now, girl...)

"Well, I'm grateful you saved us," her father said.

Eden glared at him.  Didn't he understand why Bramford had taken them along?  He didn't care about them any more than he cared for Shen.  If he hoped to restore his human form, he desperately needed her father's help.

But what if her father failed?  Then what would the wild beast do to them? - p. 76

Is it possible for my liking for a book character to reach negative digits?  I have not met a more aggressively unlikable antagonist since Bella from Twilight... and at least Bella had the one saving grace that she was more whiny and clingy than outright sociopathic. 

Now, up to this point I've had a vague idea of what this book's about -- but as of Bramford's turning into a furry, we've officially reached the point where I have no idea what lies ahead.  I have no idea what the rest of the book has in store for us.  Though judging by what we've seen before, I highly doubt the book is going to get much better.  If anything, Foyt will probably find all kinds of new and glorious ways to fail spectacularly.

*skims blog post*  Dang, did I include a lot of links to TV Tropes in this post or what...

Chapter 9 - Meh-meh-meh-meh-meh-meh-meh-meh CATMAN!

Guess what, we finally get an action chapter.  For what it's worth, at least...

So Eden's surrounded by FFP soldiers, which seem to be this world's equivalent of the KKK only against white people, and given that it's been stated in the past that these people want to wipe out Pearls you'd think she'd be afraid for her life, or at least trying to make an escape.  But nope, that would be too logical and smart for our protagonist -- I recoil at the thought of calling her "heroine" at this point.  Literally, the first two paragraphs of this chapter go like this:

Eden stood in Jamal's office among the FFP soldiers, wondering how her dreams had died so suddenly.  Because they  had never been real, she realized.  She had only imagined a better future.  In six months, when she turned eighteen, still unmated, she'd be cut off and left outside to die.

She stared with new eyes at Jamal, her ex-boyfriend, struck by how ugly he was.  His arrogant posturing and the strident tone with which he addressed his team of conspirators sickened her.  He was no better than Bramford -- even worse.  Why hadn't she seen it before?  She faced the sad truth with a heavy sigh.  Her desperate need for Jamal's help had blinded her to his real nature. -- p. 62

For being terrified of the FFP before, she's sure blase about them now.  I'd think she'd be terrified for her life and not crushed that she just got dumped... sure, I'll allow for feelings of betrayal right now, but one would think in a crisis like this she'd be more apt to be afraid for her life than commiserating about how her boyfriend was stringing her along.  Just my thought...

Eden decides "there was a sort of freedom in being doomed" and that she might as well make things difficult for Jamal.  Her decision is to dash to the nearest computer and shut down the "firewall" that's keeping flames from getting to the lab.  I'd wondered what precisely "firewall" meant here... but are fires really so prevalent in this world that something like this is needed on a regular basis?  Or is the mountain just always on fire (which makes no sense as fires need fuel and can't burn indefinitely -- even the Centralia coal-mine fires in Pennsylvania will burn out eventually once they run out of coal...)?

Eden tries to get out in the confusion and gets nabbed by Giant, who smiles lasciviously at her.  Because we can't let anyone forget that precious Pearls are always in danger of getting raped in this world.

Even Gaston's had enough of this crap

"You know, you're a pain in the ass, Eden," Jamal said.  "Most Pearls would give anything to be on my team.  (Given that your organization's dedicated to wiping out Pearls, I doubt it...)  What's wrong with you?"

..."Guess I'm old-fashioned," she said.  "I still think honesty is a virtue." -- p. 63

Funny coming from the girl who tries to pass as black every day.  And we haven't seen many of her "virtuous" qualities yet, unless the author thinks that her being a precious white Pearl is enough of a virtue to speak for itself.  Gag...

My sentiments exactly, AJ...

Jamal offers her one more chance for old time's sake, but Eden retorts that he's just going to do what he wants anyway.  Jamal tells his men to capture Eden's father and Bramford alive and kill anyone else who gets in their way, including Eden.  Oh please, do it, Jamal, you'd be doing the world and the readers a favor!

(Un)fortunately, we get a convenient explosion right there as the fire outside gets too close and the roof of the labs blows off.  Windows break (but conveniently no one gets cut) and toxic smoke blows in, then the lights go out.  Eden makes a break for it and finds the labs in chaos and for some reason "the loud screams and frantic movements reminded her of the Moon Dance."  Yikes... I'm not a dancing or partying person myself, but from what I know of them, if a building on fire reminds you of a major dance or party, you're doing it way wrong.

Flame retardant shoots out of the walls and peels off part of her coating, and to her credit Eden doesn't stop to freak out about it.  So our protagonist has SOME brains after all.  

She felt like a loose electron bouncing from atom to atom as she crawled through the melee.  - p. 64

Is it me, or does this analogy feel weird?  It might be something a science nerd brings up in a comic-relief moment, but I'm sure the average person in a crisis isn't going to be thinking of atoms when they're in the middle of a chaotic situation.  They're going to think of something they can visualize, and atoms and electrons are just too tiny to quickly visualize.  Maybe this is to show how "smart" Eden is, but it comes across as forced and awkward.

She spots her father in the chaos and heads toward him, when we suddenly get some forced drama regarding the experiment.

A painful cry filled the air.  Her father jerked toward the test bed.  It seemed Bramford was in trouble.  Blessed Earth, the extreme heat must have contaminated the experiment.  Her fault, all of it.  - p. 64

Well, at least she acknowledges that this mess is HER fault, though whether she accepts responsibility for letting Jamal in on the secret or not, or just the fire, we have yet to see.  And I wager she's not going to see real consequences for royally screwing up her father's experiment...

Eden hears the soldiers coming and has a flashback (the text reads as "she flashed on the day the lab had opened," when I think Foyt meant "she flashed back to the day the lab had opened" and it REALLY would have been simpler to just say "she recalled the day the lab had opened).  Apparently her father entrusted her with the code to activate the lab's self-destruct mechanisms.  Yes, because she's been SO trustworthy now... you're lucky she didn't hand THAT over to Jamal too.

Eden gives the code -- "go bluebell," because her mother's eyes were the color of bluebells -- and mourns that every backup of her father's work will be destroyed.  This is why you don't keep all your backups in the same place...

Eden heads for the operating theater, only for Jamal to block her way.  His soldiers surround the "operating theater" (don't hospitals have operating theaters, not labs), and Bramford's still screaming.  I get that Foyt's trying to get across that this is a tense moment, but I'm feeling nothing.  Maybe it would help if we knew precisely what was going wrong with the experiment, or actually saw what Bramford was going through instead of just him screaming.  For all we know he could be dying or he could just be undergoing a chest-hair wax -- people scream for all kinds of reasons, not all of them life-threatening.

Eden calculated their survival odds: one crazy, old scientist and his gullible daughter against, count 'em -- seven armed soldiers, including Jamal.  Bramford was useless.  Their only hope was Shen who, to her amazement, remained by his employer's side.  (Oh hey, we remembered he was here too.  Ten bucks he's not going to be mentioned for the rest of the chapter...)

As her father might have said, the current trajectory would no doubt result in a re-organization in favor of the more dominant genes.  (Who talks like this?  Even scientists don't talk like this in everyday conversation.  Stop assuming all scientists talk in Hollywood Nerd language.)  In other words, Jamal, and therefore the FFP, would win and kill all the Pearls, starting with her.  - p. 66

Jamal tells Eden's father that if he turns himself over to the FFP, he'll be treated with the respect he deserves.  Why are the FFP bad guys again?  Oh, right, because Eden Says So.  *eyeroll*

I've noticed this from earlier chapters, but it's rearing its head more and more as the fic goes -- Revealing Eden suffers from a condition known as Protagonist-Centered Morality.  In a work of fiction it's only natural that much of the narrative will showcase the main character's beliefs, morals, and opinions, and that the narrative will center on these regardless of whether they're right or wrong.  But when Protagonist-Centered Morality sets in, what the protagonist regards as right and wrong shapes the entire story and its universe.  What Eden wants is inevitably shown as precious and right, and what she regards as wrong is invariably shown as evil and disgusting.  And it gets freaking irritating.

Eden shouts for help, which finally gets her father's attention.  He tells the FFP to bugger off so he can finish his experiment.  Dude's got guts... why isn't he the main character?

Jamal orders his men to advance, and Eden's father holds up a syringe and threatens to kill himself and Bramford.  Jamal responds by threatening Eden (nope, not gonna miss her), and that makes her father hesitate.

"Do you understand, Doctor?"

"What?  Yes, the paradigm has been clearly presented."  - p. 67

*facehoof*

PEOPLE.  DON'T.  TALK.  LIKE.  THIS.  Seriously.  You're not writing a kid's chapter book with a stereotypical nerd kid who talks like a college professor -- you're writing what's supposed to be an intelligent YA social commentary.  Have your people talk like actual PEOPLE and not robots.  Do you get out of the house at all, Foyt?  Because your conversations read like you don't know how people actually speak to each other.  Dialogue should read smoothly, but yours clunks along worse than a drunken giant robot.

Sorry, I need a laugh about this point

Eden's father blows off Jamal's threat and turns back to his experiment.  Of course, Eden has to make it all about her despite the obvious danger to everyone at this point.

It was embarrassing, really.  No one wanted her -- not her boyfriend, not even her own father.  Guess the FFP hadn't counted on her worthlessness. -- p. 67

I.  Am going.  To slap you.  You little self-centered TWAT.  Can you think about NOTHING else besides yourself?  At the very least worry about your father's safety or something!  

The PA system announces two minutes until self-destruct, and Jamal orders his men to take out Eden's father.  But before anything can happen, we get "an earth-shaking roar."  What, now this book has dinosaurs?  Nothing would surprise me at this point.

Yes, I was looking for an excuse to throw a

"One Piece" screencap in this sporking...

The roaring's apparently coming from Bramford, and he rips free of his restraints and jumps off the bed.  And we get a good look at the "biggest leap in evolution since man discovered fire."

Bramford didn't resemble the controlled model of the new man she expected.  Instead, she stared up at a terrifying creature, part man and part beast.

Mostly, he reminded Eden of his new cousin, the jaguar.  In the slash of cheekbones and feline face the resemblance was unmistakable.  His eyes, now a luminous deep green, gleamed cat-like in the glow of the fire.  No longer bald, he had dark silky hair tumbling down his shoulders.  Powerful, carved legs ripped through the white surgical pants.  (Please, please, please don't give us a description of his genitalia, please, Foyt, I beg of you...)

His skin had turned so dark it blended with his camouflage spots, giving the impression of muted scars or tattoos all over his body.  The deep, dark coloring, thanks to the melanistic jaguar's pitch-black coat, enhanced his powerful presence, just as Bramford must have intended.

He shook with rage.  The shirt split across his chest (HULK SMASH!), revealing tight bands of muscles under a light mat of fur.  Slowly, he turned over his hands, examining the thick padded palms.  His gaze traveled down his adapted body, and Eden wondered if the unexpected beastly form shocked him.  Or had Bramford even retained enough human awareness to experience such an emotion?  - p. 68-69

I tried to find a picture of a black panther anthro/furry to

put here and was scarred for life by what I found.  Have

a cute jaguar cub instead.  You're welcome.

I'm still failing to see how turning the world's population into furries solves the "heat" problem.  One would think that raising the Earth's temperatures enough to kill off humans would also be fatal to other animals, whether or not they were dark-colored or furred.  But I logic hasn't been Foyt's strong point throughout this whole novel, so why should she start worrying about it now, I guess...

And am I the only one who caught the implication that Bramford, being a Coal, is more prone to succumbing to his new form's "animal" mindset than a Pearl?  Or is it just me?  At any rate, Foyt's not helping her "this book is against racism" case any...

His angry roar seemed to answer her unspoken question with a resounding yes.  She felt faint from the ferocious power he exuded.  Unreasonable feelings bubbled up within her.  Maybe it was crazy, but she wanted to roar back at him.

Feral eyes landed on her, devouring every inch.  She found herself smiling at him.  But his eyes stayed cold, his expression as flint-hard as ever.

In that moment, Eden understood that despite his dramatic physical transformation, deep down Ronson Bramford hadn't changed one bit.  He was still the same arrogant bastard.  -- p. 69

*face-servo*

Ya know, I'd gripe about "show don't tell" regarding Bramford being an arrogant bastard, but I'd just be beating a dead horse here.  And I'd gripe about how sick I am of Foyt's ham-handed attempt at romance here (I know, the "I hate you I love you" routine is a staple of romantic comedies, but it bugs the heck out of me), but again, dead horse.  So I'll just point out that I was right, Shen didn't even get a mention for the rest of this chapter.  I've seen Star Trek red shirts that have more impact on the plot than this guy... though if the author forgets about him, maybe he'll get the mercy of not having to appear in this book anymore...

And yes, the chapter ends there.  Nine down, thirty-four to go.  I can do this, I can do this...

Chapter 8 - BOO-YAH!

You know that moment when you're reading a book and you go "oh, I know what's going to happen next" and guess that two characters are going to fall in love or one character is going to play traitor or one lackey of the villain is going to turn out to be an agent of the good guys?  And then you get far enough into said book and the very thing you predicted was going to happen happens?  Does that make you want to get up and go "HA!  CALLED IT!  BOO-YAH!" and do a victory dance?  Or is it just me?

So yeah, this is the BOO-YAH chapter of the book -- something I've been suspecting for awhile turns out to be true.  I can't decide if that makes things better or just even more infuriating.

This chapter starts off by rubbing our face into the fact that Eden is one of the most aggressively unlikable characters I've ever come across in a book.  Seriously, it's like Foyt tried to make her as unpleasant as possible.

The workers' smug stares bore into Eden, as she followed Bramford up the stairs to the operating theater.  Caught by the boss -- weren't they happy?  Why on Earth did she want to be like them, anyway? -- p. 54

I think you mean "bored," not "bore."  And seriously, this is the opening paragraph of the chapter.  Way to rub it in that your character has a superiority complex and is still thinking like a racist.  Referring to another race as them, whether you consider said race above or beneath you, is still divisive and, yes, racist thinking.

Bramford asks if there's been any sign of the test subjects, and Eden's father says Jamal's questioning the staff.  Eden looks out at the workers to see if she can see him and immediately thinks of herself as "a small fish looking at a school of hungry piranhas."  You do realize that thinking every black person is out to attack your sweet innocent white heroine *gag* is still racist thinking, right Foyt?  At least we didn't get a random announcement of the Latin name for piranhas, I guess... thank goodness for small miracles.

Eden's father looks like the typical mad scientist -- stained labcoat, unruly hair, and a look like "a man on the edge."  He tells Bramford there's variations in his genetic code he's not prepared for, and Bramford says to proceed with the experiment no matter the risk.  Now THERE is a hero!  Again, why isn't this book following him?  I'd much rather root for him than for our whiny brat.

And of course Eden has to think the worst of him, because there's no possible way Bramford could be doing ANYTHING good, is there?

Eager, wasn't he? Eden thought.  Maybe he'd planned all along to be the test subject so he could keep the technology for himself.  Greedy bastard. -- p. 55

Eden's hatred toward Bramford might be more understandable if he'd, I dunno, actually done something hateworthy.  As it stands, Eden seems to hate him more for just being a Coal than for anything he's actually done -- which is racist.  For being a book that's supposed to challenge racism, this book really seems to be shooting itself in the foot at every opportunity.

Plus, the fact that Bramford is hyped as a villain in this book despite not doing anything particularly villainous reminds me of Kippurbird's complaints regarding Galbatorix and the Evil Empire in Christopher Paolini's Inheritance Cycle (a.k.a. the "Eragon" books).  The characters keep going on and on about how evil Galbatorix is, but as Kippur points out, he doesn't actually DO anything particularly evil -- he taxes his subjects and conscripts young men into his army, but the first thing is something pretty much any government does and the second thing wouldn't be necessary if, ya know, there wasn't a frickin' rebellion going on.  It's pretty much the same tactic here -- Bramford's rich and powerful, yeah, but that shouldn't be the only reason he's considered a bad guy here.  Let's see some actual evidence that he's arrogant or a jerk before you start calling him such things, Foyt.

Bramford says for Shen to keep an eye on Eden, and Eden immediately thinks "as if it were all her fault."  Lady, you've proven that you can't be left by yourself for two minutes without getting in trouble.  I think Bramford has a right to be a little cautious.

While her father's working, Eden looks over his shoulder and sees a hologram of one of the original test subjects, and admires the fact that it's a Pearl in his natural coloring.  "The sight of the man's pale skin thrilled Eden."  (p. 55)  Ugh, will you stop already...  Then the holo shifts to the furry -- I mean the test subject post-procedure.  I still think that this is a massive failure in understanding how genetics and DNA-splicing work -- I was under the impression that you did this kind of thing with seeds and embryos, not an already existing body.

Eden's father asks what she's doing here.  She says she showed up with Bramford, and he says "you must have appeared out of context."  Who says that?  Has Foyt ever listened to a real conversation?

Then Eden gets a signal from Jamal, and wants her to meet him at his office to "keep our date."  So of course she's ready to drop everything and go running to him, but not without one last look at Bramford on the test bed.  There's some snarky banter exchanged here that basically amounts to Eden thinking he's crazy and him saying this has to be done, then we get this lovely tidbit:

Eden felt the weight of his stare.  Possibly, he was really looking at her.  Sweet Earth, as if he saw the Real Eden.  She forgot all about the procedure and her problems.  The busy hum of the laboratory faded away.  She felt an odd desire to smile at Bramford.  She even suspected he might smile back.  -- p. 57-58

Subtlety -- it is not Foyt's strong point.  There's nothing natural about this romance developing between Eden and Bramford, just a huge sense of "I'm attracted to you because the author says so!"  Seriously, I've read less forced romantic pairings in junior-high-school fanfic.

Pretty much how most of it goes...

Bramford wants his bodyguard to stay close during the procedure, so Eden takes advantage of the opportunity to ditch him and run.  Conveniently, the security cams are on the glitch, but she's able to get a glimpse of her tormentors from the dance (still flatteringly dubbed Giant and Squeaky) coming down the hall connecting the facility to the Combs (still a freaking stupid name).  She keeps running, knowing Jamal will protect her.

She gets to Jamal's office, and lo and behold, what does she see?

Four men turned as she entered, their faces full of surprise.  Eden stared back at them, wondering why these men, the lab guards, wore the FFP uniform.  Even Jamal had on the despicable clothes, the beret at a jaunty angle on his head.  Braided epaulets, which signified a high-ranking officer, decorated his shoulders -- the same shoulders upon which she'd often laid her head. -- p. 59

Well, who could have seen THIS coming, amiright?

Eden, not particularly quick on the uptake, asks what's going on just as Giant and Squeaky (please give them proper names already, geez, even Peach is better than Squeaky) walk into the room.  Somehow the fact that Jamal's wearing the equivalent of a KKK robe and hood and has the "missing" test subjects bound and gagged on the floor isn't enough to clue her in that Jamal's the traitor in the ranks.  Nope, there's no possible way her shining white knight... excuse me, Dark Prince could be responsible for this, right?  Right?

"My fumbling friends are glad you made it," Jamal said, not looking happy at all now.  "Bramford almost ruined our plans by showing up at the dance."

Jamal's friends?  He hadn't asked Bramford to bring her back to the lab?  He never intended to be her mate?  For the love of Earth, he'd never seen the Real Eden, either.  No one did.  -- p. 59

I should have added "take a drink every time the term 'Real Eden' is used" to the drinking game...

She tries to leave, but Jamal says she's staying as a "personal insurance policy."  He says the Federation of Free People is taking back what "greed-suckers like Bramford owe us."  He claims that Bramford wants to use the furry-creating technology for his own gain, not to save the world, and he intends to use it to help the people instead.  Noble enough, I guess, but we still see no real proof that Bramford's as evil as he's made out to be... 

From xkcd

Like a bad Bond villain, Jamal tells Eden his entire plan -- to capture Bramford ("We get the tech, an evolved subject and Bramford, all in one") and give both Eden and her father important places in his organization.  Oh, and Ashina is going to be his mate, not her.  "Jamal and that bitch were in cahoots?" is Eden's thought -- though who's the bitch here, really...

Eden hates Jamal, Jamal says "you're coming with me," end of chapter.  Ho hum.

Sorry this post took so long.  Hopefully the next one won't take two months to get around to.  This is really a seriously boring book once you get past the awful, controversial subject matter.  There's no logic to the constructed world, nothing to get me emotionally invested in any of the characters, and no skill or flair to the absolutely wooden writing.  It's seriously a chore to get through this thing.  No wonder most people don't make it past the sample chapters on Amazon...

And I still totally called it that Jamal was a traitor.  No, not gonna let that go... 

Chapter 7 -- Leaving On a Jet Plane

I know, it's been a month between posts.  I've been putting off sporking this chapter because, frankly it's BORING.  It could easily have been absorbed into another chapter, as it contains a LOT of unnecessary padding.  Probably not cut as there's a major (if incredibly stupid) plot point toward the end, but at least condensed and added to another chapter.

When we last left our "heroes" -- and I use that term loosely because these characters are about as heroic and likable as the freaking Malfoys -- Bramford had just rescued Eden's ungrateful little butt from violence at the hands of Giant and Squeaky and was dragging her off.  Now Bramford and Shem are heading through a tunnel leading to the surface, with Eden in tow.  No thank-yous from Eden, because of COURSE not.

Eden feels the temperature rise and her ears pop, which seems reasonable enough -- even modest changes in altitude can make your ears pop.  Still, if the temperature down below is a hundred and ten, if it's getting any hotter then all three of these characters should be sweating buckets or even passing out.  But apparently Eden only "began to sweat" as they started hiking closer to the surface.  Do people just not sweat anymore or what?

Bramford takes Eden to a supersonic aircraft piloted by "a small-boned Tiger's Eye."  I'm getting rather sick of these names for the different races... not just Coals and Pearls either.

Please, tell us again how stones like these are

ugly and worthless...

"Get in," he [Bramford] insisted.

"No," Eden said, as stunned as he, by her daring refusal.

"What's wrong?"

"Can't.  Fly."  -- p. 47-48

First of all, I'm bugged by the flagrant case of Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma there.  Is anyone else, or is it just me?  The random period in Eden's second sentence is a little more forgivable as it implies stammering, but commas are not punctuation confetti.  Learn to use them properly.

Second of all, I don't see how her refusal is particularly daring, nor does Bramford give any sign of being stunned by it.  Either this was sarcasm and neither of them are stunned at all, or (far more likely) Foyt just blatantly ignored the rule of "show, don't tell" again.

Bramford drags her inside the aircraft, and she goes light-headed and falls into a seat.  He tells her to "relax, you'll enjoy it," which is more than a little squicky to me.  Did Foyt intend the unfortunate implications of this bit or not?

The plane takes off, and Eden has a freakout -- not a panic attack, but a freakout.  Yes, there's a difference.  She can't stop thinking about footage of air accident's she's seen, "common due to the erratic jet streams," though why anyone would want to fly in a world where everything important is underground seems weird in itself.

She glanced at Bramford, who appeared calm as usual.  Probably enjoying her distress.  -- p. 48

The fact that Eden takes every little thing Bramford does as a personal insult says a lot -- not only that she thinks the worst of him, but that she also seems to have a huge ego in that everything HAS to be about HER.  It probably doesn't occur to her that Bramford's used to flying, or that he's just learned to tune out and deal with unpleasant matters.  Something Eden could use to learn...

Eden tells herself to breathe, and randomly thinks that "her mother always had said it was the key to happiness."  I'm not sure of breathing is the key to happiness so much as it's the key to freaking LIFE ITSELF, but what do I know?

"One does not love breathing." -- p. 18

Again, stop reminding me of better books, Foyt...

Eden stares at the seat in front of her, mentally whining again about how he's stamped it with his logo and how it's made of leather, which is awful because society "treated its scant remaining livestock like gods."  You'd think that society would be working on ways to increase its number of livestock -- breeding programs, cloning, etc. -- but apparently stupid stuff like the World Ban and hating on Pearls was more important.

Bramford starts watching a news feed on his Life Band of an albino -- excuse me, Cotton -- boy being burned alive.  Apparently they're not extinct after all?  Here Foyt tries to retcon her earlier statement of albinos being a race by showing the government has been trying to wipe out the gene responsible for albinism, but when you make a goof you're supposed to go back and correct it, not leave it in and throw in a retcon later on in the book.

Eden watched as a mob tied the screaming albino to a funeral pyre.  It was the only time she'd seen Coals and Pearls united in action... Strange how she didn't feel deep hatred for the albino, as she had been taught in school.  She might even feel sorry for the poor boy.  -- p. 49

You'd think Pearls would feel some measure of sympathy for albinos -- um, Cottons -- due to them having pale skin shades, but nope.  And apparently this scene is supposed to show that by golly, Eden really DOES have a caring heart!  Far too little and far too late, Foyt.  

And seriously... Cotton?  We couldn't even stick with a mineral name, like Talc or Alabaster?  Who needs consistency, I guess.

Bramford's ring flashed and the news story changed.  Eden quickly glanced at him, surprised to see the anxiety in his face.  Why would a megalomaniac like him care about the doomed Cotton? -- p. 49

Again, SHOW DON'T TELL.  We have seen ZERO evidence that Bramford is cruel or megalomaniacal, and are having to take Eden's heavily-biased word for it instead.  Give us some examples, Foyt!  Because as it stands he seems to be the most reasonable and even kindly character in the book.  

The aircraft took a sharp turn, nearly throwing her into Bramford's lap.  He looked stunned and she wondered if he had felt the same mysterious electric charge.  Was he wearing some new device that generated overwhelming magnetism? -- p. 49

Starscream's "whut" face

Geez, and here I thought I sucked at writing romance.  What the heck is this even?  Even stupid romantic comedies feel more natural than these "romantic" scenes.

Shen offers her an oxy tablet -- apparently only the military gets oxy tablets instead of helmets because they need to be able to move around.  I still think the helmets are an absolutely stupid idea and it would have made more sense to use needles, but what do I know?

Bramford also gives Eden a glass of water, despite the fact that she's already had her allotment for the day.  This is the first we've heard of a water shortage, but given that the world's so hot I guess it makes sense.  I just wish it had been brought up before now so it didn't feel so shoehorned in.

The image of her dying mother, desperate for a drink of water, burned in her mind.  Many times, shame-faced, she'd allowed Eden to sacrifice part of her nightly share.  Lasers and leather and oxy tablets, Eden could understand.  But extra water?  She wished that greedy bastard could know how it felt to live on the edge.  -- p. 50

Oh my PRIMUS, can't you accept a kind gesture as a kind gesture, you little brat?  He's trying to be nice and all you can do is bitch and moan about how awful he is?  For all you know he's giving up his own allotment for you.  But no, you have to automatically assume the worst!  Ugh...

Eden plays passive-aggressive and swallows the tablet without water.  Shen says something about a fire breaking out, and Bramford tells him to go faster.  Weirdly random bit but we'll see if it plays out into anything actually important... though there are enough things thrown in here that turn out to not be important later that it's a chancy gamble.

Bramford contacts Eden's father and says to delay the experiment until he gets there, and he complains about the heat damaging the viral samples.  Peach leans into the picture to whisper something, and of COURSE the author has to point out about her being plump.  Because all black people are fat, you know... *gags*

Peach informs her father, who informs Bramford, that the test subjects have gone missing... as has Ashina, who's supposed to report on the test subjects.  Eden's sure "that bitch" has sabotaged the operation and says so to Bramford, though thankfully he ignores her whining because he's got more important things to worry about now.

So does Bramford punish her father as a cruel megalomaniac would do?  Does he throw a fit or demand to know details?  Let's find out...

"I was afraid it would come to this."

"To what?"

He ignored her.  "Proceed as planned, doctor."

"But how?" he said, once more in view.  "No subject, no experiment."

Poor Father, he looked crushed.  This was meant to be the crowning achievement of his lifetime.  (I'd make a dig here but that'd just be mean to furries... sorry your fandom is associated with this horrible book...)

"I guarantee you'll have a subject," Bramford said.  "Just stay on schedule."

"But who?" Eden said.

Bramford took a deep breath, his hands floating to his lap.  "Me, that's who."  -- p. 51-52

So here we have a man who's willing to risk his well-being -- even his life -- for an experiment that can possibly save the world (inasmuch as turning the population of the world into cat people can save the world), and does that improve Eden's view of him?  

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Who else would be brave or stupid enough to volunteer for an illegal and highly experimental procedure?  -- p. 52

So... why isn't Bramford the hero of this book?  Seriously, Foyt has been building him up to be the bad guy who's out to have a relationship with the heroine, but he's by far the more sympathetic and heroic character of this book.  And personally I'd rather see this story from HIS point of view.  He's by far the more likable character, and has done a lot more good in the story than Eden so far.

Maybe Foyt'll write a POV sequel to this with Bramford, much like E. L. James did with Grey and Stephanie Meyer was planning to do with Midnight Sun before she pulled the plug on it.  Though given the quality of this book, do we WANT to see such a thing...

Eden's father asks him to post his genome, though if Eden's already gotten a chance at his genome I'd assume they already have a copy of it in the lab somewhere.  Bramford says "I've taken bigger risks" and Eden promptly starts griping about him again in her head.

What risks? Eden wondered.  He'd lived his life insulated by wealth and privilege.  Besides, she didn't believe he would go through with it.  He was only showing off.  -- p. 52

I wanna slap this girl.  Stop making judgments about this guy, will you?  He's already doing far more to help your father than you could ever dream of.

Eden thinks that the missing test subjects could explain why Jamal was absent, as he'd have to take care of that before coming to the Moon Dance.  I think it explains it too, but not in the same way Eden's thinking...  

The plane lands, and Eden starts immediately looking around the tunnel they've reached for Jamal.  Bramford tells her she's coming with him, she mouths off to him, and he drags her off, causing "a strange knocking in her gut."  That sounds more like gas than feelings of burgeoning love, honestly...

Never mind, her Dark Prince would save her.  -- p. 53

Honey, your Dark Prince isn't coming for you.  Get it through your head already.  And I'm gonna hazard a guess that Mr. Dark Prince sold you out and used the info you gave him to sabotage the experiment.  Which will mean that Eden, the supposed heroine of this story, has effectively done more damage than the supposed villain.  Way to go, Foyt... I don't think this was your plan, but you screwed up royally here.

Overall, a rather boring chapter, and I think it could have been meshed into the previous chapter instead of standing alone.  The plane ride feels superfluous, and I don't understand why it was needed when the labs are already located in the same set of tunnels as the rest of this place.

A common mistake of amateur writers (and I'm guilty of it as well) is thinking you have to write every last detail of the story.  And the key to writing well is understanding what's important, and what can be cut.  Unless something vital to the story happens on a journey from one point to another, we don't need to hear about the journey.  Unless something plot-vital happens during a meal, we don't need to see the meal.  There's a lot that could have been trimmed from this chapter, and it feels like it was included here just for the sake of being here.

Hopefully not so much of a delay before the next chapter...

Chapter 6 - Let's All Play the "Save the Pearls" Drinking Game!

Gather 'round, folks, it's time for the Save the Pearls drinking game!  \~/

Best GIF ever

If you drink, keep a bottle of your drink of choice close by and take a shot whenever one of the following pops up.  If you don't drink, you can substitute something caffeinated if you'd like.  Be warned -- you'll probably be quite hammered/buzzed at the end of a chapter.  And for Primus' sake DON'T try to read the whole book in one shot if you're playing the Drinking Game.  You could end up dead from liver damage or a heart attack.  XD

• Take a shot whenever a black person is literally described as black
• Take a shot whenever a black person is given a ridiculous name/nickname.  Two shots if its their real name (Peach, Ashina, etc.) and not some stupid nickname Eden came up with (such as Giant and Squeaky from the previous chapter)
• Take a shot whenever a random Latin name is tossed in
• Take a shot whenever Eden obsesses over being beautiful.  Two shots if she considers beauty more important than functionality or anything else important.
• Take a shot whenever Eden refers to Jamal as her Dark Prince
• Take a shot whenever the author screws up her research (biology, history, basic science, etc.)
• Take a shot whenever you see another, better sci-fi/dystopian franchise ripped off
• Take a shot whenever Eden starts hating on a Coal for no reason other than they're black
• Take a shot whenever the author misuses a word
• Drink the entire bottle and go read Hunger Games, Brave New World, Ready Player One, and/or Naughts and Crosses (which I'm told does the race-flip concept much better than this book) if you suspect you might actually be ENJOYING this wretched waste of wood pulp

More to be added if/when they come up...

So we left off with Eden being hauled off by two EVIL, NASTY, HORRIBLE Coals to the Moon Dance.  Don't get your hopes up that they're going to off her, we've still got over two hundred pages to go...  Eden's hoping for a rescue from Jamal, of course, but he hasn't shown.

He was late, that's all.  Preparations for the Big Night at the lab must have detained him.  He would save her.  He simply had to. -- p. 40

Nice that Foyt has given us such a strong and independent heroine, isn't it?  *sarcasm*

Her captors, helpfully labeled "Giant and Squeaky," force her into the dance hall, "packed with writhing dancers."  And here we get one of the most laughable and stupid examples of Foyt's attempt to show racism against white people in this book:

On the main stage a band of Coals performed in whiteface.  Eden's sensors told her their name: The Lost Caucasian Tribe.  A wild-looking girl whose wailing pierced the air fronted the group.  Her sheer, electric orange dress flashed, like a beacon in the somber sea of black. -- p. 40

This GIF needs to be more popular

First of all, that "sea of black" could be an example of "black people being described as black."  Take a drink!  \~/  

Second, really?  SERIOUSLY?  Yes, I know blackface was a thing that white people used to imitate and mock black people in the past -- I've even seen some examples of it, mostly in old Loony Toons and Little Rascals shows that came out long before things like Civil Rights and political correctness did.  And yes, I know that it's a sticky subject and one that's still a sore spot for people of color.  But this is just... no.  Once you use blackface in your book promotion and try to get your fans to indulge in it to promote your work, you don't get to critique it in your actual writing.  This is hypocrisy, plain and simple.

Also, the whole idea of reversing blackface to make fun of white people falls on its face here.  Why is the group called Lost Caucasian Tribe anyhow?  Historically, Caucasians have almost never come from tribes -- the word "tribe" is associated more with African-Americans, Native Americans, and other races.  Wouldn't a more appropriate word here be "clan?"  

I get the feeling that Foyt wanted to lampoon the old-time minstrel shows somehow but got mixed up in how to aim it at white people instead of black people.  Because this scene feels a bit like a missed opportunity here.  Instead of adjusting the concept to truly make fun of white people (why not have the band named The Yuppies or something and have them all wear Ugg boots or something?), she's just switching out the colors and going "good enough."  The scene's not only in bad taste, but smacks of laziness.

Vendors are selling goods in the hall as well, with Coals getting the prime spots and Pearls relegated to the "dim recesses" of the building.  There's also "a gaunt woman with feverish eyes, un-dotted and well past eighteen," trying to hit on random passerby for "a shot of oxy."  

Eden's head throbbed as she scanned the hall.  Still, no sign of her Dark Prince.  If he failed her, she'd end up like that poor woman, begging for a shot.  She'd rather be dead.  -- p. 41.

Um... I thought un-mated Pearls over eighteen got tossed outside.  And while it's possible that one might slip through the cracks, I highly doubt she'd get away with it by hanging out at a public event like the Moon Dance.  And wasn't Eden worried that she WOULD die if she wasn't mated by eighteen?  Consistency, who needs it?

Also Dark Prince!  Take a drink!  \~/  And another for misuse of the word "tribe" earlier, why not... \~/

Eden tries to get the attention of an Ethics Officer passing by, but Giant orders her to dance instead.  She does so, "jerking" her limbs, and he promptly kisses her neck and cracks open her coating to reveal her white skin.  Somehow that gets the attention of "hundreds of Coals" who turn to stare at her with "rabid" looks.  Given how packed this place is and how much dancing is going on, would a tiny patch of skin showing through really get THAT much attention?  It's not like she's on stage or anything... does her skin glow or something?

Giant and Squeaky start to drag her off, and Eden realizes that the solders must have a plan for her and her capture might not be pure coincidence.  So she FINALLY shows some self-preservation instincts and bites Giant's wrist, then drops to her hands and knees and crawls off through the crowd, tripping people up before she gets up and tries to run for it.

She twisted her slender frame through the throng until a couple of hard-bodies (I didn't add that hyphen, it's in the book) pinned her between them.  Grinning, two male Pearls bobbed with her to the beat.  Their glassy eyes, full of wild hope, and their papery, red-tinged skin told her they had The Heat.  Probably, celebrating one last Moon Dance. -- p. 42

So... that's The Heat?  Sounds like a bad sunburn to me.  Unless the symptoms for cancer have radically changed over the years...

Eden knees one of the guys in the crotch and runs... and for some reason it's the other guy who starts crying.  What the heck?  Apparently The Heat causes mood swings, but still, this comes across as really random...

Finally Giant catches her again and hauls her back into the crowd... until someone orders him to let her go. and hits Squeaky with a stun laser.  Do lasers even come in a "stun" setting?  

Her captor turned around, dragging Eden with him.  Dark shadows hid the man's face.

"What's it to you?" Giant said.

"She belongs to me."  Just then a strobe light passed over him, revealing his dark, chiseled features.

Bramford.  Of course, he thought he owned her. -- p. 43

*facepalm*  This guy is trying to save your life, chick!  Now is not the time to start going off on a rant about him!  

Turns out it was Shen who fired the stun laser, which is apparently illegal.  He tells Giant that if he lets Eden go in five seconds, he won't have to kill him, and the big guy waits until the last second to let her go -- we know this because Bramford helpfully counts down.  I suspect this was included as a way to ramp up the tension, but when Eden is so unlikable and we have no reason whatsoever to worry about Giant's welfare, any sense of tension Foyt was shooting for in this scene is completely lost.  You can't make us worry about characters if we don't care for them first.

Giant picks up Squeaky and they take off, and if they have any sense they won't come back for the rest of this joke of a book.  Bramford pulls Eden in for a dance, and we get a weird moment that I suspect is supposed to be played for romantic tension but just feels awkward.

"Thank you for your help, sir," Eden said, trying to pull away.  "You can go now."

Bramford seemed amused and held her tight.  "Are you dismissing me?"

Why did he always make her feel so small?

"I said thanks."

"You don't want to dance with me?  Is that it?"

She felt tongue-tied with his warm body next to hers.  "Those women are waiting for you," she managed to say.

"Let them wait.  Unless you'd rather we stopped?"

Did she?  Wasn't she enjoying this?  While she hesitated Bramford's expression hardened.

"Let's go," he said, turning away. -- p. 44-45

Maybe I just don't read enough romances, maybe I just don't have any real-life romantic experience to draw from... but this whole exchange doesn't feel like flirting or any kind of romantic moment to me.  It just feels awkward, even out of character.  Eden has hated Bramford up until this point, and Bramford has only behaved professionally toward Eden up until this point.  Had Eden started thawing out gradually toward Bramford or some hint dropped earlier about Bramford being interested in her, it might not feel so out of place, but as it is this whole section feels rather forced.

Especially since Eden immediately goes back to thinking how much she despises "the Pearl-hating Coal" in the next paragraph.  *sigh*  If he hated Pearls so much, why did he just save your life, brat?

She looks around the room again for Jamal, and Bramford informs her that Jamal isn't coming.  Not surprised.

Admit it, you read that line in Gilbert Gottfried's voice

Sweet Mother Earth, what had happened to her Dark Prince?  (Take a drink! \~/ )  Once more, Eden tried to connect with his Life-Band.  Still, no response.  The devastating truth hit her: Jamal wasn't coming.

Eden caught a glimpse of Bramford weaving through the crowd.  Any second, it would swallow him without a trace.  She had no choice but to follow the arrogant bastard. -- (p. 46)

Nice way to think about the guy who just saved your life.  Why are we supposed to care about the protagonist again?